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LoveForTears -> Questions about my rants to f subs (7/10/2007 8:38:23 PM)

I will preface that I read a whole profile and journal before I send a message (or don't send lol) and keep in mind when reading , if the shoe fits.....
Why is it that:

1: You get angry when someone writes you a note that doesn't meet the criteria that you didn't list? This includes age, physique, sex (M/F) or distance.

2:You get angry when someone sends a form letter? I personally send one as an introduction. I usually touch it up to let someone know I read their profile. Femme subs must be outnumbered by Dom males 100 to 1 and yes we fish. Maybe that is because we get ignored 99.9 % of the time. Getting angry if the second letter is understandable if it is a form letter. I am so thrilled when I get a reply that is polite. Even a short turn down. I do understand you cannot answer all of them but the people that mention it in their profile are the same people that when they do reply say something like "hi", exactly what they complain about.

2b: If it was the other was the other way around what would you do? Before you jump to answer, think about it. You are competing with thousands of others for the same persons attention.

3:Why are so many profiles so danged angry in general ? Is it because you think that if people write you anyway they will accept you as an angry person? (don't worry, I dont write to those profiles)

4: Why do I always hear about the gift of submission and never the gift of dominance? Isn't a "gift" supposed to be given unconditionally? If your answer is yes then maybe submission is something other than a "gift"

Ok, thats a good start, lay it on me ...I promise I will read all posts and have my e-mail set for notices so no hate mail necessary.



OsideGirl -> RE: Questions about my rants to f subs (7/10/2007 8:59:15 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LoveForTears

I will preface that I read a whole profile and journal before I send a message (or don't send lol) and keep in mind when reading , if the shoe fits.....
Why is it that:

1: You get angry when someone writes you a note that doesn't meet the criteria that you didn't list? This includes age, physique, sex (M/F) or distance.
Well, first off, I don't get angry, I get irritated. Just like the grain of sand that gets in your shoe. Considering that guys send me pictures of their penises, tell me their life stories or what they'd like to do to me when my profile says, "Just here for the forums", I think I'm justified in being irritated.

quote:

2:You get angry when someone sends a form letter? I personally send one as an introduction. I usually touch it up to let someone know I read their profile. Femme subs must be outnumbered by Dom males 100 to 1 and yes we fish. Maybe that is because we get ignored 99.9 % of the time. Getting angry if the second letter is understandable if it is a form letter. I am so thrilled when I get a reply that is polite. Even a short turn down. I do understand you cannot answer all of them but the people that mention it in their profile are the same people that when they do reply say something like "hi", exactly what they complain about.
Nope just irritated. See above.

quote:

2b: If it was the other was the other way around what would you do? Before you jump to answer, think about it. You are competing with thousands of others for the same persons attention.
You mean besides actually read their profile and try to engage in intelligent discourse?

quote:

3:Why are so many profiles so danged angry in general ? Is it because you think that if people write you anyway they will accept you as an angry person? (don't worry, I dont write to those profiles)
Dunno. I've always thought that a negative profile starts off an interaction on negative footing. But, perhaps you should read some male Dom profiles. They're just as negative.

quote:

4: Why do I always hear about the gift of submission and never the gift of dominance? Isn't a "gift" supposed to be given unconditionally? If your answer is yes then maybe submission is something other than a "gift"
I've never believed that submission is a gift. I believe that our dynamic is a power exchange. But, to be able to engage in a power exchange, you actually have to have to some power to exchange.




daddyscherry -> RE: Questions about my rants to f subs (7/10/2007 9:51:43 PM)

Even though i am not looking, i will answer because i still get mail from people and at one point i did look.:)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LoveForTears
2:You get angry when someone sends a form letter? I personally send one as an introduction. I usually touch it up to let someone know I read their profile.

This was/is ALWAYS a pet peeve of mine. Simply because, like you mentioned there are so many guys out there that could/would be sending mail to women that you should go out of your way to show that you are not simply a "form letter", esp if competition is that bad i would imagine that you would want to stand out over the other guys. i appreciate what you said about spicing things up to show that you read the profile, which is more than some do.
quote:


2b: If it was the other was the other way around what would you do? Before you jump to answer, think about it. You are competing with thousands of others for the same persons attention.


