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how to find the right Master - 7/9/2007 10:16:46 AM   
slaveindavenport


Posts: 1
Joined: 7/9/2007
Status: offline 		i am haveing trouble finding a Master . slave is not yet ready for 24-7 and is looking for a Master that would train this slave , but all the Masters this slave contacts want a full time , this slave also has some limits as it is new at this , it needs a Master that will respect its limits but will help exspand them , have served a couple of Masters and all but one went way over slaves limits , so Q is how does this slave find the right Master
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: how to find the right Master - 7/9/2007 10:18:09 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline 		It's like finding the right partner in the vanilla world. You wade through a lot of shit and don't commit yourself until you are sure.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to slaveindavenport)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: how to find the right Master - 7/9/2007 10:40:49 AM   
TallDarkAndWitty


Posts: 1893
Joined: 6/12/2004
From: Rochester, NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveindavenport
how does this slave find the right Master


I have found that the best way to find a match is to stop looking, and start improving yourself so that they find you.  It is kind of like using a "broad appeal marketing" approach vs the "direct marketing" approach.  Learn a new skill that your ideal Master would find desirable (like speaking a foreign language or getting certified in massage).  Participate in your local community.  Find ways to sell yourself better.

When you are ready, your Master will show up...

Taggard


_____________________________

A most rewarding compliment is an insult from the ill-informed.


My slave: Kat (RainaVerene on the other side) and her website: RainaVerene.com

(in reply to slaveindavenport)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: how to find the right Master - 7/9/2007 10:58:36 AM   
slaverosebeauty


Posts: 1941
Joined: 12/12/2004
From: Cali
Status: offline 		Step # 1.. PATIENCE ...
Step # 2 .. Put MORE info on your page.. all it says is 'looking for a Master' not much to go on is there. How can a potential Master contact you with anything intelligent besides talking about the weather. You DO have to put some effort into a profile - add a picture or 2, change the font, background colour, add interests, etc. Add some personality to your page.  
Step #3 .. MORE Patience ...
 
Any questions???
 
I have looked for over 5 years, MJ an I have been friends for almost 4 years and I know that He was looking before we met; its all about timing and about give and take. Once you are ready, the right Master will apeare. Just take your time, no rush, this is NOT a contact to see if you can find someone in a few days or weeks or months. Heck, you JUST joined the site. Relax.

_____________________________

http://slaverosebeauty.livejournal.com/

"Friends live on in our hearts, regardless if they are here or not."

(in reply to TallDarkAndWitty)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: how to find the right Master - 7/9/2007 11:49:55 AM   
BRNaughtyAngel


Posts: 1821
Status: offline 		First, unless you just enjoy referring to yourself as "this slave" and "it", stop doing that.  I'm assuming that you were either taught to do that by a previous dominant or read somewhere that this is how slaves speak.  Some do, some don't - as dominants are all different in how they want their sub/slaves to act.  Instead of behaving as you were required by previous dominants, consider yourself a clean slate and just behave as you would in the regular world.

Decide what type of relationship you are seeking and some general ideas of what you seek in a dominant and be clear about that in your profile.  Share some things about yourself and what you enjoy in life. 

You may also want to find any local BDSM clubs and start getting to know the people there.  Most clubs have munches, which are generally casual get togethers, usually at a local restaurant, where you can talk and get to know each other.

Good luck.

(in reply to slaveindavenport)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: how to find the right Master - 7/9/2007 11:50:00 AM   
MstrssPassion


Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveindavenport

i am haveing trouble finding a Master . slave is not yet ready for 24-7 and is looking for a Master that would train this slave , but all the Masters this slave contacts want a full time , this slave also has some limits as it is new at this , it needs a Master that will respect its limits but will help exspand them , have served a couple of Masters and all but one went way over slaves limits , so Q is how does this slave find the right Master


1) figure out what it is that you want, where your going with this & be able to define at least the basics of what type of relationship you seek

2) you keep looking

Some people spend YEARS looking. There is nothing that says you have to have a master (or if a master, have a sub) in order to learn. There are so many things you can do on your own.

