RE: A new take on the "real doms don't bottom" deal

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RE: A new take on the "real doms don't bottom"... - 7/18/2007 8:40:08 PM

SimplyMichael

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Let me flip some of this around.

Is my submissive less submissive because she is a dominant woman to everyone else? I sure as hell don't see it that way!

What about the fear so many have (I bet it correlates nicely with "real doms don't bottom") of topping from the bottom. If a submissive is a submissive how can they top from the bottom?

The point isn't how dominant I am with the waiter, my last girlfriend, the DM at lasts nights party, but instead how dominant I am with the woman kneeling right now at my feet! I say that as someone who has done a hell of a lot to a hell of a lot of women other men drooled over and those women could choose anyone to be with and chose me over several "pure blood dominants." I have only bottomed twice in a decade, first time to someone who was supposed to be amazing and the other to someone who is an amazing submissive. The men here who are fretting over their precious dominance and the purity of their essence would drool over women I have turned away and just might loose the ability to speak in front of my current partner.

So there!!!!

(in reply to Lashra)

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RE: A new take on the "real doms don't bottom"... - 7/18/2007 9:39:46 PM

robertolapiedra

Posts: 520
Joined: 5/3/2007
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Hello again. Good for you! RL.

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

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Post #: 42

RE: A new take on the "real doms don't bottom"... - 7/19/2007 2:58:00 AM

heartfeltsub

Posts: 1641
Joined: 11/5/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

Let me flip some of this around.

Is my submissive less submissive because she is a dominant woman to everyone else? I sure as hell don't see it that way!

Though i agree with the above sentiment, there are some who disagree and feel that if a submissive can show any dominance in any situation, then they are not a "real" submissive. There has been more than one "discussion" about this in the past on CM that i recall.

To answer the OP, i think it comes down to insecurity in whatever position of authority (don't want to use the word role and start a fight about role playing) one is in. If one's confidence in who and what they are stems from his or her internals, that that person is free to "experience" a broader range of situations without fearing it somehow dimishes either their dominance or their submissiveness.

heartfelt

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50 NZ points

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

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Post #: 43

RE: A new take on the "real doms don't bottom"... - 7/19/2007 4:24:15 AM

SubinMaine

Posts: 1888
Joined: 1/7/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

Let me flip some of this around.

Is my submissive less submissive because she is a dominant woman to everyone else? I sure as hell don't see it that way!

i agree with this. In my eyes, if i am completely submissive to everyone around me, then i would become viewed as a doormat, not a submissive.

i am VERY dominant with people around me in my "regular" life. No one will walk over me or disrespect me without getting it right back. That's how *i* am built and programmed.

i submit on an emotional and physical level with only Sir. And, in that way i actually feel stronger as a submissive because it goes against my very nature in how i handle myself in everyday situations.

Just my thoughts.

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That which yields is not always weak...

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RE: A new take on the "real doms don't bottom"... - 7/19/2007 4:33:05 AM

earthycouple

Posts: 4462
Joined: 2/19/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

What's the deal? Does reaching 10 or beyond make you more *real*, *twue* and/or superior?

I don't think this was a "point" of the OP. It was for the sake of discussion and in real life has nothing to do with anything.

Now, to Michael's question.... I love to bottom on occassion so....of course it is ok. The only thing that could make me less of a dominant is a lack of integrity in what I do. (as far as I'm concerned)

I had a sub once who hated the idea of me bottoming, so much so he couldn't even be in the room if I was the demo bottom for something; forget watching me in a scene.

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Post #: 45

RE: A new take on the "real doms don't bottom"... - 7/19/2007 4:38:56 AM

earthycouple

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SireKane

In my opinion you can't discount the factors which you have stated. If you are a dominant who submits, not just bottoming, how could you be a "perfect 10" dominant? Bottoming and submission are an internal process, unless you have the power to read hearts and minds you cannot tell whether a person is simply bottoming or actually submitting. The fact that a dominant, bottoms , is submissive, or is bisexual does affect his degree of dominance in a heterosexual relationship, and even calls to question whether they are dominant at all.

Fact? Hardly. Your opinion, maybe. I am both bisexual and I bottom...I must be a negative 2 on your "dominance scale"....good thing my slave is intelligent and open minded.

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Seeking, searching, hoping, living, loving, jumping. So what's new with you?

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Post #: 46

RE: A new take on the "real doms don't bottom"... - 7/19/2007 10:10:44 AM

onmykneesforhim

Posts: 112
Joined: 6/18/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AdventurousLife
Also, I don't quite get the scale of 1-10 for dominance-- what exactly is being measured?

Please let it be ins. and not mm.
But in all honesty, does anyone feel like it takes a lot of control to actaully submit to someone? The more one gives control of thierselves to another means that the Dom scale goes up? Or is it all in the mind of the beholder? They say that they are a Dom and that makes it so. And most people dont use control and submit in the same breath.
I really do think Doms that are truthful admit that they submit to thier feelings of being just what they are, not the other way around. hg

(in reply to AdventurousLife)

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RE: A new take on the "real doms don't bottom"... - 7/19/2007 6:02:54 PM

AdventurousLife

Posts: 72
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quote:

does anyone feel like it takes a lot of control to actaully submit to someone?

Its a Yin Yang thing... and this is why I think its a good idea for doms to submit sometime.

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Post #: 48

RE: A new take on the "real doms don't bottom"... - 7/20/2007 3:19:15 PM

needsherdaddy

Posts: 6
Joined: 1/6/2007
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'true' Dominance and submission lays in the eyes of the beholder and the relationship. That's the beauty of it. Some submissives need/want more guidance, more protocol, to get to a place where they truly exist for their Master's pleasure. There are some Dominants who truly need to have that much control over their submissive's life. So, that could be a perfect 10 Dominant, that the relationship works, and exists.

A perfect 10 Dominant could also be One who could be a teacher, mentor, guide, and have no sadistic side at all. It could be just completely mental, and not the physical other than the control of sensations would probably be involved. It all depends on what that Dominant and submissive need.

So, if the Dominant enjoys certain sensations that we typically call bottoming, but He's controlling that scene, and it's in one of those contexts, or many others that could fit, how can He get demoted to a 9?

i think He should get an 11 for controlling a scene that He might not physically have control of :p

(in reply to onmykneesforhim)

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Post #: 49