Guidence

Guidence (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive

Message

Mylee -> Guidence (6/19/2005 8:15:08 PM)
Please forgive my ignorance but I am very new into this world and I seem to be having an issue with guidence, I so very long to please my Sir, but I seem to be letting him down quite a lot, he often doesnt say anything but I can see it in his eyes, I poitely suggested he lay down rules or expectations so that I have guidelines to go by, but he seems to be quite uncomfortable with rules or punishments, but seeing the dissapointment clearly written in his eyes is a very very big punishment already for me, I think because I am new into this he is being easy with me, which I thought I would be greatfull for, but I'm finding myself longing for clear rules...any advise offered would be appreciated

asissyforher -> RE: Guidence (6/19/2005 8:29:49 PM)
not trying to be a smartass------but i have the same kind of thing. i had a r/t Ms for 15 months. i left because i felt unwanted/unneeded. i have one online i am talking to re: r/t--but so far the emails are few between. something about every dominant i ever met..none of them have a damn clue. their real life is too damned important yet they think we are supposed to follow them. not too inpired if you know what i mean. ok i/m done.

siamsa24 -> RE: Guidence (6/19/2005 8:32:25 PM)
Communication is key in any and every relationship and the two of you don't sound like you are communicating very well. I am not saying this to be mean or anything, but just to let you know what I see as being the problem so you can understand my view on how to work on it. Since you are both new (I am assuming this, please correct me if I am wrong), I would say to just sit down and clarify what both of you want and feel you need (both individually and as a couple). Discuss how these things can be acomplished. For example, you could say something like "I want to please you and I don't like to let you down, but I need clear expectations, it would make me feel more secure." I am just using this as a random example I pulled off the top of my head so that you know what I am saying (I'm an example person). Start slowly, do not try to jump into anything huge right away. Obviously you cannot go from vanilla to 24/7 overnight. In my relationship we started very small. I would massage his feet after dinner while he watched the news, it became a ritual that we both looked forward to. Then he started telling me what clothes he wanted me to wear, not all the time, just when he wanted to see me in something specific. You get the idea, but if you want more examples please feel free to email me on the other side. The big thing here is to communicate. If you find that you have trouble doing this face to face (I am very shy and have a very hard time talking about things like that face to face) then write him a letter. Have him read it and then you can either discuss it or he can write a reply. This seems to work pretty well in my relationship and I know that others use this method as well. I hope this helps. Oh, and welcome to the boards [:)]

SecretDomme -> RE: Guidence (6/19/2005 8:33:26 PM)
How is it possible to let someone down when you aren't clear on what it is you are supposed to be doing? Are you sure he's disappointed with you, or are you just reading that into his expressions? Perhaps if he can't provide the level of guidance that you need, he might not be the best match for you. The only other suggestion I would have would be to relax and trust that you are doing your best. If he is not punishing you, then perhaps you aren't doing anything wrong. Be well, Julie

perfection20005 -> RE: Guidence (6/20/2005 2:05:08 PM)
Maybe you are just reading him wrong. It may be that he is concerned over something else all together. But I would sit down and talk with him, and then have him clearly state or put in writing what is expected of you. Good luck. perfection

kc692 -> RE: Guidence (6/20/2005 2:10:34 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: asissyforher not trying to be a smartass------but i have the same kind of thing. i had a r/t Ms for 15 months. i left because i felt unwanted/unneeded. i have one online i am talking to re: r/t--but so far the emails are few between. something about every dominant i ever met..none of them have a damn clue. their real life is too damned important yet they think we are supposed to follow them. not too inpired if you know what i mean. ok i/m done. I'm glad you are only talking about the dominants you have met, and are not making assumptions about the rest of us. In your personal case, I hope you have a good answer from the One you have been waiting on....

