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ORIGINAL: ElanSubdued

SubA2serveU,

You totally missed the point (as did Aakasha) of those who found parts of this thread demeaning.  The undercurrent here is "oh my God, a domme *actually* fell in love with a submissive".  Say what?  Women fall in love with men every minute of every day.  There is nothing miraculous here.  The notion is that one special and extraordinary submissive somehow beat the odds and rose above the unworthy livestock that are his forbearers.  Read the OP's profile and you'll get it.  I'm glad the OP has found love.  This is a wonderful thing.  However, if you view men as nothing more than dumb cattle to be corralled, manipulated, and used for filling your pocketbook, then yes, it is no wonder it would feel amazing yet simultaneously inconceivable to fall in love with a submissive boy.

As to your sentiments that submissive men learn to be more like what many of the dommes on here talk about, hmmm.  I've met some extremely intelligent, funny, kind, and loving dominant women.  Some of my real life friends are dominant women who I both enjoy and respect.  Unfortunately, the online community is full of opportunists and I have no desire to be anything like what some of these people advertise for.  To do so would mean that I'm a fool who has no sense of my own self worth.

ElanSubdued.

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...you have no idea how many submissive men present themselves as 'dumb cattle to be corralled and manipulated' -- starting from the very first introduction.  Just because you don't do it, doesn't mean that 98% of the subs don't either - they do, and they do it gleefully.  Don't assume the femdoms push this image onto the subs, it's the way most subs present themselves and wish to be regarded -- from first interaction.

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This is what I hope to have one day.  He's a lucky guy.

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a deep connection has been made... but firmly planted as I can think clearly now... and what a ride...  his visit is days away...  this will be his 5th time here... and it will be a wonderful time for us both...  I suspect more real than ever... deeper than ever...

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ORIGINAL: pixelslave

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ORIGINAL: MisPandora

I've had the situation occur with male AND female submissives in service to me.  It's pretty frightening, the depth that someone can love you and you feel responsibility, but not love in return for them.  In each instance with me, it was a sign that I had to do the right thing and cut things off.  It would be unfair for me to retain them in the position where they were knowing I'd never go the distance they were willing to. 

This is exactly why I've never casually played with others and have only been interested in one-on-one relationships that had potential.  I'm very well aware that the more submissive I allow myself to be with a woman, the stronger my feelings become for her.  Obviously, knowing that about myself, it would be unwise for me to become involved in any kind of D/s activities with someone where a LTR was not a possibility.

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Elan... Just different perspectives for different people.  It doesn't make either less correct. [;)]

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pixelslave to MisPandora:  This is exactly why I've never casually played with others and have only been interested in one-on-one relationships that had potential.  I'm very well aware that the more submissive I allow myself to be with a woman, the stronger my feelings become for her.  Obviously, knowing that about myself, it would be unwise for me to become involved in any kind of D/s activities with someone where a LTR was not a possibility.

MisPandora to pixelslave:  I sincerely hope that you meant something else... and that you're not trying to say that MY situations were just casual play and weren't one-on-one relationships, because that's awfully out of line if you don't know me or the circumstances!  (snip)  Apologies for the thread hijack, but I really felt I needed to clarify the slight against me.

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ORIGINAL: MisPandora

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ORIGINAL: pixelslave

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ORIGINAL: MisPandora

I've had the situation occur with male AND female submissives in service to me.  It's pretty frightening, the depth that someone can love you and you feel responsibility, but not love in return for them.  In each instance with me, it was a sign that I had to do the right thing and cut things off.  It would be unfair for me to retain them in the position where they were knowing I'd never go the distance they were willing to. 

This is exactly why I've never casually played with others and have only been interested in one-on-one relationships that had potential.  I'm very well aware that the more submissive I allow myself to be with a woman, the stronger my feelings become for her.  Obviously, knowing that about myself, it would be unwise for me to become involved in any kind of D/s activities with someone where a LTR was not a possibility.

I sincerely hope that you meant something else.....and that you're not trying to say that MY situations were just casual play and weren't one-on-one relationships, because that's awfully out of line if you don't know me or the circumstances! 

In BDSM, there are times that the relationship does grow bigger or more grand than what you negotiated.  It's often a case of 'you don't know what you don't know.'  Submissives in particular, can think they'll be ok with certain boundaries or with having XYZ type of arrangement, but when they get deep involved, especially deep in submission to the dominant, things change.  For better or worse, you still need to be a responsible adult and handle the situation -- be it renegotiating a more advanced relationship, redefining borders, or deciding that the individual needs more than you're willing to commit to at that moment in time (or for that person.)

Apologies for the thread hijack, but I really felt I needed to clarify the slight against me.

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ORIGINAL: ElanSubdued

Pandora,

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pixelslave to MisPandora:  This is exactly why I've never casually played with others and have only been interested in one-on-one relationships that had potential.  I'm very well aware that the more submissive I allow myself to be with a woman, the stronger my feelings become for her.  Obviously, knowing that about myself, it would be unwise for me to become involved in any kind of D/s activities with someone where a LTR was not a possibility.

MisPandora to pixelslave:  I sincerely hope that you meant something else... and that you're not trying to say that MY situations were just casual play and weren't one-on-one relationships, because that's awfully out of line if you don't know me or the circumstances!  (snip)  Apologies for the thread hijack, but I really felt I needed to clarify the slight against me.

I think you may have read more into pixelslave's words than he intended.  I don't see a slight here.  Rather, I think pixelslave is just saying why he doesn't play with partners where a long term relationship with one another isn't a mutual goal at the outset.  Of course, things change as any relationship progresses, but if partners know their romantic goals for one another are incompatible at the outset, this is probably a situation to avoid.  If I'm feeling romantic about someone and they are not feeling romantic about me (or vice versa), doing BDSM play together has never improved the situation (and almost always makes it more complex and worse).  The context of pixelslave's reply may have made it appear you were being judged, but I really don't think this is the case.

Please accept my apologies if my intrusion into your discussion is unwanted.

Elan.