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Approaching a woman - 7/11/2007 11:30:17 AM

SlND3R3LLA

Posts: 118
Joined: 6/19/2007
Status: offline

Okay, here is my dilemma. It doesn't have anything to do with bdsm, but it is something that has to do with relationships.

I am very bi, I have always been very open about. I have never had a problem talking to men, flirting, going out with...etc. It seems like though around women, I just freeze up, I get afraid of saying something dumb, I run out of things to say, and then I lose interest, or I just don't pursue anymore of the relationship. I feel like they are always judging what I say, how I say it, whether my make-up is runny..etc...pretty much any silly thing you can think of. It just seems like I am more afraid of rejection..and it's starting to get to me.

I have met some really nice women, ones that I would love to have something more with, but I always sabotage it at some point, and I have no idea how to stop it.

Is it that way for guys also? How to you get over the jitters? What can I do to keep myself from freezing up?

Any advice you have would be appreciated. I am soooo tired of feeling like a school girl around someone I really like.

~sin, Masters bi-scared slave

_____________________________

And in that moment, everything I knew to be true about myself up until then was gone. I was acting like another woman, yet I was more myself than ever before. ~F

To hell with diamonds, lube is a girls best friend ;)

Post #: 1

RE: Approaching a woman - 7/11/2007 11:39:38 AM

pahunkboy

Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline

talking to a lady platonically should be no problem.

some woman are extreemly NOT interested in another woman.

look at any lady intially as an aquiantaance/friend.

if signals later prove- that she swings your way- then accept the nod. but if you are too bold you will be alienated. [sorry, the world is such, IMO][even tho lesbiens are a heterosexual mans fanstasy-lesbien couples face friction EVEN FROM GAY MALES!...

(in reply to SlND3R3LLA)

Post #: 2

RE: Approaching a woman - 7/11/2007 11:44:35 AM

SlND3R3LLA

Posts: 118
Joined: 6/19/2007
Status: offline

I guess I need to clarify. I usually meet these women knowing they are bi or gay, so whether they are or not isn't really an issue. It's more that I can't seem to form an intelligent thought in their presence, let alone get it out of my mouth.

It's like my dumb button gets pushed or something..ugh!!!!

~sin

< Message edited by SlND3R3LLA -- 7/11/2007 11:45:25 AM >

_____________________________

And in that moment, everything I knew to be true about myself up until then was gone. I was acting like another woman, yet I was more myself than ever before. ~F

To hell with diamonds, lube is a girls best friend ;)

(in reply to pahunkboy)

Post #: 3

RE: Approaching a woman - 7/11/2007 11:50:19 AM

popeye1250

Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline

That's an easy one, just keep it simple.
"Hi I'm Sally, wanna fuck?"

_____________________________

"But Your Honor, this is not a Jury of my Peers, these people are all decent, honest, law-abiding citizens!"

(in reply to SlND3R3LLA)

Post #: 4

RE: Approaching a woman - 7/11/2007 11:51:32 AM

pahunkboy

Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline

in that case- pick a trait- that- you think they would enjoy chatting about. if they have a new hairstyle- and you like it- start in on that. most of all- be genuine. when u compliment- be sincere.

the key is to find commen ground.

where you are at- would depend on what you say as well....

i recall a funny advice from this flaming gay guy- he said drop a hankerchief. *swoon* LMAO LMAO! ;-0

(in reply to SlND3R3LLA)

Post #: 5

RE: Approaching a woman - 7/11/2007 11:54:55 AM

pahunkboy

Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline

Dating is just impossible. close friends are a better bet. be glad you arent totally gay. there is NO selection. you have to worry about so many thing. if someone is coming out- they must sow their wild oats- then become aslut.

(in reply to pahunkboy)

Post #: 6

RE: Approaching a woman - 7/11/2007 11:58:35 AM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

yes, it is just like that for guys, that is why you see all this howling about trolls, they do stupid shit because of it.

You gotta brass it out, and if you don't know what you are doing, do it slowly----
In other words,
don't go in with the idea of bedding the bitch
don't go in with the idea of there will be this magical ---OH!!!! she just is so enamoured with me or she is just so disgusted with me.

