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RE: The "why" word - 6/20/2005 10:45:02 AM

DaddyMstr

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"Why' do you ask feline?

lol

My littlegirl, subversiveone, doesn't ask that word... I tell her all she needs to know and I can usually tell if she has questions. But that's just us.

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RE: The "why" word - 6/20/2005 11:04:39 AM

feline

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddyMstr

"Why' do you ask feline?

lol

My littlegirl, subversiveone, doesn't ask that word... I tell her all she needs to know and I can usually tell if she has questions. But that's just us.

Because of curiosity.

Actually, the same general question was brought up on another board I was on. And I was amazed at the number of subs/slaves who use the word without a lot of thought.

When asked/told/commanded to do something and the question "why" comes up. It seems to me almost like a question of authority. Yes, I agree, there are certain circumstances when it is appropriate.

I am presently trying to recondition myself to halt the mindless questioning of "why" without forethought and reason.

Thanks Everyone!

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< Message edited by feline -- 6/21/2005 8:52:01 AM >

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RE: The "why" word - 6/20/2005 11:28:36 AM

EmeraldSlave2

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I tend to have an extra perspective on it in that I am also training as a top, so asking why often is related to that, in understanding his perspective, in helping me understand how and why I can do things and how to look at things FROM his perspective as the Owner to be a better top on my end of things.

Also, it's well known that people are more fulfilled and better able to obey when they understand the processes at work. It's not NECESSARY to know why in order to obey, but I think saying "you're never allowed to ask why" would tend to hinder people being connected and understanding.

As much as we go on and on and on about how ultimate communication is in our relationship, why would we intentionally cut off an entire avenue of getting to know and understand eachother better?

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RE: The "why" word - 6/20/2005 11:43:41 AM

perverseangelic

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I'm a wanna-be librarian. I ask why about -everything-. The partner understands that it isn't "why on earth are you telling me to do this" but rather "why does that work? Why does it make you feel good? Why didn't I think of that?" or a whole host of other information gathering questiosn.

To us, why isn't questioning authority, it's learning more. As I want to know everything about everything, it's a useful question :)

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RE: The "why" word - 6/20/2005 3:57:46 PM

feline

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I guess in all actuality then this question doesn't apply to you. Because if you are training to be a "Top" then I guess it would be expected for you to pop up with the why question in order to learn the position.

I guess I should have been more direct in saying subs/slaves in LT situation . . . . . . . not part - timers, wannabes or Tops - in - training.

No offense.

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RE: The "why" word - 6/20/2005 8:21:09 PM

EmeraldSlave2

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quote:

ORIGINAL: feline

I guess in all actuality then this question doesn't apply to you. Because if you are training to be a "Top" then I guess it would be expected for you to pop up with the why question in order to learn the position.

I guess I should have been more direct in saying subs/slaves in LT situation . . . . . . . not part - timers, wannabes or Tops - in - training.

No offense.

Well I am a slave in a LT situation :)

And if the Owner says not to ask a question, or chooses not to answer, that's certainly his privilege to do so.

I was simply bringing up another part of it. Likewise, if a dom was trying to teach his sub how to fix cars, it would be good for the slave to take an interactive approach and ask why certain things works, or ask for clarification on why certain techniques worked better than others.

Now, if you tell the slave to do something they've done every day of their lives and suddenly they ask why, for no real intention of anything except trying to control a reaction from the dominant, then you've got a problem.

Otherwise, I think "whys" should be taken as any other aspect of communication- an opportunity and a tool to be used appropriately.

