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RE: Consideration of Fulfillment... - 7/9/2007 11:28:34 AM

asubmissiveheart

Posts: 462
Joined: 11/20/2006
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I think the Dominant would be wise to consider the submissives feelings because, ultimately
if the submissive is not happy in the short run, the submissive may not be around for the long run.
As a submissive I would be willing to wait a while for my relationship to be more fullfilling, if
the Dominant gave me a reason that I could believe in.
If I don't agree with my Dominant and her reasoning, then I might have to consider leaving the
relationship.

(in reply to losttreasure)

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RE: Consideration of Fulfillment... - 7/9/2007 1:49:43 PM

MadRabbit

Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: losttreasure

As a dominant, you are in a relationship that for all intents and purposes is going exceedingly well for you and has the potential to grow into the lifelong relationship of your dreams.

But you know that your submissive/slave is currently somewhat unhappy... you know that how you've chosen to direct the relationship is not what he or she desires right now though you firmly believe that one day it will eventually grow to be what they ultimately wish.

Would you continue on in the manner you prefer knowing that your decision causes some pain for your sub? Would you compromise what you want a bit in order to allow him or her to have some fulfillment of their desires right now? Or would you simply let go of the relationship and the potential for future happiness with this submissive?

As a submissive/slave, would you continue to sacrifice your happiness right now for what you know will be fulfilling in the future... though you don't know if it will be tomorrow, next month, or next year? Would you be comfortable knowing that your dominant compromised his or her desires in order to give you some fulfillment? Or would you simply let go, admit that your desires aren't currently compatible, and give up a potentially fulfilling future with this dominant?

I suppose it depends on the circumstances. I sacrifice my happiness and compromise what I want right now all the time for long term goals.

When I lost my license do to my own youthful stupidity, I spent a year of my life riding back and forth to work on the bus and living a menial and secluded existance to save up money to get it back and buy a new vehicle.

The last 6 months of my life have been spent working two jobs to finish paying off the new vehicle and get ready for school. Many times did I wish and want to have free time to spend with family and friends and many times have I found myself unhappy, but these things were things I had to sacrifice to get ahead and accomplish goals.

And when I finally get started with school, the next four years of my life will be spent working, going to school and studying with very little time left for other things.

Now..this probably sounds like I am chest thumping about my accomplishments in a boisterous fashion, but its not really my point. I am just trying to show examples of how sacrifice and compromise are very much apart of life.

Happiness is a short and fleeting emotion. If I simply did whatever I wanted to make myself happy in the present, I will probably spend the rest of my life living off the small salary of a cook or butcher. Not trying to say there is anything wrong with that. Many people have fulfilling lifes with that, but I personally have more aspirations and goals.

Finnally, when its all said and done, I hope to be working in a more fulfilling career field and have the resources to enjoy more and partake in more experiences, but none of that will be possible unless I am willing to sacrifice my happiness right now in the present to get it.

So...if I had a long term goal that would bring them more fulfillment in the long run and this required her to sacrifice her happiness and what she wanted right now to get it, then so be it.

Without suffering, pain and sacrifice, we would have nothing.

Edited To Add : Also...there is a lot to be said for sacrifice and the pain that comes with it. Its caused me a lot of unhappiness and discontent the last 6 months because of the little time I was able to spend with friends and family. Its caused me a lot of unhappiness because I wasnt able to go out and do many of the things I have wanted and wished to do.

However, when the times did arise and I was able to sit at my father's house and have a drink with him on his backporch or I was able to manage a little extra cash to go to my favorite sushi bar and enjoy one of my favorite meals with some hot saki, the experiences were all the more richer and fulfilling.

