What to look for in a Dom? (Full Version)

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subboi1982 -> What to look for in a Dom? (7/10/2007 12:02:17 AM)

I am new to the scene, and seek a male Dom.  What should I look for?  Discussion open to anyone.



DarkDreams123 -> RE: What to look for in a Dom? (7/10/2007 12:17:01 AM)

Hi subboi1982,

Personally, I don't think looking for someone in the BDSM world is all that different than looking for someone in the vanilla world.

You look for someone who is attractive to you and who has similar desires.

-DarkDreams



LadyHeart -> RE: What to look for in a Dom? (7/10/2007 12:26:05 AM)

I agree with DarkDreams - don't set aside any of the criteria you would have in the vanilla world, just because this is BDSM. You have to like them as a person as well as a Dom, because trust and respect won't come without liking. Keep asking yourself, does their walk match their talk, and you shouldn't go too far wrong. Happy hunting!
:))
LH



Slavetrainer2007 -> RE: What to look for in a Dom? (7/10/2007 5:58:21 AM)

As was said before its much like looking  for someone in the vanilla world.  You just  have additional interests to look for such as the same kinks.



Rover -> RE: What to look for in a Dom? (7/10/2007 6:10:03 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: subboi1982

I am new to the scene, and seek a male Dom.  What should I look for?  Discussion open to anyone.


Asking that question here will inform you about what other people would look for in a Dominant.  Which isn't very helpful, since presumably the Dominant will be yours and not theirs.
 
I'd suggest that you begin by starting a list of the characteristics you need and want in a relationship, and a separate list of the characteristics you need and want in a Dominant.  You can make each list into a T-chart with the needs on one side, and the wants on the other.  I call this a "list of expectations" and have written and presented on the topic.
 
Use that T-chart as a kind of grocery list, to help recognize the characteristics in potential partners as they come along.  It can also be helpful in explaining what you're looking for, and as a negotiating tool.  Though I typically recommend that needs be considered non-negotiable, you can negotiate and compromise on the wants.
 
John



slaveluci -> RE: What to look for in a Dom? (7/10/2007 7:20:31 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: subboi1982
I am new to the scene, and seek a male Dom.  What should I look for?

I can't tell you what you should look for but I will offer you one tidbit of advice if that's alright.  Don't ask others what you should look for in the one whom YOU will be serving[;)].  Our input doesn't matter, ok?  Look for characteristics in him that you would look for in any partner because all those traits are what's going to matter in the long run.  He may look hot in leather pants and holding a whip but that really means virtually nothing to me.  I wonder things like:  Is he wise, intelligent, kind, compassionate, willing to understand my points of view, etc. etc......As everyone else has opined, just think about what's important to you and look for those things.  Good luck...........luci



stella40 -> RE: What to look for in a Dom? (7/10/2007 8:15:14 AM)

I'd drop the 'Dom' but all together. Look at the person. Better still, look at the mind of the person - that's where it all starts. Can you be yourself with this person? Are they natural with you? Can you communicate? Can you be open with this person? Trust them? Can they be the same with you? Are you on each other's wavelength?

BDSM is a bit like electricity - there's got to be a connection for it to work.



CuriousLord -> RE: What to look for in a Dom? (7/10/2007 8:44:03 AM)

You should try posting threads like this in the future under the Ask a Submissive/Slave forum.



mstrjx -> RE: What to look for in a Dom? (7/10/2007 8:58:51 AM)

I'm going to go out on a limb here and imagine that you already know that you're not going to hit the 'One Master for All Time' jackpot, and because of that you're not trying for that goal.

So, given that......

Someone that has integrity.  Someone that can demonstrate their trustworthiness.  Someone that has your best interest at heart.  Best-case, someone who's not so completely into themselves that they understand that setting you down the road for relationships that you will pursue the rest of your life is more about you.  Someone that will respect your boundaries and limitations as they exist, but with the knowledge that those boundaries will probably expand (but to let it occur at a rate that you are most comfortable).

Jeff



SlND3R3LLA -> RE: What to look for in a Dom? (7/10/2007 9:14:24 AM)

1.  Check his teeth, make sure he has them all.

2.  Tell him you need to know the balance on all of his accts..checking, savings, 401K..all of the big ones.  If he won't show them to you, he is not a twue dom.

3.  Tell him you want to see his private parts on cam, if he won't show you, he is a girl just looking for wanking material.

4.  Tell him you want a threesome with him and another man, even if he isn't bi...if he says "no", then once again, he can't be a real dom.

5.  Tell him to write an essay on what it means to be a dom, what he expects to get out of it, and what he thinks he can do for you.  If he can't do this, he surely can't possibly be a dom in any true sense of the word.

6.  Inform him you need all of his passwords and you will then go in and change them all to say he is taken, and under consideration of being your dom.  If he won't go along with this one, goodness knows what he is.  After all, you have talked on the computer for a whole three days and the phone once...if he can't trust you now, he will never trust you.


In all honesty, no one can help you with that.  We are all looking for something different in someone.  What is a dom to you, might not be to me.  Take your time and get to know the person before you worry too much about the rest of it.  You can learn a lot more about them that way, and save yourself a lot of heartache.

Good luck.

~sin, Masters squeaky clean slave



butterfly2 -> RE: What to look for in a Dom? (7/10/2007 10:51:49 AM)

id say listen to your head and not your heart!! i tried to ignore what my head was screaming at me for 8 mths until eventually i realised that to be happy you need trust and if you havent got that or pretend you can cope without it, everything wll eventually just fall apart.



CelticPrince -> RE: What to look for in a Dom? (7/10/2007 5:47:46 PM)

ditto for CuriousLord.

CP



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