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RE: The "why" word - 6/20/2005 11:20:45 PM

subversiveone

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I tend to agree w/Emerald here... While i intentionally don't ask it, i pursue the understanding that caused the doubt/fear/curiousity in the first place. Similiar to the validation process, if we're discussing something He wants and speaking openly, i may repeat it in my own words, throw in my perspective, and see if He agrees. If not, we get to usually talk about it more and He knows He was heard in the first place. Again, He's very open. Obeying is another opportunity to learn for me. If i obey, i will no doubt get to see the results and understand what He wanted better. In learning what pleases Him, i can learn the 'why's' as well as the 'why not's' ;) if there is confusion He can sense that and may clarify. Besides, the answer of 'I said so' or 'I want it' got old for me years ago! lol

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RE: The "why" word - 6/21/2005 5:05:22 AM

littleone35

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Well i would never ask why if my late master gave me an order, for me orders are to be followed withouut question. However i am curious as my Master always said. When he got tired of me asking questiins he wouks say niw be quiet you ask too many questions. Wehn he used that toe of voice i knew to be quiet. So yes i used why.

littleone

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RE: The "why" word - 6/21/2005 12:29:35 PM

perverseangelic

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For some reason, I personally don't get the "followed without question" dynamic.

My partners orders are to be followed, without hesitation, yes. And I do. When he says something, I do it. However, while I do it, I'm often questioning. I mean, if he says, out of the blue, "get me three strawberries, the telephone, and a stuffed animal" I'm going to get up and do it, but at the same time I'm going to ask him why.

I guess the difference for me lies in that for us, the order gets followed, but the asking can happen at the same time. I mean, assuming i'm not saying something like "why, you fuck!?"

~shrug~ My partner knows that I trust him to do what's best, and he knows that I'll do it. I suppose the questioning would be a problem if it were done while I -wasn't- doing what he said--if I stood around and asked "why" without moving. Still, as it works for us, anything can be questioned as long as it's simultaniously obeyed.

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RE: The "why" word - 6/21/2005 1:10:24 PM

sub4hire

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Yep, I'm inquisitive and have been all of my life. It has helped me immensly in life.

I do ask why. Depends on the circumstances. My dom asks me to question him from time to time. Always telling me he does not want a doormat. If you ask him I probably don't ask enough.
But, bottom line is I trust him...so a lot of the times I have no reason to ask why.

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RE: The "why" word - 6/21/2005 1:28:02 PM

feline

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I love perverseangelic's response. I think it might have been the best one so far. No offense everyone. Basically I was just looking for what goes on in your "lifestyle" dynamic. Different strokes for different folks.

So thanks everyone!

I love this. lol

quote:

I guess the difference for me lies in that for us, the order gets followed, but the asking can happen at the same time. I mean, assuming i'm not saying something like "why, you fuck!?"

To reiterate . . . I am presently trying to recondition myself to halt the mindless questioning of "why" without forethought and reason.

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< Message edited by feline -- 6/21/2005 1:31:43 PM >

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RE: The "why" word - 6/21/2005 5:34:32 PM

Mylee

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He seems to know when I'm going to want to ask why, I dont know if maybe it's a look in my eyes or how my lips purse or pout just before I open them, but He shakes His head and I know not to ask, then later He will let me ask all the questions I have, I think this works well for me, becuse He would rather I act on His command rather then spend my times thinking about it before taking action to obey, if I'm already doing what I was told to do, I moslty dont have time to think to ask 'why' untill later and being new to this, I seem to be a flood gate of why's and how's and how did you know's? after the fact, He is normally patient with me and will answer them

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RE: The "why" word - 6/27/2005 6:30:23 PM

lilybitinmo

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The why word with Sir is really not allowed I ask He says because I can or because I said so, now his wife and my Ma'am will answer the Why question when it is approret to be asked.

Happly their
little one

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RE: The "why" word - 6/27/2005 6:48:52 PM

fourpeas

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I only ask "why" occasionally... and usually it has nothing to do with following commands!! I am in agreement with Emerald about not cutting off an avenue of understanding. Sometimes it is truly, truly important to know "why"... Sometimes knowing "why" can mean the difference between a sub/slave feeling safe enough in order to proceeed... I feel like many people have been unnecessarily scared or put off because they cannot know the "why." Sometimes I get an answer, sometimes I don't. But because I get an answer most of the time that isn't just "Because I Said So," it makes me less likely to be frightened and more likely to simply obey when I get no answer or an answer that is "Do it because I asked you to."

Again, that doesn't happen very often, but I think questioning is very, VERY important.

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