quote:

ORIGINAL: beargonewild

quote:

ORIGINAL: grlneedstolearn

He can change if he wants, but i'm also saying that maybe we can both change for the better and try to work it out

This is the key statement right here. IF he wants to change. Listen to the good advice here, don't try to force him to change for you. By doing so, you'll only make matters worse. If you and him are not compatible, walk away and honestly seek one who is more fitting to your needs and vice versa.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MzMia

quote:

ORIGINAL: beargonewild

quote:

ORIGINAL: grlneedstolearn

He can change if he wants, but i'm also saying that maybe we can both change for the better and try to work it out

This is the key statement right here. IF he wants to change. Listen to the good advice here, don't try to force him to change for you. By doing so, you'll only make matters worse. If you and him are not compatible, walk away and honestly seek one who is more fitting to your needs and vice versa.

It seems to me he has NO need to change, you do.
He is happy with what he does and how his life is going and guess what?
He is the DOMINANT party!
5 months is not a long period of time, you can continue to "play" with him as you seek another.
Good luck.

quote:

ORIGINAL: grlneedstolearn

Excuse ME, SireninChains? you stumbled over your catty remarks to ME.

i've been under my Dom's wing now for about 5 months and now i'm starting to seriously reconsider our relationship. He was easy, i mean real easy let me get away with everything in the beginning. So i've talked to him about stepping it up to be even more firm with me. Yea he's done it, but it seems like he's afraid of hurting me and bringing back old painful memories of my past. And to me he's only into the play part and i don't think he takes this seriously.

What part of this thread is it that you don't understand?  Could it be the part where she states that he is ONLY into the play part?
 

He's older than i am, by at least 18 years, but is only into training girls and into spankings. i have as well talked to him about possible collaring and a full time, since he can only play whenever his work allows. Yet he isn't into collaring or full time. i'm starting to get frustrated that everytime i suggest he step it up, he does to a degree than it feels like he backs down again. He's great in a sense that he takes me out for lunch/early dinner, and i'm in no way complaining about it.
So my question is: Is he just dragging me around just because? Or should i trust my instincts and try to find someone else? i just feel hopelessly lost and frustrated. Any advice, positive or negative would help me out.
  Thank you

You wear it well.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MzMia

quote:

ORIGINAL: grlneedstolearn

Excuse ME, SireninChains? you stumbled over your catty remarks to ME.

i've been under my Dom's wing now for about 5 months and now i'm starting to seriously reconsider our relationship. He was easy, i mean real easy let me get away with everything in the beginning. So i've talked to him about stepping it up to be even more firm with me. Yea he's done it, but it seems like he's afraid of hurting me and bringing back old painful memories of my past. And to me he's only into the play part and i don't think he takes this seriously.

What part of this thread is it that you don't understand?  Could it be the part where she states that he is ONLY into the play part?
 

He's older than i am, by at least 18 years, but is only into training girls and into spankings. i have as well talked to him about possible collaring and a full time, since he can only play whenever his work allows. Yet he isn't into collaring or full time. i'm starting to get frustrated that everytime i suggest he step it up, he does to a degree than it feels like he backs down again. He's great in a sense that he takes me out for lunch/early dinner, and i'm in no way complaining about it.
So my question is: Is he just dragging me around just because? Or should i trust my instincts and try to find someone else? i just feel hopelessly lost and frustrated. Any advice, positive or negative would help me out.
Thank you

Okay sweetie, you have a big foot in your mouth..but you wear it well.
You are right a lot of OTHER people, have said some intelligent things here.
Peace

quote:

ORIGINAL: grlneedstolearn

And to me he's only into the play part and i don't think he takes this seriously. He's older than i am, by at least 18 years, but is only into training girls and into spankings. 

So my question is: Is he just dragging me around just because?

quote:

ORIGINAL: julietsierra

Personally, I'm wondering if he's really this way or if he's doing this until she stops trying to direct the relationship. There's an "evil" group of dominant-type people out there who take seriously their allotted roles and will NOT be pushed into more than they want to do when they want to do it, how they want to do it. In fact, the more the submissive-type person whines, wails, cajoles, weedles, begs, etc, the longer they'll wait it out.

And in fact, generally speaking, those "evil" dominant-type people will often look for precisely what it is the submissive-type person seems to need/want/desire/beg for the most and that's exactly what they will not deliver - until the submissive type person learns to stop whining, wailing, cajoling, weedling, begging, and then, on their own time, in their own way, as THEY see fit - it'll happen.

And if 5 months is the ceiling on what the submissive-type person calls submission - well, they'll allow that too, cause submission is a choice - not a equal and opposite reaction.

There is no way for any of us to know just how this dominant-type person really is. In fact, I don't think the submissive in this situation knows either. For an "evil" dominant-type person, ultimately, her decision to submit is not based on his actions. It's based on whether she wants to submit to him or not. And only she can make up her mind to do so or not.

