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Help with tasks..... - 6/18/2005 1:14:46 PM

MstrssRoses

Posts: 3
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline

Hello all, I am new here and have a question. Some background info....Me and my husband have been together 10 years, 7 of it vanilla. For the past 3 years have been in the lifestyle off and on. At one point I was his slave which did not last long since he was not very good at exerting control and I was pretty much domming from the bottom. The we decided to switch and thats where we are at now. My question is...I am wondering what kind of things to give him to do at nights after work, dinner etc. For almost 10 years he'd done whatever he wants at night...tv, movies, computer etc. I am having a hard time coming up with things for him to do. Any suggestions?

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RE: Help with tasks..... - 6/18/2005 1:41:51 PM

GoddessDustyGold

Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline

Wow! First, I would like to welcome you to the boards.
Now...deep breath...
You need ideas for tasks? Absolutely anything you want! If you are to be the FemDom in this relationship, then who is cooking dinner? Who is doing the dishes? Who cleaned the bathroom today while he was at work? Who ran the washing machine, got out the ironing board, went to the grocery store?
If it is just about some bedroom kink then you don't have to assign him any "tasks" at all. But since you are asking, I am going to draw the conclusion that you are looking for a way to make this more 24/7 D/s.
So begin by removing his free and easy evenings. he needs to clean the house, run the errands, cook the meals, wash the dishes, and on and on and on. You choose whether or not he is even permitted to watch television or have any computer time.
And it isn't about "order from headquarters" or bossing him around. I don't even yell. I don't like to yell. It is simply the way it is. If you feel like playing sexually, then it is your choice. Everything is your choice, your preferences.
This really isn't something you just kind of decide to do. It may work for you and it may not. You don't say anyting about how things were working when you were the submissive other than the fact that you were still pretty much controlling things. Did you have tasks?
I mean no disrespect here, and if this is something you just enjoy playing at, then that is fine. Just take what you want and temper it with some good sense.
Hope this helps and good luck.

< Message edited by GoddessDustyGold -- 6/18/2005 1:42:38 PM >

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RE: Help with tasks..... - 6/18/2005 2:00:58 PM

MstrssRoses

Posts: 3
Joined: 6/18/2005
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Hi, thanks for your input. As far as when I was the submissive....I stay at home during the day so I had to write out a housework routine and do it and I tested him. I didnt do it, nothing happened. Nothing ever happened. At night after he got done work I literally begged for some direction he just told me to go watch tv or do whatever I wanted. He mostly enjoys his free time. More or less, I just got his drinks for him at night.

Now with the roles reversed. I am looking for 24/7 and not just some bedroom kink, but on the other hand respecting the fact that he works all day to provide for me and the kids for the past 8 years I dont want him to have to come home and clean house. I cook, its a hobby. I would probably make him do some light duties on a Sunday. But I am looking for time restraint things to do. And also when I dont have anything for him to do, what do I do with him...lol. seems like a funny question. :-) I know I want the free time that he has had to definetly be limited, even if hes not doing something for me. I hope that helps explain more of what Im looking for.
Thank you

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RE: Help with tasks..... - 6/18/2005 2:18:50 PM

AAkasha

Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrssRoses

Hi, thanks for your input. As far as when I was the submissive....I stay at home during the day so I had to write out a housework routine and do it and I tested him. I didnt do it, nothing happened. Nothing ever happened. At night after he got done work I literally begged for some direction he just told me to go watch tv or do whatever I wanted. He mostly enjoys his free time. More or less, I just got his drinks for him at night.

Now with the roles reversed. I am looking for 24/7 and not just some bedroom kink, but on the other hand respecting the fact that he works all day to provide for me and the kids for the past 8 years I dont want him to have to come home and clean house. I cook, its a hobby. I would probably make him do some light duties on a Sunday. But I am looking for time restraint things to do. And also when I dont have anything for him to do, what do I do with him...lol. seems like a funny question. :-) I know I want the free time that he has had to definetly be limited, even if hes not doing something for me. I hope that helps explain more of what Im looking for.
Thank you

This might be a trickier transition than it seems. You did your chores when told and he didn't enforce them when you didn't. However, in this new situation, you might find he doesn't like being told what to do, doesn't want to give up his free time, and honestly doesn't do what you say -- and *not* just to get punished or to make you enforce. Is he ready to make sacrifices in order to surrender to the power dynamic that you've both agreed on? That's first and foremost. You need to communicate up front on what both of your perceptions are of this new dynamic.

Perhaps look seriously at what he does in his leisure time (that time you are taking away) and consider it. What elements of it are most important to him? (for example, say he watches his favorite baseball team religiously, and most of the other time he's channel flipping or passing time; what part of his leisure experience is idle, and what really means something to him?) Knowing this will help you to not dramatically alter his lifestyle but take a more control -- let him watch *what* you say, or make him earn it, but take away the rest. He will need incentives.

A lot of men don't necessarily respond to the new structure or rules imposed, but respond to the attitude that goes along with it and the element of dominance that pushes his hot buttons. This is something only you would know; but the point is, you have to make sure you're not just restructuring his time and giving out orders and he's under your thumb. Adding a little sensuality, flair, attitude -- that's probably going to make a difference.

But most important I think is to put it all into perspective; are you going to want to micromanage him in a 24/7 situation? How much energy do you have and does he have? How much dominance is going to be sexual? You've talked about the chores and things, but there's an entire other element involved here -- sex.

Akasha

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RE: Help with tasks..... - 6/19/2005 6:20:42 AM

CanuckDoms

Posts: 5
Joined: 6/18/2005
From: montreal QC
Status: offline

Just a simple thing here but you could watch what YOU want to watch and have him give you a foot or back massage while you are watching it...there are other things to do as well...

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RE: Help with tasks..... - 6/19/2005 7:08:44 AM

SecretDomme

Posts: 152
Joined: 1/21/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrssRoses

Hi, thanks for your input. As far as when I was the submissive....I stay at home during the day so I had to write out a housework routine and do it and I tested him. I didnt do it, nothing happened. Nothing ever happened. At night after he got done work I literally begged for some direction he just told me to go watch tv or do whatever I wanted. He mostly enjoys his free time. More or less, I just got his drinks for him at night.

Now with the roles reversed. I am looking for 24/7 and not just some bedroom kink, but on the other hand respecting the fact that he works all day to provide for me and the kids for the past 8 years I dont want him to have to come home and clean house. I cook, its a hobby. I would probably make him do some light duties on a Sunday. But I am looking for time restraint things to do. And also when I dont have anything for him to do, what do I do with him...lol. seems like a funny question. :-) I know I want the free time that he has had to definetly be limited, even if hes not doing something for me. I hope that helps explain more of what Im looking for.
Thank you

Making things special, like having him greet you in a particular way at home, or having him assume certain positions when talking to you at home (ie- kneeling), serving you a drink in a particular way, being your footstool as you watch TV, choosing his clothes to wear, things like that, can enforce the relationship on a daily basis.

To answer your question regarding things to do with him, the answer is, anything you want ;-) There are domestic things he can do, but then there is the other side. Teasing and denial can be fun , and you can start with him at work. I enjoy writing things on a sub's body, like "SLUT", and making him go to work with that under his shirt. I love sexual control and control his orgasms and when he can touch himself. Making a sub take himself to the edge before coming home to you can set him in a particular mindset when he gets home. Do you enjoy other activities like bondage, spanking, sensation play, etc? Finding what you both enjoy scene-wise can fill those times when you feel you'd like to do something with him.

Hope some of these suggestions help you,
Julie

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