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top 18 ways to tell if you are too old for BDSM - 7/18/2007 12:49:20 AM   
adoracat


Posts: 1779
Joined: 2/16/2007
Status: offline 		Top 18 Ways To Tell If You Are Too Old For BDSM
18. You have a hard time finding leather Depends
17. Your most repeated scene sound is, "I've fallen and I can't get
up!"
16. Hot wax is what covers your cake once all the candles are lit.
15. You find yourself saying things like, "In my day, we didn't have
no fancy store-bought toys. We had to walk 10 miles uphill in 8 feet
of snow and cut down a tree and make our own damn paddles before we
could spank somebody."
14. You keep tripping over the chain on the nipple clamps when you
walk.
13. Edge play involves your submissive pushing your wheelchair too
close to the curb.
12. You provoke your Master to strap you, knowing he will not
remember where he left his belt.
11. You crave suspension to relieve the bunions on your feet
10. Sensory deprivation is when your Dom hides your hearing aid
batteries.
9. Your nipple clamps have training wheels.
8. Edge play is standing by the microwave with a pacemaker
7. When you tell your sub to get the cane, she has to
specify "walking" or "beating"
6. You can't tell the difference between your tattoos and your age
spots
5. You shout "One, two, three, CLEAR! " for electrical play
4. Your idea of breath play is when your wheelchair runs over your
oxygen hose
3. Your idea of suspension is an UltraLift bra.
2. You hold the paddle and say, "You're younger than me. ...back
into the paddle ....HARD!"

And the Number One way to tell you might be too old for BDSM:
1. Age play really is 24/7


kitten, who is still giggling....
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: top 18 ways to tell if you are too old for BDSM - 7/18/2007 2:23:51 AM   
nyrisa


Posts: 1830
Joined: 11/20/2006
Status: offline 		Oh geez......so many of those hit close to home. *L*

_____________________________

A true lady takes off her dignity with her clothes and does her whorish best. At other times you can be as modest and dignified as your persona requires. Robert Heinlein

The last thing I want to do is hurt you...but it is still on my list.

(in reply to adoracat)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: top 18 ways to tell if you are too old for BDSM - 7/18/2007 2:43:21 AM   
adoracat


Posts: 1779
Joined: 2/16/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: nyrisa

Oh geez......so many of those hit close to home. *L*


unfortunately for me too... *giggling*

kitten

(in reply to nyrisa)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: top 18 ways to tell if you are too old for BDSM - 7/18/2007 2:51:16 AM   
Tarisa


Posts: 2309
Joined: 1/22/2007
Status: offline 		lol.. really funny !

(in reply to adoracat)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: top 18 ways to tell if you are too old for BDSM - 7/18/2007 2:57:39 AM   
camille65


Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline 		Oooooooh what a great laugh to start the day with! Thankies adoracat for sharing that. (no comment on the ones that apply to me already  )

_____________________________


~Love your life! (It is the only one you'll get).




(in reply to adoracat)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: top 18 ways to tell if you are too old for BDSM - 7/18/2007 3:45:23 AM   
favesclava


Posts: 1608
Joined: 2/15/2007
Status: offline 		i agree funny stuff, til i got to one that was a bit too close for comfort

(in reply to camille65)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: top 18 ways to tell if you are too old for BDSM - 7/18/2007 4:15:27 AM   
SeeksOnlyOne


Posts: 2012
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline 		lmfaoooooooooo .....well cept #14-thats not a bit funny

_____________________________

it aint no good til it hurts just a little bit....jimmy somerville

in those moments of solitude, does everyone sometimes think they are insane? or is it just me?

(in reply to adoracat)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: top 18 ways to tell if you are too old for BDSM - 7/18/2007 7:42:36 AM   
instynctive


Posts: 2726
Status: offline 		14. You keep tripping over the chain on the nipple clamps when you walk.

kitten, you owe me a new monitor.. and a cup of coffee..

_____________________________


Lifestyle-friendly web hosting and design: http://kinkyqueer.net

(in reply to SeeksOnlyOne)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: top 18 ways to tell if you are too old for BDSM - 7/18/2007 7:45:28 AM   
SeeksOnlyOne


Posts: 2012
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: instynctive

14. You keep tripping over the chain on the nipple clamps when you walk.

kitten, you owe me a new monitor.. and a cup of coffee..


lolol-see i almost cried and thought wtf they lookin in my windows for.........my lil bluebird tattoo is happy being a long legged stork now tho....i swear thats tha truth

_____________________________

it aint no good til it hurts just a little bit....jimmy somerville

in those moments of solitude, does everyone sometimes think they are insane? or is it just me?

(in reply to instynctive)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: top 18 ways to tell if you are too old for BDSM - 7/18/2007 8:42:31 AM   
SubinMaine


Posts: 1888
Joined: 1/7/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: adoracat

quote:

ORIGINAL: nyrisa

Oh geez......so many of those hit close to home. *L*


unfortunately for me too... *giggling*

kitten


i have to chime in with a third agreement to the above lol...very funny stuff


_____________________________

That which yields is not always weak...

(in reply to adoracat)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: top 18 ways to tell if you are too old for BDSM - 7/18/2007 4:08:27 PM   
BossyShoeBitch


Posts: 3931
Joined: 1/13/2007
From: South Florida
Status: offline 		Holy crap that was funny!

