RE: What to expect?

RE: What to expect? (Full Version)

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LadyHeart -> RE: What to expect? (7/11/2007 5:40:44 PM)
In my view, asking for a picture is about several things. First, it's about chemistry. While I don't want to sound shallow or superficial, for me there has to be some degree of physical attraction (or at the very least, lack of repulsion!) before I am prepared to play with someone. I am not a pro Domme, I'm doing this for fun, so if there's nothing in it for me, why bother? Second, it's about trust. My profile is pretty open. I give quite a lot away. If someone wants to play with me, then they have to meet me if not half way, then at least part way, and supplying a photo helps do that for me. Third, I have become somewhat cynical over the years about who I'm talking to at the other end of the email. Supplying a photo helps me to judge the other person. When we meet, if there's a major discrepancy between their picture and their actual appearance, then I know they are being dishonest. It's part of the way I assess someone's character. Quite frankly, if someone has such major issues with "security" then maybe they shouldn't be playing at all? :)) LH

ready4srvce4all -> RE: What to expect? (7/11/2007 7:30:23 PM)
I don't understand "security reasons." It's not like you asked him to post his picture on a site, and you didn't ask for one right away. I've always wondered about these types...Won't post a picture for security, won't send a picture for security, so that first meeting I'm assuming they are wearing...a hood? IMHO, he's hiding something, you were very polite and right to end the contact.

LadyHugs -> RE: What to expect? (7/12/2007 12:27:29 AM)
Dear ready4srvce4all, Ladies and Gentlemen; If a person has a security type job to where their face is recognized, and or any other public person --I can understand the worry about releasing a photograph and having it connected to anything kink. I also understand the other side as why not--a suit and tie portrait photograph shouldn't be such a big deal either. It really is a comfort issue I suppose, as we've seen people in the past, e.g. Internet, personal and private videos and compromising photos hit the gossip sheets, etc. In Washington, DC where politics and power sits--I just find myself more understanding as to why people withhold their personal photos when dealing in the Internet and or E-mail. Once out of your control you're at the mercy of the other person(s). Just some thoughts. Respectfully submitted for consideration, Lady Hugs

MaamJay -> RE: What to expect? (7/12/2007 12:37:45 AM)
I tend to get around the security thing (and I work in education and was very well known in My previous state of Australia) by displaying a pic on msn or yahoo IM to those I am speaking with initially. I don't send one to them. As far as I know, they can't grab it? (Techies please respond!) And I ask them to display one of themselves too and stress that regular clothes is just fine ty! I don't count Myself as overly obsessed with looks ... well, that would be somewhat hypocritical as I know I am not everyone's idea of the body beautiful ... it's more that I connect better mentally with someone when I have an idea of what they look like. And like Ladyheart says, it's more about not being repulsed than by being attracted. While I might not have been quite so quick to dismiss if all else was promising, the fact that he was pushing for My address (beyond say a suburb) would have been the red flag that got him off My list! Maam Jay aka violet[A]

MySweetSubmssive -> RE: What to expect? (7/12/2007 12:40:36 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ripples As an aside, he was very keen to find out exactly where I live. Welcome to Creepyville. Please enjoy your stay. Pretty safe to hit the gong at that point, eh? I have found myself challenged sometimes to balance a healthy skepticism with openmindedness. If I'm getting a sinking feeling, and the other person doesn't have plausible responses to my queries, it's a fine time to move on. I tend to not ask for pictures right away. In the cases where I do ask for a picture and the other person demurred, the majority of those situations ended up being deceitful. Men tend to be visual folks, and most want to share pictures. My eyebrows would raise if he said no to that request. MSS

WyckedMystress -> RE: What to expect? (7/12/2007 1:16:22 AM)
Doesnt it all come down to gut reaction or instinct? Some boys I have not seen their pic but they have other qualities - usually intellectual that appeal - like simply being able to hold a conversation. Others send their pic (and even a cock pic) straight up. I dont need to see cock pics - they all look roughly the same (yeah ok there will be those that disagree with that). And as LadyHugs said - photoshop or editing pics can work wonders. How do You know the pic you got is actually the person you talking to. Unless it webcam - much harder to fake.

ocilla -> RE: What to expect? (7/12/2007 1:20:17 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ripples As an aside, he was very keen to find out exactly where I live. For someone so cautious about security, interesting that he didn't afford me the same [:D] I have notticed a pattern of this lack of reciporcity in those who profess security fears. They expect and request question by question all one coordinates but won;t also ante up. At first I would offer info that I felt was a little intimate - name for instance, type of work.... but have learned that generousity does not beget generousity in many instances so now I pay close attnetion to this "tit for tat" and watch to see if I am going to be asked to give up info aka trust without any being offered any in return - if htat starts to happen I am learning to take that as a bad precedent and move on.

ripples -> RE: What to expect? (7/12/2007 1:28:11 AM)
Thank you all. Yes, absolutely understand the need for secrecy if one, for instance, works in the security/armed forces field. However, as LadyHeart says, if they are unwilling to post a picture of themselves either as an avatar on MSN or via email, they aren't being terribly constructive when it comes to starting off a relationship (whatever that may entail) and thus, should they be advertising themselves as in the market to play, at all? I do feel that is one is actively pursing an encounter, then to withold information that is pretty essential (at least to me) to achieving the desired result, is self-defeating. The more replies I read and having thought a little about it, the more I realise the unwillingness to show a photo, by itself, wasn't the main issue, it was the deciding factor in stopping communication. MySweetSubmissive and WyckedMystress - Gut instinct is a wonderful thing, no? [;)] Edit: Ocilla, thank you. Such a shame when one has to be a cynic....

