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Help with a small problem? - 6/21/2005 6:24:48 PM   
Mylee


Posts: 217
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline 		I have a small problem that I'm having a hard time addressing, I have a very commong heart issue a little vaulve issue but it does make me dizzy often and I have been known to pass out, it seems to get worse when Im in a state of high arrousal for long ammounts of time, I ran into an issue with this just this week where He kept me so highly arroused for quite a few hours, to the point that my head was spinning and I was seeing stars, I actually did pass out and when I cam to I was so sick I had to throw up, this isnt my problem, my problem is that He seems to feel very badly for this and doesnt seem to trust himself with me now, has anything like this every happened to anyone else? If so how did you decide to handle it? I'm thinking it's time to write him another letter?
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RE: Help with a small problem? - 6/21/2005 6:38:36 PM   
liltxsubby


Posts: 328
Joined: 11/18/2004
From: TX
Status: offline 		Maybe having a safeword in this instance would help? If you feel yourself becoming lightheaded use it. You can relax knowing that if things get to much they will stop, and he can build his confidence back up not having to worry about it happening again. Ince he has learned you well enough to read your signs and trust himself again, the safeword may not be needed.
A letter might be ok, but I think a heart-felt face to face might work better.


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RE: Help with a small problem? - 6/21/2005 7:03:36 PM   
SecretDomme


Posts: 152
Joined: 1/21/2004
Status: offline 		It's very important to be upfront about any medical issues that can affect play. If you know your limits as far as play and how far you can go and still feel comfortable, then communicate that to him. He can then design the scene around those limits. Having a way to let him know to slow down is also important.

Be well,
Julie

(in reply to Mylee)
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RE: Help with a small problem? - 6/22/2005 3:50:20 AM   
BeachMystress


Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline
Did he not know of your condition beforehand?? What a horrid way to discover it if not. In any case, you need better communication in your relationship. When you first started experiencing the symptoms that you knew could lead to lack of consciousness, you needed to tell him. He is not a mind reader. I don't blame him for being gun shy. If my sub let a situation progress to this point, I'd have a hard time trusting that sub enough to play again. I'm not trying to be mean, but I'm about to be very blunt. You screwed up royally. You were trying to be a good submissive for him, but you let a situation develop that was a serious breach of trust. While he says he doesn't trust himself with you, what he really isn't trusting is you to communicate with him when something is wrong.

As to how you fix it.. the same way you fix any breach of trust. Time and repeated demonstrations of good behaviour (telling him when there is a problem.)

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Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
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RE: Help with a small problem? - 6/22/2005 4:33:48 AM   
Synocense


Posts: 255
Joined: 8/8/2004
Status: offline 		*if* this was a condition he did know about beforehand, but was still caught off guard by the fact you passed out, perhaps educating him further on the condition itself will help matters. Find and present him with any and all information you can. Websites, doctors articles, discussions documented, etc. Be prepared, however, in the end it's going to be his call.

Good luck,
Syn

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RE: Help with a small problem? - 6/22/2005 11:23:55 AM   
Mylee


Posts: 217
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline 		Oh yes, this is a condition He knew about before hand, I was upfront with Him, I wouldn't wanna surprise anyone with that, that would be cruel of me, I did voice that I felt I was slipping under, only I think maybe I wasn't as clear as I could have been 'cause I think He thought I meant I was on the edge of shattering, unfortunatly it's a little hard to tell if my head is starting to spin from something He is doing to me or because of my litte heart condition the two things feel so very much alike.

I was thinking of this earlier and I realized that thetimes I've been kept in a state of arrousal for more then four hours or so I do get very dizzy, maybe we should set a time limit He has to keep me there without letting me come down for a little break?

