Stalking

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Uniform -> Stalking (7/11/2007 11:19:25 PM)
Normally I do not have the time to write much on message boards, but I do enjoy reading CM and using once in a while the chat. I have met many nice and decent people here. The reason I write now is a new experience, which I have made only recently here on CM and on another message board. Hopefully, the more experienced people here can give me some advice how to deal with the following: Once in a while, especially when looking for someone special, one gets into contact with all kinds of people. Most are polite and nice, but some can turn into a real problem. The new experience I have made is STALKING. E.g. someone, who you definitely do not want to exchange mails with or chat with, doesn’t accept the message of “please, stay away”, but continues to contact you through all kinds of channels. When you block one handle (name), they invent new ones to pop up on your screen time and again. On another message board this went so far, that one started to write nasty comments to every single statement I had ever written there, even to follow me into chat rooms and to harass me there. Finally, I had to withdraw completely from that message board, because it became kind of meaningless to have always an unwanted shadow counteracting everything you do or say. I’ve seen bullying and harassment in real life and know how to deal with that most of the time. But here I feel helpless. I can’t change my online identity each and every time, and wouldn’t like to do so either, because it would make it difficult to keep contact with those, who know me there with a certain name. Therefore my question to the CM community: Do you have had similar experience? What did you do to deal with it? Is there anything one can do to get rid of this kind of activity? Thanks in advance Uniform

proudsub -> RE: Stalking (7/11/2007 11:30:46 PM)
You can get help here: http://wiredsafety.org/cyberstalking_harassment//

Uniform -> RE: Stalking (7/13/2007 8:56:05 AM)
Many thanks for the link to the site on stalking. Many helpful comments. I share their impression that many sites and moderators don't do much to stop stalking on their sites, even if informed about what has happened. But this maybe pretty difficult anyway, if not impossible. Thus concerning the experience I've made (continuing by ever changing handles/names), their conclusion ist the same as the one I found: "If the harassment continues despite your best efforts of ignoring the harasser, you should leave the site where the problem is occuring. Sometimes removing yourself as a target is the best way to prevent the harassment from worsening or escalating." Of course this stops harassment, but only by killing your nick and therby your previous net-existence on that site. Uniform

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Stalking (7/13/2007 9:10:09 AM)
While I've never been cool enough to have a stalker, it's best just to ignore them. It's pretty obvious to everyone else that it's just a dork they can ignore. Unless it's an offline thing, stalking is just something to be amused by and ignore. Don't run, don't change, just keep ignoring.

RosaB -> RE: Stalking (7/13/2007 9:26:46 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross Unless it's an offline thing, stalking is just something to be amused by and ignore. Don't run, don't change, just keep ignoring. What she said. I have come to refer to the few regular stalkers I have as groupies. Mostly, I find their stupidity more amusing than annoying these days, Some I knew before joining CM. The ones that seem to get off on attacking my words, well, there's that nifty little, helping, red, hand, up to the left, just two levels above your name/nick . Hmmm, CM amin. should change that symbol to the finger, it would make pressing that little symbol so much more fun.

popeye1250 -> RE: Stalking (7/13/2007 9:32:05 AM)
Yes, I have. How did I deal with it? Personal intimate "contact."

windchymes -> RE: Stalking (7/13/2007 9:35:56 AM)
I don't understand the removing yourself from a message board because some idiot is obviously doing exactly what you described....I mean, it's obvious to the other people on the boards that it's a troll. You don't think THEY believe everything he writes, do you? If they do, it's not a place you'd want to be, anywy. I would just pretend it doesn't exist and just keeping on posting as you normally would. In here, you can block someone and they can post away all they want and you won't see them. But they don't KNOW you can't see them, because their posts keep appearing to the masses....who know they are a troll and will most likely block him, too. But by avoiding him and complaining about it, etc., you're giving him the audience that he wants and letting him see he's getting your goat. Don't give him that kind of power over you. Be the stronger person and just ignore it, both physically AND mentally.

