worrying about failure

worrying about failure (Full Version)

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sadomasokisti -> worrying about failure (7/12/2007 8:56:44 AM)
Some times before a scheduled scene I start to worry about not being able to perform or sustain what my Mistress has planned. This is more apparent when long time has passed between sessions. This goes up to the point that I'm almost not up for the session when it starts. Most of the time this feeling disappears once we start playing. Few months ago we were going to friends house when I almost told her that I wasn't up to anything heavy but kept my mouth shut, thought that if something would happen it would be fairly light but this ended as one of the top 5 scenes in intensity which ended well for all of us. On the way back when I told her of my concerns I had earlier that night she really cracked up.

hannahmay -> RE: worrying about failure (7/12/2007 9:03:10 AM)
hi, i can totally understand that feeling, as you say especially if you not played for a while, also i know with me sometimes i can take pain other times i cant and wimp out, i think thats natural, i hope it is anyways, but i also think if you worry too much about failing it will tense you up then its impossible to play at all best wishes hm

sub4hire -> RE: worrying about failure (7/12/2007 9:06:34 AM)
Why are you worrying if she isn't worried? It is her you are trying to please and apparently you are doing just fine. You can't please strangers no matter how hard you try. My dom and I are very private people when it comes to play. Because of that, not many people at all understand our relationship. Those people seem to think there is something wrong with it. In reality it is merely the fact they don't understand what exactly we do. Then others we are close to, know a bit too much. Our last few parties, those people know way too much...hehe.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: worrying about failure (7/12/2007 9:26:35 AM)
Your feeling are understandable, but they are also pointless, selfish and insecure. Try to laugh at yourself over them.

classykindasassy -> RE: worrying about failure (7/12/2007 7:16:06 PM)
I think any sub who's in posession of their full mental faculties, and who has a dom that will push limits, will at times fear that they lack the ability to go as far as they think the dom wants to take them. Especially if the dom is someone they don't play with often. The thing is, the dom has their own experience when they play you. You are not the one to judge and assess how you are doing/have done. Leave it to your dom to do that. I mean, sure you will judge yourself - how can you help it? But, look to your dom for input on their experience of playing you.

Celeste43 -> RE: worrying about failure (7/12/2007 7:25:05 PM)
I know that little hints are supposed to create anticipation, instead too often they cause me to have anxiety attacks which ends play altogether. Honestly, I don't want any hints. Just blindfold me so I can't see what he's pulling out of the toy bag and I'm much more likely to enjoy it than if I know about it.

sadomasokisti -> RE: worrying about failure (7/13/2007 2:16:33 PM)
We have been playing together for more than a year. I don't worry so much about not pleasing her. My worries are only toward me, how I will cope with the pain I'm about to receive. We are fairly heavy S&M players and 90% of the time some limits are pushed and new things tried. If I had any worries... they are all gone the moment I have been tied up.

Politesub53 -> RE: worrying about failure (7/13/2007 3:30:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross Your feeling are understandable, but they are also pointless, selfish and insecure. Try to laugh at yourself over them. Hi LA, why are his feelings selfish if he is worried about being able to please his Mistress ? I dont see the logic in this.

hideandseek -> RE: worrying about failure (7/16/2007 12:05:37 AM)
I can understand why you might feel this way, but just go with the flow. You seem to be doing fine.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: worrying about failure (7/16/2007 8:40:33 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Politesub53 Hi LA, why are his feelings selfish if he is worried about being able to please his Mistress ? I dont see the logic in this. Because his worries about how HE will perform- to the point that he almost psyches himself out of it. If he were really focused on simply "doing my best, and letting my mistress decide" he could let go of his inner worries.

slaveofKaos -> RE: worrying about failure (7/16/2007 10:53:10 AM)
Well I completly understand where you're comming from, all I would say is when you're feeling that way remeber all the times you felt like that and ended up having a great time. It wont of course stop all the feelings but it will calm them down a bit at least until you start the scene and then as you know from past experience it will be fun.

Celeste43 -> RE: worrying about failure (7/16/2007 12:06:22 PM)
I don't think it's selfish. If you get anxious you get anxious. You may need to know that every playdate won't be as rough as possible to feel better about things. If I thought that he would push limits every time, then I'd be sure that eventually a point would come where I couldn't handle it. Being me, my response to worrying about having to safeword would be to safeword in advance, because the anxiety is unbearable. You had better tell her how you're feeling because eventually it will be too much at the wrong time and you need to know now whether or not you setting limits will end the relationship, whether she values you as a person or just to show off during play. I may be wrong but this is what I'm hearing

ProfJoe -> RE: worrying about failure (7/16/2007 5:31:50 PM)
It's selfish because it's centered on the self. When I play with Mine, I like to know ahead of time if there's anything "I should know." I'd be aggravated to find out about an impediment -- real or potential -- after the fact. Add to selfish: a failure to trust me. I want her to give it all to me. I'll decide what to use, not use...... if I know what's going on, or can at least have enough info to know she is unsettled, I can pay attention in a way I might not otherwise. To me, that transparency is one of a submissive's chief obligations. Respectfully, ProfJoe

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