Why, oh why do I act this way.....

Why, oh why do I act this way..... (Full Version)

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Davesgirl -> Why, oh why do I act this way..... (6/18/2005 1:06:54 PM)
Howdy ya'll...I was hoping to pick some brains for some helpful hints. How do you unlearn 30 years of behaviors? Such as eye rolling, huffing, sighing, putting hands on your hips...THe list goes on and on.... My Master has expressed his displeasure with some of the things I do. And Im really working on "taming the shrew" so to speak. But, it gets hard at times. While in my mind, I know Im not going to refuse him whatever it is he is wanting, my body still wanting to throw up all my old defense mechanisms. What Im looking for is some helpful advice. I try the kneeling thing when I get in that mood, or have the desires hit me. But, it doesnt always work. It has greatly improved my attitude, no doubt about that. But, what are some other things I can? With or without him there, so I can continually work on it? The past week, I've been working on it double time, since Master has found the final collar he wishes me to wear. And I dont want to disappoint, displease or embarras him by anything. Anything ya'll can toss out there, Im willing to try. Thanks ya'll!

stormsfate -> RE: Why, oh why do I act this way..... (6/18/2005 1:12:41 PM)
Well...a crop named patience helped me improve some behaviours a good number of years ago. best regards, fate

Lordandmaster -> RE: Why, oh why do I act this way..... (6/18/2005 1:33:49 PM)
It's up to him to figure out how to make sure you don't do it. I know you mean well by trying to work on this by yourself, but in the end it's his responsibility to correct your behavior if he doesn't approve of it.

kisshou -> RE: Why, oh why do I act this way..... (6/18/2005 1:34:55 PM)
I agree with stormsfate in that this is easier to do with the Owner involved. It is conditioning training where negative beahvior (eye rolling) results in negative consequences. The consequences are immediate which has been effective in my case. I think it is great that you want to work on this on your own which is alot harder. I am not sure what "the kneeling thing"refers to but this is some training I have done. Basically you want to train yourself to not exhibit those negative expressions anymore. When I first wake up I try to get myself into the mindset of making all my movements (sitting, standing, walking) pleasing to the Owner. I always change clothes and freshen up before he is to arrive home, this can also be done before you leave work. It also helps that it changes your mindset over from work or in my case minion chaser to focusing on Owner. If I catch myself exhibiting negative behavior such as rolling my eyes I pinch myself. For me not to roll my eyes is a constant stuggle! When I am standing I have purposefully devloped the habit (kind of like the military) of holding my arms/hands in a certain position all the time. I hope this has been helpful and I hope your Owner sees your great desire to be pleasing to him. It is a beautiful thing.

Isolde -> RE: Why, oh why do I act this way..... (6/18/2005 1:36:12 PM)
Counting to 10. Close your eyes. Biting your lip and focusing on the pain as it fades instead of snapping at him. Lacing your fingers together at the small of your back or putting your hands in your pockets to keep from aggressive gesturing or hands-on-hips posturing. Repeating a mantra to yourself for a set number of times until the snarky mood passes. This can be a prayer, a poem, a sentence, a scolding, anything that lets you re-focus on expressing how you really feel instead of slipping into old habits of expression. Ask him to suggest a phrase to recite to yourself, or write one yourself that expresses your feelings for him. If you're constantly reminding yourself of the good things, the reasons you care for and serve him, it might be more difficult to act out in a negative way. Ask him if you can turn your back to him when you feel like behaving that way. If you can, turn your back, bow your head and take a moment to compose yourself before continuing to speak. This will only work so long as he knows you're not doing it to offer disrespect (some people can be touchy about presenting your back to them). Force yourself to talk in a whisper to avoid using disrespectul tones of voices that you don't necessarily intend to use. I think the big thing to remember is whatever you decide to use, he needs to be aware of it so he can recognize it for what it is when you use it.

gretchen -> RE: Why, oh why do I act this way..... (6/18/2005 2:10:44 PM)
I have this problem too. I respond to his comands or questions in a very bratty way sometimes. What seems to work for me is the counting secuence, staring at one spot in the floor, forget the voices in my head (the bad ones), and be as polite as you can. I'm not able of handling the polite part yet...so I tend to respond with a "yes, sir" in an almost military voice. But I still sound like a smart ass little girl.[:@]

KittieSummers -> RE: Why, oh why do I act this way..... (6/18/2005 2:46:59 PM)
Gods, I've been wondering whether to post a thred like this myself but y'all beat me to it! Been some useful tips on here which I'll keep in mind, I'm a bitch to Mistress sometimes so I really do need to learn some of this stuff, especially as She's so good and patient with me. Thanks for posting up all those tips...they've been helpful to me and I'm sure they will be to other's like me.

EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: Why, oh why do I act this way..... (6/18/2005 3:56:08 PM)
Practice practice practice, that's why training takes years. Most of us when we get into a Ds relationship still harbor insecurities in ourselves and the relationship. Before this time we couldn't trust that the other peron would REALLY be controlling, so we either had to passive aggressively force it to happen or push them to prove their dominance to you. Those habits take a lot of self awareness and time to break. You're also in a very emotional situation and it sounds like your life has had a lot of dramatic crap in it...it will take time for you to settle your own life down and really begin to focus and get things disciplined.

MasterArn -> RE: Why, oh why do I act this way..... (6/20/2005 1:11:52 AM)
i may be new to this site, but not new (chonologically speaking) to the Lifestyle what it sounds like too ME, is: in your mind, and your heart you are obeying your Master, but your physical reactions just arnt obeing your mind and your heart. IF this is the case, perhaps some physical restraints are needed. (with all of this; PLS correct my understanding if i am wrong:) 1: you say you periodically put your hands on your hips. not knowing you have until you have done so? well, that's simple to condition. restrain the arms in some fashion. 2: you roll your eyes, ok, not as easily conditioned, physically, as an appendage is. however, a leather hood that is softly pressing against closed eyelids works as well. ...im sure you understand where im coming from...

RiotGirl -> RE: Why, oh why do I act this way..... (6/20/2005 6:09:15 AM)
you need to learn how to act girl! Get a Mirror, get angry watch yourself, get sad, get happy. Ect Ect Ect. Learn to be conscious of your movements. Find a friend who can tell you all the little things you do. Try and keep your eyes DOWNCAST (prevents the eye rolling or anyone seeing it) Or find something to fix your stare unto. Arms clasped behind your back, or in front... feet together. DONT let these body parts move. Hold your position. First step is recognition, second step, is being physically conscious of yourself. Eventually, after a period of time, you'll be able to do it sub consciously. i can go from dainty little female to thug in point zero seconds. (usually when i see a group of the like) My WHOLE body language changes, my walk changes, my thinking changes, my speech changes. Never knew it. Mastr pointed it, so i started asking my friends, what excatly was i like. And i consciously worked to not LET myself act like this. (supposedly one of the most common things was i got really tense and tight) So it can be mind frame too. i realised it was a security and a "tense" issue. i worked to relax. Try and figure out where they come from and whats going through your mind while it happens. Even its unconsciouly going through. Go ask your friends, they'll prolly be helpful as they can "see" it better! Good luck

DaddyMstr -> RE: Why, oh why do I act this way..... (6/20/2005 10:57:33 AM)
Learn to catch yourself before you exhibit the undesired behavior. Lower your eyes any time you feel a tense moment coming on that may trigger a 'roll'. Do you journal? Journal your misbehaviors to see the frequency of them to give you more motivation. The owner's reaction to this obviously isn't motivating you enough to stop. If your kneejerk reaction is to defy/act deviantly, you need to fully understand what makes you act this way. If it's just nerves and old habit rather than true defiance you can break that in 21 days. If it's something deeper, the two of you will have to discuss it emotionally. Do you embarras easily? Are you really worried about the enforced behavior being embarrasing? Does he humiliate you and if not, could this cure the problems? Can you 'punish' yourself?

Davesgirl -> RE: Why, oh why do I act this way..... (6/20/2005 11:26:19 AM)
Wow! So many great suggestions and advice...Thank you all! I'm working on getting better control of myself, its something Master and I talked about only a day or so ago. He realizes that its not out and out defiance of him, that I have no desire to be a bitch and disobedient. So, that is helping a lot. Im currently looking to the floor and counting whenever I get in a mood, and shoving my hands in my pockets, as well. So far, its helping a lot. When he gets home tonight, Im going to talk to him about the immediate punishment when I do things. That, I know, will have an effect. Thanks again, everyone, for all your help! [:)]

MistressV5 -> RE: Why, oh why do I act this way..... (6/23/2005 10:35:00 AM)
What you are talking about is habits. If you can modify your behavior for at least 10 days to two weeks, the habit will be broken. Try and just working on one or two at a time. The task will feel less daughting. Mistress V

dechala -> RE: Why, oh why do I act this way..... (6/23/2005 10:48:53 AM)
i agree with others here Conditioning and patience will help you break these habits.It just might take a bit of time. Good luck[:)]

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