m0rgan -> RE: What to expect? (7/12/2007 1:45:05 AM)
my 2 cents, i request a pic as part of my wanker/waster/faker filtration process, the manner of the response to my request is what i use the most. i am content with a reply that fits my perception of the response i should have got! i have spoken to people on here that had me fooled, just a little too often, not to be fairly cynical. i will often ask for a pic, not out of curiosity, but either because i am interested in knowing more of the person, or because i suspect the person to be not what they say, the genuinely interested (in you) will probably offer a pic without prompting. i have been sent pics by some that have been interested in me, and i value that trust very highly indeed!! i would never ask for an address!!!! the manner of the response is the important thing. you done good, i think!

ripples -> RE: What to expect? (7/13/2007 1:34:19 AM)
Thank you Morgan [:)] quote: ORIGINAL: m0rgan i have been sent pics by some that have been interested in me, and i value that trust very highly indeed! Me too [;)]

pixelslave -> RE: What to expect? (7/13/2007 9:42:29 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MaamJay I tend to get around the security thing (and I work in education and was very well known in My previous state of Australia) by displaying a pic on msn or yahoo IM to those I am speaking with initially. I don't send one to them. As far as I know, they can't grab it? (Techies please respond!) And I ask them to display one of themselves too and stress that regular clothes is just fine ty! The short answer is "Yes they can" grab your photo from a displayed imaged on MSN or Yahoo if they at all know what they're doing or have one of the utilities I spoke of earlier in this thread. Sadly, nearly anything posted or transmitted via the web can be misused or misrepresented by those who are less than totally scrupulous. [image]http://www.collarchat.com/micons/m23.gif[/image] - pixel Collared to Majik

Politesub53 -> RE: What to expect? (7/13/2007 10:25:21 AM)
On MSN ( So i assume \|Yahoo is the same ) If you have the chat box opened to full size, all you need to do is press prt scr ( Print screen ) on the keyboard. Then you can save the whole page, photo included to windows paint. [;)]

pixelslave -> RE: What to expect? (7/13/2007 10:30:39 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MstrssPassion quote: ORIGINAL: Misstoyou quote: ORIGINAL: pixelslave quote: ORIGINAL: MstrssPassion I'm not sure if this is an event that was only possible in the early days of the net but I know that there use to be capture programs that were able to pick out photo files even when they were sent through email or person to person file sharing. Even photos on web sites which presumably can't be saved to your computer are easily saved by anyone with knowledge of how computers, web sites and digital files work. There also used to be a number of screen capture programs that essentially automated the same type of thing by working around various security security measures that existed at the time (none are still all that secure). I've personally not kept up on the latter as I have no need of such utilities. As digital artist myself, I strongly believe in respecting the copyrights of others. [&:] I am neither a digital artist nor a computer expert, but I can tell you that with a Mac, you only have to drag and drop to collect pictures from websites, including CM profiles and mail attachments. I'm not talking about grabbing public photos... those are easy to grab even with right click disabled. I'm talking about Jane emailing the pic or doing a file transfer with John & not ever posting a pic... & just by this direct transfer/email their picture is picked up by someone else... it is my understanding that there are programs that can "sniff out" so to speak, these files & capture them. (?) I have no way to verify the existence of such a program, just know that this scenario has happened) That's correct MstrssPassion, those are called "packet sniffers". It takes some savvy to even have access to those transmissions these days, but I'm confident it's probably the equivalent of "Hacker 101" course knowledge these days. I regularly receive Security newsletters & bulletins for IT people and used to write technical articles on Windows NT 4 and Windows 2000 issues, the basis or core of Window XP & Vista, only with a new name & face put on it. So I am very familiar with much of what this is based on, but haven't kept myself totally current except for my own needs. I'm also not anything more than an "ex-spurt" with some general knowledge about them when it comes to these kinds of detailed security issues. However, I do have friends & associates that I rely upon who are genuine experts in the area. [;)] Accessing the contents of a packet and making sense of them once they've been "grabbed" is the next part. With encrypted transmissions, it takes lots of computing power and many, many hours of computer time to try and decode the encryption of any transmissions within them without the password. That's assuming a "strong password" has been used; one which uses *a combination of lower case letters, upper case letters, numbers* *& symbols* (somthing to remember when creating passwords for computers, software programs & web sites). The longer the combination of them in the password, the better & more "secure" they are. The kind of encryption readily available today, wasn't available at all to the general public when your friend's photo was stolen in the transmission packet during early days of the net (and still isn't exportable to most countries outside the US). [&:] quote: Because of this, I can see why a person who doesn't wish to have their image snagged or picked up by unwanted sources are completely within the right to refuse to send one. This doesn't send out red flags to me... the most valid red flags would be easily found out within the conversation. Keep in mind, pictures can easily be faked simply because they are so easy to come by online. I don't disagree with what you've said, but one can also be killed just by taking a shower and falling in the tub or by crossing an apparently empty street and getting run over by a truck. There are risks in everything we do in life. Let's not forget the increasing prevalence of identity theft and the myriad of problems that can be caused in one's life that are associated with that too! If one is that concerned about their identity being revealed and connected with this lifestyle , I can only imagine the kind of stress (paranoia perhaps?) they must live with daily in their life. [image]http://www.collarchat.com/micons/m23.gif[/image] Personally, I would not want to live with that kind of need to hide who I am from the rest of the world. [>:] - pixel Collared to Majik

ocilla -> RE: What to expect? (7/13/2007 12:25:39 PM)
I think based on an exchange I saw on the general BDSM board that Petronius who pops in our forums from time to time is an IT security type person...there is a hot discussion on security - fed/state/local tacking etc - on that board. try seraching if you want to find it.

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