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RE: Being loyal to your word - 7/9/2007 5:52:11 AM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline 		the legal system is above any master and/or dom. 

if you have to appear in court, you have to appear in court simple as that and Daddy would not be my Daddy if he had advised me not to appear at the appointed time and place.

_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...


...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to slaveofKaos)
Profile   Post #: 221
RE: Being loyal to your word - 7/9/2007 6:54:20 AM   
BBBTBW


Posts: 836
Joined: 5/21/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveofKaos

Hello everyone and thanks for all your posts and trying to help my Master sort things out and me as well, I have learned a lot from reading these posts. Unfortunately for Master and I were still at a loss, lol hard to believe I know. The problem i'm having with it is that I look at it as Master put his "want" above my "need".  I trust Master to make my decisions for me, but what should one do in a situation like this? Master wanted to go to his cousins party so he could meet a lot of new people, I wanted to stay at my grandpas party because I wouldn’t have even seen him if I was to leave when Master wanted me to (due to miscommunication between my mom and myself), and I do worry that my grandpa wont make it much longer as he's 83 and not in good health. Master says I should do whatever he tells me to do when he tells me to do it and I agree for the most part, but I asked him what happens if what I do has some major repercussion for example what if I'm to go to court and you tell me I cant you want me at home, and then a cop shows up and arrests me because I didn’t show up. His response was well then I have to deal with my slave being in jail, but it’s my decision to make. I’m very confused by this I would want to trust that my Master wouldn’t put me in a situation like that, but then my Master says it’s his decision to make. What is one to do or think? I love serving my Master and I don’t want to stop serving him, but it looks like we want different things. And please I know what his profile says and yes I understand, but

He’s the Master I always dreamed of having but living the reality is a lot harder to adjust to than once imagined.

If things didn’t work out between Master and I I'm not sure what would happen I wouldn’t just go searching for another Master as I would have to reevaluate everything I've ever wanted and hoped for.



Sweet Heart.  Your best bet right now is to request a cease of the M/s Dynamic and learn how to relate to each other as Man and Woman, Learn about each others needs/desires outside of the Lifestyle Dynamics you have adopted.  This will allow you and he both to evaluate what you are seeking in a partner.  If you decide that he is who you seek as a partner and you are who he seeks, then begin to establish some ground rules after that put the M/s Dynamics back into play.  Right now it looks as if you wanted a Master so badly and he wanted a slave so badly that you skipped a few steps in the building of a relationship process.

In My Opinion, anyone that will willingly and knowingly put your health, safety and sanity at risk is not someone you will be safe with in the long run.  And yes, I believe a slave should have VETO power when their personal wellbeing is challenged.

quote:

  What I've read about psychological studies, is that women see a society of people and men see a society of rules.  What then is more moral?  Is it more moral to act based on our strongest feelings, or is it most moral to obey the laws?



These are his words from post 151.  If he is willing to make you disobey the laws of the land....that means he deems his rules to be more important and he does not have your best interest in mind.  Buyer Beware.

_____________________________

"You keep using that word, I do not think it means what you think it means" -- Inigo Montoya, The Princess Bride

(in reply to slaveofKaos)
Profile   Post #: 222
RE: Being loyal to your word - 7/9/2007 7:52:20 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Jodi- again, this issue really has very little to do with the party or even your choices at the party.  What would have made it impossible for you to see your grandfather the next day?  Or the next?  Or the next weekend?  What made it so wrong to tell your mom "Hey mom, I'm really sorry, I made other plans tonight because I thought you said the fun was going to be in the afternoon.  Granddad will be home tomorrow normal time right?  Please let him know I'll come and see him tomorrow, but I have to run."

Problem was- you and your master were ALREADY having communication issues, you were ALREADY having guilt issues and confusion.

We can all sit down now and think of a dozen scenarios in which everyone could have gotten what they wanted without much problem at all- but you both let your passive aggressive insecure lack of communication break down any of those possibilities and retreated into your old patterns.

And thus we have this huge mess before us.

If you don't work on the direct problem of feeling secure together, feeling compatible, STOP blaming eachother and comparing to some ridiculous ideal of what Ms is "supposed to be", and just communicate (talking for hours isn't the same as productive communication) and work through problems TOGETHER- this sort of thing is just a drop in the bucket.

And you both contribute to it.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to CutieMouse)
Profile   Post #: 223
RE: Being loyal to your word - 7/9/2007 9:54:09 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline 		slaveofKaos, I say this as gently as I can and because I think you both need to seriously consider if you want to continue with this relationship..