_____________________________

MstrssPassion


(in reply to slaveindavenport)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: how to find the right Master - 7/9/2007 4:40:20 PM   
Padriag


Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline 		The first and most important step is to figure out what you want.  If you don't know that, you'll never recognize the "right one" when you meet him.  And regardless of what others may say, there is no right or wrong about that, but only what is right for you.  Give some thought to the kind of relationship you want, what you need and why you need it.  Do some self exploration.  The better you know yourself, the better you'll know what you need and what sort of master can provide that.  Take your time, don't be in a rush or allow others to rush you.  The old saying is true, haste makes waste.  A master who can't be patient either isn't what he claims, or may simply may not be right for you, either way you need to move on.  Don't mistake someone being assertive for someone being a pushy asshole.  If you have doubts, remember that that's okay, don't be afraid to express them or ask questions.  Someone who can't deal with that doesn't have the patience to work with you.

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to slaveindavenport)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: how to find the right Master - 7/10/2007 11:29:42 AM   
rugbysub


Posts: 14
Joined: 7/2/2007
Status: offline 		thre's some good comments here - I too am in a similar position and after 2 years have still not found the right Master - but i think by a process of self awareness and learning i came to the conclusions that people have suggested above - that you must have patience, stop actually 'looking too desparately and look to concentrate on yourself - the right Master will find you.

I know it will happen although i still sometimes have doubts (my first post re age in a sub was a show of that) but I'm not paniking becuase for some reason i just know He will appear, when the time is ready or even when 'i' am ready for Him.

keep the faith ;-)

(in reply to Padriag)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: how to find the right Master - 7/10/2007 12:38:46 PM   
PAcpllooking


Posts: 73
Joined: 5/14/2004
Status: offline 		First off the person who said that its like finding a vanilla partner is right.You have to, for lack of a better word, date.
Many think its differant but it isnt.
Some say that you need to find someone compatible and figure out what you want. Also true, but, if you are new the only way to find out what isnt and what is for you is to try it with someone you trust.
how do you find someone to trust? Date.
be honest about your level of experience and knowledge. Dont take anyones word as te gospel for you. Instead listen to everyone and take what sounds right to you.
Use COMMON SENSE above all.
There is a match out there for everyone and honestly it shouldnt take forever. I have never had a problem meetimg people and enjoying being with them. Not all were a match but thats life.
now before the doomsayers come out and say how dangerous it is to meet people, once again, use COMMON SENSE. Meet for lunch  or dinner at a restaurant, drive your own car and dress the way you want too.Until you make a commitment no one has any say over anything you do.
You will wade through a lot of jerks but you will meet some nice people too.
Just dont be afraid to meet them in public. If there is one thing I see wa too much of is all these scarey stories that make it sound like behind every bush there is a rapist. I am not saying there arent bad people out there but I feel they are in the vast minority.
William

(in reply to slaveindavenport)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: how to find the right Master - 7/10/2007 3:15:18 PM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		Figure out what you want. There's no guarantee that you'll find it but it is absolutely guaranteed that you won't find what you don't know you want.

As far as the third party speech and referring to yourself as subhuman, does this make you hot? Because there is no other reason for doing so.

And most of all, learn to say no. You've gotten involved with two men who are more edge players than you are and you've felt burned by this each time. Why did you agree to be with them when you didn't feel compatible? And if you didn't bother to talk to them first about what you do and don't want and discovered whether or not you had anything in common, then you deserved what you got. Basicall it's like going to the grocery store, they may not have a dead ripe mango like you ate on vacation in the Caribbean but don't complain that the sweet potato wasn't the mango of your dreams. If you knew ahead of time this wasn't what you wanted, there was no reason for you to agree. Or do you send out 100 emails every time you get one of those chain letters?

(in reply to PAcpllooking)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: how to find the right Master - 7/10/2007 11:07:11 PM   
SirButchTX


Posts: 29
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		One of the few things ever talked about is what do YOU have to offer a relationship? What are YOUR assets and liabilities? If you can define these, you can better understand what you want and need. After you've begun to understand yourself and what you bring to the table, the right master will appear. Do not count on a lot of "training" in the deeper aspects of D/s from anyone. Most of the "training" you may read about will be purely either sexual or sadistic in nature. You must depend on yourself to define who you are, then you are able to depend on another to help refine who you are.

SirButch.

(in reply to Celeste43)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: how to find the right Master - 7/11/2007 7:32:28 AM   
cumulus


Posts: 49
Joined: 6/6/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

It's like finding the right partner in the vanilla world. You wade through a lot of shit and don't commit yourself until you are sure.