Although i met my Daddy on a site that was not BDSM oriented, the first time i saw him was here. The competiton at the other site is even more intense just due to volume.....He initially contacted me, but had a whole slew of girls vying for his attention. When i responded to him, and the competition was huge, i was simply stated (short) and straight forward and made the words i used count for something. (this way i stood out but didn't take alot of time or effort to read)

quote:


3:Why are so many profiles so danged angry in general ? Is it because you think that if people write you anyway they will accept you as an angry person? (don't worry, I dont write to those profiles)

This i personally think has to do with ALOT of crappy mail sent by wannabes who think that you should kneel and lick their shoe bottoms at first correspondance and that type of thing. Granted, it can sometimes be shooting yourself in the foot by acting too shitty but, i think it's cause and effect.


4: Why do I always hear about the gift of submission and never the gift of dominance? Isn't a "gift" supposed to be given unconditionally? If your answer is yes then maybe submission is something other than a "gift"


This is such a debate always...but i actually did read something over the last couple of days about the gift of dominance (somewhere else) and how it gives the slave the ability to find freedom in themselves through dominance. So maybe the gifting is a two way street, i personally like that thought.

As far as conditions, this is why you should choose wisely and weed out all of the stuff that you don't want or can't live with in a mate (kind of like in the vanilla world) so that you have something to base an unconditional love/submission relationship on. i personally believe love should be without conditions in general.  (except for extreme cases. So please no flames about that)






LadyHeart -> RE: Questions about my rants to f subs (7/10/2007 11:57:19 PM)

From your point of view, you are writing one email to a femsub. From her point of view, yours is just one of maybe ten or a dozen emails that lands in her In Box daily. By the time she's weeded through the invitations to castrate people; to bow down and worship a total stranger; been accused of not being a "real" submissive; tried to figure out why someone from Serbia wants her to "cut" him on line and all the other garbage that generally accumulates during the day, unfortunately, you may get the backlash of her irritation for problems other people have caused.

I try to be polite to everyone who emails me, but I have to admit to becoming suspicious and cynical, and on a bad day, you "might" get one of those snippy emails back from me too. But I'm still taking deep breaths, and trying not to bite ...

:))
LH



givemyall -> RE: Questions about my rants to f subs (7/11/2007 2:11:03 AM)

quote:

1: You get angry when someone writes you a note that doesn't meet the criteria that you didn't list? This includes age, physique, sex (M/F) or distance.

If I didn't list the criteria then it doesn't bother me unless they are just being blatantly dumb.

quote:

2:You get angry when someone sends a form letter? I personally send one as an introduction. I usually touch it up to let someone know I read their profile. Femme subs must be outnumbered by Dom males 100 to 1 and yes we fish. Maybe that is because we get ignored 99.9 % of the time. Getting angry if the second letter is understandable if it is a form letter. I am so thrilled when I get a reply that is polite. Even a short turn down. I do understand you cannot answer all of them but the people that mention it in their profile are the same people that when they do reply say something like "hi", exactly what they complain about.

Form letters do bug me, I'd rather have a short message that is aimed at me, than a long scrawl that every other submissive is reading at that same time, sometimes I answer them, other times I dont, it depends on how many other people have written to me that day and actually managed to do something more than press Ctrl P and send.

quote:

2b: If it was the other was the other way around what would you do? Before you jump to answer, think about it. You are competing with thousands of others for the same persons attention.

Hard to answer because ive never been in that position but I can imagine it would teach me my limitations and if I was constantly being ignored, then I would perhaps change my approach to make it a little more interesting - perhaps I would realise that the form letters weren't doing it for me 

quote:

3:Why are so many profiles so danged angry in general ? Is it because you think that if people write you anyway they will accept you as an angry person? (don't worry, I dont write to those profiles)

I guess my profile is what you would call 'angry', although it never used to be - I rewrote it after I received loads of effortless form letters telling me to 'get on my knees'.  Although 90% of the mail I get is from people that see the funny side of it, so its worked for me.

quote:

4: Why do I always hear about the gift of submission and never the gift of dominance? Isn't a "gift" supposed to be given unconditionally? If your answer is yes then maybe submission is something other than a "gift"

It's whatever you are happy calling it - WTF does it matter, if a person chooses to call it that and you dont agree with it, then there is a chance that you aren't going to agree with them on other matters - they arent for you - move on!







