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Finding a mentor - 7/5/2007 8:58:19 PM   
WesSyder


Posts: 1
Joined: 6/27/2007
Status: offline 		What is the best way to go about finding myself a Dom mentor to help guide me along my way?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Finding a mentor - 7/5/2007 10:13:47 PM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		Since you don't have a cunt and I assume don't suck cock the pool of people wanting to mentor and train  you is going to be pretty small.

In all seriousness (which the above isn't) you should find a local bdsm group through www.tes.org or www.soj.org and start attending events and classes if you can find them.

Pick up a copy of Midori's new book "The Wild Side of Sex" one of the better intro's to BDSM out there.  Dossie Easton's books like "The Topping Book" is another excellent book to start with.  For the technical side of things, Screw the Roses is excellent.

Finding someone willing to mentor you as a male is much harder but take your time and you will do fine.

(in reply to WesSyder)
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RE: Finding a mentor - 7/5/2007 10:29:38 PM   
LadyHugs


Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Dear WesSyder, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
Though TES is based in New York City, it is a good resource to look into.  May I also suggest that you look into a group called Fetish Alliance which is based in Fort Lauderdale, Florida.  The have links to all the BDSM support and education groups; in addition they have links to articles and books, vendors for floggers, canes, bondage equipment and the like.
 
Web site www.iron-rose.com has a library section, to which has many articles in their web site that may prove helpful.  If memory serves me correctly, they also have listings to BDSM support and education groups.
 
You may also wish to consider attending conferences that are held in different areas of the USA.  The Master-slave conference in Washington, DC will be held July 27 through July 29th.
The site for this conference is: www,masterslaveconference.org
 
Just some thoughts.
 
Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs
 
 

(in reply to WesSyder)
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RE: Finding a mentor - 7/5/2007 10:36:31 PM   
MadRabbit


Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

Finding someone willing to mentor you as a male is much harder but take your time and you will do fine.


The only plus side to this is the men you meet who are willing to teach are often the people who are worth learning from.

The few people who have outstretched their hand and wanted to help me with advice were the people who were the most respected and most knowledgable.



_____________________________

Advice for New Dominants
The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
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RE: Finding a mentor - 7/5/2007 11:00:57 PM   
TigerNINTails


Posts: 178
Joined: 5/16/2005
Status: offline 		fast-reply:

Michael's points, as well as LadyHugs' points and suggestions are spot on. I also agree, to a point that the men that would extend themselves to you to teach may well be some of the best to learn from.

A small warning in that though... Not everyone that says they know, necessarily does, so do your due dilligence in finding the mentor that is knowledgable, credible, respectable and worth your time to invest in their teaching.

I see a lot of people that attempt to teach other people, and in so many ways, don't fully understand what they're teaching. So it wouldn't hurt, no matter what you're told about how something is, or isn't done, to actually do your own research on it and find out yourself.

That's what makes forums a great place also... There are sometimes stupid answers to serious questions, but with a little bit of common sense applied, along with a little questioning follow-up, you can sort the wheat from the chaffe. But there's enough knowledge in the members here, to overcome the information that could possibly be harmful or inaccurate.

And from what I've seen here, if someone tells you something that's idiotic, someone else will pop up and challenge it. So regardless, if you have a question, fire it off... The only stupid question is the one that should have been, but wasn't asked.

At any rate, welcome to the forum. Peace.


_____________________________

Consistent Discipline Renders Punishment Unnecessary

(in reply to MadRabbit)
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RE: Finding a mentor - 7/6/2007 12:25:35 AM   
robertolapiedra


Posts: 520
Joined: 5/3/2007
Status: offline 		Hello WesSyder. You "can" also find some mentoring on collarme by posting. This is not the same as having a real "person" living near you, but it really has it's merits. I know of people who post here, who are being mentored in some special "aspects" of dominance.

Also, you may actually meet someone on this site who lives near you and knows the "ropes" (and other kinks!) that interest you. Meanwhile, post about what interests you. You can get some very solid advice from those who will  reply to you (after a "little filtering", of course).

I recommend you be "open" to mentorship and not restrict this only to male doms or a particular "flavor or variant" of person. Dommes make great mentors for male doms and the subs point of view is priceless.

Welcome to collarme. RL.

Edited: Forgot a line again. Sorry.


< Message edited by robertolapiedra -- 7/6/2007 12:35:00 AM >

(in reply to WesSyder)
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RE: Finding a mentor - 7/6/2007 5:15:45 PM   
Slavetrainer2007


Posts: 231
Joined: 12/2/2006
Status: offline 		I find trial and error to be the  best method as opposed to finding a mentor. A sub, a cat whip and some high tensile strength rope is all you need really. Most ambulances have great response times and  plastic surgery is really good now-a-days.  So you really have nothing to worry about.

....Seriously, finding a male dom mentor is going to be hard. especially if your picky. Mentoring is as much work as "training" and  typically no benefits, so most male doms arent willing to donate the time to  help you along.However you can learn alot about your interest just by reading up on them. I personally used the trial and error method( and still do) alot of its common sense(ie. when binding a person make sure not to cut off their circulation., dont use the "magic wand" in a tub full of water, if a bull whip hurts a bull its probably really going to hurt a person, dont let electric current pass through the heart or brain EVER, controlling a gangbang scene with  a bunch of strangers is hard unless you bring your friends, Smith and Wesson, in which it is hard to have a gangbang scene at gunpoint( seems to be a turnoff), leaving your sub/slave caged in the basement  why you go on a business trip for 3 days is a really bad idea, etc etc etc)

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Life is given, Everything else is earned.

