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it's 3 am, I'm gettin lonely - 7/12/2007 12:19:27 AM   
Viciousbabe


Posts: 61
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline 		I think that's a line out of a Matchbox song, meh.

Why is it that 'Masters/Doms' seem to want some one who will automatically reply "Yes, Sir. No, Sir. Sure, let me get on my knees for you Sir?" I know this question is probably one that is asked over and over, you can punish me later.

But seriously, I think I am a cute, intelligent, fun girl. Even though I find that working and going to school full time tend to lead to a very dull life in the way of hobbies/extracurriculars. I'm serious because I've had to be, at a young age it was make it or break it. I didn't want to end up unhappy with Ooops, Uhoh and Ohno running around. So, I went for it. I'm going to graduate soon and I realize that I've spent the majority of the past 4 years alone. I've looked and not looked, so I know that isn't the issue.

I've noticed with both vanilla and bdsm guys that if I don't mention sex within the first month, they stop talking. If I give them any, they stop talking. Is it truly that all guys are looking for is a piece of ass? I try to think differently, but then I have a hard time believing when the guy really wants to know me.

Now, I do have a majority of friends who are over weight and do not have this problem. One even joked with me that I should gain 100lbs so guys will get to know me for me instead of just wanting some. So, should I just put on a fat suit or deal with filtering through those guys who may genuinely be interested and those who just want some?

It's late and I apologize if this post is everywhere and nowhere (like much of my ramblings..lol). But seriously, has anyone found a way to filter through the people who just want sex before investing too much time in them?
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RE: it's 3 am, I'm gettin lonely - 7/12/2007 12:52:20 AM   
SlND3R3LLA


Posts: 118
Joined: 6/19/2007
Status: offline 		Trust me, being fat doesn't make someone get to know you for more than just sex. 
 
Sounds sad, but true.  You just have to weed thru the wankers to get to the one that will want you for more.  It feels like it took forever to find Master, but he collared me soon after, and now we are married.  I am so glad I didn't rush or settle for someone that wasn't for me, just to have someone.
 
Just being you are on a personals site where sex is usually more openly discussed, you have to realize it's a given that atleast half of them are here just to get laid.  The good news is, that leaves another 50% that are looking for something real. 
 
Best wishes,
 
~sin, Masters patient slave

_____________________________

And in that moment, everything I knew to be true about myself up until then was gone. I was acting like another woman, yet I was more myself than ever before. ~F

To hell with diamonds, lube is a girls best friend ;)

(in reply to Viciousbabe)
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RE: it's 3 am, I'm gettin lonely - 7/12/2007 12:58:37 AM   
Pulpsmack


Posts: 394
Joined: 4/15/2004
From: Louisiana
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Viciousbabe

I've noticed with both vanilla and bdsm guys that if I don't mention sex within the first month, they stop talking. If I give them any, they stop talking. Is it truly that all guys are looking for is a piece of ass? I try to think differently, but then I have a hard time believing when the guy really wants to know me.

Now, I do have a majority of friends who are over weight and do not have this problem. One even joked with me that I should gain 100lbs so guys will get to know me for me instead of just wanting some. So, should I just put on a fat suit or deal with filtering through those guys who may genuinely be interested and those who just want some?

It's late and I apologize if this post is everywhere and nowhere (like much of my ramblings..lol). But seriously, has anyone found a way to filter through the people who just want sex before investing too much time in them?


There is only ONE woman who escapes the "sex" predicament: the one who offers more as a friend than as a roll in the hay. Taking your assessment at face value, your overweight friend is ignored by most of those who want sex (or just sex). Thus, she has potential friends who like her for who she is as a person and friend, or they don't waste their time approaching her. In your case I would "guess" that the kind of people you attract find you attractive enough to pursue for something physical, but they feel you don't offer enough to remain in the picture if they are not getting any, or you aren't "girlfriend material" for them if they are getting some.

Generally speaking (with definite exceptions to the rule), women have sexuality to offer men as an attractant, and men have personality. If there cannot be a true "friend and lover" match, the woman getting her way is having this personable guy who makes her laugh, or listens to her as her friend. If the guy gets his way, he gets a piece of ass. The woman who doesn't feel the "long term appeal" spark doesn't want to squander her precious sexuality on an unappealing guy... perhaps a jerk who is only in it for sex, or only pursuing a piece of ass, or just doesn't do it physically for her. A man on the other hand, who doesn't have the "real friends" spark feels he can find much cooler people to hang around with than this girl, and he doesn't want to hear her boring stories or waste his "personality" on someone like this who only wants a friend.

It is the ugly dance of the sexes. So the best thing a woman can do is become the kind of person who is a great friend to a guy... someone who is fun, exciting, funny, and a great talker/listener. That way the guy is either more inclined to see her as true "relationship material" if he gets some, or he is truly OK with being a friend to her if he doesn't.

If you find yourself alone after sex or after denying it a few times it says alot about

1. your choices in "friends",
2. your ability to be personable, or
3. Both.

