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TigerNINTails -> RE: The "I'm Stronger Than You" Game (7/6/2007 3:15:08 AM)
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I don't know that it's so much a "game" as it is that they are as you put it, trying to prove something... That they have their own mind and their own opinions, though it's my belief that they are in fact going about it the wrong way.
To become argumentative, for the sake of argument, is not precisely the way to show strength... To me, it only highlights ignorance, especially if they presume to know more about something you might well know more about. However, I don't know that this is the case with you.
What I'm getting is that they are not secure in trusting you entirely, so they are "posturing" to let you know that they know (in regards to themselves) what is acceptable and what isn't, by letting you know they'll speak their mind.
Again, I don't see this as a game, but it is most definitely a power test, in my mind. Nothing entirely wrong with it, but it does smack of insecurity, if you put it in the correct context for it.
Part of the reason I told my ex-wife to kick rocks were power-ploys much like that, where near anything I said on nearly any subject soon became a target for argument, which gets tiring really really quickly.
These girls might just be testing waters, to see how you respond to challenge to your authority or knowledge.
In this case, when it comes down to you just meeting the girls, I'd look at it as if this is the time for mutual tests... They're testing your balance and your stability... So test their flexibility and obedience... If they truly are strong, they'll likely be able to handle whatever you throw at them... Within reason... If they're new to all this, that might overwhelm them, but you don't know until you test them.
And when I'm speaking about that, I'm talking about not just testing or feeling out physical limits, likes, loves, dislikes and total hatreds, but also how well they adapt to, accept, or at least analyze view points and philosophies.
Also, societally, we (Americans) in general treat our women as if they need to be as strong as the men in the society, both mentally and physically sometimes, so being "strong, independent, free thinking and acting" women is what they are being shown that "Good strong red blooded American men want".
In a BDSM context too, this is true, to a degree... I want a woman that can think on her feet, act independently, outline and analyze situations on her own and not depend on me for split second decisions... She also needs to be strong... She's gonna need to be able to handle what I dish out physically, and mentally, capable of dealing with how I speak verbally... Which can be a bit on the vulgar and rough side. I don't expect her to hold the world up... She doesn't have to be THAT independent, but certainly not dependent.
There's nothing wrong with some dependence... This allows the Top in the relationship to serve a purpose beyond "disciplinarian" or "captor" or "tormentor"... Now it gets into the realm of "protector", "guide" and "teacher". Perhaps, as the relationship grows, it gets into "lover" and "lord" or eventually even "master" if that's your bent.
Now, some people expect a slave or submissive to just obey, to do what she's told, not think about what she's going through, or question it, but honestly, considering that slaves and submissives are human beings, that's a fuckload of maneur[SP]... Human's just don't operate like that. Unless they're truly afraid of any sort of notice from someone, and that's not the way to be.
I would simply, upon noticing that, be direct and ask her why she's arguing about it... Find out why she's finding it necessary to conflict with you. You might be surprised at the answer. Especially if you don't hold onto any sort of pre-conception about it in the first place.
And in asking, be prepared to listen... I mean more than just what is said, but what isn't said. But don't assume anything, even after you have an answer. What is said, might not mean what it sounds like. So make sure you have a grip on the understanding, even if you have to ask if she means what you think she means.
In any case, I'm tired. It's way too f'n early in the morning. I hope that helps ya some MR. I'm out. Peace.
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