Paralysis in Breakup and/or beginnings... (Full Version)

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NareenaAndSir -> Paralysis in Breakup and/or beginnings... (7/11/2007 5:42:16 PM)

We are striving to be together and have been separated at times for many reasons. Each of us has experienced a semi-state of paralysis in our lives during such hardships, and have also suffered paralysis before we met, when each of us did not even know D/s was for us. Like many here, the years spent in vanilla relationships were troublesome; always making the other partner feel somehow "not enough" (most likely they were not). I was married for many years, yet in the later years of unhappiness, paralysis in business and social circles became a problem.

I guess my question to you all is this:

Have many of you when going through the rigors of starting out experienced such paralysis in other parts of your lives? Have many of you when breaking up experienced the same? Lord knows depression can bring you to a stand still, and can desires long denied can certainly lead to depression. Do those who must keep submissive and dominant desires secret often run into problems with 'get up and go!?"

Does desire or kink denied often run to paralysis?

We strive to be together. To push through our problems to find that promise land, but it has been a long time a comin'. It seems we both need to make a decision. It seems if we do not, living in limbo will grind us both to a halt. I was wondering if others had the same problem in relationships trying to find themselves, or when alone and starting out in this journey.



Thank you....



mstrjx -> RE: Paralysis in Breakup and/or beginnings... (7/11/2007 8:36:14 PM)

I'm going to reword the question as I interpret it.

Do 'things' that happen to you cause you to get cold feet or put things off?

Um, no.  First, I'm not conservative that way.  I like to know what I'm getting myself into.  Even if I'm about to meet someone I have reason to believe would be 'wrong' for me, I want to do it and get it over with and move on.  I'd rather be in a position of some semblance of control than to wait on another where it's not my place to intervene.

Once I decided for myself that living a life on the far side of kink was what I wanted, it was full steam ahead.  But I didn't have outside partners or pressures or anything to concern myself with.  I didn't commit myself to 'this' until I had divorced my first wife.  I was able to do whatever with whomever afterwards.

Jeff



butterfly2 -> RE: Paralysis in Breakup and/or beginnings... (7/12/2007 12:52:17 AM)

My master and i have tried so hard to get " things" togeather, but we both know deep down it could never happen, and yes we lived in limbo hoping, but we have seperated, its awful, unable to move forward.Im finding it very difficult to move on, continue with everyday life, but know that going back will bring even more heartache, so hoping time is a good healer and desperately trying to listen to my head and ignore my heart at the moment, but its difficult



hideandseek -> RE: Paralysis in Breakup and/or beginnings... (7/15/2007 10:59:09 PM)

I don't know if this answers your question but I suffer from depression, anxiety, OCD, and an eating disorder.  I love the lifestyle and don't want to leave it, but I have questioned myself as to whether this is the right time in my life to have a BDSM relationship or any relationship for that matter.



SirDominic -> RE: Paralysis in Breakup and/or beginnings... (7/16/2007 8:50:56 AM)

I am going to make an assumption that you find "paralysis" to be an issue in other parts of your life as well. If I am wrong, ignore the rest of this. If I am right, this is a classic sign of depression issues. You need to talk to a professional about this. There is help available, but you have to make the first step. Good luck.

Namaste, Sir Dominic



shyinini -> RE: Paralysis in Breakup and/or beginnings... (7/16/2007 11:54:05 AM)

I am not sure what you might really mean by paralysis.  I have never heard the word used in this context.
 
If Sir Dominic's rendering is right on, then I am still at a loss.
 
Depression, well me in that state, is not paralysis.
 
You might wish to explain differently? 
 
Sir's sweetheart



Celeste43 -> RE: Paralysis in Breakup and/or beginnings... (7/16/2007 11:57:57 AM)

Depression isn't a bdsm problem, it's a human problem. Get to a doctor, get on some meds to lift the depression, then find a cognitive behavioral therapist to teach you better coping skills.

I've been there, it's a mess and it only gets worse without help.

Now I don't know if you're northern or southern hemisphere but if you're in Australia, it's the middle of winter and if so you need to be evaluated for how much of this is seasonal affectiveness disorder. If you're in the northern hemisphere that shouldn't be entering into it.



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