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Sinergy -> RE: Breakup (6/21/2004 11:40:54 AM)
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quote:
Then my right hand always said "yes". I stopped trying so hard. If one person cares enough a marriage might still be salvagable. If both partners are apathetic...
I am not sure I agree with this sentiment.
My marraige not working had nothing to do with apathy. I am usually willing to negotiate, and almost always willing to compromise so that everybody is happy. We tried the marraige counselor routine, but the only conversations my ex would participate in were ones which discussed myself and my actions, and she would refuse to return to counseling when the topic of conversation went back to her. One day late in the relationship I asked her to go back to counseling and her response was "Neither of us will ever change, so it wont work." I responded "You can only speak for yourself, so thank you for being honest and letting me know you will not change."
She would make agreements with me in negotiation which she would keep for 2 days, a week, etc. Then in further negotiation she would first tell me she never made the agreement. Finally I insisted we write down agreements and she would sign and date them. Then her modus operandi became to tell me that she had renegotiated what she was willing to do.
What finally broke the camel's back was my realization one day that I was living in a relationship where I would wonder on the way home from work what she was going to yell at me about that evening. I have heard this same statement from hundreds of abuse survivors, and the two thoughts finally connected in my grey matter.
It takes two to make a relationship work, imho. Unless both people are willing to participate the relationship wont work.
But it only takes one to start a fight.
As usual, this is simply my opinion and I could be wrong...
Sinergy
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