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Fear and running - 7/5/2007 10:19:21 AM

slaveofKaos

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I have a question for all Masters and slaves

I have been having a hard time when it comes to pain, i'm not a maso slave but I would like to become one for Master as he is a sadist. The problem is when it comes to something like a certian whip he uses I cant take it, I want to but I end up sitting there begging him not to. One part of my brain tells me to do it, it tells me I want to do it I want to please my Master and that I should. However the other part of my brain is telling me no dont do it you cant take it and how badly it is going to hurt. What ends up happening while this battle is being fought in my head is me sitting on the bed paralyzed but not. I can move but cant do whatever it is Mater wishes of me at the time, almost like one side or the other has to win the battle before I can just do it. When this happens I never end up being able to do what ever the task is and I feel like the worst slave ever. I have a lot of self doubt after something like that and always feel like Master could do better. All I want is to please Master and make him happy and until I can get over this I dont think i'm doing a good job at it.

My question is have any Masters ever experienced this with there slaves and if so what if anything did you do to get them past that? And have any slaves ever had this battle in there heads and if so what did you do if anything to overcome it?

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RE: Fear and running - 7/5/2007 10:22:10 AM

mistoferin

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I believe that if you are not a masochist you can't make yourself be one. You either have the ability to derive pleasure from pain or you don't. If you can't then the decision becomes one of are you willing to accept the pain for his pleasure.

edited to add that I don't believe a sadist and someone who is not masochistic is a good match.

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RE: Fear and running - 7/5/2007 10:28:59 AM

imthatacheyouhav

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I guess i would tell him about that whip and that he needs to use something else for now...also perhaps he could whip you softly...along with giving you some kind of pleasure along with the pain....

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RE: Fear and running - 7/5/2007 10:30:33 AM

slaveofKaos

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

I believe that if you are not a masochist you can't make yourself be one. You either have the ability to derive pleasure from pain or you don't. If you can't then the decision becomes one of are you willing to accept the pain for his pleasure.

edited to add that I don't believe a sadist and someone who is not masochistic is a good match.

The thing is that I do love some pain but for me there seems to be somewhat of a limit, but then if you add sex in to the mix I can take and enjoy even more pain. So it's not that I dont enjoy some or that at times even a lot more but it's more in a normal day to day non sexual way that I seem to be conflicted. And I do love serving my Master it may at times seem like were not the best match we definatly have our difference but I will always find a way to adapt and become more what he wants. I wont be able to find a perfect match anywhere and I wouldnt want to change Masters for anything.
I do thank you for your opion though.

< Message edited by slaveofKaos -- 7/5/2007 10:31:01 AM >

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RE: Fear and running - 7/5/2007 10:42:43 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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For me I say what's the rush? You're living together, you've got years or decades ahead of you to build up. You don't have to love it all right now.

I'd get you to enjoying SOME pain in SOME ways at all to start with. It would be months before I seriously started getting you prepped and ready to work with serious stuff.

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RE: Fear and running - 7/5/2007 10:42:59 AM

Masternslave07

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You might try to quit focusing so much on the certain instrument that he is using on you, and focus on taking the pain for him. My slave at times will focus on her dread of what I am hurting her with and cannot take the pain. I calm her and get her to focus on her pleasing me, and it usually works.
I have also trained her through hypnosis to associate pain with pleasure. She has learned to cum from pain.
As mistoferin said though, it is possible that as a sadist, he may be wanting more from you than you can give. Only you can really know that.

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RE: Fear and running - 7/5/2007 4:07:00 PM

shadevarr

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Don't rush things and inform your master that your tolerance is not at a level where you can process that toy. If he chooses to continue using it without helping you raise your tolerance then that just means that your suffering is another mode of pleasing him. Masochism and Sadism, from a purely clinical viewpoint are both learned behaviors for the most part. The lucky few start off able to process pain into pleasure, everyone else has sexual contact as a bridge...at first at least.

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RE: Fear and running - 7/5/2007 4:25:36 PM

Rover

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To begin, fear and excitement are intimately intertwined. You'll have to figure out for yourself how much of that fear contributes to your enjoyment of a scene, and what portion of it inhibits you.

Second, no one can make you like what you do not like (despite years of concerted effort, my mom can testify to the fact that I still hate spinach, asparagus and brussel sprouts). If you're not into pain, you're not into pain. Though you may learn to tolerate a certain amount of pain in order to please your Dominant, if that's what he asks of you.

Third, there are many types of fear, each of which may require a different management style. There's the healthy fear of what you know to be harmful to you (physically, emotionally, mentally, etc). There's fear of the unknown. There's fear of your "performance". There's fear of disappointment.

It's impossible to make a sweeping generalization about fear and how to manage it without knowing you (intimately).

John

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RE: Fear and running - 7/5/2007 7:49:26 PM

akbarbarian

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I know it's not exactly on topic, but is that the $1000+ silver collar with the maglock in one of your profile pics?

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RE: Fear and running - 7/5/2007 8:50:57 PM

LadyHeart

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Sometimes, the trick is to "desensitize" to the toy/s causing the problems. I can take a lot of pain, but I have had issues with the cane and with electricity. Here's a link to a site that gives a wonderful example of how to use the cane for something sensuous instead of something painful:
http://www.sexuality.org/l/bdsm/chcane.html
It's a good example of how something that is "nasty" can be turned around. We've used this technique successfully with people before (although Master has chosen to keep the cane "nasty" for me as a punishment)
I had issues with electricity because of a couple of nasty jolts from a cattle prod. But those are going now we are playing with "nice" electrity in the form of a violet wand. Yummy. I'm not sure if it will help your situation, or if it's what you're looking for, but it's the BDSM version of desensitization therapy.
:))
LH

< Message edited by LadyHeart -- 7/5/2007 8:52:55 PM >

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