30 days or less? (Full Version)

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knees2you -> 30 days or less? (6/20/2005 11:05:29 PM)

Maybe this is a rant maybe not~

I've read alot of profiles lately
that want to collar someone in 30 days or less~

What happened to getting to know someone first??

Are people, "Dominates" getting that desperate to meet someone?

I once told a Mistress that She didn't know me from Adam, and I didn't know Her from Eve?
I said You want to meet in a couple of weeks?
Yes If "Your Serious"

At one time I would have been serious, but still not in a weeks time~

Sincerely, Ant



asissyforher -> RE: 30 days or less? (6/20/2005 11:18:22 PM)

i have no doubt i will be yelled at for this;
but "i" was trained, by my 1st Ms. there is no substitute for real time hands on. some of us out here,,,and grant you very damned few, have the concept of it. most people "i" have met online have no inkling. i know of one domme on here, not mentioning names, has a big rep online but She admits She has never had a slave 24/7---go figure.

i myself believe in 30 days or less. no one is going to get to know anyone online. i can talk to you for 5 years online but ya won't know me until we go out and have coffee and sit and b.s. over the table.
talk used to be cheap..now its 30 cents a minute..but none the less..talk is talk is talk.

ya have to be able to walk the walk. put up or stay home and play pretend, as i am trained to understand it.

you do it your way. everyone has to be comfy in themselves. there is no set standard....the old ways are gone.
my 1st Ms was a 30 yr pro of the old guard. now all i see are pretenders of the new generation.

do it as you see it. be yourself.

take care.

my 3 cents



GoddessSasha -> RE: 30 days or less? (6/21/2005 3:29:12 AM)

quote:

most people "i" have met online have no inkling. i know of one domme on here, not mentioning names, has a big rep online but She admits She has never had a slave 24/7---go figure.


now you know two I have never had a 24/7 slave either and probably never will although its possible in the future same as anything else is I guess.

I also only deal with subs online currently as Ive said before my reasons for this are as valid as any others for what they do. Unfortunately your posts often contradict themselves which doesnt make it easy to respond. They also often seem to hijack the OP and turn it around to yourself which again makes it difficult.

as for the OP

quote:

I've read alot of profiles lately
that want to collar someone in 30 days or less~

What happened to getting to know someone first??

Are people, "Dominates" getting that desperate to meet someone?

I once told a Mistress that She didn't know me from Adam, and I didn't know Her from Eve?
I said You want to meet in a couple of weeks?
Yes If "Your Serious"

At one time I would have been serious, but still not in a weeks time~


Ive had loads of emails as I guess other Dommes have that offer the same from subs (mine also despite the fact I dont do real life meeting at the moment)

However personally I dont see anything wrong with meeting for coffee in a public place within a couple of weeks as long as both parties understand that doesnt constitute an agreement to enter into a relationship it should be fine. Of course serious within a week does have a different connotation and is hard to understand I agree, it not only suggests an element of desperation on the part of the sub/Domme but also suggests some ulterior motive.

The same advice often given applies here I suppose, if you come across a profile or receive mail from someone that doesnt interest you pass it by.

I wish you well in your search
Sasha



Jasmyn -> RE: 30 days or less? (6/21/2005 4:59:37 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: asissyforher

i have no doubt i will be yelled at for this;
but "i" was trained, by my 1st Ms. there is no substitute for real time hands on. some of us out here,,,and grant you very damned few, have the concept of it. most people "i" have met online have no inkling. i know of one domme on here, not mentioning names, has a big rep online but She admits She has never had a slave 24/7---go figure.

i myself believe in 30 days or less. no one is going to get to know anyone online. i can talk to you for 5 years online but ya won't know me until we go out and have coffee and sit and b.s. over the table.
talk used to be cheap..now its 30 cents a minute..but none the less..talk is talk is talk.

ya have to be able to walk the walk. put up or stay home and play pretend, as i am trained to understand it.

you do it your way. everyone has to be comfy in themselves. there is no set standard....the old ways are gone.
my 1st Ms was a 30 yr pro of the old guard. now all i see are pretenders of the new generation.

do it as you see it. be yourself.

take care.

my 3 cents



I similarly value 'slave training'. I am Mistress they are the slave. It is under those dynamics our relationship will ever exist so I find I don't apply the same online dating principals or standards of 'meeting' someone, or meeting 'the one' to meeting slaves offline, nor am I looking for a slave to be 'in love' with so I have no need to be looking for a lover in the traditional sense, however I would want our relationship to grow to include all that is great, warm, ie appreciation, friendship and respect, and more often than not, love/fondness in a fem dom and favoured sub relationship/s.

