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Why good men like wicked women - 7/6/2007 11:09:48 PM

Aimtoplease101

Posts: 319
Joined: 2/8/2006
From: San Diego, California
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A recurrent comment that emerges on CM profiles, this board, and others, is the way in which there seem to be far more submissive men out there than dominant women, such that the dommes report being overwhelmed by emails.

Is anyone aware whether this fact is pointed out to women in popular advice books and such? There seem to such a proliferation of such relationship books, and so many people looking for relationships.

I'm not saying that a woman can simply "put on" a dominant personality--- I think someone either has an inherent dominant streak or doesn't. But if it was understood how many men are attracted to dominant women, perhaps more women with latent dominant tendencies would let those tendencies develop and bloom.

Regards, ATP

_____________________________

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Post #: 1

RE: Why good men like wicked women - 7/7/2007 12:13:35 AM

OrangeJulius

Posts: 122
Joined: 5/24/2007
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I think most people know that lots of men like dominant women, but it's pretty difficult being dominant, even in a society that supports it. Our (US) society is still somewhat closed minded about dominant women, seeing them more as "man haters" and "psycho bitches" than anything else. Plus, our society has a tendency to ignore the normal aspects of a relationship and zero in on the sexual ones, simply because they're more exciting.

Anyways, pretty much what I'm saying is that there's still some fear of the community by a lot of people who normally are dominant but are scared of becoming "freaks" or "perverts".

(in reply to Aimtoplease101)

Post #: 2

RE: Why good men like wicked women - 7/7/2007 12:37:52 AM

MsCfromMelbourne

Posts: 777
Joined: 2/15/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aimtoplease101

A recurrent comment that emerges on CM profiles, this board, and others, is the way in which there seem to be far more submissive men out there than dominant women, such that the dommes report being overwhelmed by emails.

I think the conventional wisdom there are more male submissives than female Dominants is actually an urban myth. It has been said and repeated so often we accept it as true - but is it?

There are definitely more men than woman on adult personals sites. Try joining a vanilla dating site - we women get bombarded with even more sleazy and/or desparate email than in the kinky sites. True!

There are definitely more men than women hoping to get themselves some free kinky sex. That opportunism is just the way of the world, so its no use bitching and moaning about it. It is not a phenomenon confined to BDSM sites.

And if truth be told, some of the women who complain about all the sexual attention are secretly quite thrilled. Why else bother telling the rest of us? [Look at their age and photo. This is cruel but let's face it: they don't get wolf whistled in the street anymore. Mainstream society is quite cruel to us women over 40. ]

Women are being encouraged to be more dominant. It varies country to country but American women are widely perceived internationally to be ball-busting, loud and pushy.

Feminism through-out the western world has told women to get out of the goddamn kitchen and take some power from the men.

But do you see any society telling men to cede power to women? Step down, hang back, let your lady make decisons for you?

NO way!!!

There is no shortage of social encouragement for women to be more dominant. But socially, submissive men are a laughing stock. Weaklings. Pussy whipped

NOW my point is, I have a bugger of a time finding genuine submissive men. I meet lots of do-me subs, masochists and fetishists (and they are fun, don't get me wrong) but male submissives are rare, rare creatures.

Why else would so many Mistresses here lament they cannot find one?

< Message edited by MsCfromMelbourne -- 7/7/2007 12:45:55 AM >

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(in reply to Aimtoplease101)

Post #: 3

RE: Why good men like wicked women - 7/7/2007 12:47:14 AM

MySweetSubmssive

Posts: 1139
Joined: 2/7/2006
From: Lehigh Valley, PA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aimtoplease101

Is anyone aware whether this fact is pointed out to women in popular advice books and such?

Why do men like "bad girls?" Why do women go for bastards? These questions aren't new.

Maybe men like the chase; maybe they like the allure of something racy, exotic, different; maybe they want something unattainable. Did you ever read the book "The Rules" from a few years ago? Essentially, the author was saying that if you kept yourself out of reach and said no with the right frequency, a woman could get what she wanted (in that case, a relationship).

With my jaundiced eye, I would say that the behavior that works for ladies with submissives is not transferable to women looking for a relationship. Why? From what I can see, the great majority of the submissives who contact me are not looking for a relationship. Many are looking specifically to play with their fantasies (which is in itself not a bad thing).

MSS

_____________________________

"Oh, James, you're such a cunning linguist."

--Miss Moneypenny

(in reply to Aimtoplease101)

Post #: 4

RE: Why good men like wicked women - 7/7/2007 12:53:39 AM

MySweetSubmssive

Posts: 1139
Joined: 2/7/2006
From: Lehigh Valley, PA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsCfromMelbourne

[Feminism through-out the western world has told women to get out of the goddamn kitchen and take some power from the men.