Though yes, Beach I am pretty sure this is my fault, I was in NO way shape or form trying to place blame in Him, I feel to your right I messed up royally,(which I feel very bad about ). I felt I was communicating it but I failed in doing so in a way that He understood, I think the suggestion from before of a safe word for this is maybe what I'm needing



< Message edited by Mylee -- 6/22/2005 11:35:15 AM >

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RE: Help with a small problem? - 6/22/2005 12:20:34 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

I felt I was communicating it but I failed in doing so in a way that He understood, I think the suggestion from before of a safe word for this is maybe what I'm needing


Why you didn't discuss the eventuality of a heart problem effecting play and set up a safeword or some limits is beyond me. Also, there is no such thing as a "little heart problem" it is a heart problem. If it effects your ability to communicate during play such as your dizziness might cause you to forget your safeword, then you have some serious issues to deal with not the least of which would be if you can actually continue with ANY type of BDSM play. I would guess that you have a doctor treating your problem, open up to him and tell him about your sex life he will ultimately guide you into what you should do. Your Dom should also be in tune enough that if he observes the slightest behavior that is out of the ordinary that he should cease all play until he can insure that you are in fact OK to continue. As your post title suggests, this is in no way a small problem.

_____________________________

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I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

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RE: Help with a small problem? - 6/22/2005 4:59:24 PM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		I'd have to agree with everyone else. You need a safeword. When you know the time is coming close use it. That way there is absolutely no way you will not be clear enough for him.

In time he will learn to read you and you will no longer need it.
This is your life, you only get one chance.

(in reply to Mylee)
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RE: Help with a small problem? - 6/22/2005 8:38:16 PM   
gretchen


Posts: 121
Joined: 3/8/2005
From: Santiago, Chile
Status: offline 		Weird...

I have a problem similar to this one, but it doesn't happend when I'm aroused, but only when I'm really very upset and crying irregularly (sniffs, lots of sighs, lots of fluids, etc...)

It also happends when I'm too concentrated in something, and I tend to stop breathing (sometimes it happends during my sleep).

It's like a sharp pain in the chest while breathing again. I've being having this since I was 6 years old. Now, I have it rarely.

It ussualy goes away when I lay down and take a whole breathe, even when I know it's going to hurt like a bitch.

Does anybody have a thought on this, besides going to the doc and check?

(in reply to Mylee)
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RE: Help with a small problem? - 6/22/2005 9:23:14 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

It also happends when I'm too concentrated in something, and I tend to stop breathing (sometimes it happends during my sleep).


There is a condition called Sleep Apnea where the breathing stops when someone is sleeping. This tends to have an effect on everyday life like not feeling rested, headaches, depression, anxiety and others. Without proper diagnosis and treatment sleep apnea can be life threatening. Go to the doctor get checked out. Tell him what happens to you.

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to gretchen)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Help with a small problem? - 6/23/2005 1:15:55 PM   
comesoncommand


Posts: 78
Joined: 5/19/2005
Status: offline 		i don't have anything as serious as a heart problem, but i do get horrible migraines. To the point that i throw up from the pain, and can't be around light or sound. They can come on suddenly or gradually. i get frustrated at not being able to do anything when i'm out...i take painkillers that leave me pretty foggy for about a day and a half. So, i was attempting to not tell Him until i was a lot closer to the migraine exploding. He explained it doesn't do anything for Him to see me in that kind of pain. W/we've developed a number scale...when i have a headache He asks me to rate it from 1 to 10 (10 being i feel like i'm going to throw up). In this way, He knows far in advance if i'm even having a headache, and can make decisions based on how He knows i'm feeling. That kind of communication has helped a lot.

(in reply to Gauge)
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RE: Help with a small problem? - 6/23/2005 8:23:10 PM   
gretchen


Posts: 121
Joined: 3/8/2005
From: Santiago, Chile
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge

There is a condition called Sleep Apnea where the breathing stops when someone is sleeping. This tends to have an effect on everyday life like not feeling rested, headaches, depression, anxiety and others. Without proper diagnosis and treatment sleep apnea can be life threatening. Go to the doctor get checked out. Tell him what happens to you.



Yes. I have thought about this before, mostly because I wake up pretty cranky and tired in the mornings. It also could be school stress in my period of finals.

(in reply to Gauge)
Profile   Post #: 12
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