Sometimes the partner we dream of having isn't the right partner for us at all.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to slaveofKaos)
Profile   Post #: 224
RE: Being loyal to your word - 7/9/2007 10:52:14 AM   
SirMIkeSD


Posts: 613
Joined: 3/16/2007
From: San Diego, Ca
Status: offline 		A little late on chiming in, but she knows her mother and how her mother can push her quilt buttons.  She also should know the date of grandpa's birthday.  Both of these should have been discussed with you before hand when you first mentioned the party.  So you could have determined how she could have handled it better.  In the end she broke her word, and to me your word is your honor and something that I do not take lightly.  While I may go light on the punishment giving the conditions of brakeing it, I am not sure how light that would be since she knows her mother and what she was to expect once she got there. In the end she broke her word and must be punished.  This is not something you want to allow and or encorage through lack of punishment.

Mike


(in reply to MagiksSlave)
Profile   Post #: 225
RE: Being loyal to your word - 7/9/2007 12:05:25 PM   
viperess


Posts: 290
Joined: 11/6/2006
Status: offline 		Greetings,
i would have to agree with SirMIkeSD, from a slaves point of view i need to know my boundries and know if i break my word to my Master or do not do all in my power to obey Him that there will be consequences. I also agree with LA, there was nothing saying she could not have gone to see him then next day for some one on one time with her grandfather..there would not have been so many people around and could have enjoyed herself with him.
Respectfully,

_____________________________

viperess slave of BlackTarnHeart
heart and chain sister to velvetvixen68

(in reply to SirMIkeSD)
Profile   Post #: 226
RE: Being loyal to your word - 7/9/2007 1:06:59 PM   
akbarbarian


Posts: 596
Joined: 12/19/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: k8trix

Coming from a very close family myself, I can kind of see her problem here, but that doesn't in any, way, shape, or form excuse the behaviour.
I'm not sure what your girl's relationship with her family is like, but for myself, my family got to the place where they were very used to manipulating me. I'm the oldest of 5 and I've always been soft spoken and less independant than the others. When I had a Master it took getting used to being guided -only- by him and not letting my family try to control me, and sometimes I felt very torn between the two. It didn't take long, however, for me to learn how much more stable I felt only being guided by him.

In my relationship I would have been punished for acting in such a way.


How long into the relationship would you have been expected to obey him in this sort of situation?  My slave has pointed out to me that four months, not being a year yet for example, or being married, makes it different.  I'm not inclined to see it that way, but I'd like to know about your example.


_____________________________

Out and proud as a dominant male
United we stand!
Also:Not a service top!
Heretic of Gor

(in reply to k8trix)
Profile   Post #: 227
RE: Being loyal to your word - 7/9/2007 1:08:35 PM   
slaveofKaos


Posts: 143
Joined: 2/16/2007
From: California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: viperess

Greetings,
i would have to agree with SirMIkeSD, from a slaves point of view i need to know my boundries and know if i break my word to my Master or do not do all in my power to obey Him that there will be consequences. I also agree with LA, there was nothing saying she could not have gone to see him then next day for some one on one time with her grandfather..there would not have been so many people around and could have enjoyed herself with him.
Respectfully,


The next day was Sunday Master would not have allowed me to see him then due to the fact that its his day off and I'm to spend them with him, then we go in to the week well my grandpa is not home during the day during the week and I would have to be home when Master gets off work so that doesnt always work either. I'm not trying to make excuses for myself or say what I did was right, but I'm simply trying to state what isnt obvious if your not in Master and my relationship.

_____________________________

slave jodi

(in reply to viperess)
Profile   Post #: 228
RE: Being loyal to your word - 7/9/2007 1:14:35 PM   
BeingChewsie


Posts: 1633
Joined: 10/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: akbarbarian

quote:

ORIGINAL: k8trix

Coming from a very close family myself, I can kind of see her problem here, but that doesn't in any, way, shape, or form excuse the behaviour.
I'm not sure what your girl's relationship with her family is like, but for myself, my family got to the place where they were very used to manipulating me. I'm the oldest of 5 and I've always been soft spoken and less independant than the others. When I had a Master it took getting used to being guided -only- by him and not letting my family try to control me, and sometimes I felt very torn between the two. It didn't take long, however, for me to learn how much more stable I felt only being guided by him.

In my relationship I would have been punished for acting in such a way.


How long into the relationship would you have been expected to obey him in this sort of situation?  My slave has pointed out to me that four months, not being a year yet for example, or being married, makes it different.  I'm not inclined to see it that way, but I'd like to know about your example.



I can answer this, right away, this isn't an obedience issue, this is a relationship issue. He expected me to put "us" first from day 1..as he put "us" first from day 1.

