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littlesarbonn -> RE: Reality is... (7/8/2007 11:16:37 AM)
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(reply to the entire thread, not the person that appears as if I posted in response to)
I'm going to post against the grain here, but that's just me.
Personally, I find fault in those who claim that it's not a real relationship if it's online. People are so deconstructive here sometimes, mainly for inner purposes that have no meaning other than to validate their own desire to be heard.
Who is to decide what constitutes a real relationship with another person? We point fingers at the Internet and say that's not real because we've never made. I find it interesting that one of the greatest minds on the concept of masochism and submission comes a non-interpersonal relationship from the guy who we get the name masochism from. Sacher-Masoch had this huge relationship with a dominant woman by letter. He dedicated his life, his very being to her. Their conversation was one that lasted years with no physical contact whatsoever. Much of the foundation of our real life in person submissive behavior comes from the very foundation laid out in a non-contact relationship created by the original submissive.
Okay, history aside, what makes someone actually a submissive to another? Is it because he or she does what the dominant says, or is there something deeper? Is it because the dominant maintains a sense of control over another person? How does this relationship diminish with distance? If you're a slave to a person who goes on a business trip across the country, do you cease being submissive, even during phone conversations with your accepted owner? I remember my very first two weeks of moving in with my previous mistress after two years of having been her slave (but not live-in). She was scheduled to take a sailling trip near Florida, so I moved in, had two days with her, and then she was gone for two weeks. In that time, she wrote me letters and postcards and phoned me from time to time. Not at ONE moment did we ever consider ourselves NOT in a D/s relationship to each other.
I believe a huge disservice is being paid to the concept of online relationships because the concept of "one-wayism" is overwhelming the rest of the field. We should be overjoyed that people have found something and try to help them achieve more from what they found, or the very nature of having Collarme is useless. This is an ONLINE personals site. Hopefully, it leads to real time, but at the same time a new medium has been created where the world is able to communicate in real time without having to travel to real time distances. We should be embracing this rather than condemning it.
It often feels that there are people here who want so much to disqualify other relationships in hopes of making their own seem so much better. It reminds me of the "sanctity of marriage" arguments where gay marriage is seen as ruining regular marriage when everyone knows that no such thing is happening. We're doing the same thing here, even though we condemn the other attitude. We're condemning people who have been lucky enough to find each other online, all in the name of "sanctifying" our own relationships.
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