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Master/Dom, Mistress/Domme... - 2/6/2004 8:44:02 PM   
bratMT


Posts: 1
Joined: 2/5/2004
Status: offline 		OK i know this might sound silly, but i was recently going through profiles on here, and have come to realize that there are ALOT of people on here that claim to be Doms/Dommes. OK .. now my question is, how can a 18 year old ( just an example ) be a REAL Dom/Domme ? i mean seriously ... At that age, one cant even hardly control themselves, how are they expected to control another and actually know what they are doing ? Now, myself i am only 21 years old and , geez, i still like to play with legos and playdough .. lol .... I have never met a person at the age of 18 that can truly call themselves a Dom/Domme. Now , please, i dont want to get a thousand emails sayin im 18 and a real Dom/Domme, cuz well, frankly i wont answer them. But what i am looking for is , well i dont know yet. i just find it hard to believe that anyone , i mean anyone 18 to say 25 can really call themselves a TRUE DOM/DOMME. because i see it as being hell , still almost a kid ..



Sincerely ,

brat MT
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Master/Dom, Mistress/Domme... - 2/6/2004 8:51:37 PM   
Estring


Posts: 3314
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Interesting observation brat. You might want to check out the thread I started where I posed that very question, and tend to agree with you. The thread is "Does Age Matter?". There are many opinions on that subject in there.

(in reply to bratMT)
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RE: Master/Dom, Mistress/Domme... - 2/7/2004 7:46:39 AM   
twistedtart


Posts: 5
Joined: 1/30/2004
Status: offline 		Brat....tough topic.

You're on the right track, generally speaking....especially with your comment about them not being in control of themselves, and therefore not qualified to lead another. I'll try to stick to this particular point. Dominance (and im not going to use the word real/true) is inherent in ones "wiring" so to speak...it isnt an action. It is reflected *through* ones actions, of course...but its an emotional and mental state, imho.

Indeed, someone can be a Dominant (or a submissive) at an early age, but they have much maturing and growth before they become a *GOOD* Dominant. Yes, bad Doms do exist...unfortunately most online texts only tell you what the perfect Dom/sub should look like, and sadly neglect the reality. I tend to think of it in terms of a young athlete...one may have natural talent and skill...but it takes years of experience, training, and coaching to channel that talent to its highest and best use. I find Doms all the time...in their 40's and 50's...who are just beginning to figure it out, and some sadly never will. Its not just an age thing. As you alluded, if they cant lead themselves, and dont know where they are going...it will be impossible for them to lead a submissive. Most important of all, they cant get there unless they are in touch with themselves.

What you will find in your journey that many call themselves Dom (or sub) for many many reasons...acceptance, validation, the desire to control someone else to boost their own low self esteem......but if you continue to look for the characteristics of leadership, responsibility, empathy, and patience....you'll automatically weed out 90% of the wannabes and "faux Doms"...or those that arent ready for prime time. (and no, those attributes arent exclusive to Dominants, nor do they in and of themselves define a Dominant) You sound like you've got a good head on your shoulders and are already in touch with one of the most critical elements of a D/s relationship...not much more i can add other than to congratulate you on your perception and to encourage you to continue to learn and grow. Best of luck to you.

Tart

(in reply to bratMT)
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RE: Master/Dom, Mistress/Domme... - 2/7/2004 8:05:51 AM   
MistressDREAD


Posts: 2943
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		brat Might I suggest reading whats with in the Boards befor posting so that repeat subject matter is not addressed in many places and instead is in one area for readers to seek, read and comment on with out missing what others say on one area addressed and comments made ~smiles~
Click to read whats allready been posted on this subject matter.
[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[DOES AGE MATTER?]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]

(in reply to bratMT)
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RE: Master/Dom, Mistress/Domme... - 11/6/2004 9:57:59 PM   
MistressFire70


Posts: 378
Joined: 7/25/2004
From: North Carolina
Status: offline 		The whole issue boils down to a few things. One, we self-identify ourselves here (and in life). Two, there isn't a choice for "other" or "new". So, the choice has to be made. And, many times, people are afraid that admitting they’re new means that they aren’t good. I, for one, respect a person who says, “I’m new, but I think I’m Dominant.”