Hope this helps

< Message edited by Pulpsmack -- 7/12/2007 1:11:31 AM >

(in reply to Viciousbabe)
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RE: it's 3 am, I'm gettin lonely - 7/12/2007 6:14:13 AM   
Rover


Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline 		It's simply a matter of compatibility.  Most men (particularly those online) just want sex (and I'm not sure the same can't be said for most women, truth be known).  So is it any surprise that, given your differing motivations, you're not compatible with most men?  I mean, who IS compatible with the majority of the opposite sex?  And no, consenting to participate in sexual intercourse does not constitute "compatibility" in my view (it's simply willingness or availability as in the "any port in a storm" theory).
 
We're all compatible with a small minority.  I don't view that as anything to bemoan.  In fact, take some solace in the fact that when you find the right person(s), and they find you, there's something special about the both of you.  Something beyond your availability and willingness to screw (hey... that's hot).
 
John

_____________________________

"Man's mind stretched to a new idea never goes back to its original dimensions."

Sri da Avabhas

(in reply to Viciousbabe)
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RE: it's 3 am, I'm gettin lonely - 7/12/2007 7:20:42 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		They choose better partners...simple as that.

(in reply to Viciousbabe)
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RE: it's 3 am, I'm gettin lonely - 7/12/2007 7:30:22 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		How do vanillas sift through all the guys who just want to get fucked?

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
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RE: it's 3 am, I'm gettin lonely - 7/12/2007 11:25:49 AM   
slaveish


Posts: 1086
Joined: 2/19/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

How do vanillas sift through all the guys who just want to get fucked?


With a heavy-duty screen, ~shake sift sift sift~ and summarily tossing out the clods.

_____________________________

You only lose what you cling to. ~~Gautama Sidharta

If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other. ~~Mother Teresa

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: it's 3 am, I'm gettin lonely - 7/12/2007 1:18:36 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

How do vanillas sift through all the guys who just want to get fucked?


They turn into lesbians.


_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: it's 3 am, I'm gettin lonely - 7/12/2007 2:52:32 PM   
slaveluci


Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Viciousbabe
Now, I do have a majority of friends who are over weight and do not have this problem. One even joked with me that I should gain 100lbs so guys will get to know me for me instead of just wanting some. So, should I just put on a fat suit or deal with filtering through those guys who may genuinely be interested and those who just want some?

Yeah.  Put on a fat suit.  Then you'll never have to worry about anyone wanting sex from you again.......luci

_____________________________

To choose a good book, look in an inquisitor’s prohibited list. ~John Aikin

(in reply to Viciousbabe)
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RE: it's 3 am, I'm gettin lonely - 7/12/2007 4:19:51 PM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline 		You ask a good question.  Men, being who and what we are, are going to want sex eventually.  There just isn't a way around that.  We like it, we want it, we need it.  Women do also.  The problems that seem to arise are the differences between the two people as to when, how, why, even where it should happen.  And...let's be honest guys...most men, at least the younger ones though you can probably find quite a few older ones who feel the same way, want it to occur quicker than most women and most men do not necessarily see why sex and a deeper, more involved emotional state have to be tied together.

But...not all men.  Once you realize that, then you can afford to be more careful about who you "give it up" with because you will have seen that they have something other than the sex to offer.  If what you want is conversation before and after, then find a dominant who offers that.  If what you want is someone who gets that, though a great deal of BDSM and D/s may be about sex a hell of a lot of it isn't, then make sure that quality is there too.

There are dominants like that out there.  There are quite a few on here that are that way.  I like to think of myself as one who is that way and there are plenty more that come to mind...Knight, MadRabbit, Padriag, Merc. 


(in reply to Viciousbabe)
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RE: it's 3 am, I'm gettin lonely - 7/12/2007 4:28:44 PM   
earthycouple


Posts: 4462
Joined: 2/19/2006
Status: offline 		I don't think she asks a good question.  To suggest that being fat is going to make life better as far as attracting a mate.... is simply ignorant.  Anyone who's overweight would be more likely than not to not only find you terribly offensive but jaded and impatient.  I've never had problems finding compatible partners not when I weighed 363 pounds and not when I was 180 pounds.  It's about knowing who you are, what you want; searching and not settling.  Michael is right....those others are choosing better partners. 

_____________________________

D~

Seeking, searching, hoping, living, loving, jumping. So what's new with you?

(in reply to CreativeDominant)
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RE: it's 3 am, I'm gettin lonely - 7/12/2007 4:32:51 PM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: earthycouple

I don't think she asks a good question.  To suggest that being fat is going to make life better as far as attracting a mate.... is simply ignorant.  Anyone who's overweight would be more likely than not to not only find you terribly offensive but jaded and impatient.  I've never had problems finding compatible partners not when I weighed 363 pounds and not when I was 180 pounds.  It's about knowing who you are, what you want; searching and not settling.  Michael is right....those others are choosing better partners. 


Ahhhhhhhhh but I wasn't addressing her statement.  And I did not see her degrading her overweight friends.

I was addressing her question.  And if you will note, I gave her advice about weeding out partners who were just after sex.  And I made no mention of having to get fat, thin, or grow wings to do so...