#14....No comment...

_____________________________

A clever man can get out of situations a wise man never gets into...
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

(in reply to adoracat)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: top 18 ways to tell if you are too old for BDSM - 7/18/2007 4:28:12 PM   
RubberWitch


Posts: 1368
Joined: 7/27/2005
Status: offline 		Of course, if you put the chain BEHIND your neck... the only problem you'd have is your master trying to take them off again whilst you're staring in the mirror, enjoying "the pinky and perky comeback tour"


_____________________________

Lets roleplay - I'll get the D20s
"Freud was...sorry if this is an over-generalisation...A coke addled kiddy-fiddler" Alan Moore
"A Lady must always remember her station in life - and be prepared to change at Acton Town"

(in reply to BossyShoeBitch)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: top 18 ways to tell if you are too old for BDSM - 7/18/2007 6:42:58 PM   
adoracat


Posts: 1779
Joined: 2/16/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: instynctive

14. You keep tripping over the chain on the nipple clamps when you walk.

kitten, you owe me a new monitor.. and a cup of coffee..


as we used to say on the aol boards.....

always obey the never eat or drink rule when reading the boards, ESPECIALLY if the kitten is posting ;)

kitten, who isnt gonna say one lil word about how we know now that instynctive spits and doesnt swallow.....

(in reply to instynctive)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: top 18 ways to tell if you are too old for BDSM - 7/19/2007 5:31:15 AM   
Lucylastic


Posts: 40310
Status: offline 		oh my gawd pinky and perky comeback tour:) LMAAAAAO I used to love pinky and perky, even named the "girls" pinky and perky, mind you that was a few years ago now
a couple more to add to the list
The dentures come out with the ball gag.
You take out floggers, paddles,restraints...and can't remember why. CBT means you're out of Viagra and you have a date with the widow Harrison.Breast bondage is when you've accidentally tucked them into your waistband...again.
You hand a flogger to your submissive and say, Beat yourself...I'm going to  take a nap.

_____________________________

(•_•)
<) )╯SUCH
/ \

\(•_•)
( (> A NASTY
/ \

(•_•)
<) )> WOMAN
/ \

Duchess Of Dissent
Dont Hate Love

(in reply to adoracat)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: top 18 ways to tell if you are too old for BDSM - 7/19/2007 12:27:21 PM   
instynctive


Posts: 2726
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: adoracat

as we used to say on the aol boards.....

always obey the never eat or drink rule when reading the boards, ESPECIALLY if the kitten is posting ;)

kitten, who isnt gonna say one lil word about how we know now that instynctive spits and doesnt swallow.....


Only when interrupted in mid-swallow.. ;-)


_____________________________


Lifestyle-friendly web hosting and design: http://kinkyqueer.net

(in reply to adoracat)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: top 18 ways to tell if you are too old for BDSM - 7/19/2007 1:51:06 PM   
satyrsnymph28


Posts: 379
Status: offline 		glad i visited the humor section... though my boss is gonna wonder whats wrong with me when i LOL 

(in reply to instynctive)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: top 18 ways to tell if you are too old for BDSM - 7/19/2007 10:32:51 PM   
HypnoticDan


Posts: 463
Joined: 5/23/2007
Status: offline 		Your collar has your name and address, just in case you forget where you live.
Every meal in the home is an exercise in humiliation.
You've had so much work done that your body is more rubber than skin.  ...which is how you like it, anyways.
You've started to plan who will get the dungeon keys in your will.

(in reply to satyrsnymph28)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: top 18 ways to tell if you are too old for BDSM - 7/20/2007 4:59:54 AM   
adoracat


Posts: 1779
Joined: 2/16/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: instynctive

quote:

ORIGINAL: adoracat

as we used to say on the aol boards.....

always obey the never eat or drink rule when reading the boards, ESPECIALLY if the kitten is posting ;)

kitten, who isnt gonna say one lil word about how we know now that instynctive spits and doesnt swallow.....


Only when interrupted in mid-swallow.. ;-)



*giggling loud enough to make the dogs come in and look at me funny*

oh yeah that was a good giggle first thing in the am...

kitten, who's still grinning....

(in reply to instynctive)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: top 18 ways to tell if you are too old for BDSM - 7/20/2007 5:15:11 AM   
sweetbear61


Posts: 33
Joined: 9/12/2005
Status: offline 		OMG Y/ya'll are killing me !!!   ...............LOL
some hit so close to home!..............................LMAO

(in reply to adoracat)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: top 18 ways to tell if you are too old for BDSM - 7/20/2007 6:58:22 AM   
RubberWitch


Posts: 1368
Joined: 7/27/2005
Status: offline 		That's cos this bunch of old fart's eyesight is going. If they could fit bifocals into bondage masks, they'd be hiting square on the mark :P

remember when watersports was optional :P

_____________________________

Lets roleplay - I'll get the D20s
"Freud was...sorry if this is an over-generalisation...A coke addled kiddy-fiddler" Alan Moore
"A Lady must always remember her station in life - and be prepared to change at Acton Town"

(in reply to sweetbear61)
Profile   Post #: 20
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