Of course, as others have said, declaring ourselves as Dominant says NOTHING about how GOOD a Dominant we are!

Fire



_____________________________

you have come to a great chasm. Jump. It's not as wide as you think.

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RE: Master/Dom, Mistress/Domme... - 11/6/2004 10:49:49 PM   
proudsub


Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline 		Here are some earlier threads on this:

18 year old

does age matter

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan


(in reply to bratMT)
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RE: Master/Dom, Mistress/Domme... - 11/6/2004 11:12:02 PM   
Suleiman


Posts: 1127
Joined: 9/9/2004
Status: offline 		You know, I used to think that age and experience far outweighed actual nature, but then I went to visit my family this halloween, and got a chance to watch my (far too young) niece totally control her boyfriend without so much as a word or glance. Obviously it's as much from his submissive nature as her dominance, but she carried herself as well as almost any domme I had known in the scene, and better than many I have had the displeasure of meeting.

Mind you, she does not call herself dominant, he does not call himself submissive. I don't believe (after some close scrutiny on my part) that they have any idea what the dynamic in their relationship is. They're way young and both live very sheltered lives, but I think in the next few years she's going to find out, and when she does she is going to come out as a major leather goddess debutante.

_____________________________

Think of my verbosity as a sort of litmus test for our relationship. I write in a manner identical to how I speak and how I think. If you can not cope with what I have written here, it is probably for the best if we go our separate ways.

(in reply to bratMT)
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RE: Master/Dom, Mistress/Domme... - 11/7/2004 9:08:32 AM   
MrThorns


Posts: 919
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline 		I think there are huge differences between age, experience and maturity. I will admit that I tend to observe the actions of a younger dominant, as I have less faith in their abilities to maintain control of themselves, much less the scene they are playing in. I am aware, however that there are plenty of 40-50 y/o players out there with 20+ years of experience that don't seem to know their ass from a hole in the ground.

If someone is 18 years old, practices their craft on a regular basis to achieve higher standards, has sought out expreienced, knowledgeable players to learn from, and seeks out knowledge at every opportunity... I find that I have more respect for them than some of the players that have played for 20 years without the same desire for personal growth.

Bottom line is, I don't really trust anyone until I have seen them behave consistently over a period of time, regardless of their age.

~Thorns

_____________________________

~"Do you know what the chain of command is? Its the chain I beat ya with when ya don't follow my command."

"My inner child is a mean little fucker"

(in reply to bratMT)
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RE: Master/Dom, Mistress/Domme... - 11/7/2004 9:13:18 AM   
perverseangelic


Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline 		I've ranted about this on other threads. Bottom line to me- us younguns, regardless of our roles, have to start somewhere.

I don't understand why no one questions young submissive people. No one asks "how do you KNOW that you are this" or "how do you feel that you can fufill that role." Rather, I've found we're often sought out and prefered by others, because of age.

It seems odd to me that people have a hard time believeing that young people have come to their desires of dominance. I can totally understand the idea that they are not as tecnically skilled as older people.

quote:


Brat:
" i mean anyone 18 to say 25 can really call themselves a TRUE DOM/DOMME. because i see it as being hell , still almost a kid .. "


But one can be a submissive at this age? Maybe those people are just begining, but know that they prefer the top position, not the bottom one.

quote:


Mr. Thorns
If someone is 18 years old, practices their craft on a regular basis to achieve higher standards, has sought out expreienced, knowledgeable players to learn from, and seeks out knowledge at every opportunity... I find that I have more respect for them than some of the players that have played for 20 years without the same desire for personal growth.

Bottom line is, I don't really trust anyone until I have seen them behave consistently over a period of time, regardless of their age.


exactly how I feel. Leaving this topic alone now.

