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RE: Military men & Mistresses - 7/6/2007 6:59:08 AM

MisPandora

Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline

I find interest in and am approached by a significant number of gentlemen who either are current or former military or law enforcement. I enjoy their familiarity with discipline and structure, and their understanding of personal integrity, job knowledge (you learn your job and you teach it to the guy under you, good for multiple slaves), time management, endurance and their cool wits and 'game face' in a crisis. I connect far more with these fellows as a paramedic than I do with non-mil/LE types.

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Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to Vendaval)

Post #: 21

RE: Military men & Mistresses - 7/6/2007 6:59:23 AM

CrimsonMoan

Posts: 2652
Joined: 10/31/2006
From: Portland, Me via Las Vegas Nv
Status: offline

Hmmm i have yet to find a military guy to play with on more than just a laugh basis. My brother is retired Marine and i know for a fact my sister in law whoops his ass. They work out together and she just gives off this air of european pain domme. Which i love because she can get him off my case when i bring a guy over. Now i have ran into a few of his marine buddies at a party or two, imagine their surprise when they see me with someone's leash in my hand. I had the joy of canning two at the same time at a New Year's party.

Like SD i went through a whle rang of things before using the back of a wooden brush on one and my hand on another until they finally gave in. Personally i think those two remind them so much of when their moms did it and that makes them break faster i don't know. It was very intense and i wish it had became more. oh well thats what marine ex bf's are for. I get to visit him him down in Va in a few weeks. Active or not he deserves some fun

(in reply to Deboyce)

Post #: 22

RE: Military men & Mistresses - 7/6/2007 12:51:12 PM

BlckM4subf

Posts: 2
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

I just had to add my two cents. Not all military are submissives. Yes, we have high pressure jobs and like to just relax when we are off, but there are quite a few of us also that are Dominants. They just happen to be submissive even though they are in the military.

(in reply to Vendaval)

Post #: 23

RE: Military men & Mistresses - 7/6/2007 4:10:47 PM

wldchld

Posts: 22
Joined: 5/23/2007
Status: offline

I'm in the military myself, soon to be out, just shy of five years of service. I have been lower enlisted and a noncommissioned officer and served here state side and over in Korea. I find among the thread talk about our ability to handle the job, keep cool, understand, discipline, and structure keep poping up. I know that I have approched a few people on this site with that on my resume. But as to why I would personally rather be a submissive than a dominante, that is something I probably didn't get from the military. I always was more submissive because I grew up thinking that it was only the right thing to make your woman happy, comfortable, etc, etc, etc. I am not a real pain slut, but if a woman wanted to try harsh or racy things, I would simply because I know I am making her happy. So what the military did for me was reinforce the ability to make sure I can accomplish what I have always wanted, to make my woman happy.

(in reply to BlckM4subf)

Post #: 24

RE: Military men & Mistresses - 7/6/2007 6:38:22 PM

LadyAlzara

Posts: 38
Joined: 3/31/2005
Status: offline

I do believe innately W/we know where W/we prefer to play...it's not that all miltary men are submissive....but being the Woman I am...that's generally the boys who contact Me. I have a high pain tolerence so I can play "can ya?" with little ill effect. I've found I'm most "pushed" by guys that have had either military or law enforcement training...physical conditioning and all that.
I suppose I think of it in terms of a reaffirmation of life...for them...and a major power trip for Me. I mean, if You can make a military man cringe...well...You've done something special for lack of a better word.
Z

_____________________________

~We lead our lives like water flowing down a hill, going more or less in one direction until we splash into something that forces us to find a new course~ Memoirs of a Geisha

(in reply to wldchld)

Post #: 25

RE: Military men & Mistresses - 7/6/2007 7:46:43 PM

SlaveBlutarsky

Posts: 491
Joined: 10/10/2005
From: Upstate, NY
Status: offline

If it makes a difference, I was rejected by the USNA because I had too many knee surgeries, had I not been, I'd probably be still in the Navy. In talking to Dommes, there certainly is a high percentage of military/uniformed men in the lifestyle, both sub and dom.

