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sub to switch - 7/8/2007 11:23:07 AM

Buttercups

Posts: 2
Joined: 7/8/2007
Status: offline

I am looking for ideas and help on a situation.

I am and always have been a sub it just comes naturally that way. But in my real life I am naturally dominant. I attract submissive men all the time. In most cases I am simply not interested, but I met one that I am willing to try. The trouble is I don't even know where to start. Because I have been in BDSM for a while I know what I like and what has been done to me but I am nervous to take control. That he won't like it or that I will not be demanding enough.

I would love to get some ideas about where to start when the opportunity to play with him comes up. Any other subs turned Domme out there?

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RE: sub to switch - 7/8/2007 11:27:31 AM

littlesarbonn

Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline

If it was me you were talking to, what I would want is to hear from you telling me what interests you and what it is you hope to explore in this type of relationship. Hints, innuendoes and all sorts of psychic connections will get you into a sea of ambiguity. Be upfront. If he's interested in you, he's going to be interested in knowing what you want to do. I seriously doubt you're going to scare him off, unless you indicate that you are interested in playing with chainsaws, and with most guys, that just means you need to further clarify. :)

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RE: sub to switch - 7/8/2007 12:02:52 PM

HeavansKeeper

Posts: 1254
Joined: 5/14/2007
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I'm going to dangerously assume you do not have a current dominant in your world (no mention of him in your thinking, or profile). If you do have someone you look up to, talk to them about your feelings. If they are nurturing and loving, they will lend their expertise about your situation. It takes a very big man to let a submissive go out and test her fantasy in that regard. Hopefully, if you have someone, they are cool-headed enough to be approached with this.

If you don't have a dominant to look to, then my answer is simple. If you want to be the mistress, you can be. Fuck the slave! (Metaphorically, although literally applies.) If you want to cuddle, and buy him cute shirts, and ask him if you're 'doing a good job' then do it. It's his duty to you to please you. Your duty is not to please him. A true submissive's happiness lays in their master. If he was looking for a mistress that's more hardcore, he is free to leave. It took me a great deal of pondering to get over the selfish feeling. I love My Pet. But I also love being Her Master. As such, I need to let her shine. To be his mistress, you need to let him serve you. Even if it feels selfish to say "I'm going out on the town with the girls tonight. You stay home and clean my toys." I got over it by proving my love to My Pet with my actions. Our time together is precious, but I made sure she knew that when I was appearing selfish, I was truefully not.

Just talk to the boy. Tell him how you feel. There's no problem with discussing your emotions with someone just because they've submitted to you. Explain to him that you're new to this, and you will be learning together. As for activities, start with things you are familiar with from your time in the service.

My introduction to anything that resembled the lifestyle was as a submissive... For me, it was just kinky. In time, I realized that I am dominant. My domination of My Pet is not only kinky, it is a part of me. A part of us. I understand what you're feeling, torn between being a good dominant for him or not. Just go with it. What's the worst that could possibly happen? He says "I'm sorry, Mistress Buttercup, but this isn't working for me. I wish you a good life..."

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RE: sub to switch - 7/8/2007 1:56:45 PM

PairOfDimes

Posts: 324
Joined: 7/20/2006
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What is it about dominating or topping that has started to seem fun to you? Presumably, something made you start to think it was a good idea now--what was it? Was it this particular submissive's approach? Did you see a scene that was played in a way that you thought was interesting?

Or, are you simply attracted to this person and you want to do naked sweaty things with him, without being too picky about the precise nature of the activities?

Determining whether you're most into topping (i.e. tying up, hitting, being the active participant) or dominating (i.e. taking control, running the scene, receiving service) might be a good place to start. You don't have to do both, you know.

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RE: sub to switch to Domme - 7/9/2007 4:21:18 AM

Buttercups

Posts: 2
Joined: 7/8/2007
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These are some good questions. I do have some Doms in my life but I was hoping to find someone like me who has made the transition from sub to Domme.
It's still a good suggestion. I guess I was assuming that toping a man who weighs almost twice as much as me might be difficult and was basically looking for ideas. Because what I want is to be submissive but it doesn't mean that I won't enjoy being Domme once I've tried it a few times.
I am attracted to the idea just inexperienced with it and want to have a good first experience.
Still would love to hear from a mistress expecially one who has been sub.
Thanks for your responses.

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RE: sub to switch to Domme - 7/9/2007 4:45:46 AM

JustCatherine

Posts: 25
Joined: 8/29/2006
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Hey Buttercups,

I used to be a submissive but now am Domme. My first relationship as a Domme, was rocky, to say the least, and some issues , though not all were related to me finding my feet as a Domme. both in play and out of it. It wasnt easy, and felt like a constant battle up hill. ,

I started out in play, just a light scene, though i had known before i became a sub that i would love to try Topping, so the oppertunity knocked. things went from there, what i found especially hard was finding a right balance between what was for me to say he could or could not do, with out micro managing, along with being consistant.

if you want to know more please feel free to messsage me

Cheers

Lady Catherine

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