So other than knowing I am genuine and they are genuine, and neither of us are playing games, we are exactly who we say we are, then I'm more inclined to want to collar them early on in the piece and begin 'training'. It is in that period that I will get to know if this person is 'the one' I want to keep forever and vice versa for him; if not, then hopefully we find our combined experiences mutually satisfying and recall often with fondness not sadness.






SenorX -> RE: 30 days or less? (6/21/2005 5:03:43 AM)

I use the time frames of 7 days, 30 days, and 30 days... which if misconstrued a clueless person may think that I will collar someone within 67 days from the date of initial contact. Wrong.

I have a full-time, 24/7 x 365 live-in sub for the past 12 years. she became My bride 10 years ago, so I guess I have a pretty good track record... a fantastic track record if measured by on-line pseudo-wannabe standards whereby LTR means that the relationship may last 1 month (LOL).

I currently seek a sub to train to become a slave (read My words not between the lines, as only blank space exists between the lines). Yes, I don't seek a slave. I seek a sub to become My slave. I don't play on-line games. I am real and have been so and shall continue to be so. This being said, 7 days is what I have determined enough time to communicate on line daily and learn enough about each other to exchange telephone numbers and have a telephone interview. From that point, 30 days is the maximum amount of time for a prospect to MAKE Arrangements to come to Me for a weekend or a week visit. And the other 30 days is the maximum amount of time that I shall alot for the prospect to MAKE Arrangements to move ONCE I have made the FINAL decision re whether or not the prospect will satisfy My desires and serve Me according to My requirements and expectations. Just as in any other position which requires long-term goals and commitments (like a career position), Once a prospect has been chosen by Me (yes, a sub will not choose to live in MY HOUSE, I choose whether that sub is worthy of living under My roof, then a 90-day probation window begins from the date she moves in. After the 90 days it will be time to re-evaluate and decide whether to release her or keep her.

Time is an important element in finding and developing a life-long relationship. So is patience. But then again, most folks with any inkling of ambition would take the time and make an honest effort to write a cover letter and resume, hope for an appointment for an interview, and take on a prospective career position with an employer in a moment's notice.

Now, within this whole opinion of Mine, I have not mentioned the word, collar. As a collar comes later on after the 90-day probation window has been fulfilled positively.

So, in some cases, it is not only reasonable and logical to use a 30-day time frame, so long as it is not misconstrued.

X



EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: 30 days or less? (6/21/2005 5:40:14 AM)

If someone lives less than an hour from me and wants to get to know me, I think setting a deadline to meet within a month is reasonable. I see people drag online way too long.

Now, thats MEETING offline.

Actually getting into a committed relationship depends on the particulars. If they are brand new then it's likely just to be sub frenzy and so thrilled over HAVING a dom that they don't really get to know the person until later.

But if they are experienced, less likely so. I'd been talking with the Owner about 6 months online and phone before we got serious with eachother and went offline. He took me as his immediately. We're still pretty new in terms of relationships, less than 2 years since offline, but it's worked great for us so far.

You get to know patterns and some you can predict as bad and some you can say maybe. As long as you're using good sense and going with what's right for you, there's no time table.



knees2you -> RE: 30 days or less? (6/21/2005 7:18:20 AM)

Ok, Coffee is great in the same City~[:D]
But If You live in Hooboken New Jersy, and She or He lives in
Texas then 7 days or close to thirty days is a little much~

Sincerely, Ant



EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: 30 days or less? (6/21/2005 7:29:16 AM)

Well again it depends. If you are SERIOUSLY talking to someone and you absolutely know you want to take it to the next level, then only for a very rare exception should it take more than a month to be able to schedule a visit.

And if it takes more than a month, why? What will that say when you meet and decide to take it to the next level? How often and difficult will it be to meet then?



MistressFire70 -> RE: 30 days or less? (6/21/2005 7:37:19 AM)

I don't see the problem with MEETING within a couple of weeks. This doesn't have to be for play or whatever, it can be just vanilla time to see if your personalities meet. If you're going to be traveling a long distance, the cost of the trip should be split. Maybe you pay for the airplane ticket and the Dominant picks up the hotel and food for the weekend.

As for the collar, who knows what kind of collar they mean? Some do collars of consideration, which can be a period of time where both are committed to developing the relationship. I don't collar casually, but I do use something like a consideration collar to let the sub/slave know that I'm serious about developing the relationship and that I expect them to do the same. Usually, this means that I expect them to break off their search for that period in order to give us a chance. Most of the time, I do the same. If I don't, I'm upfront about it.

I DO agree that a full collar and moving in within a month is just unrealistic. But then, for me, a collar is a pretty serious thing. It's a commitment to the relationship. I expect it to be long-term, if not for life. Even if you don't feel the same, how much do you really know about a person within a month? Think of the safety aspect. That along says it's a bad idea!

