RE: BDSM, Bisexuality and Boredom...advice please!!!

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RE: BDSM, Bisexuality and Boredom...advice please!!! - 7/16/2007 7:41:52 AM

vield

Posts: 354
Joined: 1/1/2004
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Lots of good thougtful advice here, which is something I enjoy about the folks on CM.
I really encourage people to hold off from judging themself or each other based upon one or two incidents or upon some fantasy that turns you on. The ONLY label which is accurate about anybody is one they tie on their own forehead, and even then only they can really translate what the label means to them. I have read lots of stuff that says if one has any same sex thoughts one is homosexual, and I have seen stuff that says if one has heterosexual encounters one can not be gay or lesbian. I have seen stuff about bisexuals saying they are hiding their true nature or are too wimpy to pick a preference. NONE of these things makes any sense to me and I know of cases where all such stuff is incorrect.
You will learn to make your own choices about sexuality, just like you will learn to make your own choices about domination, switching and submission. The only valid reason why you might not change roles and preferences as pleases you when you are with different people is simply because you may choose not to do that today. One must usually try a number of things before deciding upon a lifetime preference, and even after you make that decision you still may decide to change your mind.
Whatever your age, being confused is not unusual. It happens to most of us from time to time, whatever our ages. It is very possible your male friends who have become close to you then "came out" as gay were people seeking a warm supportive friend, and that they opened up to themself as they needed to when you enabled them to open up to you. The only way someone could say you "made them go gay" is if you tied them up and gave them to other men to "use", or else if someone is trying to manipulate you with some sort of guilt trip of this type.
Liking male/male fantasies, porn, stories etc. is VERY common amoung women these days. I suspect that once women became liberated enough to admit they liked these sexual things, they realized that 2 guys together gives twice the fantasy without a competing female figure, just like lots of men LOVE the pics, videos, stories and facts of 2 or more women enjoying each other.
I also know some straight women who are very close friends with some gay men because some of these guys are very sweet and pleasant companions (who also are not always trying to get into their pants).

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As always, your mileage may vary!

vield

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RE: BDSM, Bisexuality and Boredom...advice please!!! - 7/16/2007 11:02:55 AM

yrstocollar

Posts: 95
Joined: 8/14/2006
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My best advice would be to just accept that you're an individual and you're young and inexperienced and don't know what does it for you yet. Go out and try everything on offer that you feel comfortable and safe with...see what you like and don't like... then make some decisions about what to call yourself... if it still matters by that stage. Is it that important to you to find a box to fit into so you know what to call yourself?

By the way I know plenty of lesbians who LOVE gay male porn but are not the slightest bit interested in penises.

I also had HUGE trouble even imagining lesbian sex before I'd had it even though I fantisised about it for years... I just didn't have the images in my head like for example straight sex which was easy because we get it from media all our lives.

I also tried very hard to enjoy / have sex with men and could get all worked up but by the time sex started I was yawning and over it... maybe you would have enjoyed it with a different power dynamic... maybe you just aren't into guys... you won't know until you try.

Good luck!

Edited to remove my presumptuous attempt to label you... you go find that out for yourself.

< Message edited by yrstocollar -- 7/16/2007 11:05:53 AM >

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RE: BDSM, Bisexuality and Boredom...advice please!!! - 7/16/2007 11:47:59 AM

domiguy

Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
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Do not seek therapy...you are young and have every right to be confused...Just take your time and work through it...Maybe you should shake things up a bit...And find a guy who doesn't fit the pattern of your previous boyfriends...The world is your oyster...So enjoy!!...Live and learn and in time you will find your path instead of someone setting you on "their" path which you will be destined to struggle upon.

< Message edited by domiguy -- 7/16/2007 11:48:33 AM >

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