_____________________________

Strong for all, weak for one

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 26

RE: Military men & Mistresses - 7/6/2007 8:13:24 PM

MstrssPassion

Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Vendaval

Greetings fellow Mistresses and those who love them,

I have been having a few conversations about the number of current and former military men who contact Mistresses and how much they seek structure and discipline and frequently, pain.

Any ideas on the percentages of potential sub/slave males with a military background? I would say about 1/3 of the men who contact me are current or former military.

Any subs/slaves like to share their stories about life in the military and if that is a factor in seeking a Mistress?

Regards,

Vendaval

I had one long term with a sub who is career military. He is going to be heading back to Iraq soon.... send out good thoughts please.

The submissive previous to my current relationship was also career & a high ranking officer with CENTCOM.

I've interviewed & spoken with countless others who were various ranks & various branches of the military. I agree... they all spoke of the need to strict routine & discipline... without it they felt as though they were fish out of water.

don't believe there is any way to quote percentages so let's just suffice to say there are large numbers who have an extensive background in the military who are submissive.

Now onto the thread where I am sure I will read someone who mentions there are large numbers who identify as doms as well.

< Message edited by MstrssPassion -- 7/6/2007 8:16:41 PM >

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MstrssPassion

(in reply to Vendaval)

Post #: 27

RE: Military men & Mistresses - 7/6/2007 8:19:12 PM

LadyHugs

Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Dear Vendaval, Ladies and Gentlemen;

With my personal experiences, my beginnings were military related and my first slave was military with an officer's rank.

I prefer those who come to me have past military experience, as I am a person who likes the well organized and prepared household. Protocols, etiquette, ritual all have a place with me.
I find that those men who have never served in the military are more difficult when it comes to obedience, service and protection/safety. Perhaps through protocol in the military, the dominance was authority, with the serving in uniform as submission. Those never exposed to military service and or similiar like 'structured' group--do not understand how, it is for me, the acknowledgement of my authority and the slave's service to that authority. The order, consistancy and expectation has it's own comforts and contentment.

I have had several slaves that had military backgrounds. A lot of them sought pain as a vehicle to catharsis. Some of them for the pain for pain sake but, in a controlled and disciplined manner. Some have had the need to have someone else in charge, as they were officers and in charge with their military personnel without anybody to give them relief from that position and or duty/responsibility.

It may be seen as silly/corny --but when I hug my lads, I hug a piece of what makes America great -- it's military. With more women serving, I will be honored to hug them as well.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to Vendaval)

Post #: 28

RE: Military men & Mistresses - 7/7/2007 8:38:54 AM

pollux

Posts: 657
Joined: 7/26/2005
Status: offline

Not to get us into the weeds with terms too much, but one of the Dommes I know best is married to an active duty member of the military. I wouldn't say her hubby is a sub -- he's more of a bottom, I think. I'm curious if the Ladies here find the military guys to be true "subs" (service-oriented or otherwise), or are they more like "kinky bottoms", or are they just flat-out masochists?

(in reply to LadyHugs)

Post #: 29

RE: Military men & Mistresses - 7/7/2007 9:38:45 AM

ocilla

Posts: 1764
Joined: 6/12/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GhitaAmati

I know Im not a Mistress, so sorry but I wanted to add something to this thread. The name caught my eye as it scrolled accross the top of the screen.