Fire



DominaBea -> RE: 30 days or less? (6/21/2005 7:42:30 AM)

The fact of the matter is, that online ownership and trainingis bull...If you are talking about any kind of reality here, and not the little games you see being played with dungeons and dragons slaves and owners... there is no comparison.

There are people out here who are just looking for easy fixes on both sides of the fence.

I suppose we just leave them to it and hope they find each other.

The problem I have seen over and over, is people really getting hurt by being manipulated into movoing into major decisiions way to quickly, by those who have no problem preying upon weaknesses suh as lonliness and the misguided notion that serving another means you have to give up your life to prove devotion.



GoddessSasha -> RE: 30 days or less? (6/21/2005 8:12:16 AM)

quote:

The fact of the matter is, that online ownership and trainingis bull...If you are talking about any kind of reality here, and not the little games you see being played with dungeons and dragons slaves and owners... there is no comparison.


If you do not take part in online training that is your choice nobody is forcing you to. Some of us are either unable or unwilling to do otherwise for now and for various reasons and as such do not deserve to be judged one way or the other.

Your view of the fact and your view of the word bull are just that, your view not actual reality for some so please make that clear.



MaggieLynn -> RE: 30 days or less? (6/21/2005 8:35:07 AM)

I've never understood online Domming and subbing and all of that. What it all boils down to is whatever is being done you're doing it to yoursself. And what really irritates me to no end is people who are "collared" online and swear up and down that it is the same is the 24/7 live together situation I have in real life with my Master. It's not, and it's no where close.

All that being said, if you get off on all the typing and chat and sky high phone bills go for it.

When I was searching, I would want to at least meet within a few weeks of beginning to talk with someone online, usually switched to phone calls in about a week. Now, that isn't to say I played with them on the first meeting. There would have to be a few face to face dinners, coffee, the park whatever before that happened.

But as far as letting it draw out for months and months. Didn't happen. I feel like it's a waste of both peoples time if they are looking for anything more than a "penpal".

And that is the reason I never gave anyone serious consideration for any type of relationship other than friendship if they were on the other side of the U.S or in the U.K or whatever.

Just my .02



GoddessSasha -> RE: 30 days or less? (6/21/2005 8:44:39 AM)

quote:

I've never understood online Domming and subbing and all of that. What it all boils down to is whatever is being done you're doing it to yoursself. And what really irritates me to no end is people who are "collared" online and swear up and down that it is the same is the 24/7 live together situation I have in real life with my Master. It's not, and it's no where close.


very good point MaggieLynn and at least you point out that you have never understood online Domming and subbing. As for the second point I would never claim that any relationship I have with a sub is the same as anyone elses 24/7 or not because it clearly isnt. The only thing I have a problem with is people who judge without knowing the information.



Jayxkes -> RE: 30 days or less? (6/21/2005 8:57:43 AM)

'horses for courses' springs to mind.

How can anyone determine a 'correct' timeframe, without KNOWING the specific individual circumstances etc., of all parties concerned?

Setting rigid timescales may work perfectly for some and fail totally for others.

I recall a similar discussion aboout choosing a sub or dom by experience. In that converstaion the other dom had been in the lifestyle for over 7 years; he'd had 3 submissives, all of which lived some distance away and they got to see each other 2 to 6 days a month; he was with one 2 months, another 4 months and the third about 1 month.

In comparison I'd been in the lifestyle 3 years, had one sub 24/7 for all that time.

Which of us was the more experienced?

Who you choose depends on how you do the maths. Either way, you can never be sure without a lot more information.

In the same way, a couple who chat for 1 hour every day for a month, will talk more than a couple who chat 2 hours a week for 2 months. But which couple will learn the most?

Time, like age, is just a number. It's not how much time, but how well that time is used.

Having said all that, I do feel that in general terms more people are rushing into a collering these days.
Is it right to do so? That of course depends on the people concerned.

'horses for courses' springs to mind [;)]



Tempestspet -> RE: 30 days or less? (6/21/2005 9:31:35 AM)

I'm going to agree with Jayxkes, in that the time frame is entirely up to the couple involved.
That said, I don't think meeting face to face after a week or 2, to see if you have anything working for the two of you physically in common, is a bad idea. No, I don't mean anything sexual. I'm talking about, when you are physically sitting across fom each other.... is there anything there? You can't tell that online, or on the phone.

Then again what do I know... lol.. I met Master, and after 2 hours of talking, joking aorund with a group of friends... leaned over to my best friend (who stills laughs about this) and told her that this is the guy I was going to be with for the rest of my life. Now, of course she said...sure...this week... and laughed. That was 15 yrs ago.