Quivver -> RE: Questions about my rants to f subs (7/11/2007 3:38:58 AM)


Angry is a strong word, I'm with Bobbi ~ irritated.
You see, my profile clearly states that i am not looking for anything more then friendship.  Yet 2 out of 3 notes that appear in my inbox seem to have missed that part in my short profile I'm using these days. 
The population has conditioned me considering those odds.
When a unknown name pops up as incoming mail, my first
reaction is ~ great, is this another catalog shopper? ~ [:o]
So yes, I do get irriatate when the words I have stated are ignored.

Personally I do not mind a form letter. 

As for 2b, this is why I take the few minutes to reply. 

Angry profiles I think come out of frustration.  I read just as many
Male Doms's profiles as I do Sub's who do nothing but whine. 
What I see in those profiles is a lack of patience and class. 
Although it is easy to see who to avoid............
(just a note for the OP ... this post is semi similar)

I have never bought into that ~gift~ idea.  Submission isnt something
I can force.  Either it's there or it isnt.  Please dont generalize.....








stella40 -> RE: Questions about my rants to f subs (7/11/2007 4:37:39 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LoveForTears

1: You get angry when someone writes you a note that doesn't meet the criteria that you didn't list? This includes age, physique, sex (M/F) or distance.



This is something I just don't get. One of the facts that I've come to accept with having a profile on Collarme, along with having a profile on any other site and quite often with having an e-mail address is that quite a lot, in fact in the majority, most of the messages you receive or are likely to receive will be unsuitable.

I have a profile, written in English, which doesn't contain long words like floccipaucinihilipilification or such, but says who I am, what I'm about, and that I have a Domme. After rewriting this profile a dozen times (including in the form of a poem) I figure that I'm still going to get unsuitable replies, so why bother? I assume that anyone reading my profile has the reading and comprehension level in English of an 11 year old, I also understand that for many who use Collarme English is not their first language.

I don't get angry, I don't even get upset. It's not even worth getting emotional over. There's far more important things in life than getting angry over responses. Besides, people are people, almost invariably different from me, in fact I'd hate to think that there was another person out there on Collarme just like me.. one is bad enough.

But you know, there's a lot of people out there who tend to be very self-interested, they want what they want, and they're not really all that prepared to make concessions either or compromise on what they want to accomodate another person. They go through profiles having a set of specific criteria (most of which isn't important anyway) such as appearance, specific BDSM play activities, body size, hair colour, and they're seeking someone who fits their criteria as some sort of ready made ideal partner who I doubt they're ever going to find unless they're extremely lucky. They're not interested in the other person, they're only interested in how much that person meets their criteria. It's not my way of doing things, but I'm not them, it's their way.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LoveForTears

2:You get angry when someone sends a form letter? I personally send one as an introduction. I usually touch it up to let someone know I read their profile. Femme subs must be outnumbered by Dom males 100 to 1 and yes we fish. Maybe that is because we get ignored 99.9 % of the time. Getting angry if the second letter is understandable if it is a form letter. I am so thrilled when I get a reply that is polite. Even a short turn down. I do understand you cannot answer all of them but the people that mention it in their profile are the same people that when they do reply say something like "hi", exactly what they complain about.



This is also connected with someone going round looking for someone who meets their criteria without ever really taking the time or trouble to read through a profile, understand what is written and write something original to that person. Basic communication. Many people, and I am one of them, don't enjoy getting the impression that they've been spammed. We are all individuals, I am different to every other submissive here on Collarme. I want someone who wants to get to know me, not someone who is judging me against a specific set of criteria deciding whether I'm suitable or not. If I wanted this, I'd go list myself as a submissive on e-Bay.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LoveForTears

2b: If it was the other was the other way around what would you do? Before you jump to answer, think about it. You are competing with thousands of others for the same persons attention.