_____________________________

~in the begining it is always dark~

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RE: Master/Dom, Mistress/Domme... - 11/8/2004 3:45:20 PM   
jillwfsub4blkdom


Posts: 375
Joined: 7/2/2004
Status: offline 		Thorns,
i happen to agree with You. Age i don't think matters at all. It is maturity level and intelligence which plays a huge factor.

jill

_____________________________


"It's the moment that transcends
Our physical into a more spiritual level of understanding" - Musiq

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RE: Master/Dom, Mistress/Domme... - 11/9/2004 12:10:10 AM   
GoddessDustyGold


Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: perverseangelic

I don't understand why no one questions young submissive people. No one asks "how do you KNOW that you are this" or "how do you feel that you can fufill that role." Rather, I've found we're often sought out and prefered by others, because of age.



Actually, I am a Domina who does question the very young ones who often write to Me. Perhaps I am not being fair in some instances, but I am a bit older, and I don't want an 18 to 25 year old submissive. In fact, I find that I look for someone usually in the age range of 35+. I am sure there are exceptions out there, but for the most part, I feel they need more time. I am, of course, talking about the boys here. Maybe the female submissives have a better handle. I have spent some time exploring with a very few, but for the most part, I find the young boys really do not know what they want yet, so I have a tendency to encourage them to take more time. Of course, they are applying for live-in, and saying they wish to close off all other exploration and wishes. Maybe a few are ready, but my experience has been that they are not ready for this at all.

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom


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RE: Master/Dom, Mistress/Domme... - 11/9/2004 1:09:32 AM   
Suleiman


Posts: 1127
Joined: 9/9/2004
Status: offline 		I probably leapt into my 24/7 a bit earlier than was really a good idea, but it was not really something that I sought out. We began as friends, then became lovers, then entered into a comitted relationship. It was pretty rocky, but I honestly consider myself better for having had the experience (as much for what I learned to avoid as for what I learned to enjoy). I should comment that I entered the 'scene' as a teenager, and have never really wound up in bed with a vanilla person (with the exception of the occasional menage a trois at my lover's behest). I did take several years, however, to really consider what it was I wanted, and while BDSM did not fit all of my criteria, it was an acceptable path for exploration. It is the path that led me, in a round about fashion, to meeting my wife, and my early experiences gave me the capacity to appreciate my relationship with her, and has done wonders to keep our sexual relationship fresh and lively over these past ten years.

Being young and naive is not in and of itself a bad thing. In the case of dominants, I often find myself questioning their qualifications, but I do the same with any newbie. Being older does not make you wiser.

_____________________________

Think of my verbosity as a sort of litmus test for our relationship. I write in a manner identical to how I speak and how I think. If you can not cope with what I have written here, it is probably for the best if we go our separate ways.

(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Master/Dom, Mistress/Domme... - 11/9/2004 5:32:15 AM   
MiladyElaine


Posts: 1086
Joined: 10/10/2004
Status: offline 		Good observation Suleiman! My nieces are too old now but I have observed couples in malls with the same dynamics and wonder if they even know...

(in reply to MrThorns)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Master/Dom, Mistress/Domme... - 11/9/2004 8:30:43 AM   
perverseangelic


Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessDustyGold
Actually, I am a Domina who does question the very young ones who often write to Me. Perhaps I am not being fair in some instances, but I am a bit older, and I don't want an 18 to 25 year old submissive. In fact, I find that I look for someone usually in the age range of 35+.


Thank you a lot for proving me wrong.

I was going to say that I disagreed that we "weren't ready for it" but thinking about what you actually -said- and not what I -heared- I think that only -you- would know who is ready for service to you. Duh :)

Again, if we know what we want early (both roles included in the "we" here) I think we've got to be allowed to explore. I guess I get frustrated by the preoccupation with age I seem to see quite often. I can understand age preference, by all means. However, I get frustrated when "young" dominants are consistantly questioned as being "not real." They've got to start -somewhere- Undobutably, they aren't as good as they will be (one must hope) but, as many people have said, can someone who -needs- this kink be happy in a 100% vanilla relationship? Let 'em explore. Choose not to be their partner if it doesn't work for you, but stop questioning their realness. Maybe question their experience, instead?

_____________________________

~in the begining it is always dark~

(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)
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RE: Master/Dom, Mistress/Domme... - 11/9/2004 11:27:57 AM   
Voltare


Posts: 841
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Santiago, Chile
Status: offline 		Thanks Proudsub. It makes it much easier for us to find the old topics.

