quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth
The reason is you have not defined your relationship as a new entity which takes priority over everything else. Maybe that is not a commitment either or both of you are prepared to make, but your problems are caused by that deficiency. If instead of asking what is better or proper or correct for each of you as individuals, if you had the perspective and answered the question; "what is best for the relationship?" the answer may be easier.
As a Master you serve the relationship as much, if not more so, than your slave/sub serves you. Are you ready to make that commitment?

quote:

ORIGINAL: angelic
In my opinion you were not concerned with the relationship, you were concerned with having it your way. 

quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: petal7

I am sorry that my question is perceived as  pointing out shortcomings of others.  That's certainly not the way I intended it, but then again, I didn't expect that it wouldn't be judged, regardless of how delicately I attempted to word it.  My goal was not to attack, but to ask people to step back and think of how they could respond to posts with their own experiences ... without making judgement calls.

There are so many things we'll never know about situations in forum posts and since I have obviously been guilty of the same, the urging is toward myself as well.  I will endeavor to use my life experiences as an example without applying judgements to others.  Perhaps then, it will be a better tool for the OPs (not just this thread) to make their own comparisons which, to me, seems to make the forums a much more constructive resource.

I apologize if my forum post came across as disrespectful.

I do not think an apology is necessary, but it is accepted; I was only pointing out that it is so easy to do what we find fault in others for.

Honstly, I see nothing wrong with making judgments.  We make them all the time every day.  In fact it is your judgment that the board would be a more constructive place if we posted our own experiences and let others glean from them what they can (I tend to take the same tact more often than not).  However, it is other people's judgments that it is more constructive to give advice and feedback on what other people have written.  In truth it is probably a healthy dose of both and many other tactics that make this board constructive for all. 

Many people have posted based on more than just this thread by the OP.  There have been other threads and even his profile which in my judgment reflects a man who has unrealistic expectations and is setting his slave and relationship up for failure.  He has an idea of submission based on a work of fiction and he is trying to pigeon hole his relationship into that work of fiction.  I find that highly unrealistic.

Instead of disavowing all judgments, I think it best to make the most educated judgment on all the information that we have at hand.  Which is what many here have done...   It is rare to know all of what is happening with a person even if we are in a relationship with them, so I think it is futile to withold judgment until we know everything.  But this is just my own judgment. 

Just a different perspective to consider...  Your way, which is most often my way and how I learn best, is not everyone else's way.  Honestly, I am glad that it isn't.  How boring to be in a world where we all behaved alike.

Knight's Kyra

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub
You may not be in her life forever, after all. You might get sick of her. Her family will always be there and since your relatioship is a mere four months

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: subnaturale

Secondly... compromise & planning... i wonder why the Master did not attend the Grandfathers birthday celebration and then they could have both gone onto the cousins party together??? 

This is a wonderful point.

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub
But if I can't have a good relationship with my family, I will grow to resent him. Our relationship would crumble and fail because of his selfishness.

quote:

ORIGINAL: akbarbarian

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth
The reason is you have not defined your relationship as a new entity which takes priority over everything else. Maybe that is not a commitment either or both of you are prepared to make, but your problems are caused by that deficiency. If instead of asking what is better or proper or correct for each of you as individuals, if you had the perspective and answered the question; "what is best for the relationship?" the answer may be easier.
As a Master you serve the relationship as much, if not more so, than your slave/sub serves you. Are you ready to make that commitment?

This is my goal in a nutshell.  When a rule isn't being adhered to, I figure either consequences are indicated or that the rules need to possibly be re-written.  So what do I do if a rule is being broken, say in the rules "Must obey except on the second Sunday of the month if your best friend's toes ache"?  I can see perhaps adjusting the penalty depending on extenuating circumstances, but dismissing the violation altogether?  In this case for example, I'm not giving her 70 cane strokes for disobedience.  Instead, I'm having her take a really hard look at what happened in a way that will make her hand ache from all the writing.  It seems the punishment fits the crime here.  In our nation's laws, if there are extenuating circumstances the penalty is scaled down but the verdict of guilty is still passed.

quote:

ORIGINAL: imthatacheyouhav

If mutual respect is in a relationship....one would never ask another to CHOOSE between family and them. its a full on tragedy that there are those who have posted replies to this thread that feel its perfectly ok to be put in a situation where one would have to make that kind of a choice. and people wonder why theres such a dim view of WIIWD from the vanilla world....

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

I find it interesting that no matter what anyone has said, the op continues to think punishment is required.  The wisdom, whatever direction it went in... went in one ear and out the other.  I hear... dom stuck on his opinion/feelings/take on life and lifestyle/wants/needs/desires/ego and on and on.  I do not see an open mind to discusion or thoughts of others as he claims to desire other's input so that he can evaluate the situation and act in a realistic and responsible manner.  I hear a dom wanting to cry foul and get support and when he didn't get it, he continued to go about things the same way he wanted and saw things from the begining.

I see in the future a fifty year old, single dom looking for a daddy's girl.

quote:

ORIGINAL: akbarbarian
I do however have some questions, such as how to protect the M/s rules, and preserve their credibility, that have served as a source of stability for us.

quote:

ORIGINAL: susie

quote:

ORIGINAL: rollinonward05

How old did you say you were?  The way I read your posts you don't seem enough  control of your own actions and abilities let alone being in control of a slaves.  Am I wrong?
I agree with others here. Your slave needs to be able to spend time with her aging grandfather and other family members at this party.  As you obviously feel you need to spend time with this cousin you have just met.  Compromise is just one of the back bones of what makes these kind of relationships work.  Even Masters don't get their own way all the time.  Just go to Ask a Master and I am sure many there will agree.
rollin
rollin

I agree. Just because a relationship is D/s or M/s, or whatever dynamic it is, this does not mean that compromise goes out of the window. After all it is a relationship and relationships of any kind take work, communication and compromise to be sucessful.