I would do exactly as I did before, I would take the time and trouble to go through someone's profile, journal entries and postings, and I would be very interested to find out who they are, what makes them tick, and what they are looking for. I don't even think about other people competing with me, it isn't all that important. I would be looking to offer them something that they need, want, and looking to get to know them. The first thing I'd be looking for however is some sort of interest, some sort of connection and a clear line of communication before I'd even consider what it is I'm looking for. I go by the way of thinking that if there's two people both with needs and wants then there's room for compromise and room for discussion and negotiation. When approaching someone new I assume that I'm going to be rejected. Why bother to go to all that trouble of writing for that one person if I'm going to be rejected? Well, it's good practice for a start, and you never know, I just might be proved wrong.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LoveForTears
3:Why are so many profiles so danged angry in general ? Is it because you think that if people write you anyway they will accept you as an angry person? (don't worry, I dont write to those profiles)


I don't think it's got anything to do with anger. I just think that a lot of people expect it to all come on a plate and they're not prepared to put in the effort to get to know someone, to ask questions, find out more, to actually communicate, to negotiate and to try and find common ground. Like I said there's a lot of self-interested people out there who are only interested in what they want and they only want people who meet their criteria, and I guess they think by having a negative profile they discourage those people they deem not to match their criteria. These people rarely ask questions or want to find out more, they just assume, make their judgements and hold out for their cookie cutter partner.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LoveForTears
4: Why do I always hear about the gift of submission and never the gift of dominance? Isn't a "gift" supposed to be given unconditionally? If your answer is yes then maybe submission is something other than a "gift"


This is another thing. Oh be sure it's not just submissives with their 'gift of submission', there are also plenty of Doms who honestly believe 'this is all about me, it's not about you'. Yeah, right. However people come into this lifestyle at different ages for a vast multitude of different reasons, they may not know much about the lifestyle, they may genuinely believe in various different illusions, they may even be ignorant as to what BDSM is really all about. Oh yes, it's very easy to laugh at them, to point the finger, to criticise and ridicule them, but how perfect were you as a Dom or a submissive when you first started out? Ignorance isn't always a bad thing, it's a good starting point for learning, and the only surefire way that people learn is through their own experiences and the experiences of others.

There really are a lot of wonderful fascinating people here with profiles on Collarme, truly there are. Quite a lot of them frequently make postings here on these boards. Isn't it worth abandoning your preconceived notions and your criteria and taking some time and trouble to really get to know them?

Is it really all that difficult to work out?



Celeste43 -> RE: Questions about my rants to f subs (7/11/2007 12:40:00 PM)

The reason you don't get a short reply saying thank you for your note but I'm not interested is that most of us have found that when we did this, the usual response to that was for the man we told no thank you to interpreted the response as a maybe.

What happened next would be receiving an angry email from the turned down man calling us names because we turned him down, and sometimes even hate mail/threats.

You're not getting responses because of other men's past behavior. Once bitten, twice shy. And keep in mind that if we sent ten thanks but no thanks notes out, we would get about 3 nasty responses. I don't know about you but I really dislike getting email that says I'm an ugly bitch who he would only fuck with a bag over my head. Bear in mind I have no picture up. Nor email telling me he hopes somebody cuts me up slowly and stuffs me in a dumpster. This kind of stuff, which tends to go on until you block the man, makes a girl gunshy.

No response is a response.

Your best bet is to ask something, just a line or two about her profile or a post she wrote. If she has a picture up and you had a passing curiousity about it, then ask her where it was taken. If it reminds you of someplace you've been then ask if it was there.

As far as the gift of submission, thoughts go on it both ways. If you talk to someone who is romantic and thinks of it like a gift while you don't, then just chalk it up to incompatibility. Personally I think of it as a useful concept for a brand new sub, to remind her that she is of worth and shouldn't give in to sub frenzy but hold out for someone who also thinks she's of worth. Considering how many women have been abused in their lives, I feel anything that helps such a woman remind herself to value herself and only get involved with someone else who would sufficiently value herself is a good thing. As with everything else, your mileage may vary.



