CreativeDominant
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ORIGINAL: MistressLorelei
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ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant
No...I am asking if there are other femdominants who want men who are more like the "good" Alan Alda type...understanding and sympathetic to a woman's needs, ready to give himself over to her needs and wants and desires, intellectual without being arrogant, etc., etc.
I think this statement is huge. I think many, many women want this in a male relationship partner, not just the FemDoms of the world. While, I am sure there are male doms and vanilla males who fit the above description, it seems that many males who are this way have had to battle against society where a gentle male is not a "real man". Many of these identify as submissive.
While it may be true that many women want that type of man, I have found that many women have grown weary of the "sensitive, gentle" male who always understands them but is so sensitive and gentle that he lets the woman "run them over". It may be a fine thing to be gentle and yet strong, caring and willing to engage in conversation but, carried too far and you have a submissive male of the type which is perfect for some femdominants but certainly not for the traditional submissive women. And a lot of male dominants can have gentleness, strength, patience, caring...and yet still not want to be submissive, want to run things in their household in the same manner that femdominants run theirs and whose want of a woman who defers to them does not make them assholes. Many male dominants have grown weary of the confusion that results sometimes from dealing with women who say they want "this behavior" and then, when they get it, put the man down for "not being man enough" The sort of woman portrayed...granted, in a larger than life fashion...by the woman in the movie, Bedazzled.
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I think, just as there are femdominants who have grown weary of the "chest-pounding" male, there are male dominants who have grown weary of the "chest-pounding" female. They want a woman who caters to them...who listens to them...who serves them...happily. Someone who recognizes them as the "head" of their relationship.
As noted, it comes down to individual perspectives of what "traditional" is but think of it in this manner, if it helps: Just as the "good" Alan Alda type...or Renaissance type (as LA put it) submissive male is the anti-"chest-beater", then the "traditional" type would be the opposite of the "chest-beater" feminist type who blames men for everything. See Tristan's post for another example of the "non-traditional" type of woman.
And before anyone goes off on me, let me just state that I know that there are men that behave in this same manner. But this thread is not about same behaviors that are wrong or same behaviors that are right...it is about femdominants seeking a certain type of submissive male and dominant males seeking another type of female submissives...different and yet somewhat complementary. The original post is not about putting anyone down, male or female, dominant or submissive. It was a post that arose out of my intellectual curiosity piqued by Ms. Lorelei's post on another thread.
Chest-pounding and the 'macho' attitude do nothing for me, but neither does the 'sissy' malemaid. I think I am attracted to strength actually. I want a male who is strong, confident, capable and who has direction in his life. Also, I think it takes a special kind of strength and confidence to embrace a negatively thought of (by most) gentler, deferential role.
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I agree...it does take strength to embrace that. Just as it takes strength on the female side to embrace an archetype disdained by many women of today.
By "in touch with his feminine side', I mean things like: a male who doesn't find communication a burden (so many males do - Dom/sub and vanilla), who can express feelings without fear of being considered a 'sissy', a nurturing male who expresses/shows that he cares for the woman he is involved with, who can interact with children. A male who doesn't find in mandatory to burp and swear when in the company of other males (or anyone), who grooms himself well.... and who doesn't feel like he has to act like a "Man" in order to be one. He is confident enough to be who he is; not what society expects him to be.
I suppose in the same respect, that is how I agree with some feminist viewpoints, but not others. I am who I am, and not the 'traditional' barefoot and pregnant woman of times past, nor am I the typical picture many associate with a "FemDom". I do nurture, take care, show affection for, and communicate with the male I am involved with. I have a very soft way about me in general, am very feminine, and being so is important to me. I am not offended when a male holds a door open (I rather expect it), but I am offended when a male thinks it's okay to treat a non-consenting woman like the second class gender. I am certainly not a chest-pounding woman, but because I don't want to be led in my relationships does not take away from the fact that a woman can be soft, yet powerful, and in charge, yet placed on a pedestal.... just as a male can be strong, yet gentle.
I am sure I went way off-topic, but that's where my mind wandered.
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And while I agree that a male can be in touch with his "feminine" side, I think that many of us males got bit by that. I did. I don't deny that at one time, I was very much along that side...and it came back to bite me. When I developed a weariness of never being right, of not being sensitive enough/of being too sensitive...of not caring enough/of caring too much (because THAT'S why my feelings were hurt, not her words), then I found my latent dominance coming to the fore and I stepped back. As I have noted earlier, I don't think a traditional type of woman necessarily means barefoot and pregnant, nor do I think that being a "traditional woman" type of submissive necessarily means a loss of strength...I think it means that she is the female counterpoint to the type of male submissive you seek.
< Message edited by CreativeDominant -- 7/18/2007 7:35:05 AM >
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RE: Curious about views of submissives - 
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