As the wife of a career military man, (and the head "family support" person in my husbands unit) I thought the question was rather interesting. Sir has been in the Military for 24 years, 11 in the Marines, and 13 in the Army. He is definantly NOT a pain slut but he does have a rather huge pain tolerance (which I sometimes think is totally unfair cause he seems to think I should be able to take just as much as he can..."see..ill do it to myself, it doesnt hurt, stop crying") Most of the time, this lifestyle is something its best to keep hidden from your superiors in the Military, but most of the men (and women) under Sirs command know about our lifestyle preferences. It sparked a rather fun discussion one night while I was babysitting (thats what I call it when most of the guys stay here at our house during a duty weekend (reserves). I was flat out amazed at the number of people who admitted to being interested in going to a Pro Domme. 2 of the girls addmitted to having previously been in D/s relationships as subs, 2 guys were Dominants in their current relationships and active in the BDSM scene, several I think said they'd like to try D/s as a dominant but from the questions they asked I think they were too embarrassed to say they would rather be subs. But what really amazed me was the number of guys who flat out addmitted theyd love to get beat on by a Mistress, there were at least 10 if I remeber correctly (there were only about 30 people in the group)

Now truth be told....anyone going into battle with my Sir's CO has got to be a masochist....no other explination! But it was definantly an interesting night.

(warning I am a shamless thread hijacker)
This is fascinating and really useful info for me at the moment in my non BDMS pursuits. I have a vanilla dating thing going on with an Army sargent, hand to hand combat instructor. He is starting to realize that he has more on his hands in me than he first thought. At times I can see the wheels turning in his head as he puts 2 & 2 together = Domme. Tee hee. Can see him pausing and taking a sidelong look of aha every now and then and I must admit it turns me on. It has been a fun journey.

But I suspect that being a sub is not something he will become. His ex was younger than him and he gave over complete control to her and she dumped him while he was deployed in Iraq - so he was left feeling like doing everything he could to please a woman back fired on him. He actually suggested that he might revert to treating women badly - I nipped that in the bud letting him know that the very second he displayed that attitude or action with me would be the very last second that he would see me. So I am very specific with him about how he should court me and how to keep me happy and he has been compliant - an obedient soldier. We have not wandered into the bedroom yet - mostly just straight up vanilla necking and he is the best kisser, car petter I have ever encountered or I might have cut him loose in the beginning. Never in a million years did I think I would find myself vanilla dating a life long military man who might have dominant tendencies.

So a big concern I have for military guys that see active duty and particulalry non com officers - those guys who are on the ground and up close to the horrors of war is PTSD, post traumatic stress disorder. He has been deployed 3 times and will likely go again in about 18 months. I wonder about PTSD and how that may manifest in BDSM situations. We've actually discussed it a little and he has told me some stories that are intense. I do not know a whole lot about PTSD but my opinion is that active duty almost gaurantees some and then he also mentioned the rampant shell shocked syndrome that he is seeing in returning men. The IED's may not succedd at blowing up them or their vehicles but after 4 or 5 close encounters with shock waves liquifuying and shaking your organs about - folks seem to be permenently damaged in his experience - particularly emotionally unstable.

Anyone have any thoughts?

_____________________________

Ocilla

Nature is not a place to visit. It is home.
~ Gary Snyder

It takes a kinky village...

(in reply to GhitaAmati)

Post #: 30

RE: Military men & Mistresses - 7/7/2007 10:05:26 AM

Deboyce

Posts: 36
Joined: 7/1/2007
Status: offline

Ocilla:
Irrespective of the thoughts of others it is my personal and professional belied the military man or woman involved with strategy diplomacy and execution is not only trained in but instinctive in reading people and I strongly suspect this man you speak
of is fully aware he may be at the doorway of awakening a sleeping tiger.
I further suspect that is his inner most desire even if he doesn’t know it yet, is to do exactly that. But to address your concerns about PTSD, do not allow him to wallow in this hypothesis. In a fire fight it quickly disappears and under the guidance of a ridged strict woman so too will it vanish if it ever existed.

(in reply to ocilla)

Post #: 31

RE: Military men & Mistresses - 7/7/2007 12:53:11 PM

LadyHugs

Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Dear pollux, Ladies and Gentlemen;

I don't subscribe to the notion that there is true/real submission if [insert menu of choices or thoughts].

What I do proffer, is that men and women who have served in the military and or semi-like military careers have a grasp on the ideas of what I would seek in a slave/submissive.