Ha ha. Feminism vs. "dominance" really puts this into perspective for me.

Too often (and again, there *are* some submissives who I appreciate) dominance has more to do with fulfilling someone's panting fantasies. Come to think if it, I bet if you asked female superiority submissives if they were feminists, I bet that most would not automaticall say no. And yet, those things should go hand and hand, no? This dichotomy points out to me that often submission is really fetishism.

MSS

_____________________________

"Oh, James, you're such a cunning linguist."

--Miss Moneypenny

(in reply to MsCfromMelbourne)

Post #: 5

RE: Why good men like wicked women - 7/7/2007 5:08:17 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

As far as the number of sumbissive males to Dominant females ratio goes, I don't think the scale tips too far one way or another. At least, I don't see a vast spread in the percentages. Granted, on sites like this and others, males do far outweight females, but I don't put much stock in that to confirm the imbalance. This is, after all, an adult site, and there are many who simply whipped up a profile looking to get laid. I say this by no means to offend the genuine submissive males who are on this site. However, considering the content, anyone who believes that there isn't a signifigant number of males who are here specifically with hopes of just kinky sex , is living in a dream world.

At the last few munches and lifestyle related events I've attended, there have actually been fewer single submissive males than there were single Dominant females. Couples aside, there were actually more single submissive females than any other catagory. (Maybe Dominant males should pay attention to that.)

Before anyone makes the mention of it, let Me save you the keystrokes. Yes, I am fully aware that not everyone attends munches and play parties. Somehow, I'm more likely to believe that those who show up to an event are more likely to be legitimate than those who just have to fill out a profile on a screen. Usuaully, the more effort a person puts into something, shows a lot more validation that they really want it.

Edited for a typo.

< Message edited by LadyPact -- 7/7/2007 5:11:59 AM >

(in reply to MySweetSubmssive)

Post #: 6

RE: Why good men like wicked women - 7/7/2007 5:32:36 AM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

There are actually more Dominant women out there then most people think. The problem is most of the don't even recognize their true natures. Another thing you have to remember most have been raised and socialized to be "passive and submissive". That conditioning can be a hard thing to shake off, some women do it, some don't. Also just because a woman is Dominant does not mean she will be interested in the lifestyle, some women would have feelings of "guilt" over what it is that we do.

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to Aimtoplease101)

Post #: 7

RE: Why good men like wicked women - 7/7/2007 10:18:48 AM

Jasmyn

Posts: 1234
Joined: 2/6/2004
From: New Zealand
Status: offline

The term "women's guilt" was mentioned to me by more than one male .. that the women they knew had purported dominance, but when it comes to the crunch very few have the ability to follow through ... I see it daily ... dominance to me is all about being myself .. very few women can shrug off conveniention .. and thats a shame ...

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"To learn the art of submission a slave must first give up the desires that drew him to submission in the first place." Mistress Jasmyn Jan 2005.

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(in reply to Lashra)

Post #: 8

RE: Why good men like wicked women - 7/7/2007 1:35:51 PM

MistressDolly

Posts: 917
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aimtoplease101

A recurrent comment that emerges on CM profiles, this board, and others, is the way in which there seem to be far more submissive men out there than dominant women, such that the dommes report being overwhelmed by emails.

Is anyone aware whether this fact is pointed out to women in popular advice books and such? There seem to such a proliferation of such relationship books, and so many people looking for relationships.

I'm not saying that a woman can simply "put on" a dominant personality--- I think someone either has an inherent dominant streak or doesn't. But if it was understood how many men are attracted to dominant women, perhaps more women with latent dominant tendencies would let those tendencies develop and bloom.

Regards, ATP

I think there are less women with latent dominant tendencies than most people realize. Imo, if men are dominating, it's only because the women are letting them; women are smart enough to give the reigns to men in certain circumstances which directly benefit themselves. Aside from that, it's the women running the show, I believe. This reality isn't going to be foreshadowed much longer as more and more women renonce the big man made hoax. *wink

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(in reply to Aimtoplease101)

Post #: 9

RE: Why good men like wicked women - 7/9/2007 9:18:49 AM

SlaveSubtoserve

Posts: 282
Joined: 6/21/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MySweetSubmssive

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsCfromMelbourne

[Feminism through-out the western world has told women to get out of the goddamn kitchen and take some power from the men.

Ha ha. Feminism vs. "dominance" really puts this into perspective for me.