ProlificNeeds -> RE: Questions about my rants to f subs (7/11/2007 1:03:48 PM)

The only one I'll respond to is:
4: Why do I always hear about the gift of submission and never the gift of dominance? Isn't a "gift" supposed to be given unconditionally? If your answer is yes then maybe submission is something other than a "gift"

I don't give gifts of great value and importance to strangers, I give them to those I love, trust and value. Same goes for submission. My domestic service is open to my friends and family, as an unconditional gift. My romantic/intimate servitude and submission are given to those who reach an appropriate level of trust and affection in my life.

In general as far as mail goes, I put enough information on my profile to identify my dislikes and likes, my orientation. If someone expresses a desire for something I clearly have no interest in, I won't respond, it means the person took no time to look at the very brief information I made available. If they can't spend time to pay attention to a very brief profile, they won't spend the time it requires to pay attention to what I have to say either.



AquaticSub -> RE: Questions about my rants to f subs (7/11/2007 1:17:31 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LoveForTears

I will preface that I read a whole profile and journal before I send a message (or don't send lol) and keep in mind when reading , if the shoe fits.....
Why is it that:

1: You get angry when someone writes you a note that doesn't meet the criteria that you didn't list? This includes age, physique, sex (M/F) or distance.

I don't get angry but it's just a waste of both people's time and I tell them so. Politely at first and rudely if they persist.

quote:


2:You get angry when someone sends a form letter? I personally send one as an introduction. I usually touch it up to let someone know I read their profile. Femme subs must be outnumbered by Dom males 100 to 1 and yes we fish. Maybe that is because we get ignored 99.9 % of the time. Getting angry if the second letter is understandable if it is a form letter. I am so thrilled when I get a reply that is polite. Even a short turn down. I do understand you cannot answer all of them but the people that mention it in their profile are the same people that when they do reply say something like "hi", exactly what they complain about.

Every form letter gets the same response from me: This is obviously a form letter. If you do not have the time to write me a personal, if short, letter, then you do not have the time to own me.

It's not an anger thing. It's just that I have no interest in someone who uses a form letter.
quote:


2b: If it was the other was the other way around what would you do? Before you jump to answer, think about it. You are competing with thousands of others for the same persons attention.

Send short but personal letters. "Hey there, I stumbled across your profile. I notice you are into ren fairs, so am I. Would you like to chat and get to know each other better?"
quote:


3:Why are so many profiles so danged angry in general ? Is it because you think that if people write you anyway they will accept you as an angry person? (don't worry, I dont write to those profiles)

Maybe because they keep getting a bunch of annoying form letters and insta-doms.
quote:


4: Why do I always hear about the gift of submission and never the gift of dominance? Isn't a "gift" supposed to be given unconditionally? If your answer is yes then maybe submission is something other than a "gift"

Because dominants don't talk about the gift of their dominance. I personally feel that Valyraen's willingness to own me is a gift that enhances my life every day.



mstrjx -> RE: Questions about my rants to f subs (7/11/2007 1:29:11 PM)

Trying to find a suitable partner is a very hit-and-miss affair.  You have your own expectations; others around you (in whatever you consider your circle to be) have their expectations.  If you are looking to meet someone at, say, a cocktail party, you have the opportunity to find out something of that person (if nothing more than what they look like), and there is some chance that unbeknownst to you others have 'checked you out'.

The Internet makes this process somewhat more complicated.  Your 'presence', or the first thing people see of you, is a profile.  A picture might or might not be included (and the picture could be of someone entirely different, or the picture could be 10 years old).  Profiles can be interpreted correctly, profiles can be misinterpreted badly.  As people spend more time on a site without great success, they find ways to 'spice up' others' perception.  They can alter their profile.  They can try to wean out inappropriate people by the language they use in that profile, or add journal entries.

