RE: Reality is... (Full Version)

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amiciaN -> RE: Reality is... (7/6/2007 2:30:10 PM)

I think there is a lot of confusion between 'online' relationships and long distance relationships that use the internet as the primary method of interacting.  My relationship with NChaka started online and then He came to see me, putting His collar around my neck with His own hands.  That is real time to me.

As to domiguy's assertation that what I sought in a relationship was close by, he has said this to me before.  "Could" I have met someone more local?  Possibly.  In fact, I was dating someone 'real time' when Nchaka and I first started talking and we were merely friends.  The real time 'Dom' was lifting things straight off of web pages and claiming them as his own, refused to attempt to look at things from my point of view and vanished at the first sign of me truly 'needing' his support emotionally and mentally.  My Master NChaka was the One who was there, who DID support me, who DID invest His time and effort with me.  "Could" the other 'Dom' have done so?  Probably, but the point is he didn't and my Master did.  He is everything I had hoped to find and I'm not going to let a petty thing like a few thousand miles stop me from belonging to the finest Man I have ever met.  There is also a definite time frame for when we will be able to be 'real time' 24/7, but in the meantime, I am still His until that can happen.

One thing I see over and again is people carrying on about how a person has to meet face-to-face to be able to see a person, hear the inflection in their voice or read the reactions on their faces.  Hello!!!  Can you say 'webcam'?  I am amazed at the number of people who view webcams as only a tool for cyber-sex and totally negate the value of it regarding anything else.  Sure it can be used for that, but that is NOT the only use it has.  It can also be a great tool for simple and not-so-simple conversations.

As always, just my opinion based on my understand and experience.  ymmv



DiurnalVampire -> RE: Reality is... (7/6/2007 2:35:48 PM)

I have a hard time with online relationships becasue invariably chemistry face to face will be different tha it has been online. While I can get very attached to someone online, I cannot love them that way. This is MY experience, others may differ.
I had an online/phone relationship with Angel for a long time, and the LDR was rough. It has since become a real time one, and we were moving that way from the beginning which is why I was OK with the online thing. Difference being, we met face to face before we started our online relationship, it was a tool to keep us together while we were separated.
Personaly, I think online relationships are a decent starting point. The problem begins when it becomes the end goal for some. If there is no desire to move PAST online, thats what I cant fathom.  You cannot have a good, healthy and rewarding relationship with someone strictly and permanently online. At some point, unless you bring the reality of a meeting into it, then you never really know about the other person.  Its not looked down on, its just pooly thought you,.  The whole idea of a relationship isnt strictly an emotional connection. There has to be a physical connection, a mental connection and an emotional connection to be a good functional relationship. Otherwise theres nothing actualy holding two people together. You cant fall asleep snuggled up to a JPG, you cant goout on a date with a WAV file... there is no substitute for that other person in your life. Short term, it can be overlooked. Long term by commiting yourself to someone online and cutting yourself of from someone real time you are not doing yourself any favors.

My 2 cents
DV



Elorin -> RE: Reality is... (7/6/2007 2:36:05 PM)

chelle, you might realize that people have the right to vent their frustrations here as well as their opinions...and it IS disturbing to see so many people make pronouncements like that. Did she say it disturbs her sleep or bothers her all that much? No. But she does hate seeing it.

So do I, honestly.

Share your opinion is one thing. Tell me I'm wrong because I don't share it is another. That that "other" is really damned frustrating.



slaveluci -> RE: Reality is... (7/6/2007 2:41:54 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: chellekitty
if you are so thin skinned that you can't ignore what people post on a message board cause it bothers you/offends you/disturbs your delicate digestive track/whatever...i think you have more of an issue than whether or not to go real life...sure i have been deeply disturbed by what was posted on a message board or in a chat room...i was also a severely depressed 17 year old...if what i think bothers you so much...heres my cure...(assuming you are on a pc) click start....click shut down...click shut down...and go outside...there is a world out there and its not so scary...take a big dog with ya if its so scary (so not trying to insult anyone...my mother has a service dog because people scare her...she can now go anywhere she wants by herself...it is a liberating thing...)

