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pixelslave -> RE: Cumming on command (7/9/2007 10:44:08 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: SFBaySwitch
If I may alter the topic somewhat to discuss what may be more of a real concern of mine...
During sessions when I am a sub--where obedience, humiliation and pain are intense--I tend to loose my connection to my sensual or sexual feelings. I become so mentally focused on the other aspects that I sometimes have difficulty becoming aroused and able to perform sexually for my Domme. Even moreso, when I am actually able to be aroused enough to perform, I find it incredibly difficult to climax--especially when She commands me to. Does anyone have suggestions for how I might overcome this? Thank you.
I think you first need to start by discussing this with your Domme. Obviously, you have a fear of disappointing her and that adds to any performance anxieties that you might have. At the same time, I can completely understand and relate to being so focused on what I'm doing to please my Mistress that I can lose my erection (no big deal, they come & go for me all the time; doesn't take long to get another). I can also relate to needing an emotional connection with my partner in order to be fully aroused. I can't play casually with just anyone as I need that attachment, so please know that you're not alone in that regard.
I'm sure there are many different solutions, it's just a matter of the two of you finding the right one(s) that works for both of you. You're not a machine, you're a man with emotions. Perhaps your Mistress, simply needs to say a few things to "push your buttons" and she'll have you instantly aroused and ready for her use. [8D] It may be a case where foreplay of some kind is needed or a particular kind of play or emotional bonding first that does the trick to get you aroused again. What's needed is really for the two of you to work out.
As to the difficulty ejaculating, there can be many reasons for that, including SSRI type anti-depressants (Prozac, Zoloft, Effexor, etc.), a huge variety of other medications, and a host of other medical conditions (e.g. Diabetes). If you've been with a Mistress who practiced orgasm control, or another partner who made it clear that she'd be very unhappy if you were to ejaculate before she had her orgasm, either of those situations could be huge factors as well!
As submissives, we're oriented toward focusing on pleasuring our partners before ourselves. For that to happen, we, or our Mistresses, tend to train us to ignore some of the pleasurable sensations our body is sending our brains until our partner has been satisfied. After a prolonged period of time of doing that, we can't just "flip a proverbial switch" and immediately turn those sensation conduits back on again that we've been supressing for however long our partner has been having us wait! In essence, we've desensitised our genitals (and the links from them to our brain) while waiting for "our turn", assuming it was even in the plan for us to have a turn, and we're now mentally trying to re-vitalize things so we can respond enough to ejaculate before our partner tires of us trying to have our pleasure as well. In my experience, the latter can add a lot of internal psychological pressure to the situation that we're feeling!
I speak about this from having experienced orgasm control of various kinds in the past, which over time has made it difficult for me to ejaculate when I want to. Being "trained" to wait for permission to ejaculate can I'm sure be very tempting for a Domme to use to help her feel empowered and in control of her sub. But it can also be very harmful to a man's sexuality in the long term. Majik is working with me to "undo" the effects of the training I've undergone. I'm allowed to cum anytime I feel the desire or feel the sensations welling-up inside me telling me that I can.
Yet mentally, it's still very difficult to overcome the conditioning I've experienced which was largely to wait for my former Domme's permission to ejaculate. I find myself needing to ask Majik if it's okay for me to cum, as I still need that reinforcement from her to believe in my mind that it's okay; and I also need to constantly remind myself I no longer should hold myself back from the start of our play, as it's totally okay with her for me to fully experience the pleasure as it happens and allow myself to just cum naturally. Her telling me I have her permission when we're together at various times is something that I think helps me give myself the permission that I've been conditioned to need.
I hope sharing my experience on this subject will be helpful to you and others who read this forum as I know many men don't like to speak of these problems. Yet they do exist and popping viagra isn't always the answer to the underlying problem, or for that matter, even medically advisable for some.
- pixel
Collared to Majik 6-23-07
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