In civilian aspects of government, society there is a D/s exchange; for example police officer representing the city/state/county and the enforcement of rules is an authority figure. Population is really for the most part left undisturbed but, the interaction we do have as an officer goes about their duty--we see them in a submission to the authority or if you will--respect for it, via through what it represents.

Military, which has a more concise and pronounced authority/respect for authority structure;
is seen through the 'salute' and other protocols to which silently reaffirms the respect for rank, experience and for those who serve under the officers. Although all represent their country and or Nation, they represent their branch of service and branches from that. In ceremonial duties, the lads told me that they represent the past soldier, Marine, etc., it is a tradition as well as an honor and obligation to carry the values of Military into the next generation of military service--if you will --changing of the guard.

Service is not always in action but, in just existing and being there. It is knowing they are there and not just in crisis. Team work. Regardless of rank--it requires everybody to work together to get the mission done. If there is a private and a Colonel alone together and a mission needs to be done that requires both of them --they will do it. Rank has perks but, not an escape from duty and or danger.

In my mind's eyes I see--having slaves understand the D/s dynamic and how mutual respect and powers both a dominant and submissive posses--it makes serving in a capacity as slave better understood. It isn't, in my mind's eyes --a license just to be barking, bossing around someone--it is having someone who I can count on looking out for my welfare as much as I do theirs. Mutual benefit if you will.

Either being Dominant or submissive--knowing how the dynamic between authority, respect, submission to authority, reaffirmation of the structure--is the 'known' part of the relationship and foundation, in my mind's eyes I see--to build upon for a more personalized structure of the relationship.

Just some thoughts.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to pollux)

Post #: 32

RE: Military men & Mistresses - 7/7/2007 1:02:04 PM

LadyHugs

Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Dear ocilla, Ladies and Gentlemen;

Any lad that I have seen go off and after close calls or life changing moments, that burn into their mind and soul--never are the same.

I would have to recommend that mental health experts that are in military service and health, such as Walter Reed Army Hospital is better able, just by experience alone. Even so, nobody has a corner market on 'fixing' things.

As for us--the support and sometimes the well placed boot in their behind, is what helps them and which helps us. And, you're correct--the invisible injuries are the worst ones--as you cannot see them and sometimes surpressed and buried until something triggers.

Just some thoughts.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to ocilla)

Post #: 33

RE: Military men & Mistresses - 7/7/2007 1:24:26 PM

MistressDolly

Posts: 917
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pollux

Not to get us into the weeds with terms too much, but one of the Dommes I know best is married to an active duty member of the military. I wouldn't say her hubby is a sub -- he's more of a bottom, I think. I'm curious if the Ladies here find the military guys to be true "subs" (service-oriented or otherwise), or are they more like "kinky bottoms", or are they just flat-out masochists?

I frequently speak to a high ranking military official whose submissive tendencies are restricted to bedroom-only-play (strap-on, spanking, golden showers). Yet, while I can't be certain at this juncture, my peripheral vision senses that with the right exposure, his submission can indeed extend beyond the bedroom.

_____________________________

m i s t r e s s d o l l y . c o m

m y s p a c e

(in reply to pollux)

Post #: 34

RE: Military men & Mistresses - 7/7/2007 4:46:14 PM

ocilla

Posts: 1764
Joined: 6/12/2007
Status: offline

Why thank you Deboyce - very interesting feedback indeed. Looks like I may be in for some fun.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Deboyce

Ocilla:
Irrespective of the thoughts of others it is my personal and professional belied the military man or woman involved with strategy diplomacy and execution is not only trained in but instinctive in reading people and I strongly suspect this man you speak
of is fully aware he may be at the doorway of awakening a sleeping tiger.
I further suspect that is his inner most desire even if he doesn’t know it yet, is to do exactly that. But to address your concerns about PTSD, do not allow him to wallow in this hypothesis. In a fire fight it quickly disappears and under the guidance of a ridged strict woman so too will it vanish if it ever existed.

_____________________________

Ocilla

Nature is not a place to visit. It is home.
~ Gary Snyder

It takes a kinky village...