First of all, I never said that I can't (and don't) ignore what many people post here and I have said a million times myself that no one has any right to always be "safe" from being offended or disturbed.  Speaking of thin skin, you sure got pretty disturbed yourself above[;)]...lol....all I said was that expressing your own opinion on what works for you is one thing and dictating to others that it's the only way is something else.  I didn't even say you personally did that.  Calm down.  Also, if you take anytime at all to pay attention to the posts I make here, you'll see I don't run off crying when I'm offended or disturbed and my skin and digestive tract are in great shape, btw.  What I usually do is what I just did - say "Hey, your opinion is cool but don't expect me to model my own life around it."  That's not overly sensitive, that's a fact.  As far as there being a big, scary world out there, I know.  I live in it daily and don't get nearly as upset as you just did when trying to explain to others that I have a right to my choices just as they do.  The only time I get that worked up is when they act as if their way is the only way.  Whew..........luci

****edited for spelling errors and omitted thoughts[8D]****



kittinSol -> RE: Reality is... (7/6/2007 2:50:30 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: chellekitty

quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveluci

What I hate... luci



if you are so thin skinned that you can't ignore what people post on a message board cause it bothers you/offends you/disturbs your delicate digestive track/whatever...i think you have more of an issue than whether or not to go real life...sure i have been deeply disturbed by what was posted on a message board or in a chat room...i was also a severely depressed 17 year old...if what i think bothers you so much...heres my cure...(assuming you are on a pc) click start....click shut down...click shut down...and go outside...there is a world out there and its not so scary...take a big dog with ya if its so scary (so not trying to insult anyone...my mother has a service dog because people scare her...she can now go anywhere she wants by herself...it is a liberating thing...)



That was so... so cool.



chellekitty -> RE: Reality is... (7/6/2007 2:54:16 PM)

theres another problem with the written word...everything i said was with tongue in cheek...well except the last line in parenthesis, i understand social phobias...no, i don't think that you, personally are sooo offended...it was a general you...and if you can defend the rights of the people that are offended by people who have a holier than thou attitude, i can defend those people that have a holier than thou attitude...i am not trying to censure anyone...i am trying to say...get a grip...on reality...what i say doesn't matter in the grand scheme of anyone's life on here...and if what someone on here says affects me, its probably because its a little too close to a truth i don't want to hear...so...in summary, this post hasn't affected me other than making my eye muscles sore...don't read more into it than there is...if i was so disturbed by anything said here, i would...hmm i don't know...turn off the computer and go recconect with those 3D people...right now...i am just passing time until its time to go see some live music....Elorin...wanna meet up for coffee? email me off list...lol
chelle



slaveluci -> RE: Reality is... (7/6/2007 2:57:10 PM)

[8D]
quote:

ORIGINAL: kittinSol
That was so... so cool.

And so...so not related to anything I actually said[8D].  But then, any chance to make a jab at me is always right up your alley.  I could see how you would love this rant.  You yourself are infamous for doing exactly what I spoke about - calling others' ways "sick, wrong, and abusive." (See "Surrendered Wives" thread).  Again, I will attempt to get you to admit that others can have opposing views from yours and still not be wrong.  And again, I'm sure you'll just make mean, personal remarks instead of admitting that.  You never did after pages and pages on the other thread, why would you here[;)].  And here I was finding myself agreeing with an earlier post of yours today and now this....geesh[8|]............your pal, luci  [8D]



MsPleasure -> RE: Reality is... (7/6/2007 3:05:04 PM)

Keep asking all the questions you like baby.   These threads are about learning, our own personal opinions or experiences.  They are not right or wrong... just personal. 