Admittedly, this kind of relationship is the much much harder row to hoe... but for the right submissive, the "evil" dominant type can be so worth it. It's just a matter of how hard you (the OP) want to work at this.

"Evil" dominant-type people are a work of art, but like all masterpieces, the beauty of what they do is in the eye of the beholder.

juliet

quote:

ORIGINAL: BRNaughtyAngel

What an interesting and enlightening post juliet!  I often wondered if these types existed or if I was trying to "label" him as something else just for my own sanity.  It would be helpful if they had a little tag somewhere that would clue you in as to their brand of "evilness".

Thank you for sharing this.

quote:

ORIGINAL: julietsierra

Personally, I'm wondering if he's really this way or if he's doing this until she stops trying to direct the relationship. There's an "evil" group of dominant-type people out there who take seriously their allotted roles and will NOT be pushed into more than they want to do when they want to do it, how they want to do it. In fact, the more the submissive-type person whines, wails, cajoles, weedles, begs, etc, the longer they'll wait it out.

And in fact, generally speaking, those "evil" dominant-type people will often look for precisely what it is the submissive-type person seems to need/want/desire/beg for the most and that's exactly what they will not deliver - until the submissive type person learns to stop whining, wailing, cajoling, weedling, begging, and then, on their own time, in their own way, as THEY see fit - it'll happen.

And if 5 months is the ceiling on what the submissive-type person calls submission - well, they'll allow that too, cause submission is a choice - not a equal and opposite reaction.

There is no way for any of us to know just how this dominant-type person really is. In fact, I don't think the submissive in this situation knows either. For an "evil" dominant-type person, ultimately, her decision to submit is not based on his actions. It's based on whether she wants to submit to him or not. And only she can make up her mind to do so or not.

Admittedly, this kind of relationship is the much much harder row to hoe... but for the right submissive, the "evil" dominant type can be so worth it. It's just a matter of how hard you (the OP) want to work at this.

"Evil" dominant-type people are a work of art, but like all masterpieces, the beauty of what they do is in the eye of the beholder.

juliet

quote:

ORIGINAL: BRNaughtyAngel

What an interesting and enlightening post juliet!  I often wondered if these types existed or if I was trying to "label" him as something else just for my own sanity.  It would be helpful if they had a little tag somewhere that would clue you in as to their brand of "evilness".

Thank you for sharing this.

quote:

ORIGINAL: julietsierra

Personally, I'm wondering if he's really this way or if he's doing this until she stops trying to direct the relationship. There's an "evil" group of dominant-type people out there who take seriously their allotted roles and will NOT be pushed into more than they want to do when they want to do it, how they want to do it. In fact, the more the submissive-type person whines, wails, cajoles, weedles, begs, etc, the longer they'll wait it out.

And in fact, generally speaking, those "evil" dominant-type people will often look for precisely what it is the submissive-type person seems to need/want/desire/beg for the most and that's exactly what they will not deliver - until the submissive type person learns to stop whining, wailing, cajoling, weedling, begging, and then, on their own time, in their own way, as THEY see fit - it'll happen.

And if 5 months is the ceiling on what the submissive-type person calls submission - well, they'll allow that too, cause submission is a choice - not a equal and opposite reaction.

There is no way for any of us to know just how this dominant-type person really is. In fact, I don't think the submissive in this situation knows either. For an "evil" dominant-type person, ultimately, her decision to submit is not based on his actions. It's based on whether she wants to submit to him or not. And only she can make up her mind to do so or not.

Admittedly, this kind of relationship is the much much harder row to hoe... but for the right submissive, the "evil" dominant type can be so worth it. It's just a matter of how hard you (the OP) want to work at this.

"Evil" dominant-type people are a work of art, but like all masterpieces, the beauty of what they do is in the eye of the beholder.

juliet

quote:

ORIGINAL: julietsierra
lol... Oh, they DO exist BRNaughtyAngel!!! They are hard, they are scary and they are wonderful. They are hard because they're going to hold you to your dreams, your fears and your insecurities. These wonderful people are going to make you decide - for yourself - with zero help from them, that THIS is what you want. 

You'll find that they take your biggest desire or fear, and use exactly this to "help" you figure out what you want. And if this works for you, you'll curse them, cry a LOT and in the end, find they've got your heart and your head and your body firmly in hand, and all those conversations about the submissive actually being in charge will seem laughable - cause you KNOW you're not in charge of anything other than your choice to submit.

Once we give them that power, amazing things can happen - both good and bad - but no matter what, it's OUR choice to stay and submit. And THAT'S the scary part. While we're in this stage, we have absolutely NO idea if we'll ever get what we hope for. All we can do is decide if we're going to submit or not. And that's why they come with no tags or instructions.

I can honestly say that while at times I've been frustrated and hurt and sad and all those other not so nice things in SPADES, what I've gained from those times is beyond compare. I wouldn't change it for the world.

juliet