I already posted on this elsewhere... my views still haven´t changed. It isn´t a matter of role, but rather of natural tendency, tempered by a little experience. Naturally, if I were a sub, I would not feel particularly comfortable trusting my life to an 18 year old Domme. Conversly, I wouldn´t be too quick to take on an 18 year old submissive either - we simply would not likely have much in common (I am 27 as I write this.)

On the other hand, I see nothing at all wrong with a Dominant 21 year old male learning about Ds with his submissive 19 year old girlfriend. To her, he might very well be her Master, even should their mutual lack of experience make this a difficult learning experience. But how is that different from any other relationship between a 21 and 19 year old?

So yes, it isnt age as a number, but rather age in relation to the other persons age and maturity. At 22, I dated a 35 year old woman... and boy were we mis matched. She still wanted to smoke pot and go to concerts, while I was worried about where we were going to live and paying rent.

Go figure.

Stephan



_____________________________

http://www.vv3b.com/

"There is always some madness in love, but there is always some reason in madness." - F. Nietzsche

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RE: Master/Dom, Mistress/Domme... - 11/10/2004 4:30:42 PM   
111597


Posts: 22
Joined: 11/8/2004
Status: offline 		I am a female dominant. I am 45. My Mentor/trainer is 62. I have trained with two mentors who were mature. I find that they possess a certain quality of care and consern for someone who desires to pursue the lifestyle.
I thought I was submissive; however, training revealed to me that I was dominant, and yes I enjoy it.
From a woman's perspective, I can share that personally I changed during my early 40s to a different state of awareness. I don't know what you would call it, but suddenly I had the desire to discover myself again. That is what I did.
My body and mind simply did not want to do this until I turned 40. I have a clear understanding of the lifestyle and have a slave.
It all involves lifestyle changes in my opinion. For one so young who has not experienced all of the ups and downs of life, it would hard to be considered submissive or dominant.

Respectfully,

Mistress_Jan


quote:

ORIGINAL: bratMT

OK i know this might sound silly, but i was recently going through profiles on here, and have come to realize that there are ALOT of people on here that claim to be Doms/Dommes. OK .. now my question is, how can a 18 year old ( just an example ) be a REAL Dom/Domme ? i mean seriously ... At that age, one cant even hardly control themselves, how are they expected to control another and actually know what they are doing ? Now, myself i am only 21 years old and , geez, i still like to play with legos and playdough .. lol .... I have never met a person at the age of 18 that can truly call themselves a Dom/Domme. Now , please, i dont want to get a thousand emails sayin im 18 and a real Dom/Domme, cuz well, frankly i wont answer them. But what i am looking for is , well i dont know yet. i just find it hard to believe that anyone , i mean anyone 18 to say 25 can really call themselves a TRUE DOM/DOMME. because i see it as being hell , still almost a kid ..



Sincerely ,

brat MT


(in reply to bratMT)
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RE: Master/Dom, Mistress/Domme... - 11/11/2004 2:56:28 PM   
Brindle


Posts: 33
Joined: 10/18/2004
From: West Yorkshire, UK
Status: offline 		I'm 35+ and consider myself a Domina - but I'll still occasionally love playing with lego or playdough! Or DIY or cooking.

The fact that there is a child within us isn't wrong and there is nothing wrong with letting go and enjoying that.

To me I'm back at the stage I was when I was 18 - the hiatus of my vanilla relationship meant that my development as a "Domme" was curtailed as that dynamic wasn't between us. But in terms of BDSM I feel very much back at that stage. I'm new by practice (if not by background) to teh scene but I supposedly have age and gravitas. Does that make me bettwe or worse than someone in their late teens who at least has that certainty? Would you trust me more or less? Would you take me more or less seriously?

I don't think age matters.

having said that if a 9yr old came up to me and asked me how to do cbt on their botfreind I'd be worried....

Oh no hang on - I remember this lass at primary school.....

_____________________________

"Producing Brindle mice is fortunately very simple. Brindle is dominant...The easiest way is to find an English male with exceptional type...There is no reason Brindles can't have elegant ears, big eyes, long bodies and well set-on whip-like tails."

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