Most people that always are negative and complain are uphappy people in general.  Ignore them.



slaveluci -> RE: Reality is... (7/6/2007 3:07:51 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: chellekitty
theres another problem with the written word...everything i said was with tongue in cheek...well except the last line in parenthesis

Ohhhhh, I get it.  Satire.  Ok.  I had this same thing happen last night.  Read a really offensive rant and responded and then was told that my interpretation of it was all wrong.  That seems to happen alot lately[;)]
quote:

 i understand social phobias...no, i don't think that you, personally are sooo offended...it was a general you...and if you can defend the rights of the people that are offended by people who have a holier than thou attitude, i can defend those people that have a holier than thou attitude

A general you.  Oh, ok again.  Took that to be directed toward me since it was[;)], but my bad.  I defend the rights of everyone - regardless of their attitude.  As far as a "holier than thou attitude," there are those who have those.  I do not and never have.  I defy you to show me a post where I have ever demonstrated such an attitude.  I even think that you have a right to do whatever you choose and think whatever you choose.  Your rights, however, end at the tip of my nose.  Imagine that![;)]
quote:

...get a grip...on reality...what i say doesn't matter in the grand scheme of anyone's life on here...and if what someone on here says affects me, its probably because its a little too close to a truth i don't want to hear

I still don't understand why you're assuming that people put so much stock into anything you or anyone else says.  When someone posts here, perhaps they are simply thinking maybe they can have a discussion without being told they are "wrong" by someone who doesn't think as they do.  There is nothing wrong with assuming you can do that.  Many times people have but then some days, alot of people seem to answer who tell the poster she/he is "wrong."  It's a crap shoot really.
quote:

...so...in summary, this post hasn't affected me other than making my eye muscles sore...don't read more into it than there is...if i was so disturbed by anything said here, i would...hmm i don't know...turn off the computer and go recconect with those 3D people...right now...i am just passing time until its time to go see some live music....Elorin...wanna meet up for coffee? email me off list...lol
chelle

Again, just because someone feels they should be able to post here without being told they're "wrong," that doesn't mean they have no life with real 3D people in it.  In summary.....my whole point was....way back at my first post......that no one has to accept being told they are "wrong" simply because others don't like their ways.  I'm sure you probably agree with that idea and I can't help that you may be having a bad day and spoiling for a petty argument.  And as far as insinuating that posting here and seeking sincere conversation indicates that the poster has no real life out in the big bad world is very off target.  Are you saying that all those who post here often - way more often than I - have no life?  Don't think I'd take that road.  Sincerely, luci 



queencaliph -> RE: Reality is... (7/6/2007 3:12:41 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveluci

For you.  Everyone is not you nor do they think like you or desire what you do.

Can I therefore assume that no one should do that?  If I think they should avoid doing that and just stay home and try to meet someone online, does that mean I'm right?  Not at all.  Different people have different approaches.  They're all acceptable.
quote:



No you shouldn't assume that, and I did not assume that.  Neither did I state that they were unacceptable.  If you accept it then its acceptable TO YOU. and who else matters?  I only stated my opinion that they suck.  And for the record I HAVE been in an online LDRs before and that is how I formed my opinion that they suck.  I still meet people online.  I just don't carry on relationships online.  The relationship starts when I meet them in person. If there is no chance in the very near future of meeting then there is no chance of a relationship.


quote:

And let's face it, online anyone can pretend to be anything they want to be.  So until you meet in person you don't know WHAT you have

quote:

And this never, ever happens in r/t, does it?  LOL.  You may see what they look like but you don't know that much more about them to start with, anyway.  Over time, you may learn who they really are and you may not.  There are a million stories of folks who have conned people face-to-face.  The library is full of books about men who marry women and lead a "double life" with other families and things going on the wives have no clue about.  Actually laying eyes on someone doesn't make the possibility of being "fooled" any less real.........luci


Yep it happens.  And do you know how the women eventually found out they were being fooled?  They spent time with him and as I stated previously if you are face to face sooner or later the real person will show up. Maybe the same is true for online relationships, but I doubt it.  
 
