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What am I? - 7/17/2007 10:04:28 AM

skareamoos

Posts: 46
Joined: 5/13/2005
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Having been unable in more than 60 years to identify myself, I enlist your aid. (60 years ago I thought I might be the only one in the world.)

But .............. I do not feel submissive, but I relish the thought of being hopelessly bound by an alluring female. I hate the sundry torments that said female could inflict upon my flesh, yet I lust to be placed in her power and compelled to suffer them.

I do not feel inferior, or feel that either men or women are superior. At times, either may predominate.

My feelings (call them lusts if you will) are fundamentally sexual in nature, but sex is not a prerequisite of this activity.

I have likes and dislikes in the tortures I hate, and yet seek. Some are erotic; others are grotesquely disgusting.

I yearn to have my limits expanded, but fear the agony of that happening.

What am I? I sincerely want your opinion.

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RE: What am I? - 7/17/2007 10:30:10 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

A bottom who is in the same human predicament as the rest of us...seeking for a partner who shares their desires.

For me (and some others), masochist does not always equal submissive or slave, it means bottom defined as the recieved of SM activities. Sadist does not always mean Dominant or Master, it means Top defined as the giver of SM activities.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to skareamoos)

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RE: What am I? - 7/17/2007 10:32:27 AM

Trampler

Posts: 580
Joined: 12/31/2006
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Sounds like you might be a bottom. That while you like certain things, you have no wish to surrender completely to another person.

Actually the majority of subs I know, male and female do not feel that they are in any way inferior because of their gender or role.

_____________________________

I want to step ALL over you!

Our Community may be openminded as a whole, BUT it is made up of indivduals who bring in their own baggage,perceptions and agendas

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RE: What am I? - 7/17/2007 10:39:24 AM

Politesub53

Posts: 14862
Joined: 5/7/2007
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i think it all depends on your ideas of D/s as well. You may well be submissive or a slave if there are other activities you wish to persue. Such as serving a Mistress. i want to know the answers to many of Your questions, but i am coming to realise its easier to say the following :

Why do i enjoy it ?...... i just do
Which label ?...............i just am

im not sure i will ever work out what i am or why, and even if i think submissive a Mistress may still see me as a bottom or slave. i shall go with what works whatever that may be, and enjoy the ride

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RE: What am I? - 7/17/2007 11:45:14 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
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I'd agree with a few of the previous assessments.

I'd say you were a bottom or a masochist with a lot of sexual and personal hang-ups he may want to seriously try to work through.

I strongly recommend finding some non-fiction materials about BDSM written by those who do BDSM -- try Greenery Press first -- to help you start seeing how other process similar feelings and to get a more realistic view of BDSM than your fantasies are probably giving you.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

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RE: What am I? - 7/17/2007 11:58:31 AM

QueensWay

Posts: 22
Joined: 7/17/2007
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I can not agree with you this that gentleman has issues. It is easy to see he feels what a lot of gentleman feel twoards a woman's sexual power. Men and woman may be superior to each other in different areas and for a lot of men a womans sexual power is hard to deny. From what I read, he seems to lust after the helplessness he feels towards the sexual power women have over him.

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RE: What am I? - 7/17/2007 2:26:32 PM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: QueensWay

I can not agree with you this that gentleman has issues. It is easy to see he feels what a lot of gentleman feel twoards a woman's sexual power. Men and woman may be superior to each other in different areas and for a lot of men a womans sexual power is hard to deny. From what I read, he seems to lust after the helplessness he feels towards the sexual power women have over him.

Just because "a lot of gentlemen" feel this way does not mean it is healthy or even useful in helping them be happy. The OP does not seem happy to me, he's 60 and still unsure of what he wants and conflicted about what he wants.

That makes me very very sad.

I think he needs to work on accepting his feelings and interests. When he can accept them I think that will be a huge step toward feeling better about himself, figuring out what he wants, and finding happiness.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to QueensWay)

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RE: What am I? - 7/17/2007 2:52:26 PM

skareamoos

Posts: 46
Joined: 5/13/2005
Status: offline

First, thanks to all who offered opinions. Right or wrong, I value them. To clarify a few misconceptions: (1)I am not either new nor unttested. My fiorst BDSM experience was before most of you were born (circa 1945 ... the experience, not your birthdate).

I have had many (although not nearly enough actual experiences; most of you cannot imagine how difficult it was in the 1950s, 60, and 70s ... perhaps even into the 80s, to find like minded individuals.

Am I currently unhappy? Of course. At the upper 70s I can no long respond to physical wants in the same way I did 50 years ago. Still, I perservere (and, sadly) lust. (Any ladies who are Florence Nightingale types may send offers sof consolation.)