_____________________________

"In fact, it is my contention that most women are accepting of way less than optimal circumstance constantly, and are lucky to be 'snagged' by the right man, if ever. But it is more by happy accident than by their design. "
~Ron and Hup

(in reply to akbarbarian)
Profile   Post #: 229
RE: Being loyal to your word - 7/9/2007 1:17:55 PM   
SirMIkeSD


Posts: 613
Joined: 3/16/2007
From: San Diego, Ca
Status: offline 		One day or one year does not make a difference.  Once you sit down and the "rules" are layed out and agreed upon that is that. You have to enfore them from day 1, otherwise you are sending mixed signels to the slave.

Mike


(in reply to slaveofKaos)
Profile   Post #: 230
RE: Being loyal to your word - 7/9/2007 1:18:44 PM   
BeingChewsie


Posts: 1633
Joined: 10/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveofKaos

quote:

ORIGINAL: viperess

Greetings,
i would have to agree with SirMIkeSD, from a slaves point of view i need to know my boundries and know if i break my word to my Master or do not do all in my power to obey Him that there will be consequences. I also agree with LA, there was nothing saying she could not have gone to see him then next day for some one on one time with her grandfather..there would not have been so many people around and could have enjoyed herself with him.
Respectfully,


The next day was Sunday Master would not have allowed me to see him then due to the fact that its his day off and I'm to spend them with him, then we go in to the week well my grandpa is not home during the day during the week and I would have to be home when Master gets off work so that doesnt always work either. I'm not trying to make excuses for myself or say what I did was right, but I'm simply trying to state what isnt obvious if your not in Master and my relationship.



I don't often say this, but the two of you have more issues than the library of congress. Even the way you talk in your posts, it is not an "us" mentality, it is a "me vs him" or a "her vs me" mentality.

_____________________________

"In fact, it is my contention that most women are accepting of way less than optimal circumstance constantly, and are lucky to be 'snagged' by the right man, if ever. But it is more by happy accident than by their design. "
~Ron and Hup

(in reply to slaveofKaos)
Profile   Post #: 231
RE: Being loyal to your word - 7/9/2007 1:22:24 PM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		I 'see' no Mastery and no communication here.  I do not believe you have anyones best interests at heart - that isn;t meant to sound 'mean' but I see no mastery of yourself and the environment around you or any understanding of you own needs, wants, desires etc or even your place in this big old world... and until you can do that and know that, a person cannot possibly engage in a healthy relationship, let alone a BDSM Ms dynamic.
You say you want ideas, yet those that come across not to your flavour, you either made excuses for (which would not be necessary had you mastery of yourself) or joked away.
I see a man saying how much he dislikes manipulation, yet does it himself to his slave.  My suggestion is to find yourself first and work that in your next relationship before you demand submission from anyone.
 
the.dark.

_____________________________
RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to akbarbarian)
Profile   Post #: 232
RE: Being loyal to your word - 7/9/2007 1:24:26 PM   
slaveofKaos


Posts: 143
Joined: 2/16/2007
From: California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BeingChewsie

quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveofKaos

quote:

ORIGINAL: viperess

Greetings,
i would have to agree with SirMIkeSD, from a slaves point of view i need to know my boundries and know if i break my word to my Master or do not do all in my power to obey Him that there will be consequences. I also agree with LA, there was nothing saying she could not have gone to see him then next day for some one on one time with her grandfather..there would not have been so many people around and could have enjoyed herself with him.
Respectfully,


The next day was Sunday Master would not have allowed me to see him then due to the fact that its his day off and I'm to spend them with him, then we go in to the week well my grandpa is not home during the day during the week and I would have to be home when Master gets off work so that doesnt always work either. I'm not trying to make excuses for myself or say what I did was right, but I'm simply trying to state what isnt obvious if your not in Master and my relationship.



I don't often say this, but the two of you have more issues than the library of congress. Even the way you talk in your posts, it is not an "us" mentality, it is a "me vs him" or a "her vs me" mentality.


On this subject it might be that way for me, I'm not intenitially trying to make it a him vs. me thing but at the same time i've never been with a Master that would ask this of me so i'm a little confused and mad and not sure what I should do.