It can easily come a point where lack of success 'breeds' failure.  It's relatively easy to get stressed about one's experiences, and create a backlash effect by reacting to their experiences inappropriately.  Certainly if everyone were intimately aware of everyone else's profiles, they could see the ebb-and-flow of their experiences, and follow along similarly as a soap opera.  The truth, however, is that people come and go, and when you come across a profile with caveats and 'warnings', it's likely that that is not the ramblings of someone who has just put out their very first profile.

When I was on another BDSM site, I sent out a lot of opening emails.  Sometimes I got response, sometimes not.  Sometimes people would write me.  I met some people, and all-in-all not much came of it.  But it was a form of 'trying'.  When I joined CM, I still wanted the opportunities, but I found myself in a position where I thought the best thing for me to do was to keep an active profile, but allow people to come to me rather than sending out emails to 'everyone' I felt ideal. 

But in the end, I feel you have to have little or no real expectations.  You can't let it bother you if people are not interpreting (or even not really reading) one's profile correctly.  You can't let it bother you if you write an email to someone 'perfect' and they either not respond or respond negatively.  Knowing me (and being the ONLY person knowing me), I used to think that it was almost 'criminal' that trolls, wannabes, users and overall losers were getting a ton of action in these and other parts, while my results were not what they needed to be.

Ultimately, I was found, in a manner not too dissimilar to the ol' cocktail party approach.  Because I put more of myself out there (via these message boards) rather than a simple profile (good or not) that is nothing more than black letters on a white background, left up to interpretation, I allowed myself to be in the position of being watched.  Stalked, if you will.  And all that time, without really noticing who was stalking me, until I received her opening email.

There's really no point in trying to question others' methods.  All any of us can do is to be ourselves.  If we think the right thing to do is to diligently read profiles and respond to only those that seem worthwhile, fine.  If we think the right thing to do is to respond to each email received, if for no other reason than common courtesy, swell.  If we act like assholes, that's OK too, because nobody knows who we are.  You might not get friends that way, but some people simply don't care.

Leaving options open is probably the best policy.  My 'stalker' had at least been noticed by me, because I had seen her profile on my 'Viewing' list.  On first glance, I saw things that did not make me think to myself '100% compatible'.  In fact, my first email was to point out 'nothing' but differences, and have her justify why she still thought I was a valid alternative for her.  Which she did with gusto.  So there.

Jeff



LoveForTears -> RE: Questions about my rants to f subs (7/11/2007 2:17:42 PM)

Wow, I can't believe what great answers there were in here. I really appreciate those that weren't irritated with my questions and those not condesending. It has really given me a lot to think about and it sounds like a rewrite and a new approach is in my future :)



sambamanslilgirl -> RE: Questions about my rants to f subs (7/11/2007 3:57:27 PM)

1. - if you cannot read my profile and not comprehend my likes and dislikes, don't expect me to respond back nicely upon asking if i like faceslapping or being your toliet.

2. - send me a form letter and you shall get an even angerier response plus an automatic block off my profile.  a form letter shows no creativity and intelligence ...that you're not skilled in the art of conversation and you're very lazy to write anything original.  on the other hand, i don't send form letters to the doms i want to chat with.

3. - not apologizing if my profile is a tad angry ...some of you doms don't know how to read when i state i'm a chained and collared daughter - that doesn't mean i have a velco collar either ...what's so hard to comprehend that?  i've seen doms who state their happily with someone else in a monogamous relationship yet they're looking and messaging me behind the slave/submissive's back.  i don't like cheaters and at at least i have permission from Daddy to meet other doms and nillas. 



bellaballanda -> RE: Questions about my rants to f subs (7/11/2007 4:04:08 PM)

I have to second what Celeste 43 said.  I went through a long period of time where i responded to every single e-mail and said sorry but no thank you (even to the ones who obviously did not fit what I was looking for).  Then I started getting these you don't know what you're doing, you're too young to be able to say no to me, you need me to teach you...... blah blah blah blah....  After a dozen or so of those, I got lax about the no thank you messages.



daddysliloneds -> RE: Questions about my rants to f subs (7/11/2007 4:12:24 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LoveForTears