Another thing that concerns me is that the OP took part of his slaves private message to him and posted it here on to the forum. Private posts between 2 people whatever their relationship should be kept private and not used to try and score points. 

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

quote:

ORIGINAL: akbarbarian
I do however have some questions, such as how to protect the M/s rules, and preserve their credibility, that have served as a source of stability for us.

Stability? Wow, I must have missed that in the midst of all the instability and drama.

quote:

ORIGINAL: akbarbarian

quote:

ORIGINAL: susie

quote:

ORIGINAL: rollinonward05

How old did you say you were?  The way I read your posts you don't seem enough  control of your own actions and abilities let alone being in control of a slaves.  Am I wrong?
I agree with others here. Your slave needs to be able to spend time with her aging grandfather and other family members at this party.  As you obviously feel you need to spend time with this cousin you have just met.  Compromise is just one of the back bones of what makes these kind of relationships work.  Even Masters don't get their own way all the time.  Just go to Ask a Master and I am sure many there will agree.
rollin
rollin

I agree. Just because a relationship is D/s or M/s, or whatever dynamic it is, this does not mean that compromise goes out of the window. After all it is a relationship and relationships of any kind take work, communication and compromise to be sucessful.

Another thing that concerns me is that the OP took part of his slaves private message to him and posted it here on to the forum. Private posts between 2 people whatever their relationship should be kept private and not used to try and score points. 

Compromise has been brought up, but what hasn't, is how do you actually do it?  I think saying "somthing should be done" without being ready to provide a blueprint and an analysis of the situation is sideline cheering/booing, and lacks any real responsibility or substance.  There are rules/laws.  One has been broken.  The situation is delicate.  What kind of compromise do you mean, and how do you preserve the sanctity of the established rules?  She writes them by hand every morning, and reads them before bed each night.  This matters to us both, just as her family matters to her.  How do we preserve the validity of the rules while effecting this extremely vague notion of compromise?

I'd love it if people got off their asses and started being specific, no offense to just you susie, others have been doing similar things.  Judge, condemn, but no direction on how to fix it with respect to the importance of the rules and the fact that they were broken.  Some have suggested punishment as well, without the compromise.  To them as well, how do I address compromise or do some think the rules are written in stone until they are changed and no compromise should ever happen?

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHeart

I have just read your profile where you say:  "I also have Antisocial Personality Disorder which means I have no moral compass to speak of, and think in terms of what works or doesn't work rather than in terms of right and wrong. That means I can be sadistic, selfish, and disregard your rights entirely with no sense of guilt however I believe in proper care and feeding so I'm not destructive or reckless either. I have no criminal record, which is rare with my disorder. I am also likely to impose my beliefs on you as well as my will, so be prepared to yield up that moral compass for me to smash to bits. "
 
This confirms to me that this is nothing about D/s and everything about your inability to comprehend normal family dynamics. It also explains to me your heartless comments about attitudes to death, which very few would share. I have to question whether you are really the right person to own a slave at all since the normal human criteria on which decisions are based are not open to you.
 
:))
LH

quote:

ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHeart

I have just read your profile where you say:  "I also have Antisocial Personality Disorder which means I have no moral compass to speak of, and think in terms of what works or doesn't work rather than in terms of right and wrong. That means I can be sadistic, selfish, and disregard your rights entirely with no sense of guilt however I believe in proper care and feeding so I'm not destructive or reckless either. I have no criminal record, which is rare with my disorder. I am also likely to impose my beliefs on you as well as my will, so be prepared to yield up that moral compass for me to smash to bits. "
 
This confirms to me that this is nothing about D/s and everything about your inability to comprehend normal family dynamics. It also explains to me your heartless comments about attitudes to death, which very few would share. I have to question whether you are really the right person to own a slave at all since the normal human criteria on which decisions are based are not open to you.
 
:))
LH

Exactly, people with this disorder do not belong beeing Masters, Im not beeing mean or calling him fake Im simply beeing realistic, he us useing beeing a Master as an easy way to fulfill the deamons that his disorder causes instead of getting treatment for it. The fact is these qualities do not a Master make in fact it is the very opposite. It seems he thinks beeing a Master means that he can be all these things without beeing questioned and there for is hideing behind the title Master. But in truth beeing a Master means you need to take care of another person they are intrusting there life to you surrendering and you cant safely surrander to a person who has these traits. Honestly it scares me and I feel the slave that has intrusted herself to him is in danger (this is my opinion as someone who does have psyc cradentials)

A lot of things make a lot more sence to me (addmits she didnt read his ANTIRE profile just parts of it and this beeing pointed out makes things make a lot more sence)

Magik's slave

quote:

ORIGINAL: BlackTarnHeart

I have read alot of this and know some things firsthand about the attitude in question maybe the Dominant might what to ask questions of the ones that owned her berfore him.But then again there are some out there that think there too good to look into the past to see if there is a pattern.


BTH

quote:

ORIGINAL: BlackTarnHeart

well you just reached one of them