slaverosebeauty -> RE: Stalking (7/13/2007 9:37:13 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Uniform Do you have had similar experience? Plenty of them, plus 4 restraining orders against members of this site for cyber stalking and one for 'regular' stalking. Stalking is VERY common, in my experience its very common on here, most of the time no one cares, the Mods didn't when I reported it. quote: What did you do to deal with it? I sent the emails to the 'cyber' division of my local PD and filed reports and ISP addresses, etc as well with my ISP, I kept copies of EVERYTHING. Its a process, but it works if you have the right people who know what they are doing. I tried to report htat stuff to the Mods on here, I got the normal 'just block, ignore and delete' answer, in other words a cop-out. So I took thigns into my own hands. quote: Is there anything one can do to get rid of this kind of activity? Report it to cm and to the authorities, if cm doesn't do anything about it, and its cyber stalking and NOT just someone who is bugging you, file a report adn report it to your ISP. Keep copies of ALL emails to and formt he predator and cm Mods or reps, you can use those later if you need too to build a case and to forward to the Mods on here. I go to trial next month against one member on here for harassment, cyber stalking and slander, he hasn't got a prayer. The system works, you just have to work at it. I have more 'tips' but I won't post them on here in case a few of those predators are around, no use in telling them how to put their balls in a vise. Email me on the other side if you need assistance or more tips.

popeye1250 -> RE: Stalking (7/13/2007 9:42:47 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross While I've never been cool enough to have a stalker, it's best just to ignore them. It's pretty obvious to everyone else that it's just a dork they can ignore. Unless it's an offline thing, stalking is just something to be amused by and ignore. Don't run, don't change, just keep ignoring. LOL, LA, sure you are! I figured you'd have all kinds of "groupies."

KatyLied -> RE: Stalking (7/13/2007 9:56:54 AM)
quote: Is there anything one can do to get rid of this kind of activity? Ignore them. That is the easiest way to get rid of them. As long as you give them attention by blocking and/or replying, they will continue.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Stalking (7/13/2007 9:57:49 AM)
Nope 'fraid not. Although I have to say in my years in online chatting, the ones who get stalkers tend to be the ones who invite drama and instability in their lives.

slaverosebeauty -> RE: Stalking (7/13/2007 10:01:55 AM)
Stalkers are pathetic pieces of humanity. Ignoring them works to an extent, you can't go around with your fingers in your ears forever. Unless one has been stalked and harassed, you can't really expect them to understand. Most of my stalkers took it off line others sent credible threats and harassment. I took the proactive approach, I am making them regret EVER pissing me off. Karma is a bitch and she pays back in spades, especially when you make threats and have a wrap sheet.

popeye1250 -> RE: Stalking (7/13/2007 10:06:19 AM)
Slaverose, good for you! Don't take any shit from anyone.

KatyLied -> RE: Stalking (7/13/2007 10:30:14 AM)
I have been. And what worked for me was blocking every way this person had of contacting. Ignoring him when he called (on the telephone) and deleting his messages unread/unheard. He got the message.

Uniform -> RE: Stalking (7/13/2007 10:36:54 PM)
Many thanks for the encouraging advice!! Curiously enough, it helps to know that others have been in the same situation and how they dealt with it! The one thing which came in addition to my mind, was to publish the handles of the stalkers some place on the site, if they pop up using differents names each time you block one of theirs. might be helpful to know for others too ... Again thanks for the help! Uniform

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Stalking (7/13/2007 11:17:55 PM)
Uniform fraid that's no good. If we allowed that, then there's no one to stop them from putting your name on the list as well.

mnottertail -> RE: Stalking (7/13/2007 11:25:28 PM)
I usually dont have a lot of time to fuck around here either, just like you, but I wanna say that I am touched at how you waltzed out here looking for help, you can't read tos and cant be bothered unless it is your wool that is shorn and ---Ja this whole thing just chokes me the fuck up, phone it in next time, there are millions being stalked and viewed online. but inside your top 10 and mine, I think they all want your cock, personally. LMFCAO Ron

Uniform -> RE: Stalking (7/13/2007 11:35:03 PM)
LuckyAlbatross: Thanks, yes you are right. Hadnt thought about that enough ... mnottertail: Yep, I thought about looking at it as supposed here: take them as "groupies" and forget about them as good as I can ... Yours Uniform

proudsub -> RE: Stalking (7/14/2007 1:26:05 AM)
Here's another site that helps with cyberstalking: www.cyberangels.org

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