I will preface that I read a whole profile and journal before I send a message (or don't send lol) and keep in mind when reading , if the shoe fits.....
Why is it that:

1: You get angry when someone writes you a note that doesn't meet the criteria that you didn't list? This includes age, physique, sex (M/F) or distance.


i don't get angry if i'm the one who didn't list the criteria.

quote:

2:You get angry when someone sends a form letter? I personally send one as an introduction. I usually touch it up to let someone know I read their profile. Femme subs must be outnumbered by Dom males 100 to 1 and yes we fish. Maybe that is because we get ignored 99.9 % of the time. Getting angry if the second letter is understandable if it is a form letter. I am so thrilled when I get a reply that is polite. Even a short turn down. I do understand you cannot answer all of them but the people that mention it in their profile are the same people that when they do reply say something like "hi", exactly what they complain about.


well, a form letter isn't personal and if you want me to get personal with you, then be personal with me and show me courtesy by writing something original or even hokey, but at least write something that you haven't written in a standardized way and sent to tons of others.

quote:

2b: If it was the other was the other way around what would you do? Before you jump to answer, think about it. You are competing with thousands of others for the same persons attention.


i'd do what i always do; create an original letter that's personal, friendly and shows that i actually took the time to read their profile and write something specifically with the person in mind that i'm sending it to.

quote:

3:Why are so many profiles so danged angry in general ? Is it because you think that if people write you anyway they will accept you as an angry person? (don't worry, I dont write to those profiles)


ah, you managed to read my profile i guess, or someones similar, and i'm not an angry person, though the tone of my profile reeks of 'bitchiness' to those who would be wasting my time if they chose to write to me with some bullshit they were warned about in my profile...

so basically, it cuts down on bullshit e-mail and makes sure i only hear from the types or the ones who i'd get along with, regardless of whether or not i met them on the internet or in the flesh ; those are the ones who already understand why it's written the way it is without having to question it in the first place.

quote:

4: Why do I always hear about the gift of submission and never the gift of dominance? Isn't a "gift" supposed to be given unconditionally? If your answer is yes then maybe submission is something other than a "gift"


i don't know, because it's not the way i feel or anything i'd say.




BRNaughtyAngel -> RE: Questions about my rants to f subs (7/11/2007 4:57:50 PM)

I just recently reactivated my profile, but it didn't have anything in it other than my picture.  I got inundated with emails, some even saying "I loved your profile."  Ooooookay, what part?  The lack of words or the lovely spring green background? [8|] 

But there were some nice emails that did say that they'd like to know what I was seeking as nothing was written in my profile, etc etc...  So even though I'm uncertain at this point what I want to write about myself, I decided to put some basic parameters in there....

No married men, no switches, no submissive males, no smokers, no doms who already have other sub/slaves, no doms interested in poly...... and the most important part was that they not be "emotionally unavailable", unaffectionate or unable to communicate.  These are not meant to be rude or negative, but rather to save me and those who might respond to my profile a lot of time.  It musta worked because a few guys I was actually chit chatting with stopped writing and I haven't received any new emails.  LOL!  [8D]

I already know I'm fishing in a mighty small pond and it's just so damned depressing, but hey, whatcha gonna do?  Lower your standards?  Nope....... [sm=frown.gif]




mythi -> RE: Questions about my rants to f subs (7/11/2007 7:18:13 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: mstrjx

Ultimately, I was found, in a manner not too dissimilar to the ol' cocktail party approach.  Because I put more of myself out there (via these message boards) rather than a simple profile (good or not) that is nothing more than black letters on a white background, left up to interpretation, I allowed myself to be in the position of being watched.  Stalked, if you will.  And all that time, without really noticing who was stalking me, until I received her opening email.

Leaving options open is probably the best policy.  My 'stalker' had at least been noticed by me, because I had seen her profile on my 'Viewing' list.  On first glance, I saw things that did not make me think to myself '100% compatible'.  In fact, my first email was to point out 'nothing' but differences, and have her justify why she still thought I was a valid alternative for her.  Which she did with gusto.  So there.