(in reply to earthycouple)
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RE: it's 3 am, I'm gettin lonely - 7/12/2007 8:31:15 PM   
Viciousbabe


Posts: 61
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: earthycouple

I don't think she asks a good question.  To suggest that being fat is going to make life better as far as attracting a mate.... is simply ignorant.  Anyone who's overweight would be more likely than not to not only find you terribly offensive but jaded and impatient.  I've never had problems finding compatible partners not when I weighed 363 pounds and not when I was 180 pounds.  It's about knowing who you are, what you want; searching and not settling.  Michael is right....those others are choosing better partners. 


First of all you don't know me and I find your lack of reading skills to be rather upsetting. Maybe you can't take a joke or catch dripping sarcasm. Take your issues some where else rather than to attack me.

I'm glad you find me ignorant because that means you simply didn't read all of my post, get it, or I didn't state it properly (in that case asking for clarification would be appropriate). It was my friend who is severely overweight that suggested I (though jokingly) gain weight and then I won't have to worry about people only wanting me for sex. She is the one who finds people who love to be her friend, but don't want to be intimate. It is our dynamic and we both understood where we were coming from. I do not have problems making friends, it is those people with whom relationship potential exists that I was talking about.

In my question I was not being ignorant or unfeeling towards the other party. I know how it is from both ends; trust me, most of my friends are overweight (as stated in my original post.)

Yes, they may be finding 'better partners', not because I suck at life but because there is a person more compatible to them. I know who I am and I know I have a lot to offer the 'right' person. I haven't met him for whatever reason. Am I impatient? You bet your ass. It's my nature.

For those of you who added honest replies and even joking comments, thank you. Thanks for taking a frustrating situation and helping me see things in a different manner and even laughing about them.

(in reply to earthycouple)
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RE: it's 3 am, I'm gettin lonely - 7/12/2007 8:47:17 PM   
Trampler


Posts: 580
Joined: 12/31/2006
Status: offline 		Wow, calm down.  Something we all should keep in mind, with this being online, can't see other people's expressions and body language and hear tone of voice, it is difficult to tell when someone is joking.  OP I read your post a couple of times and I couldn't see it, but thats just me.  I hope over time you learn patience though, because for most people it does take a long time.  It's possible that you are giving out the wrong signals, or like you and a few other people pointed out, just picking the wrong people.  But any rate, give it time, get out and meet as many people as you can, check out your local community if you have access, and have fun! Good Luck!

_____________________________

I want to step ALL over you!

Our Community may be openminded as a whole, BUT it is made up of indivduals who bring in their own baggage,perceptions and agendas

(in reply to Viciousbabe)
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RE: it's 3 am, I'm gettin lonely - 7/12/2007 8:47:56 PM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		Well I think we just found out one of the other reasons you have trouble.

You come here and post knowing people will respond and when they do you get all pissy.  Oddly enough it was I who said you don't pick good partners and yet you attack the woman who says it, another interesting point. 

Your young, don't worry, you will get better at this stuff.

(in reply to Viciousbabe)
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RE: it's 3 am, I'm gettin lonely - 7/12/2007 9:05:45 PM   
sares


Posts: 8
Joined: 2/23/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveish

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

How do vanillas sift through all the guys who just want to get fucked?


With a heavy-duty screen, ~shake sift sift sift~ and summarily tossing out the clods.


is that a fellow archy nut I see? your post made me smile.

sares

(in reply to slaveish)
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RE: it's 3 am, I'm gettin lonely - 7/12/2007 9:09:45 PM   
Viciousbabe


Posts: 61
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline 		SimplyMichael,

No, I got your post and while it was a tad abrupt...you made your point with out being so blantently rude. I know when someone stops talking to me that it is for a multitude of reasons, the main one being I was not percieved as compatible to them. The other, there is some thing better (for the both of us).

I was pissy with one response because of the manner in which she responded. She assumed that I was being ignorant, jaded, or just plain stupid. Her response was rude and showed me that she really didn't read my post. It was three am, so perhaps I was a little less coherent than normal. Still, it is no excuse for the manner of her response.

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
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RE: it's 3 am, I'm gettin lonely - 7/12/2007 9:10:58 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Vicious, as was no excuse for yours.  Only you control yourself and only you will show that you can remain calm within adversity- rather than letting any cyber poster get your gile up.

One persons lack of manners is NEVER a reason to forget one's own.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Viciousbabe)
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RE: it's 3 am, I'm gettin lonely - 7/12/2007 9:16:56 PM   
Viciousbabe


Posts: 61
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline 		Very true. However, I could have said what I was thinking in a less than tactful way.

Thank you for the reminder.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: it's 3 am, I'm gettin lonely - 7/12/2007 9:21:51 PM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

How do vanillas sift through all the guys who just want to get fucked?


They turn into lesbians.



LOL 

In my 20's I spent a lot of time frequenting clubs with my girlfriend/partner and with other gay and lesbian friends.  We would go to straight clubs and gay clubs. 

More often than not, if I went to a straight club I got hit on by women.  If I went to a gay/lesbian club I got hit on by men.  It was so bad that one male friend threatened to not bring me along anymore because with me around the guys were not interested in him.

I am not sure the lesbian route would have worked for me.  *g*

Knight's Kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to LaTigresse)
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