RE: Need advice on non-sexual Domination

RE: Need advice on non-sexual Domination (Full Version)

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LadyKrystie -> RE: Need advice on non-sexual Domination (7/18/2007 5:47:14 PM)
The reason I'm asking is not because I don't think I would enjoy it, far from that. I'm shallow enough to admit I won't play if there's no chemistry. But being new, I'm not ready/willing to settle into something long term. And I'm not the type to indulge in intercourse if the long term bond is not there. But I do need to learn, and until that someone comes along, playing seems the way to go. I'd classify myself as more of a sensualist, rather than sadist. I think even minor punishments would involve pleasure for my sub as well as myself. (Mind you, I have no problem playing hardball for serious infractions, once I've had time to cool off) In addition, there have been people I've met in the community I would love to explore with, but since they're either females - sex is kind of a non-option for me. I don't mind touching/stroking/kissing... But more than that? Not happening - gay males or males I get more of a "friend" vibe off of... Still Ok with playing, but I was unsure what was typically expected. Thankfully I've managed to stumble across one or two who are willing to help me figure that out. ;)

celesta -> RE: Need advice on non-sexual Domination (8/2/2007 12:29:28 AM)
I have fought with a very similar issue myself for almost a year now, and I tell you it can be done! The biggest thing I've found to keep in mind is that your kink is not everyone's kink, but it's just as valid. What works for you may not for them, and the reverse will also be true. So if you identify as Dominant, but don't feel comfortable with things you see as sexual being included in your lifestyle/play, make that clear from the beginning. You don't have to do things because "that's the way it's done", make your own rules as you go!

iammachine -> RE: Need advice on non-sexual Domination (8/2/2007 9:16:05 AM)
Firstly, define what you consider to be sexual. Then, define for yourself where your hard and soft limits are, these may vary by person or encounter. Negotiate with a potential play partner. Talk to them, figure out a scene to does "it" for both of you. Make it clear to them what your limits are, and stand your ground. Make sure you are both on the same page in terms of your needs and desires. Is this a one time scene or play date? Will you be playing again? Is this someone you might consider for a more long term exchange? How you feel about the person and what your limits are with them may change over time as you get to know them better, or as the relationship dynamics change. Be prepared to re-negotiate as needed.

MHOO314 -> RE: Need advice on non-sexual Domination (8/2/2007 9:50:28 AM)
When I wanted to start expanding My skills. I advertised for what I call a "crash test dummy"---and experienced submissive that served as My training ground--nothing sexual at all, nothing more than friendship, but someone who I could trust to be a teacher to Me and a student as well---this is usually a pain slut, and they have been through the best and worst of Domina's---I suggest you start there---I might also suggest talking with another Domina, often they have a boy they can lend out for your practice. now given that--I have found it very very hard to find a submissivet that I can use for non-sexual activities--or even service activities---they all line up and then are shocked or angered when they don't get something sexual---that area here seems to take allot of work---

MistressRouge -> RE: Need advice on non-sexual Domination (8/3/2007 4:50:05 AM)
I do not have sex with My subs, orally, penetration or anything else. My gratification is their submission and servitude, so erotic and sexually stimulating and exciting for Me personally. [:D]

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