(in reply to robertolapiedra)
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RE: Finding a mentor - 7/14/2007 5:18:48 AM   
hana20


Posts: 31
Joined: 6/3/2007
Status: offline 		I am preety lucky 'cause my Mentor lives in the same town as me so i can find Him whenever i have a problem and ask Him what i want.

(in reply to Slavetrainer2007)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Finding a mentor - 7/16/2007 5:43:48 AM   
SirButchTX


Posts: 29
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		Well, there is really no simple answer to this one. I searched for three years before I found my mentor. A lot of the decision you make will depend on what it is you want to learn. While any monkey can learn to throw a flogger or do fireplay, it takes a lot more dedication to become a Dominant worthy of the name. Eventually, if we stick around this thing long enough, we finally realize that's D/s is an inside job, and most are not equipped to deal with themselves...to face their ghosts, fears, shortcomings....thus, deep mentorship is something rare, and hard to find. It's as painful for the mentor as the person they are helping when the tears and anguish come. When we agree to help, we have placed ourselves in a vulnerable position so it's imperative that both parties are aware of the ramifications of what they are doing. Just my .02 though...your mileage may vary.

SirButch.

(in reply to hana20)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Finding a mentor - 7/16/2007 7:21:26 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WesSyder
What is the best way to go about finding myself a Dom mentor to help guide me along my way?

Wes,
You already have the best mentor you can - you.

Picking one mentor as an 'authority' has a the same impact as believing there is only one true way. That position may work for the Catholic Church, but when it comes to learning a philosophy or trying to determine a relationship dynamic that fits your life and is the foundation for a "life-style"; its best to get information from as many sources as possible and take what you need from the varying sources.

Those sources can be people, books, websites, seminars, movies, whatever. Open your eyes and your mind to every opportunity to learn. Accept no 'dogma' as 'dogma' except your own. The hard part comes after the search for "self" and knowing what you want. Finding someone complimentary and compatible can be a long and frustrating process. That may be when you need a mentor to keep you focused and not discouraged to the point of quiting. As frustrating as it is, you can't compromise. When you do you set yourself up for failure.

Set yourself up for success. Know yourself - know what you want - maintain your integrity and don't settle. Meanwhile keep learning, gain experience, and most important - have FUN!

(in reply to WesSyder)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Finding a mentor - 7/16/2007 10:38:29 AM   
PAcpllooking


Posts: 73
Joined: 5/14/2004
Status: offline 		One of the greatest things missing today in mentoring of Doms.
Reading book, web sites and local groups are ok but not the answer.
There are too many little details that get missed using generic forums. This is a very individule lifestyle and a Dom has to understand a lot more then just how to use someone or all the saftey issues. The mainthing is understanding the submissive mind and even more important the responsibilties that a Dom has to always have and be in tune with.
The best way is to get ahold of a Dom who you know has had or is in a relationship that was long term. The best is a couple because then you learn from both sides of the equation.
William

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Finding a mentor - 7/16/2007 8:57:11 PM   
QuietTraveller


Posts: 1
Joined: 7/11/2007
Status: offline 		Psychiatrists must know themselves--their quirks, expectations, unconscious desires--in order to eliminate themselves from the equation of treatment. Usually, they do this by going through extensive conseling.

There's a line between being ready to learn the tools and techniques, and being ready to practice: the difference is how well you know yourself. If you lack self-control, then you may want to put off exploring the relationship until after you fix yourself.

When you're ready, there are already listed a few notable links above.

Good luck!

_____________________________

Every Right has a related Responsibility. Application of this equation builds the foundation: Respect. Respect leads to trust; from trust, obedience; from obedience, love.

(in reply to PAcpllooking)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Finding a mentor - 7/17/2007 1:47:15 PM   
PAsextoy4u


Posts: 58
Joined: 9/27/2006
Status: offline 		I dont think anyone has mentioned being mentored by an experienced submissive.  An experienced submissive can teach you alot about both techniques and about the mind/heart/soul of a submissive.  She wouldnt be YOUR submissive of course, but she can teach you alot.  I have mentored a couple of newbies, mostly in learning specific techniques with spanking and flogging.  Good luck with your journey.

(in reply to QuietTraveller)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Finding a mentor - 7/18/2007 7:10:53 PM   
AdventurousLife


Posts: 72
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WesSyder
What is the best way to go about finding myself a Dom mentor to help guide me along my way?


Go to the local Gay Leather community and start getting to know some people. Either at a local gay leather bar, or at munches or on mailing lists.

Be upfront about being straight, don't cop an attitude about it, find a dominant who is over 40... and a good way to do that is to ask 20-30 year old dominants who mentored them. And then get coffee with the guy and work out an arrangement. This arrangement won't involve sex (unless you're up for that)...

I think the reason finding a good mentor in the het bdsm community is hard is becaue most of the "mentoring" is with doms "mentoring" subs... and the doms there seem to be in competition with each other. This is less the case in the gay leather community.

(in reply to WesSyder)
Profile   Post #: 14
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