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Restraint or not - 7/18/2007 12:51:26 PM   
RMarx


Posts: 3
Joined: 7/2/2007
Status: offline 		I have fantasized a lot but I don't have any actual experience yet.  I hope to change that soon.  I have a question:  when spanking, doing CBT, nipple torture, etc. do most Mistresses restrain the sub or just force them to stand/kneel/lie there and take it?
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RE: Restraint or not - 7/18/2007 1:09:01 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		It differs from person to person. Sometimes, restraint is necessary simply for movement restriction or some such. Right now, I find it more fulfilling for them to stay where I put them.

Master Fire


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(in reply to RMarx)
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RE: Restraint or not - 7/18/2007 1:23:14 PM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RMarx

I have fantasized a lot but I don't have any actual experience yet. I hope to change that soon. I have a question: when spanking, doing CBT, nipple torture, etc. do most Mistresses restrain the sub or just force them to stand/kneel/lie there and take it?


I find that most restraint gets in my way.

It takes time to help someone learn to be still or to not move much but it can be done. I personally find it much more powerful for someone to learn to be still than to rely on restraints but then I'm not talking about bottoms or subs here, I'm talking about slaves and I think there is a difference in expectations because of that.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to RMarx)
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RE: Restraint or not - 7/18/2007 1:44:49 PM   
Politesub53


Posts: 14862
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		Would it be best to restrain a new submissive, due to the fact that they may flinch or turn towards You at the wrong point. or jump when You start to do something delicate ?

(in reply to thetammyjo)
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RE: Restraint or not - 7/18/2007 2:14:07 PM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		Sometimes I do, sometimes I do not it just depends upon what I am doing and my mood at the time. Sometimes restraints are more of a hinderance than anything. However I do like to use a spreader when doing CBT, keeps the bits out there in the open. 

~Lashra


_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






(in reply to Politesub53)
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RE: Restraint or not - 7/18/2007 2:52:39 PM   
hardbodysub


Posts: 1654
Joined: 8/7/2005
Status: offline 		Without restraint, the domme couldn't do much of anything to me. It's just not in my nature to passively let someone do whatever she wants. Not being able to resist - that's what makes the whole thing possible and exciting to me.

(in reply to Lashra)
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RE: Restraint or not - 7/18/2007 5:42:06 PM   
Aimtoplease101


Posts: 319
Joined: 2/8/2006
From: San Diego, California
Status: offline 		There are competing considerations at play.

Restraint certainly can create the feeling of helplessness that some people seek, and make it possible for a physically smaller Domme to overpower a larger sub.

However, physical play without restraint emphasizes obedience and mental domination-- Even though the sub is physically able to move, he doesn't because his Domme has told him not to.  This can very exciting in a different way.

I once had a Domme tell me during a scene that she wasn't going to give me "the dignity" of restraining me.  I had to stand, legs spread and hands against the wall, and confront the fact that I was willingly submitting myself to her discipline, without the illusion that I supposedly had no choice because I was tied up and had to endure it. 

That can be quite a hot psychological dynamic.

Regards, ATP

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RE: Restraint or not - 7/18/2007 6:09:47 PM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Politesub53

Would it be best to restrain a new submissive, due to the fact that they may flinch or turn towards You at the wrong point. or jump when You start to do something delicate ?


That would be part of training someone to be able to control himself enough to take it.

Restraint can be fun in it's own right and is for many people but I frankly don't find it much fun most of the time.

Because I don't have a whipping post (maybe in the future) I do use cuffs and chains to give Fox something to hold on to when I flog him. His having something to grip seems to increase his ability to take more from me.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to Politesub53)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Restraint or not - 7/19/2007 1:19:36 AM   
subitodolce


Posts: 39
Joined: 6/20/2007
Status: offline 		My Sir was a Boy Scout. He has a wonderful fascination for rope and knots, and enjoys pushing my limits (so much as to prep some of my ornery joints with muscle relaxant to help my flexibility) and discovering how many different ways I can be tied up. I'm a physically strong person, so the sudden loss of movement and ability to fight back can be wonderfully exciting for me, and I trust Sir with my life (we go back several years as friends before he became my Dom, and he was my Protector then) and am very comfortable knowing I am safe in his presence.

Restraint adds a wonderful dynamic to play, but it really helps when both the Dom and sub enjoy the process. My Sir has informed me that a willing partner makes all the difference in the world for him.

(in reply to thetammyjo)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Restraint or not - 7/19/2007 6:25:30 AM   
littlesarbonn


Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo


quote:

ORIGINAL: Politesub53

Would it be best to restrain a new submissive, due to the fact that they may flinch or turn towards You at the wrong point. or jump when You start to do something delicate ?


That would be part of training someone to be able to control himself enough to take it.

Restraint can be fun in it's own right and is for many people but I frankly don't find it much fun most of the time.

Because I don't have a whipping post (maybe in the future) I do use cuffs and chains to give Fox something to hold on to when I flog him. His having something to grip seems to increase his ability to take more from me.