_____________________________

slave jodi

(in reply to BeingChewsie)
Profile   Post #: 233
RE: Being loyal to your word - 7/9/2007 1:24:29 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BeingChewsie

quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveofKaos

quote:

ORIGINAL: viperess

Greetings,
i would have to agree with SirMIkeSD, from a slaves point of view i need to know my boundries and know if i break my word to my Master or do not do all in my power to obey Him that there will be consequences. I also agree with LA, there was nothing saying she could not have gone to see him then next day for some one on one time with her grandfather..there would not have been so many people around and could have enjoyed herself with him.
Respectfully,


The next day was Sunday Master would not have allowed me to see him then due to the fact that its his day off and I'm to spend them with him, then we go in to the week well my grandpa is not home during the day during the week and I would have to be home when Master gets off work so that doesnt always work either. I'm not trying to make excuses for myself or say what I did was right, but I'm simply trying to state what isnt obvious if your not in Master and my relationship.



I don't often say this, but the two of you have more issues than the library of congress. Even the way you talk in your posts, it is not an "us" mentality, it is a "me vs him" or a "her vs me" mentality.


Considering that his demands on your time apprently make it nearly impossible for you to see your Grandfather at any other time, I don't understand why an exception couldn't be made. Intelligent exceptions to the law do not undermine authority in the slightest. This is why you don't always get a ticket when you are pulled over.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to BeingChewsie)
Profile   Post #: 234
RE: Being loyal to your word - 7/9/2007 1:25:25 PM   
SirMIkeSD


Posts: 613
Joined: 3/16/2007
From: San Diego, Ca
Status: offline 		I differ with you on this, slave gave Master her word.  If that word is to mean anything slave needs to live up to it.  I understand the family issues my boy's mother can be the same way.   The slave also knows her mother and should have addressed it before hand, she did not so she needs to live up to her word or be punished.

Mike


(in reply to BeingChewsie)
Profile   Post #: 235
RE: Being loyal to your word - 7/9/2007 3:59:17 PM   
BeingChewsie


Posts: 1633
Joined: 10/27/2005
Status: offline 		You are free to disagree though not sure what the disagreement is. She should of put her adult relationship first and been there with him, I'm in agreememt. It isn't an obedience issue though as a stand alone(maybe I should of said that originally), it is a relationship issue, if there were not relationship issues, there wouldn't be obedience issues like this. He should of grabbed this situation by its balls and brought it to his timely conclusion, that is what dominant people do.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirMIkeSD

I differ with you on this, slave gave Master her word.  If that word is to mean anything slave needs to live up to it.  I understand the family issues my boy's mother can be the same way.   The slave also knows her mother and should have addressed it before hand, she did not so she needs to live up to her word or be punished.

Mike




_____________________________

"In fact, it is my contention that most women are accepting of way less than optimal circumstance constantly, and are lucky to be 'snagged' by the right man, if ever. But it is more by happy accident than by their design. "
~Ron and Hup

(in reply to SirMIkeSD)
Profile   Post #: 236
RE: Being loyal to your word - 7/9/2007 4:17:35 PM   
SirMIkeSD


Posts: 613
Joined: 3/16/2007
From: San Diego, Ca
Status: offline 		BeingChewsie,

I think we where saying the same thing just in different ways and I was not understanding exactly what you were saying.

Mike

(in reply to BeingChewsie)
Profile   Post #: 237
RE: Being loyal to your word - 7/9/2007 4:22:26 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		We can pick things apart... find fault everywhere and still what do we have?

Two people that couldn't work a vanilla relationship because they haven't learned or healed enough to do that and they are trying to take on the complications of a 'lifestyle'.  Time for personal growth and a time out I think... but then who am I?

I really wish you two well and I hope that your lives do not become a soap opera here after this thread... but please... learn life and yourself before you decide to live a 'lifestyle'.

(in reply to BeingChewsie)
Profile   Post #: 238
RE: Being loyal to your word - 7/9/2007 4:34:01 PM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: akbarbarian
My slave has pointed out to me that four months, not being a year yet for example, or being married, makes it different. 


In her journal the entry marking your ownership of her was made on 5-3-07. I'm not a mathematician but my calculations figure that out to be just a couple of days over 2 months....and those appear to have been a pretty rocky 2 months.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to akbarbarian)
Profile   Post #: 239
RE: Being loyal to your word - 7/9/2007 4:58:36 PM   
akbarbarian


Posts: 596
Joined: 12/19/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SirMIkeSD

One day or one year does not make a difference.  Once you sit down and the "rules" are layed out and agreed upon that is that. You have to enfore them from day 1, otherwise you are sending mixed signels to the slave.

Mike



I have to agree with this mode of thinking.  Either you play by the rules, or you don't.  You can't have it both ways.


_____________________________

Out and proud as a dominant male
United we stand!
Also:Not a service top!
Heretic of Gor

(in reply to SirMIkeSD)
Profile   Post #: 240
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