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what is considered part of submitting - 7/5/2007 12:26:19 PM

pleasureforck

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Wondering what others think about what is considered part of submission. We started out with me just submitting sexually and I think it has expanded beyond that but my SO doesn't. I see giving up control even partially in certain areas of my life as part of my submission to him. I always retained complete control over my childrens lives but now go to him for help deciding on how I handle things and he also disciplines them how he sees fit if needed. When he tells me to eat if I haven't been eating right I do it without question. When he told me to start writing in a journal daily for him to read I started it and never miss a day. Things like that to me are part of my submission. Maybe its cause this is the first time I've given up any kind of control to someone that I see it differently than he does. I have always been in control of my life in every way even though I hated it. It is a major thing that I trust him enough to take away some of the burden in my life.

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RE: what is considered part of submitting - 7/5/2007 12:33:39 PM

laineyjade

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hi pleasureforck,
how come your sig. other disagrees that you've been submitting to his decisions when he sees you have been giving up control to him? how does he define that if not submission?

or am I missing the whole point... I am blonde after all, lol

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RE: what is considered part of submitting - 7/5/2007 12:37:36 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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It's not about the actions. Vanilla people do that to their partners all the time also- they call it taking care of eachother/business. So if he isn't motivated or intending to exert authority by telling you those things, then it's not part of the authority transfer for him.

As long as you guys are happy as they are though, then there's no problem.

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RE: what is considered part of submitting - 7/5/2007 12:44:45 PM

k8trix

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I believe that submission can flow freely into all aspects of a persons life, and I think when it comes naturally to you, even if you didn't realize that it would at first, it will slowly work it's way into all parts of your life. You started out submitting sexually and over time it seems that it's naturally began to effect other parts of your life.
I agree that as long as you both are happy that it's perfectly ok.

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RE: what is considered part of submitting - 7/5/2007 1:12:35 PM

mstrjx

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I believe that what you say is true. You are showing signs of submission, obedience, in ways that you did not before.

It feels different to you because 'you' are aware of the differences and how it makes you feel.

That he doesn't see these changes in your behavior as submission could mean that although you made the decision to obey based on his input he isn't paying attention, or not appreciating your effort for what it is.

It's hard to believe that making an instruction and being obeyed isn't 'seen'.

Jeff

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RE: what is considered part of submitting - 7/5/2007 1:16:35 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mstrjx
It's hard to believe that making an instruction and being obeyed isn't 'seen'.

Jeff

Really? I thought one of the best goals of providing service was to be invisible about it.

I doubt he doesn't appreciate her and what she does- it just seems like for him it's not motivated by a desire to have authority, so he's not going to look at it in those terms. I'm sure he appreciates that she listens and takes care of herself like a good adult should.

But as long as expectations are kept reasonable and no one begins to feel somehow left out or ignored, then it's fine if the motivations are different. He's obviously doing something right for her to want to keep going to him and consider it an authority transfer.

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RE: what is considered part of submitting - 7/5/2007 1:17:23 PM

pleasureforck

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

It's not about the actions. Vanilla people do that to their partners all the time also- they call it taking care of eachother/business. So if he isn't motivated or intending to exert authority by telling you those things, then it's not part of the authority transfer for him.

As long as you guys are happy as they are though, then there's no problem.

I see what you mean about his motivation when he tells me to do things. He isn't saying he's in charge, do it or else so he doesn't see it as being dominant. It's odd that my whole adult life no one has ever been there to tell me to do anything when I have craved it. I guess I want him to tell me do those things or else and so I'm looking at it that way on my own.

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RE: what is considered part of submitting - 7/5/2007 1:41:00 PM

MadRabbit

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

But as long as expectations are kept reasonable and no one begins to feel somehow left out or ignored, then it's fine if the motivations are different. He's obviously doing something right for her to want to keep going to him and consider it an authority transfer.

I see where you are coming from regarding your philosophy with authority transfer. I work the same way.

However, it doesnt necessarily have to be a clear outline of authority for it to be submission.

If she is deferring to him to make decisions and if he is influencing her life in some way, then there is some degree of power exchange going on and therefore, it is submission. Just not submission based on authority transfer.

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RE: what is considered part of submitting - 7/5/2007 5:43:48 PM

Quivver

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I think it's really easy to transfer thoughts from bottoming to submitting more in life, especially if you have the tendency to be submissive to someone. Honestly I think it's quite natural.

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RE: what is considered part of submitting - 7/6/2007 10:33:42 AM

pleasureforck

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Thanks for the replys. I've been asking for a lot of advice and really do appreciate everyones input. I know I am a person who over analyzes things so probably am asking for input too much.
I talked to my SO and told him why I was looking at all of this as submitting. I need to be pushed cause of my own doubt or fear or laziness sometimes so if I look at the situation as him exerting authority it puts me into the submissive state of mind and pushes me to do it. I've never had structure and rules which I think I have needed my whole life. Anytime he exerts any kind of power in anything I eat it up even if he isn't seeing it as exerting power.

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RE: what is considered part of submitting - 7/6/2007 3:28:14 PM

charismagirrl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: pleasureforck

Wondering what others think about what is considered part of submission. We started out with me just submitting sexually and I think it has expanded beyond that but my SO doesn't.

It may be that he wants you to submit more deeply, this is something that i have been learning (still am), hopefully i can get it out here to you the right way.

my Master/Daddy gives me alot of choices, not alot of rules and sometimes won't even tell me exactly what to do. For example, i use to be a dancer and travel alot. i recently asked him if we could discuss me doing it again for a weekend every other month while he is also away on business (so that it won't interfere with my duties to him) He simply said that he wouldn't be happy about the idea, but to do what i want.

i was shocked and a bit disappointed. i expected he would say yes because...or No...because.... but he didn't. He only left it to me, to submit to what he wants or to do what i want.

On another occasion we were going to a swinger's club for the first time. i asked him if he could do me a huge favor, since it was the first time, and not make me do anything alone with any guys (like in a seperate room). He stopped me flat and told me to stop trying to control things.

i was totally unaware that that was what i was attempting to do, but when i looked at it he was TOTALLY right. i was trying to negotiate the terms of my slavery when we had never really negotiated them to start with. It wasn't my place to do.

So these are just two examples that i have noticed in my own life over the past year and a half. I thought i was doing all the right things, doing what he asked me to do, some of the things i thought were right etc. But there was so much more to go within surrendering to him.

Some days it's easy, some days i am petrified that i can't give up even more control (that i wasn't aware i even had). Some days i give it up without any issue and other days it is so hard for me to fight within myself to just "let go and let Daddy."

Not sure if this makes any sense but i hope it helped some.

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