Girls gay or not are still females, build trust, don't hang on past the welcome the first few times, do not put pressure on either way (you or her) and leave them wanting more...............

Ron the lesbian

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to SlND3R3LLA)

Post #: 7

RE: Approaching a woman - 7/11/2007 12:01:54 PM

popeye1250

Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline

Ron, I knew it! I knew all along,.....you're a Dyke!

_____________________________

"But Your Honor, this is not a Jury of my Peers, these people are all decent, honest, law-abiding citizens!"

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 8

RE: Approaching a woman - 7/11/2007 12:05:25 PM

farglebargle

Posts: 10715
Joined: 6/15/2005
From: Albany, NY
Status: offline

Invite 'em to a Margarita Party!

Tequila breaks down barriers...

_____________________________

It's not every generation that gets to watch a civilization fall. Looks like we're in for a hell of a show.

ברוך אתה, אדוני אלוקינו, ריבון העולמים, מי יוצר צמחים ריחניים

(in reply to popeye1250)

Post #: 9

RE: Approaching a woman - 7/11/2007 12:10:16 PM

SlND3R3LLA

Posts: 118
Joined: 6/19/2007
Status: offline

Maybe I am having a problem because my last relationship more fell into my lap. We started talking and everything clicked, it lasted almost 5 yrs.

I know in my head I need to just relax and let things happen, I suppose that is the best advice and I gave that to myself.

I admit I am not one for casual sex, not with women or men. I guess that is why I can't do as popeye suggested, walk up and say "let's fuck".

I haven't been with a woman since the last one, so maybe I am just comparing everything to that. I expect "magic" or something stupid, and that probably won't happen twice.

I need to just get my head together and enjoy the friendships of these women, and not worry about if we end up in bed or not. If we do, we do, if not, maybe I have another friend.

~sin

_____________________________

And in that moment, everything I knew to be true about myself up until then was gone. I was acting like another woman, yet I was more myself than ever before. ~F

To hell with diamonds, lube is a girls best friend ;)

(in reply to popeye1250)

Post #: 10

RE: Approaching a woman - 7/11/2007 12:10:16 PM

NorthernGent

Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SlND3R3LLA

Okay, here is my dilemma. It doesn't have anything to do with bdsm, but it is something that has to do with relationships.

I am very bi, I have always been very open about. I have never had a problem talking to men, flirting, going out with...etc. It seems like though around women, I just freeze up, I get afraid of saying something dumb, I run out of things to say, and then I lose interest, or I just don't pursue anymore of the relationship. I feel like they are always judging what I say, how I say it, whether my make-up is runny..etc...pretty much any silly thing you can think of. It just seems like I am more afraid of rejection..and it's starting to get to me.

I have met some really nice women, ones that I would love to have something more with, but I always sabotage it at some point, and I have no idea how to stop it.

Is it that way for guys also? How to you get over the jitters? What can I do to keep myself from freezing up?

Any advice you have would be appreciated. I am soooo tired of feeling like a school girl around someone I really like.

~sin, Masters bi-scared slave

Grab the bull by the horns.

You're stood wondering if she finds you interesting and likes your hair, she's sat wondering if you like her tits and will find her funny. She'll be no less nervous than you. 'Nothing to worry about it, just get stuck in. Think of the pot of honey at the end of the rainbow.

_____________________________

I have the courage to be a coward - but not beyond my limits.

Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

(in reply to SlND3R3LLA)

Post #: 11

RE: Approaching a woman - 7/11/2007 12:15:01 PM

SlND3R3LLA

Posts: 118
Joined: 6/19/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NorthernGent

quote:

ORIGINAL: SlND3R3LLA

Okay, here is my dilemma. It doesn't have anything to do with bdsm, but it is something that has to do with relationships.

I am very bi, I have always been very open about. I have never had a problem talking to men, flirting, going out with...etc. It seems like though around women, I just freeze up, I get afraid of saying something dumb, I run out of things to say, and then I lose interest, or I just don't pursue anymore of the relationship. I feel like they are always judging what I say, how I say it, whether my make-up is runny..etc...pretty much any silly thing you can think of. It just seems like I am more afraid of rejection..and it's starting to get to me.