Too often (and again, there *are* some submissives who I appreciate) dominance has more to do with fulfilling someone's panting fantasies. Come to think if it, I bet if you asked female superiority submissives if they were feminists, I bet that most would not automaticall say no. And yet, those things should go hand and hand, no? This dichotomy points out to me that often submission is really fetishism.

MSS

....think you meant 'yes' above.....

(in reply to MySweetSubmssive)

Post #: 10

RE: Why good men like wicked women - 7/9/2007 9:40:17 AM

MySweetSubmssive

Posts: 1139
Joined: 2/7/2006
From: Lehigh Valley, PA
Status: offline

Indeed. How kind of you to correct me.

MSS

_____________________________

"Oh, James, you're such a cunning linguist."

--Miss Moneypenny

(in reply to SlaveSubtoserve)

Post #: 11

RE: Why good men like wicked women - 7/9/2007 10:05:51 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OrangeJulius

I think most people know that lots of men like dominant women, but it's pretty difficult being dominant, even in a society that supports it. Our (US) society is still somewhat closed minded about dominant women, seeing them more as "man haters" and "psycho bitches" than anything else. Plus, our society has a tendency to ignore the normal aspects of a relationship and zero in on the sexual ones, simply because they're more exciting.

Anyways, pretty much what I'm saying is that there's still some fear of the community by a lot of people who normally are dominant but are scared of becoming "freaks" or "perverts".

I think these are very wise words, OrangeJulius.

It is also very difficult to be a submissive man.

A man with fetishes or kinky sex interests, ah, that's normal, part of the male as sex fiend that seems common in our society.

But a man who actually wishes to serve, cater to, and answer to a woman is often seen as less than a man.

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And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to OrangeJulius)

Post #: 12

RE: Why good men like wicked women - 7/9/2007 10:09:25 AM

DiannaVesta

Posts: 1087
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Mid-Atlantic area
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OrangeJulius

I think most people know that lots of men like dominant women, but it's pretty difficult being dominant, even in a society that supports it. Our (US) society is still somewhat closed minded about dominant women, seeing them more as "man haters" and "psycho bitches" than anything else. Plus, our society has a tendency to ignore the normal aspects of a relationship and zero in on the sexual ones, simply because they're more exciting.

Anyways, pretty much what I'm saying is that there's still some fear of the community by a lot of people who normally are dominant but are scared of becoming "freaks" or "perverts".

I don’t agree with this. Is it a challenge being different? Yes it is. Is my life different then the average vanilla home? Oh yeah. I would not say that being dominant is difficult. Then again that depends how you define dominance. For me it’s just a natural flow of energy that takes shape many different ways. The alpha female is far more common then you think. The only real differences in identity are when you add layers of interest. Being able to sling a whip, etc. doesn’t define me as a dominant woman. The evil/dark aspect of my personality is as special as the “good girl” because all of my aspects make me the woman I am… strong, capable and multi-faceted.

Men are drawn to this type of woman naturally. They may not always be interested in the hardcore SM- whips and chains, however many men seek Dominant Goddesses almost like a rite of passage. This of course would taker more to explain then I have time. I think most of you will understand what I’m talking about.

We are all drawn to darkness in some shape of form.

_____________________________

(in reply to OrangeJulius)

Post #: 13

RE: Why good men like wicked women - 7/9/2007 10:20:56 AM

LadyClaudiaVan

Posts: 106
Joined: 11/15/2006
Status: offline

I myself don't agree either. Most men are drawn to this type of woman naturally as it was a woman, a mother authority, that they were following from birth.

(in reply to DiannaVesta)

Post #: 14

RE: Why good men like wicked women - 7/9/2007 11:01:27 AM

cyberdude611

Posts: 2596
Joined: 5/7/2006
Status: offline

Everyone needs to remember that society inself is a dominant. Social psychology studies show very consistantly that more than 90% of a population will follow the feelings, behavior, and beliefs of a group. This is how religions and governments become so powerful. Yes there are always those few brave souls that go against the flow and dont give a rat's behind what society thinks of them...but that is a rare trait indeed. And usually those type of people are the ones society targets to minimize or even try to destroy.

While I was in college, I studied multiple studies in psychology dealing with authority and conformity. And you would amazed at how easily people change their behaviors just so they can fit in with the in-group.
And this has a very strong impact on people. And I firmly believe this is the reason why many women who are actually dominant just find it easier to go with the flow and act submissive. And on the flip-side, many men who are naturally submissive end up trying to act dominant in order to conform to the group.

(in reply to Aimtoplease101)

Post #: 15

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