< Message edited by MadRabbit -- 7/9/2007 2:09:18 PM >

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(in reply to losttreasure)

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RE: Consideration of Fulfillment... - 7/13/2007 7:23:26 PM

yourgrrl

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this post is very interesting and it sparked my interest. i had been going through some unhappy times brought on by somethings i was feeling towards my Dominant as i felt as if She was pulling away emotionally from me. i could see it happening and gave Her the space i felt She needed. we continued to communicate, although not as much as i thought we should have. we did sign a contract and i felt that that was a clear step to solidifying our relationship and moving to becoming more close. then without much warning She announced She was moving out within 30 days and i was stunned. explaining this away as the fact that it was better because of Her health issues i realized that yes i know it was a smart thing. but instead of letting the D/s go and remain friends there were some very unkind things said in the latter stages and i bit my lip knowing i was brought up with loving parents who told me never to attack someone when they were down. when She announced to me She was leaving, i knew it was over , but i was hurt nonetheless having committed to a life partner who at the time i loved deeply.
i have moved on know now i will not ever be involved with someone i cannot trust fully that the reason they have met me are because they care for me first and secondly would want me to serve them. i am not a doormat, nor do i give my feelings freely away just to have them crushed and trampled on. i still care for Her, but want nothing to do with Her. i made a costly mistake and truly paid a high price for that time. so i look forward to the future, have decided to be more active and if i meet Her great, if not i will be a better person for it.

(in reply to thetammyjo)

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RE: Consideration of Fulfillment... - 7/13/2007 7:39:05 PM

classykindasassy

Posts: 291
Joined: 12/13/2005
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My dom and I have an extraordinary circumstance. He is married to a vanilla lady, whom he loves, yet there is a whole world of relationship that he yearns for, and has had to go outside the relationship to get it. She knows about me and tacitly approves.

I can't live in perpetual sadness and lack of fulfillment. I had to find my way in this relationship because this is not something you can talk to most of your vanilla gf's about. I had to come to terms with the fact that I can't have him exclusively, and will likely never get to live with him. I had to dominate my own ego and fixed ideas of what I thought I had to have.

The truth is that I am outrageously sexy and attractive and am a wanted commodity in the community. The other truth is that when this man connected with me, I found him to be so very extraordinary spiritually and emotionally that no one else I know compares to the love he gives me.

I eventually saw that as busy and committed a person I am in my life, I don't have to feel alone. I really can have it all - friendships and activities of many kinds - unlike the restriction that tends to take place when you have a live-in love. And when we get together, our time is incredible quality time. Yes, I'd like to have more. But, it's up to me to make sure I'm happy. If I was not, I would leave for sure, because I can't live with "settling".

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RE: Consideration of Fulfillment... - 7/13/2007 8:13:03 PM

Mystique567

Posts: 273
Joined: 6/11/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: earthycouple

Robert and I are facing this very situation right now. He's homesick for many things and we realized he and I were not on the same plane about some things (like taking breaks from my girls when they were "over the top". He wanted to be right there for me but as a man who never had little ones two running and screaming around my two were killing him.)

So we talk and we talk a lot. He knows that I will do everything I can to make this adjustment easy for him but he as to tell me what is going on. On the Fourth of July I let him go. While it had nothing to do with the dynamic he and I share; He was miserable, it was apparent and I don't want to keep someone here who was miserable.

It was my wonderful vanilla husband who convinced him that giving this more time to relax and fall into place was the thing to do. It was after this that I created the thread in "Ask a sub/slave" about seeing the wonderful now help with the not so wonderful.

We are doing so very much better today and we have given Robert tools to deal with UM's and we have made sure that his expectations of himself matched mine. He was doing so well here...he never stopped moving he kept the place sparkling and was still at my feet each night to provide for me. (All so much more than I expected). When he shared how he felt ragged do all of this I laughed/cried and explained how he was going way beyond what I expect and I need him to feel rested, relaxed and happy here. That I had not imported a maid from Pennsylvania. So now my house doesn't sparkle every moment of every day and sometimes it's just me and the UM's fending for ourselves...but I have a slave who is much happier and fulfilled now.

If he had just left we never would have worked those things through and we'd both be more miserable today than we were on the fourth. Yes, I firmly believe "giving it a real go" is important even though one seems unhappy at first.
This is my case...maybe not yours.

How truly wonderful it is to hear how you care for him, it makes sorting through all of this seem worthwhile, if someday I can find someone that sees as much in me as you do in your sub.

(in reply to earthycouple)

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Post #: 25