If online relationships work for you and others then you should have them.  Be happy, be blessed.  If its working for you, you don't need approval from anyone else and should not be offended if someone else does or does not validate them as being the same as real time relationships.  And it certainly shouldn't what I think.  After all it is only my opinion.



TheKinksman -> RE: Reality is... (7/6/2007 3:14:09 PM)

IN BD/SM sexual term's what does "Vanilla" mean?



queencaliph -> RE: Reality is... (7/6/2007 3:20:38 PM)

[:D] Vanilla is what we call people who are not interested in this lifestyle.  (around here it is also what they put under your name when you are new to the boards) Welcome. [:D]



slaveluci -> RE: Reality is... (7/6/2007 3:27:10 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: queencaliph
If online relationships work for you and others then you should have them.  Be happy, be blessed.  If its working for you, you don't need approval from anyone else and should not be offended if someone else does or does not validate them as being the same as real time relationships.  And it certainly shouldn't what I think.  After all it is only my opinion.

Exactly.  That's the very point I attempted to make, queencaliph.  I don't think it's a matter of "needing approval" or "validation" from others, though.  I see it more as a matter of expecting to be free to exercise one's own choices without being told you're somehow wrong or inferior.  I know you personally didn't imply that.  It just continues to amuse me that, during the self-same day, you can see such different standards on different threads.  For instance, today on one thread, a sub was verbally attacked for saying she doesn't understand how another sub/slave could "accept" a certain treatment at the hands of her dom/master.  Then, when the subject comes up on this thread about being free to live your own way, it becomes a rant about people with no life and too much sensitivity.  So, the other sub gets attacked for stating that she didn't like another's way and then it ruffles feathers here when I say please don't make blanket judgements about others' ways[image]http://www.collarchat.com/micons/m22.gif[/image].  Depending on the thread, you're damned if you do and damned if you don't.  Must be the heat[:D]..............luci



chellekitty -> RE: Reality is... (7/6/2007 3:28:13 PM)

ok i am done arguing, and because i said this, i win, so pfffft...you (luci) and i are saying the same damned thing, but because i say it differently you (luci) want to deffend your point...yes, i am very sarcastic and i use general you's...because its a lot easier than typing out "anyone who may or may not read this thread at any point in the near or distant future" but if it will make you (luci) feel better, i will endevor to do so...and no, i am not insulting any one who spends all day on these boards, if i did i would be insulting myself...my point was, and still is, if the thoughts and words on this screen affect me in anyway other than to say "hmm thats a good idea" or "what a f'in moron" its time for me to go outside and deal with reality...because...just because we have this new medium upon which to communicate, doesn't mean it should be our only medium...now...since i am done arguing, and have won, in my little mind, i am not going to respond to this anymore, so therefore if you continue to post you will be arguing with yourself and look a fool...(now imagine this whole post said in a smart assed 8 year old voice because thats the the way i thought it in my head)

chelle



kittinSol -> RE: Reality is... (7/6/2007 3:29:13 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveluci

[8D]
quote:

ORIGINAL: kittinSol
That was so... so cool.

And so...so not related to anything I actually said[8D].  But then, any chance to make a jab at me is always right up your alley.  I could see how you would love this rant.  You yourself are infamous for doing exactly what I spoke about - calling others' ways "sick, wrong, and abusive." (See "Surrendered Wives" thread).  Again, I will attempt to get you to admit that others can have opposing views from yours and still not be wrong.  And again, I'm sure you'll just make mean, personal remarks instead of admitting that.  You never did after pages and pages on the other thread, why would you here[;)].  And here I was finding myself agreeing with an earlier post of yours today and now this....geesh[8|]............your pal, luci  [8D]



Holy cow. The overuse of smileys, the constant interruption from (wrongly counted) suspension marks, show me an angry, peeved, frustrated individual with a grudge to bear. Beware though, because your true self is starting to show through. Painfully so.




cjenny -> RE: Reality is... (7/6/2007 3:30:27 PM)

OLR's are mocked and put down here and yup it is frustrating. It can be hurtful too, reading 80% of the posts coming across with a negative slant or belittling comments. (No I did not average them out).