(in reply to Deboyce)

Post #: 35

RE: Military men & Mistresses - 7/9/2007 7:19:36 AM

Vendaval

Posts: 10297
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline

This has often been my experience with the military subs/slaves, pain as form of catharsis;
and some that want to not be in charge of every aspect of their lives.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHugs

I have had several slaves that had military backgrounds. A lot of them sought pain as a vehicle to catharsis. Some of them for the pain for pain sake but, in a controlled and disciplined manner. Some have had the need to have someone else in charge, as they were officers and in charge with their military personnel without anybody to give them relief from that position and or duty/responsibility.

_____________________________

"Beware, the woods at night, beware the lunar light.
So in this gray haze we'll be meating again, and on that
great day, I will tease you all the same."
"WOLF MOON", OCTOBER RUST, TYPE O NEGATIVE

http://KinkMeet.co.uk

(in reply to LadyHugs)

Post #: 36

RE: Military men & Mistresses - 7/9/2007 7:24:35 AM

Vendaval

Posts: 10297
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline

Logged in as: Vendaval

quote:

ORIGINAL: SDFemDom4cuck

LOL tell me about it. Halloween at a local club I had a boy ask to be beaten. I had my favorite riding crop with me, and I started him off slow, a nice warm up. At one point he turns to look at me like "is that all you got"...didn't say it, just that look. Pissed me right the hell off. LOL Half an hour into it I break my favorite crop across his ass. *sniff* The witch sitting across from it all watching fascinated at the display hand me her broom. his ass is purple in places at this point but not a peep. Dammit, he's gonna break. 15 minutes later the broom handle breaks. Still not a peep.

So you had a real pair of "iron buns" on your hands!

So I sit on the chair, grab the back of his hair and drag him across my lap, lean over and pull the wooden hairbrush out of my bag and commence to whoop his ass. 3 minutes into it he's bawling like a baby and begging me to stop. 5 minutes after that he called red.

Maybe it was the humiliation of being across your lap like a little boy?

Damn I love it when they cry. Sigh....

Such sweet tears....

errr...monkey butt??? Not familiar with the term.

Hee hee..."monkey butt" is what motorcycle riders get when they ride for several hours, their butt cheeks get rubbed raw and red like the bottoms of certain monkey species when they are breeding.

_____________________________

"Beware, the woods at night, beware the lunar light.
So in this gray haze we'll be meating again, and on that
great day, I will tease you all the same."
"WOLF MOON", OCTOBER RUST, TYPE O NEGATIVE

http://KinkMeet.co.uk

(in reply to SDFemDom4cuck)

Post #: 37

RE: Military men & Mistresses - 7/9/2007 7:43:18 AM

vield

Posts: 354
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

My experiences were a bit different in the military, as I was drafted out of college during the Vietnam war and I was NOT happy about it..
Thus all through my military time was a thread of resistance....usually passive resistance, but I also did stand up for myself in many ways which would be considered counter productive if I was seeking a career there.
Part of my motivation was in taking whatever I needed to endure whithout cracking or breaking.
I had quite a bit of BD/SM experience long before I was drafted, but being drafted put me into a different place, a different mind set.
I dated some sweet ladies including one who was a natural sub and really needed a master. I looked down on her for not having the spirit to resist and did not allow her to become my slave, but truly she just needed to please. My mistake became her husband's good fortune, when she met him.
My submissive side also got mis-wired by my anti-military attitude. I spent way too much time resisting good things I really needed to have happen to me, and it was a few years, many relationship mistakes, and much confusion before I could allow myself to honestly just totally surrender myself to another, or to allow and cherish another totally surrendering themself to me.
Thank Goddess that this world now has such wonderful Professionals one can go to for Sacred (and other) Healing! There have been times my path seemed very bleak without their Bright Light.
I am glad I found healing long ago and I have been able to be a good resource for others for many years.

_____________________________

As always, your mileage may vary!

vield

(in reply to Vendaval)

Post #: 38

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