I have met some really nice women, ones that I would love to have something more with, but I always sabotage it at some point, and I have no idea how to stop it.

Is it that way for guys also? How to you get over the jitters? What can I do to keep myself from freezing up?

Any advice you have would be appreciated. I am soooo tired of feeling like a school girl around someone I really like.

~sin, Masters bi-scared slave

Grab the bull by the horns.

You're stood wondering if she finds you interesting and likes your hair, she's sat wondering if you like her tits and will find her funny. She'll be no less nervous than you. 'Nothing to worry about it, just get stuck in. Think of the pot of honey at the end of the rainbow.

I guess she might be thinking the same things I am, I am not sure why I didn't think of that. We are both women, and women usually worry about all of that silly stuff. Most of the time we are dressing to impress the women we will see and not really the men.

something to think about, that's for sure.

~sin

_____________________________

And in that moment, everything I knew to be true about myself up until then was gone. I was acting like another woman, yet I was more myself than ever before. ~F

To hell with diamonds, lube is a girls best friend ;)

(in reply to NorthernGent)

Post #: 12

RE: Approaching a woman - 7/11/2007 12:22:23 PM

popeye1250

Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline

NG, very good point!
The other person is human too and has the same foibles and worries as you.
I use that "Hi, I'm Tom, wanna fuck?" line to break the ice once in a while.
You'd be surprised how well it works! Get's the other person laughing.
Everything's "butta" after that.

_____________________________

"But Your Honor, this is not a Jury of my Peers, these people are all decent, honest, law-abiding citizens!"

(in reply to NorthernGent)

Post #: 13

RE: Approaching a woman - 7/11/2007 1:57:52 PM

lighthearted

Posts: 1165
Joined: 11/26/2006
Status: offline

I find that if I'm in a social situation and I'm nervous talking to someone, I just flat out tell them I'm nervous. it helps break the ice and a little laugh helps the jitters too.

_____________________________

"Thou art to me a delicious torment." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

(in reply to SlND3R3LLA)

Post #: 14

RE: Approaching a woman - 7/11/2007 2:14:29 PM

DomKen

Posts: 19457
Joined: 7/4/2004
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline

I know nothing about lesbian dynamics obviously but over the years I've been involved with a number of actively bi women.

I've noticed that a woman may be very comfortable with the whole 'dance' with a man and if she is interested she knows how to respond. However that same woman may simply not know how to interact with a woman. I think sometimes women know how to be the pursued but not how to be the pursuer. Which sounds like the OP's problem.

(in reply to lighthearted)

Post #: 15

RE: Approaching a woman - 7/11/2007 3:38:19 PM

SlND3R3LLA

Posts: 118
Joined: 6/19/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DomKen

I've noticed that a woman may be very comfortable with the whole 'dance' with a man and if she is interested she knows how to respond. However that same woman may simply not know how to interact with a woman. I think sometimes women know how to be the pursued but not how to be the pursuer. Which sounds like the OP's problem.

That might just be it in a nutshell.

I usually do say I have a case of the nerves, but that doesn't seem to help.

I just don't think I know how to go after a woman, I am more the one used to being gone after. Even in my past relationships with them, they came after me.

~sin, Masters not use to chasing, slave

_____________________________

And in that moment, everything I knew to be true about myself up until then was gone. I was acting like another woman, yet I was more myself than ever before. ~F

To hell with diamonds, lube is a girls best friend ;)

(in reply to DomKen)

Post #: 16

RE: Approaching a woman - 7/11/2007 3:56:31 PM

pahunkboy

Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: popeye1250

That's an easy one, just keep it simple.
"Hi I'm Sally, wanna fuck?"

LMAO!! nothing like skipping to the point!!

(in reply to popeye1250)

Post #: 17

RE: Approaching a woman - 7/11/2007 4:02:29 PM

JohnSteed1967

Posts: 304
Joined: 5/29/2005
From: Columbia SC
Status: offline

This may Seem very strange but this is why I never look strangers in the eye. Go out to a bar, nightclub, bookstore. Find someone that you are intrested in, and then "Eyelock" them they will have one of two reactions. they will come over and inquire what you want, or they will run the other way.

More than likly they will come over to you.

(in reply to pahunkboy)

Post #: 18

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