But... life goes on. I'm happy, others are happy. If it works it works, if not then change your world.



slaveluci -> RE: Reality is... (7/6/2007 3:33:38 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: kittinSol
Holy cow. The overuse of smileys, the constant interruption from (wrongly counted) suspension marks, show me an angry, peeved, frustrated individual with a grudge to bear. Beware though, because your true self is starting to show through. Painfully so.

Holy cow, indeed!  Don't judge my kink, Kittinsol.  I love smileys and, damn it, I'll overuse them all I like.  I know this is your favorite: [sm=banana.gif].  If you think I am an "angry, peeved, frustrated individual with a grudge to bear," you are way more clueless than I have ever suspected.  My true self is anything but all those things.  If you would stop being what you're accusing me of being, perhaps you could see that.  The thing that I have done that continually angers you is to say that neither you (nor anyone else) has any right to tell others the "right" way.  You constantly make posts telling people how down-right wrong they are and regularly use name-calling and personal attacks.  How in the world you project your own behavior onto me is really beyond comprehension.  You try so hard to psychoanalyze everyone but I'd suggest you start with the one in the mirror, sweetie.  All the best..........luci



slaveluci -> RE: Reality is... (7/6/2007 3:37:50 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: chellekitty
ok i am done arguing, and because i said this, i win

Ok, I concede[;)]
quote:

 yes, i am very sarcastic

I admire that in a person, honestly[:)]
quote:

if the thoughts and words on this screen affect me in anyway other than to say "hmm thats a good idea" or "what a f'in moron" its time for me to go outside and deal with reality

Agreed as well.
quote:

since i am done arguing, and have won, in my little mind, i am not going to respond to this anymore, so therefore if you continue to post you will be arguing with yourself and look a fool...(now imagine this whole post said in a smart assed 8 year old voice because thats the the way i thought it in my head)

What, no "Na, Na, Na, Na, Na's"?????  Ok, that's all.  Wouldn't want to look like a fool[8D].  Peace.......luci



queencaliph -> RE: Reality is... (7/6/2007 3:39:59 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: kittinSol

Holy cow. The overuse of smileys, the constant interruption from (wrongly counted) suspension marks, show me an angry, peeved, frustrated individual with a grudge to bear. Beware though, because your true self is starting to show through. Painfully so.




[:D] yeah.......[;)] stop using all those[8|] smileys...........[8D]and susupension marks.......[:o] this is how it makes me feel.........[:@]and this is the reaction you will get[:(] from other posters[:-][:'(][&:][8D][X(]
sorry, I couldn't resist teasing.  [:-][:o][:'(][:@][;)][:D][:)][8D][&:][:(][>:][X(][8|]  Quick, someone start a post about annoying use of smileys.[8|][X(][>:][:(][&:][8D][:)]



slaveluci -> RE: Reality is... (7/6/2007 3:41:29 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: queencaliph

quote:

ORIGINAL: kittinSol

Holy cow. The overuse of smileys, the constant interruption from (wrongly counted) suspension marks, show me an angry, peeved, frustrated individual with a grudge to bear. Beware though, because your true self is starting to show through. Painfully so.




[:D] yeah.......[;)] stop using all those[8|] smileys...........[8D]and susupension marks.......[:o] this is how it makes me feel.........[:@]and this is the reaction you will get[:(] from other posters[:-][:'(][&:][8D][X(]
sorry, I couldn't resist teasing.  [:-][:o][:'(][:@][;)][:D][:)][8D][&:][:(][>:][X(][8|]  Quick, someone start a post about annoying use of smileys.[8|][X(][>:][:(][&:][8D][:)]

[:D].......what the hell are "suspension marks" and how did I "wrongly count" them?  Help!.........luci



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