Jeff


Because APPARENTLY, following someone interesting's posts to see if they're as compatible as they seem before hitting on them now constitutes STALKING.  Geez, Daddy, I only had a little criminal intent...  [8|]



wandersalone -> RE: Questions about my rants to f subs (7/11/2007 10:00:07 PM)

Maybe rather than being angry the people are expressing their frustration? 

answers to some of your questions...

1.I don't get angry if people write if they don't meet the criteria I haven't listed...I wish them well in finding someone.

2.a I think that in my profile I ask that people do not send me form letters...(though I could be wrong).  If it is obvious that  the person is on a fishing expedition and has not added anything to show that they have read my profile then I tend to ignore form letters.  I may reply with a generic 'all the best' type of thing but not always.

2 b If it was the other way around I would do exactly as I do now, be patient, get to know people through the forums if they post on here, if their profile interests me I will write a short note mentioning something they have written.  Important next step -I then do not have any expectations - if they reply that is their choice, if they don't reply that is their choice. 

I probably write to maybe one person every one or two months...and I do not feel that I am particularly picky.  Isn't it better to send two emails that are not simply about shooting fish in a barrel and get one reply rather than 50 generic (which are sometimes read as 'desperate' by the receiver) emails with no replies?

I do not see myself as "competing with thousands of others" for attention, not with hundreds and not even with tens of others....because I do not believe that I am in a competition. This change in my thought patterns came as I matured and became more comfortable with who I am and less ruled by what others expect of me.  Let people get to know you through your forum posts.

3. Maybe the person was having a bad day when they wrote their profile, maybe they were frustrated at receiving so many one liner or form letters from people who have obviously not read their profile, maybe they are unhappy, maybe they are angry.... if you do not like people who complain in their profiles say a prayer of thanks that you at least know who to avoid.

4. The gift of submission thing is a notion that works for some people.

Life isn't a big race in which you have to get the biggest and the best, or find a relationship the fastest.  Take your time, be the best person that you can be through and to your work, study, hobbies, family and friends, get involved in local events if you choose, give people the choice of getting to know you at their own pace.  Take the pressure off yourself and others. 

[:)]  (damn.... this was going to be a short reply by me!)





Viciousbabe -> RE: Questions about my rants to f subs (7/11/2007 11:31:45 PM)

I agree with many of the replies. I simply get irritated when I get a massive letter. Only because I've taken the time to read some of them and they sound too generic like they are being sent out to about a thousand women, or it's just a list of what I will do as I immediately hit the 'reply' button to become His slave. *not* Usually two or three sentences will do. You can let a girl know you're interested, read her profile, and maybe even have some thing intelligent to say.

The other part? I've found myself getting lazy and not replying because I don't find some one interesting. A short turn down can lead to a lengthy discussion of why I am not 'really' a slave.

The gift that you give and for how long you give it depends on the nature. I view my submission not really as a 'gift' but as some thing I give and can just as easily be taken away. (And yes I realize the same goes with Doms) I give my submission, trust, etc once some one has proven they will handle it properly and I will take it away if they misuse it.



julietsierra -> RE: Questions about my rants to f subs (7/12/2007 6:54:03 AM)

Regarding the form letters: When I walk to my mailbox to pick up the day's mail, I get lots of stuff I don't want, am not interested in and wish they just wouldnt send me. Not including the bills, I just toss them out. Why would it be any different for me online?

And let me put this another way...

You asked how would I feel if the situation were reversed. Well, first of all, if I were trying to find someone who might be interested in me, I sure as hell wouldn't make him feel like he was one out of a thousand I'd contacted that day. I'd read his profile, find something good I could comment on and do so. I'd personalize it in a way that didn't necessarily take oodles of time for me, but makes an impact with the person I'm writing to.

To add to your rant, speaking in terms of what I'd do if the situation were reversed, I'd sure as hell make sure I didn't send the SAME form letter to the SAME person over and over again - even when the first one had been responded to.

In short, the message I'd be trying to get across is that I actually gave some thought as to who I was contacting and that even if only superficially, their comments mattered to me.

But hey, that's just me.

juliet



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