Yet in all that time I have never truly understood myself, or, for that matter, most of you. I love and accept all of you, even those whose activities I spurn, but still accept. You don't tell ME what I must do; I shall not tell you what to do.

If I never find dou t, sobeit. But I hope to someday understand a bit more. Was it genes, upbringing, or just the influence of seeing Tarzan tied (almost) maked to the stake in the 1937 or 1938 comic strip that became the turnon? (Flash Gordon tied kneeling to Brukka was also and remains in my mind.)

Judge yourself before you judge me, but the ultimate best to you all. We SHALL perservere.

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RE: What am I? - 7/17/2007 5:39:48 PM

Aimtoplease101

Posts: 319
Joined: 2/8/2006
From: San Diego, California
Status: offline

A kinky guy. Join the club.
Why do you need a label?

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Pleasing you pleases me.

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RE: What am I? - 7/17/2007 6:21:57 PM

PairOfDimes

Posts: 324
Joined: 7/20/2006
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I think submissive might be a good label for you, because you express that being compelled is part of what's alluring to you, and you like to do things you don't like (presumably for someone else's pleasure). You could say that you're a "bedroom submissive" or a "playtime submissive." If sex is important to you, then "sexual submissive."

If the being compelled part is merely rhetoric, and the things that matter to you are the getting tied up and hurt in the ways you like, then you're a bottom, or a masochist.

Of course, you don't have to use the above labels. Labels are useful in initially expressing what you seek and how you approach things. If you can concisely articulate the way you like to do BDSM and what you want out of it, you don't really need to settle on the submissive/slave/bottom label.

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RE: What am I? - 7/17/2007 6:41:05 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

One of my spiritual teachers said the following one weekend, perhaps it will have meaning for you.

Ask yourself three questions:
1) Who are you?
2) What so you want?
3) What are you willing to pay for it?

In answering 2 and 3, we often (but not necessarily) come to the answer to 1. Once we have the answer to 1, 2 and 3 are then irrelevant.

Maybe you should ask yourself some questions to help you figure out who you are. Sure as hell helped me.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to skareamoos)

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RE: What am I? - 7/18/2007 5:55:43 AM

MisPandora

Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline

A bottom with a fetish for bondage?

I mean, you said yourself -- you're not submissive -- that's pretty clear when the person themself says, "I don't feel submissive."

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

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RE: What am I? - 7/18/2007 5:57:36 AM

MisPandora

Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: skareamoos
Judge yourself before you judge me, but the ultimate best to you all. We SHALL perservere.

Psst, you asked us to judge you and place a label......

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to skareamoos)

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RE: What am I? - 7/18/2007 10:52:08 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: skareamoos

First, thanks to all who offered opinions. Right or wrong, I value them. To clarify a few misconceptions: (1)I am not either new nor unttested. My fiorst BDSM experience was before most of you were born (circa 1945 ... the experience, not your birthdate).

I have had many (although not nearly enough actual experiences; most of you cannot imagine how difficult it was in the 1950s, 60, and 70s ... perhaps even into the 80s, to find like minded individuals.

Am I currently unhappy? Of course. At the upper 70s I can no long respond to physical wants in the same way I did 50 years ago. Still, I perservere (and, sadly) lust. (Any ladies who are Florence Nightingale types may send offers sof consolation.)

Yet in all that time I have never truly understood myself, or, for that matter, most of you. I love and accept all of you, even those whose activities I spurn, but still accept. You don't tell ME what I must do; I shall not tell you what to do.

If I never find dou t, sobeit. But I hope to someday understand a bit more. Was it genes, upbringing, or just the influence of seeing Tarzan tied (almost) maked to the stake in the 1937 or 1938 comic strip that became the turnon? (Flash Gordon tied kneeling to Brukka was also and remains in my mind.)

Judge yourself before you judge me, but the ultimate best to you all. We SHALL perservere.

I'm sorry if you felt I was judging you; you did ask for our help in deciding what you are and I was as honest as I could with the information you gave.

You say right above that you want to find out what you are and why you feel that way. That is entirely what my replies have been about. There are ways you can learn more about yourself, it isn't easy and it isn't fast but you all ready know that.

I think one big step is figuring out what you like and ignoring those things you don't. If you think something is icky or it turns you off you don't have to do it and if anyone tells you that you do walk through a door and ignore them.

I don't think you will feel like you can ignore those things you see as disgusting though until you learn more about yourself and what you do like. There might be support groups you could check out -- they seem to have them for all matter of kink, orientation, and ages though I'm not sure how you'd find them in your area.

We can't honestly tell you what you are. That is something only you can do and as you know it may not be easy at all.

But you did ask us.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to skareamoos)

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Post #: 14