Mylee -> RE: Guidence (6/20/2005 2:22:46 PM)
Thank you all for offering help and suggestions, I will try writting him a letter, he seems to enjoy getting notes from me so I do think that's the best way for now, I'm still working on trust a little and I think this is where I can learn a lot about trust, I'm going to write him a note then trust that he knows what is best for the both of us, thanks agian

littleone35 -> RE: Guidence (6/20/2005 2:32:41 PM)
what muself and my late Master did was beforw he even collered me we talked and talked so we both knew what was expectrd of my as his submissive. I am thinking maybe you should have talked a little more before you accepted his collar. Good luckand pleas let us know how it goes. little one

pandoravampire -> RE: Guidence (6/20/2005 2:33:52 PM)
Hello Mylee, when we first started, i wasnt sure what to request from the menu, as i didnt know what was on his. So we did a checklist, that gave me many clue's as to what pleases Him, also we both read bdsm stories of the likely rather than fantasy variety. We discussed what was hot, and why. Then there's the idiots guide: screw the roses, send me the thorns which people always seem to plug, personally, i thought it was crap, but you might not. And if youve got one of those reading Dom's, there's many a book for him to read. Perhaps you could buy him one. When i first started submitting to him, i would ask what would please him, to be told very enigmatically and unhelpfully, 'that is for you to find out'. But time love and trust has helped me immensely to discover ways to please him. Now, if ever i read anything i think is pertinent to us, i will email it to him to consider and respond to. Once you have learned all, there really is nothing he can teach you is there. Its not the getting to the destination, its the journey along the way that counts. There is no reason to rush. i wish you well

asissyforher -> RE: Guidence (6/20/2005 2:56:54 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kc692 quote: ORIGINAL: asissyforher not trying to be a smartass------but i have the same kind of thing. i had a r/t Ms for 15 months. i left because i felt unwanted/unneeded. i have one online i am talking to re: r/t--but so far the emails are few between. something about every dominant i ever met..none of them have a damn clue. their real life is too damned important yet they think we are supposed to follow them. not too inpired if you know what i mean. ok i/m done. I'm glad you are only talking about the dominants you have met, and are not making assumptions about the rest of us. In your personal case, I hope you have a good answer from the One you have been waiting on.... d quote: I'm glad you are only talking about the dominants you have met, and are not making assumptions about the rest of us. In your personal case, I hope you have a good answer from the One you have been waiting on.... define --good---answer. to me it is all one excuse after another. i am too busy. we had fathers day/i have too many kids/ i have this or that. huh? how is it She thinks She is going to have time if i went there in person then? duh! i am not totally stupid. i feel if i am not important enough to talk to, and "i" have to spend MY air-time on MY cell calling Her....what's wrong with this picture? is it just me? i don't think it is ---myself. thank You

pandoravampire -> RE: Guidence (6/21/2005 3:44:30 PM)
"define --good---answer. to me it is all one excuse after another." If you believe this, then you have your answer dont you?

asissyforher -> RE: Guidence (6/21/2005 4:22:29 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: pandoravampire "define --good---answer. to me it is all one excuse after another." If you believe this, then you have your answer dont you? [/quote yeah/ all mouth no action.......and i have seldom seen much else either.

AAkasha -> RE: Guidence (6/21/2005 4:34:47 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: asissyforher quote: ORIGINAL: pandoravampire "define --good---answer. to me it is all one excuse after another." If you believe this, then you have your answer dont you? [/quote yeah/ all mouth no action.......and i have seldom seen much else either. This is getting pretty repetitive. Did anyone ever see the Saturday Night Live skit "debbie downer"? Akasha

asissyforher -> RE: Guidence (6/21/2005 5:00:25 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AAkasha quote: ORIGINAL: asissyforher quote: ORIGINAL: pandoravampire "define --good---answer. to me it is all one excuse after another." If you believe this, then you have your answer dont you? [/quote yeah/ all mouth no action.......and i have seldom seen much else either. This is getting pretty repetitive. Did anyone ever see the Saturday Night Live skit "debbie downer"? Akasha quote: nope. don't watch tv. no interest. i suppose You do? This is getting pretty repetitive. Did anyone ever see the Saturday Night Live skit "debbie downer"? Akasha

Mylee -> RE: Guidence (6/21/2005 5:12:51 PM)
Thank you for those of you who aswered to my question, i wanted to give an update that the note was such a good idea, He was very pleased with me for writting it and it's opened up a whole new line of communication THANKS! my'lee

Page: [1]

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.015625