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CreativeDominant -> RE: Number of play partners (9/13/2006 5:46:49 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: subbiewench
Hello A/all,
I have a couple of questions related to the number of play partners with whom people choose to become involved at one time. I know this is a widely varied community and there will be those with greatly differing opinions but I would just like to get an idea of others' thoughts on the issue. I am a straight, female, unowned submissive so what follows appears in those terms but I believe the questions remain pretty much the same for anyone.
I have gotten the impression that many people are playing (something beyond just chatting online, talking on the phone or meeting casually to get to know someone better) with several others during the same time period. Not as in a setting such as a dungeon or special event where multiple people are in attendance but more in terms of being with person A even numbered days and person B on the odd ones. Is this in error?
In my younger days (vanilla), the few times I tried dating more than one person at a time it ended badly. Even if the relationship was very casual and each was aware that I was seeing someone else. Add those experiences to my natural disinclination to share (due either to shelfishness or insecurity, probably both) and mix in a huge helping of Catholic Guilt and I find I can only deal well with only one relationship (the level of intimacy and presence or absence of intercourse vary with each) at a time. That is why the concept of serial monogamy suits me well.
I have only "come out of the closet" and begun to seek others who enjoy the BDSM lifestyle in the last 6 months or so. I find I have many more opportunities to get to know people who are interested in pursuing something than I ever had in the past (a wonderful boost to my ego). I have usually dealt with others in sort of a "first come, first served" basis but now a feast is being laid before me. I don't want to let this new-found popularity go to my head and I do want to be honest with those I get to know. I also don't want to become involved with someone only to end things because someone "better" comes along. I have a feeling it would be easiest to just give in to my desires and play with anyone with whom there is a mutual attraction. However, I don't think I could do that successfully. Not to mention that old guilt thing. How do others deal with such issues?
I don't/wouldn't put the same type of requirements on those with whom I may become involved. However, to be perfectly honest, I would much prefer to become involved with those who feel the same way I do, that way much of what is written above becomes mute.
Just my $0.02 worth as I try to find myself in terms of this lifestyle. Please feel free to add yours thoughts and feelings.
Thank you,
subbiewench a.k.a kat
I respect your feelings and give kudos to you for the way you have expressed them.
If this is what works for you, I see nothing wrong with it. If it stops working for you, then you can always revisit your decision and decide to continue on in your way or go another. The important thing is to be honest with yourself about what it is you want. As long as you can be honest with yourself and then express that honest feeling to others in the same way you have expressed it here, then you will be able to awake in the morning and look at yourself in the mirror without feeling that you've compromised yourself.
Will it cut down on the number of dominants available? Sure. But then, being an "ethical slut"cuts down on the number of dominants for said sluts. It works from the other side of the whip too. Being a dominant who wants only one to control cuts down on the number of submissives available just as being a dominant who wants more than one cuts down on the number of submissives available and just as being a dominant who is just starting over and wants to get to know people before committing to one cuts down on the number of submissives available. Every one has their own idea of what works for them. There are plenty of dominants on here who are interested in building a relationship with one woman/man at a time just as there are plenty who will see several women/men as they get to know each person and just as there are plenty who make it plain that they will always have other partners even while they get involved in a relationship with one that is completely different from all these others...their "main" relationship for lack of a better term.
The main issue in all these cases is honesty...over and over again, it is a lack of honesty, not only in communication with others but with oneself, that creates the biggest problems of all.
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