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earthycouple -> RE: 10 Qualities (7/10/2007 3:58:47 AM)
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No lists of ten but I did write this a while back...
"What makes a beautiful lifestyle Dominant?" I was asked this today, by a friend, and I feel compelled to add my two cents to the mix.
For this topic: I will use the term "bottom" as a cover all for all types of subs, slaves, bottoms etc.
Breaking the question down:
Lifestyle....for me this is one who feels the need to have a bottom in her life, either living in, as a primary partner or as frequent guests. She isn't dabbling, have occasional encounters and isn't "pro". She isn't "doing" anybody and everybody that come along; she want substance and connection.
Dominant...for me is someone who may or may not engage in any specific types of play. Flogging, spanking and whips do not a dominant make. Dominant means being in control of one's self in order to properly control another. That control can be exhibited in any number of ways...specifics in behavior (using specific words, having specific actions or tasks, so on and so forth), control over various things (masturbation habits, dress, how a drawers are arranged), this can be exhibited in words, looks, and/or actions.
A dominant is cool, collected, thoughtful, willing to make a mistake, willing to apologize for said mistake and is willing to learn a thing or two from anyone who offers useful information (even from her bottom).
A dominant is able to laugh at herself and is forgiving when a bottom is learning. A dominant is stern when a bottom is pushing buttons. A dominant doesn't stop loving or caring for her bottom because of some random "thing". The love remains even when life isn't perfect.
For me, personally...once I love you, then I love you. I've decided you are to be trusted and are a nice conglomeration of the things I feel connect me to you. What breaks that bond? When you harm my family. Take note, I said harm. We all hurt each other, accidentally. Harm is totally different. I will go to the kiln saying "I may hurt you but will never intentionally harm you". Intentional harm is something a dominant should never do. It is something NO ONE should ever do. It is wrong.
What is intentional harm? How about when you are angry with each other and instead of mastering the conversation the dominant resorts to disparaging words. That's harmful unless prenegotiated as humiliation play.
A dominant wants growth and inspiration from her bottom. She wants to see him thrive and be happy. Her goal is not to ruin him financially, make him feel worthless or useless, or make him fear her in a negative way...all harmful things.
A dominant is a real human being and not some trumped up barbie in leather who's only goal in life is to step on everyone she comes by.
Beautiful...for me is individualized. I know my friend was by NO means referring to outward appearance. Beauty is a sparkle in an eye, it's a laugh that is infectious, it is jokes that only the two of us understand. Beauty is grace under pressure, a willingness to look silly. She has the ability to put at ease a nervous bottom. She can take the ease away with a glance...and only does so when totally necessary. She helps you become who you are meant to be because she loves you, not because she is completely self serving. She exudes confidence and knows what she wants. She is not afraid to take what she wants. She lives to build the relationship and not break the person.
A Beautiful Lifestyle Dominant (nutshelled)
Copywrited 2007
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