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Discretion? A need? - 7/4/2007 5:01:28 PM

jinglesmar

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In response to another thread.....and hoping to clarify things for myself....does anyone else have a GREAT fear of being outed in situations where a loss of things of great importance, ie children, job, are a serious issue? Not everyone has the "freedom" of being out and about everywhere with no/little fear of repercussions.

We live in a relatively small town where Master works for a worldwide, highly conservative corp where, if compromising pics of him and/or me surfaced, he fears he would be fired ASAP. I do not take this lightly. I am an exhibitionist at heart and I'd LOVE to apply to model for Gord or others, but that just ain't gonna happen!

Anyone else deep in the closet with this? I'd like to think/know this is truly an important issue nowadays.

Love, able

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RE: Discretion? A need? - 7/4/2007 5:13:31 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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It isn't a really serious issue for most, but it can be for some.

In those cases, discretion really is generally the best way to go. Don't go to public parties or munches- while most people are discrete and understanding, life happens and noone is responsible for keeping your secrets except you. Don't take pictures or videos.

And I hope all of your collarme/kink explorations are being done on a personal computer completely separate from anything that work occurs on.

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RE: Discretion? A need? - 7/4/2007 6:17:00 PM

MagiksSlave

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I am out to my family but that is about it. The job that I am in school for would look down apon beeing involved with this type of thing and there for for me discretion is a must. However for Master who is a writer it doesnt much matter who knows as long as his parents dont know (kind of the opposite of me) We do go to the club and play but I figure anyone seeing me there is there themselfs and to out me would be to out themselfs so I dont worry toooo much about that kind of thing. But I dont post pics here. Im also pretty carfull. But there is such a thing as beeing to conserned and then you arent haveing any fun at all and what is the point in that?

Magik's slave

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RE: Discretion? A need? - 7/4/2007 6:23:59 PM

MySweetSubmssive

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A few years ago I worked as midwife in a very conservative small town community. Everyone knew everyone and things that you'd think wouldn't get around did. I kept most of myself very much under wraps at that time.

It actually got to be quite a strain, walking the line between hiding certain mores from my clients and community and yet not being worn down by not having those parts valued by anyone outside of my own head.

MSS

< Message edited by MySweetSubmssive -- 7/4/2007 6:40:38 PM >

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RE: Discretion? A need? - 7/4/2007 6:28:39 PM

ownedgirlie

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I'm typically very private with the personal details of my life, and selectively choose who I open up to. Sometimes those are good choices, sometimes not. But I have to know, once I have trusted someone, if they breach it there really is nothing I can do about it but shrug it off and move on. People will do what people will do.

I did lose a job due to BDSM stuff before. It was highly embarrasing for my boss to call me in his office and show me screen shots of very steamy personal emails from a former Yahoo account (they had sniffers on our computers and we didn't know it). But I lived through it, and I got another job. We fall, we get up, we keep walking.

If I ever run into that boss again, I'll just wink and say "I know what YOU'RE thinking about!"

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RE: Discretion? A need? - 7/4/2007 6:28:58 PM

Cloudz

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Yes, it is an issue. However, my private life is known to those who know me best...so I do get to share every now and again <grin>.

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RE: Discretion? A need? - 7/4/2007 7:05:27 PM

subsfaith

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quote:

ORIGINAL: jinglesmar

We live in a relatively small town where Master works for a worldwide, highly conservative corp where, if compromising pics of him and/or me surfaced, he fears he would be fired ASAP. I do not take this lightly. I am an exhibitionist at heart and I'd LOVE to apply to model for Gord or others, but that just ain't gonna happen!

Anyone else deep in the closet with this? I'd like to think/know this is truly an important issue nowadays.

Love, able

I have no problem who knows that my man is in charge of me, nor does he. Sir choose to keep his personal life and his work life separate, whereas I am happy to mix him and my peers. I have never met any of his colleagues, nor does he discuss his home life in the workplace, whereas he is often found to be accompanying me when I am out with my student friends, and I never shut up about him. Having said that, our private life is just that..... private.

Discretion and compromising pics, is this relevant to the lifestyle? If one was a supermodel, a compromising pic would be one that makes her look unatttractive. If one was a diet guru, then pics of stuffing copious amounts of fatty foods would be compromising. If one was a brain surgeon, pictures of being passed out drunk whilst wearing scrubs would be professionally compromising. Surely if one was standard vanilla and held a position of responsibility or sensitivity, then one would still not wish for intimate pics to be circulated to certain people. For whilst I may tell my best friend that I get spanked, but I certainly wouldn't tell the postman. ... so in my opinion, yes there is a need for discretion at times. I think we all have to do what is appropriate for each situation.