 
Again, AS cuts directly to the most salient point.
 
I would only further add that anyone you run across on Collarme will need to be carefully and patiently scrutnized for veracity. Take your time. These kinds of relationships have a profound effect on one's emotions. Look before you leap.


_____________________________

Regards,
Cumulus

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: how to find the right Master - 7/11/2007 1:49:57 PM   
sierraflowr


Posts: 59
Joined: 6/7/2005
From: Northern California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: PAcpllooking

First off the person who said that its like finding a vanilla partner is right.You have to, for lack of a better word, date.

Use COMMON SENSE above all.
.
now before the doomsayers come out and say how dangerous it is to meet people, once again, use COMMON SENSE. Meet for lunch  or dinner at a restaurant, drive your own car and dress the way you want too.Until you make a commitment no one has any say over anything you do.
You will wade through a lot of jerks but you will meet some nice people too.
Just dont be afraid to meet them in public. If there is one thing I see wa too much of is all these scarey stories that make it sound like behind every bush there is a rapist. I am not saying there arent bad people out there but I feel they are in the vast minority.
William

That is very good advice. The thing most people don't think about IS common sense. in allowing a Dom to tell you what to do before you really even know each other, ask yourself if this WAS a vanilla date would you do the same? Most likely not.
Its funny but i have just learned that if someone can't handle my 'normal' personality, how are they going to deal with me as a sub/slave? I am naturally an inquisitive person, i ask questions, i need reaffermation. if someone balks at- say- questions... well they can say i don't know.. but if they don't want to answer, or say you ask too many questions... you might want to think about it.
don't jump into things too quickly, and don't give them power too quickly.
do they want YOU as a whole person, or just sex.
anyway just thoughts
great thread


_____________________________

~flowr
O};-
When I let go of who I am,
I become who I might be.
-Lao Tzu


(in reply to PAcpllooking)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: how to find the right Master - 7/11/2007 2:16:13 PM   
texancutie


Posts: 322
Joined: 7/23/2005
Status: offline 		Lots of great responses here.  I do agree that one of the main things people forget when new to this, is common sense.  It seems like many of us, not all of us, lose perspective and rush into things too easily.  One thing to keep in mind is that there are some people out there, that count on newbies to be eager and in a hurry.  They are called opportunists, players, or whatever.  Just always a good thing to keep in mind, that you don't have to jump every time some guy online tells you to.  And you have a right to establish your limits when starting a new relationship with someone.  It's called negotiation.  I think too many people sometimes live in a fantasy world.  

(in reply to sierraflowr)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: how to find the right Master - 7/11/2007 2:32:13 PM   
angelsub642


Posts: 57
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline 		My previous Dom could only do part time, but he trained me to be a good sub. And now that my training is over, i've moved on.
  i'd say continue looking and be patient and picky if you want, i know that now that i'm as well searching for my Master i need to be picky and specific on who i'm looking for and what i'm looking for in a potential Master.
Best of luck

(in reply to slaveindavenport)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: how to find the right Master - 7/11/2007 2:34:33 PM   
sierraflowr


Posts: 59
Joined: 6/7/2005
From: Northern California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SirButchTX

One of the few things ever talked about is what do YOU have to offer a relationship? What are YOUR assets and liabilities? If you can define these, you can better understand what you want and need. After you've begun to understand yourself and what you bring to the table, the right master will appear. Do not count on a lot of "training" in the deeper aspects of D/s from anyone. Most of the "training" you may read about will be purely either sexual or sadistic in nature. You must depend on yourself to define who you are, then you are able to depend on another to help refine who you are.

SirButch.

That is very true Sir Butch. Sometimes that is hard to define, to look deep inside of yourself instead of at the outside world. Someone said that to me when i was looking to make a profile once. and its SO true. You always see the i'm this i'm that i'm whatever.. but isn't submission/ slavery so NOT about us? so, yes, what are You able to fulfil for the Dom/Master you are looking for is very very good advice i think.
and isn't training going to be done by the eventual Dom/Master that finds you- to His perfection- not someone elses .



_____________________________

~flowr
O};-
When I let go of who I am,
I become who I might be.
-Lao Tzu


(in reply to SirButchTX)
Profile   Post #: 16
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