Do I think this is apropriate for everyone? Hell no. It was right for me. That puts me wayyy off other peoples time frames...smiles... Geezz.. I don't even recommend it for other people.

I believe though, as others, that online.... is not real. It's basically a fantasy life. It when you can't bring this into your physical life, and you need a release. But this is only my opinion of course. And knowing it would not work for me... because of said beliefs.. doesn't mean that someone else wouldn't be satisfied with that. Though, and I apologize I just got up and am thinking this along here, it can be rather insulting to those who live this way "for real" 24/7 in your physical life to say that online is the same thing. It's not. It can't be. It is based in fantasy.

Well, anyways... that's my 2 cents this morning.

Tempest's pet
jennifer



subversiveone -> RE: 30 days or less? (6/21/2005 10:54:13 AM)

nods, Jayxkes, words of wisdom again! ive been enjoying your posts...

to deposit my .02 I've met online, talked for months on end, trained, only to meet and it all fizzle.
on the other hand, I've met online, talked for <30 days, flew 3000 mi, met and fell in love!
we are all different ant, perhaps meeting w/in your own city offers some comfort, perhaps talking online about every possible scenario beforehand, maybe seeing if they can just hang for more than a month, whatever works... but there are no guarantees in life right? ive been w/DaddyMstr a very short time in comparison to past relationships but i already have that desire for collaring...and who's to say that there's anything wrong with collaring short term? isn't that just an outward expression of committment to one another that may already exist in their heart?
people will always feel drawn to things like marriage/collaring/promising to prove themselves, to prove their relationship, to meet societal 'norms', to fulfill their inner fantasies, to feel whole/complete, to be politcially correct, to please the family, to please their mate, to just plain ol please themselves for whatever messed up reasons... so don't look at it like you have to run out and jump on their bandwagon just because it's the lifestyle...
i think im going to invent the new collar....
the rubber band
just put it around your wrist- and viola! you've got a one day-i swear collar...snap it for extra sensation if necc. easily removable or linkable to another's rubber band collar. lol



GoddessDustyGold -> RE: 30 days or less? (6/21/2005 11:40:28 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Jasmyn


I similarly value 'slave training'. I am Mistress they are the slave. It is under those dynamics our relationship will ever exist so I find I don't apply the same online dating principals or standards of 'meeting' someone, or meeting 'the one' to meeting slaves offline, nor am I looking for a slave to be 'in love' with so I have no need to be looking for a lover in the traditional sense, however I would want our relationship to grow to include all that is great, warm, ie appreciation, friendship and respect, and more often than not, love/fondness in a fem dom and favoured sub relationship/s.

So other than knowing I am genuine and they are genuine, and neither of us are playing games, we are exactly who we say we are, then I'm more inclined to want to collar them early on in the piece and begin 'training'. It is in that period that I will get to know if this person is 'the one' I want to keep forever and vice versa for him; if not, then hopefully we find our combined experiences mutually satisfying and recall often with fondness not sadness.


And I honestly feel exactly as Jasmyn. I seek slaves. I certainly look for mutual compatibility in specific areas, and I want A/all to be safe, but beyond that, I am not trying to fall madly in love. I know the relationship I will begin. So I do not have such rigid time constraints.
I want to get on with the training, and let the growth begin.



sub4hire -> RE: 30 days or less? (6/21/2005 12:26:27 PM)

quote:

I've read alot of profiles lately
that want to collar someone in 30 days or less~

What happened to getting to know someone first??


People everywhere in the lifestyle and out meet and get married in a week.
What is the difference? It is still a committment people aren't thinking through.

I literally talked to people for a year..got bad vibes and dumped them.
I knew Doug was the one I was looking for before we first laid eyes on one another..and we talked for 3 months prior to meeting.

I know people who haven't waited at all and I've known people who've waited 5 years and are married now. It's just personal preference and it doesn't mean 30 days has to be yours.



sudja -> RE: 30 days or less? (6/26/2005 12:50:40 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: knees2you

Ok, Coffee is great in the same City~[:D]
But If You live in Hooboken New Jersy, and She or He lives in
Texas then 7 days or close to thirty days is a little much~

Sincerely, Ant


It depends upon what is viable - I wanted to meet "as soon as was reasonably possible" once I "knew." (Because offline still has to be confirmed as to whether the intangible "its" all translate.)

I wouldn't have wanted/imposed a time limit, but I would require that be a possibility, an acknowledgement that meeting and possibly etc., is what we both want.

I was fortunate and able to visit within a few months, for almost a month. Two months after that I moved here.

sudja



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