On a more philosophical level, I do like to think that if someone saw me on here that I knew professionally, that they would have the respect to leave it here. I would be happy to converse with them privately, but it would be unprofessional to discuss it in the workplace.

Faith
:: smiles ::

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RE: Discretion? A need? - 7/4/2007 7:13:58 PM

LadyHeart

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In Western Australia, it is written into certain people's contracts that they "may not live an alternative lifestyle." Nurses and teachers are amongst them. For them, outing would mean losing their jobs. People involved in politics are also in a very sensitive position. We have policemen, teachers, nurses, politicians, and people from all walks of life at our parties, but we vet them all carefully first before they are invited to attend. Having said that, there is no way to protect against someone who outs others because of a personal grievance. I had it happen to me - a disappointed Dom outed me to my family. Fortunately, they all know already, so it fell very flat. It has to be an individual decision. It's always a risk, but not usually as big a risk as most people seem to fear.
:))
LH

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RE: Discretion? A need? - 7/4/2007 7:21:47 PM

BOUNTYHUNTER

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quote:

ORIGINAL: jinglesmar

We live in a relatively small town where Master works for a worldwide, highly conservative corp where, if compromising pics of him and/or me surfaced, he fears he would be fired ASAP. I do not take this lightly. I am an exhibitionist at heart and I'd LOVE to apply to model for Gord or others, but that just ain't gonna happen!

"Anyone else deep in the closet with this? I'd like to think/know this is truly an important issue nowadays."

..WE live deep in the bible belt,we are open about our lifestyle ,if anyone should ask ,however we don't flaunt it,WE ran into a lady in the grocer store and she sidle up to check us out,came around again and whispered i saw you both on alt..was take back for a few and replyed...oh yeah what is you handle there smiles.off she went.so goes to show you a small world after all..bounty

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RE: Discretion? A need? - 7/4/2007 7:48:25 PM

slaveish

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My job is based on image so I don't do anything blatant in public; however, the business that I created within the industry is lifestyle-friendly and I work with a lot of kinky people: vendors, buyers, and sellers. I don't try to hide it, but neither do I force it on the vanillas I work with.

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RE: Discretion? A need? - 7/4/2007 8:44:08 PM

LadyHugs

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Dear jinglesmar, Ladies and Gentlemen;

In my salad days, when I was green as one--It was extremely important for me to stay in the shadows or 'closet' per se; as those times were not safe for anybody in a S&M or Master-slave relation dynamic--it meant mental hospitalization for a lifetime and unfit for society. I don't think we're all that safe still--In my humble opinion; as it is too easy to blurr what is consensual for the majority of us and those who are criminal and non-consensual.

Many people do have special situations where they can be subjected to career threatening actions. So, this is why--even more now days; why I feel that non-de-plumes or 'scene names' are important. Too many people in the community I am in, have motor mouths and gossip something fierce. It usually comes to be a skewed information as it ages along the 'grape vine.'
Some have stolen personal information to harass them with and or blackmail them with. That being witnessed isn't a very pleasant thought. The Internet is more destructive if personal information is spread about. It is bad enough as it is--and, why once the information is put into anything on the computer and sent in the system of the Internet--I consider it no longer in my control.

I would personally love to trust people but, I have learned long ago--you cannot. I only trust people just so far.

Small town--oh my -- that is when you have everybody knowing your business on a much easier scale. It is easier to deal with if you're in a huge city.

Just some thoughts.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

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RE: Discretion? A need? - 7/4/2007 10:32:08 PM

ready4srvce4all

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I am out only to one person in my family, and I have no desire to tell the rest of the world. I feel in general, people should mind their own business, and also, keep their business to themselves in the work setting. At work, politics, race, religion, sex, and fellow employees should not be discussed. I don't want to be "outed" to co-workers, in my line of work that can haunt you. But if I don't do it by my own mouth, chances are, I can't be outed. Yes, someone at work may recognize my photo on this site. But if so, then more than likely that person is kink friendly. If this were to happen, I'd simply tell them it's nothing I'll discuss at work, and if they want to get together to chat about it sometime, great. And of course, I'd ask them what their handle was, so I can view their profile.

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RE: Discretion? A need? - 7/4/2007 10:41:24 PM

mindygal

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I can sympathize with all who have a great fear of being 'outed.' For me, it would mean a lost of job; thus lost of the sole support for me and my family. But I agree with the above statements...if you're realitivally careful, it shouldn't be too much of a problem...but I must admit to being worried about it myself.

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