Honestly, if I found a dominant who was mainly more interested in me being able to control myself rather than restraints, I probably wouldn't pursue her. I'm not a very fetishist kind of person, but one thing that does put me into a submissive state of mind faster than anything is being restrained. Without it, I'm not sure how long I'd last in such a relationship, and fortunately, there are enough women interested in restraining me so that's rarely an issue. I see a trend these days towards less and less actual bdsm in bdsm relationships to where it starts to feel like bdsm in name only. Yeah, I know many disagree with me on this, and that's okay. It's just why I've become extremely reluctant to even pursue relationships here anymore.


_____________________________

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The Adventures of Stickman and the Unemployed Lego Spaceman

(in reply to thetammyjo)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Restraint or not - 7/19/2007 6:36:10 AM   
Politesub53


Posts: 14862
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		Thetammyjo, thank You for the reply Ma`am. i could see the pitfalls os some bening in a heavy caning seasion, for the first time, moving mid swing and therefore the cane hiting an offlimit target.

littlesarbonn..This will sound contradictory, However i feel there is a merit for both activities. The joy from staying put as you dont have a choice, there is something delightful in knowing You have reached the point of no backing out, without safewording. Also the joy of staying put purely becuase thats what Mistress requires. I agree that the second is more D/s based than BDSM based.

(in reply to littlesarbonn)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Restraint or not - 7/19/2007 6:37:52 AM   
littlesarbonn


Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Politesub53

Thetammyjo, thank You for the reply Ma`am. i could see the pitfalls os some bening in a heavy caning seasion, for the first time, moving mid swing and therefore the cane hiting an offlimit target.

littlesarbonn..This will sound contradictory, However i feel there is a merit for both activities. The joy from staying put as you dont have a choice, there is something delightful in knowing You have reached the point of no backing out, without safewording. Also the joy of staying put purely becuase thats what Mistress requires. I agree that the second is more D/s based than BDSM based.



I've been in relationships where "staying put" was a huge part of the interaction. But at the same time, she knew that restraints did something big for me, so those were used whenever possible. Without it, I probably would have wandered off and played on the freeway or on train tracks instead.


_____________________________

<---- FYI, this picture looks JUST like me


http://www.littlesarbonn.com/Stickman/Stickman.htm
The Adventures of Stickman and the Unemployed Lego Spaceman

(in reply to Politesub53)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Restraint or not - 7/19/2007 8:23:19 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn

quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo


quote:

ORIGINAL: Politesub53

Would it be best to restrain a new submissive, due to the fact that they may flinch or turn towards You at the wrong point. or jump when You start to do something delicate ?


That would be part of training someone to be able to control himself enough to take it.

Restraint can be fun in it's own right and is for many people but I frankly don't find it much fun most of the time.

Because I don't have a whipping post (maybe in the future) I do use cuffs and chains to give Fox something to hold on to when I flog him. His having something to grip seems to increase his ability to take more from me.


Honestly, if I found a dominant who was mainly more interested in me being able to control myself rather than restraints, I probably wouldn't pursue her. I'm not a very fetishist kind of person, but one thing that does put me into a submissive state of mind faster than anything is being restrained. Without it, I'm not sure how long I'd last in such a relationship, and fortunately, there are enough women interested in restraining me so that's rarely an issue. I see a trend these days towards less and less actual bdsm in bdsm relationships to where it starts to feel like bdsm in name only. Yeah, I know many disagree with me on this, and that's okay. It's just why I've become extremely reluctant to even pursue relationships here anymore.



Someone who was a big bondage fetishist would not want me... oh, wait, Fox is a big bondage fan but he considers that secondary to being a good submissive. We do bondage as rewards and we do bondage for intense SM (as I said, it gives him something to hold on to) but frankly I find that too much restraints start to get in my way because they cover up parts of the body.

If someone wants to wears cuffs and a chain between them all the time, I have no problem with putting those on. But if the cuffs and the chain then become a problem for doing service or get in the way of anything I want to do, they are coming off.

I'm all for helping someone feel more in his sub state of mind until it starts to interfere with what I want to do or what I want him to do.

< Message edited by thetammyjo -- 7/19/2007 8:24:49 AM >

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to littlesarbonn)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Restraint or not - 7/20/2007 9:54:15 AM   
SlaveSubtoserve


Posts: 282
Joined: 6/21/2006
Status: offline 		Honestly, if I found a dominant who was mainly more interested in me being able to control myself rather than restraints, I probably wouldn't pursue her. I'm not a very fetishist kind of person, but one thing that does put me into a submissive state of mind faster than anything is being restrained. Without it, I'm not sure how long I'd last in such a relationship, and fortunately, there are enough women interested in restraining me so that's rarely an issue. I see a trend these days towards less and less actual bdsm in bdsm relationships to where it starts to feel like bdsm in name only. Yeah, I know many disagree with me on this, and that's okay. It's just why I've become extremely reluctant to even pursue relationships here anymore.

[/quote]


.......am very much the same way and unfortunatley agree with your observation also-- too much Martha Stewart-ing, et al it seems in BDSM these days......oh, well.

(in reply to littlesarbonn)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Restraint or not - 7/20/2007 9:57:55 AM   
onthenosetone


Posts: 118
Joined: 7/22/2006
Status: offline 		No restraints here....if she tells me to stand/sit/kneel/lay there then thats where i stay till she tells me different....

(in reply to SlaveSubtoserve)
Profile   Post #: 15
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