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How Does One...? - 7/19/2007 6:31:52 AM

BDsbabygirl

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...let go of themselves and completely immerse themselves in submission during sex? I seem to struggle with [mentally] letting go and just going with the feelings...my Big Daddy often says something like "let the control go, submit, do as Big Daddy says" when he wants me to come but if I'm not yet there, I can't just do it. And I do feel as though there may be some mental block there, keeping me from giving all. My question is - if I'm not aware of the block, how do I let it go?

I do know this isn't just a matter of my body not being there yet; it may play a role but I actually feel tense because I know what he expects/desires from me and I'm afraid I can't give it, thus becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy. Any one else ever suffer from this? How'd you overcome it?

I don't know if this helps, but me and BD have been a couple for only about 6 weeks and having BDSM sex for about 4.5 weeks. I know some things take time but shouldn't I be well on my way in submitting by now? I don't struggle with it in any other way...

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RE: How Does One...? - 7/19/2007 6:39:38 AM

EmpassionedRogue

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not really. that kind of intense deep trust to fully submit isnt takeing lightly, or easily by some, or many. if you can just give of yourself, a little more to him at a time as time passes, youre on your way. it cant be forced, kajoled, to my knowlage.. well maybe it can, but such would take an extremely skilled dominant. give it time. months isnt to short of a duratoin to build up that ammount of trust.

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RE: How Does One...? - 7/19/2007 6:55:10 AM

RCdc

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'Give it time' is easier said than done, but 4-6 weeks isn't really enough time IMO to be able to 'let go' - let alone allow your body to release itself as well. You are only just into a new relationship, and from your past posts - you are only just easing into BDSM play and power exchange as well.

Patience isn't the best thing you may want to hear, but submission just doesn't 'happen' immediately in a relationship - it takes time to grow just like anything else.

Peace
the.dark.

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RE: How Does One...? - 7/19/2007 7:27:20 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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LOL if there's one thing that will keep you from it- it's being barked at to do it in the middle of the act. Not only does it jar you from the experience, it brings right to the front of the mind that you are NOT there, and TRYING to get there while you're in the middle of it is useless.

Time and security really are your best friends here- it doesn't all happen at once, and even when it does there's lots more to reach.

You both need to stop acting as though something is "wrong" just because you aren't where you want to be right now. You both need to simply enjoy what it IS right now and let it BECOME what it will be. You both need to do lots of talking ABOUT what excactly it is that you want it to become- happy positive dream filled talks.

And it sounds like he wants some orgasm on command thing- and that's WAY down the line here.

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RE: How Does One...? - 7/19/2007 8:08:56 AM

Mercnbeth

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quote:

...Any one else ever suffer from this? How'd you overcome it?

I don't know if this helps, but me and BD have been a couple for only about 6 weeks and having BDSM sex for about 4.5 weeks. I know some things take time but shouldn't I be well on my way in submitting by now? I don't struggle with it in any other way...

the answer to your questions are within you...because you are a unique individual who knows herself better than anyone...and if you feel you don't know yourself, this slave would whole-heartedly encourage you to.

the generalized absolutes of anyone preaching what is possible or not possible for "one" to do or experience in a set amount of time is anecdotal and completely subjective, no matter how much experience and/or book-learning they claim to have and shouldn't be considered gospel on the one true way of orgasm surrender, or any other aspect of submission for that matter.

BL: you might reach your goal tomorrow...or never.

good luck!!

< Message edited by Mercnbeth -- 7/19/2007 8:10:56 AM >

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RE: How Does One...? - 7/19/2007 8:29:53 AM

OrrisKitten

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I've had similar experiences in the past. It could be like anything else, we all have levels in which we can tolerate something and it may differ from day to day. One day you may be able to be flogged until you are bruised, the next week you may be having a bad day or just not have that same tolerence. I feel the same applies here... some days it is easy to orgasm in a short amount of time, other days it may take much much longer.

One thing I have found very helpful is having my dom watch me as I orgasm. Since each person is different, each person gives different signals when they are close. I apparently flush from head to toe when I am close, making it easier for my dom to read when I am close. It was at that point he would tell me to orgasm and I would usually be able to (not alwyas, just ususally). From there my mind seemed to be more conditioned towards it so that now when he knows I am close and tells me to orgasm, I don't tense up and stop.

What you are undergoing sounds a lot like conditioning... did you two immediately start with him telling you to cum? It may be effective if he allows you to ask and he decides if you can or not. This way he can control it, and know when you are close and possibly stop you, or let you.

Just some suggestions, but I wish you luck, and allow yourself time to grow, as a submissive and as a couple.

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RE: How Does One...? - 7/19/2007 11:52:10 AM

Littlepita

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Try to get him to change his approach. I can't come on demand until my body is ready to. What happens now is that I get all ready to come and he knows it. He plays my body, I beg, he waits, I beg some more, he waits some more, then he tells me to come, and I explode.

It takes time and trust and communication. You do what works and if it doesn't work you change your tactics until you find what does.

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RE: How Does One...? - 8/6/2007 9:22:23 AM

cattus69tabernus

Posts: 18
Joined: 8/2/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: BDsbabygirl

...let go of themselves and completely immerse themselves in submission during sex? I seem to struggle with [mentally] letting go and just going with the feelings...my Big Daddy often says something like "let the control go, submit, do as Big Daddy says" when he wants me to come but if I'm not yet there, I can't just do it. And I do feel as though there may be some mental block there, keeping me from giving all. My question is - if I'm not aware of the block, how do I let it go?

I do know this isn't just a matter of my body not being there yet; it may play a role but I actually feel tense because I know what he expects/desires from me and I'm afraid I can't give it, thus becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy. Any one else ever suffer from this? How'd you overcome it?

I don't know if this helps, but me and BD have been a couple for only about 6 weeks and having BDSM sex for about 4.5 weeks. I know some things take time but shouldn't I be well on my way in submitting by now? I don't struggle with it in any other way...

I have the same problem with the "let go" thing. My owner and I discussed it and got to the point when we are not going to rush playing, we`ll start with things like he ordering me things to do, just lying on the bed together, so I can caress him and enjoy every part of him, though being ordered to do things again. You need to get in that mood deep enough even before starting. Its similiar to the situation where the two partners start having sex, without arousing each other before that. For me its a cruicial factor if I have prepared myself mentally before starting to play.
Sometimes I also am afraid if I will fulfill his needs and desires, but nothing positive has come out of that mood, so I stopped thinking about that so much, instead Im trying to give more. If the "low self-esteem" mood gets really bad, we stop everything, just cuddle and he talks to me and reassures me that Im the best for him

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RE: How Does One...? - 8/6/2007 2:38:02 PM

elsie

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Joined: 10/21/2004
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My partner/s have played with me long enough to know my physical responses and correlate the demand to cum with that. It's not easy for me to orgasm during sex let alone on command. I am a masochist and can only seem to orgasm with pain involved.

The only times I've been able to cum on command was when I was hypnotized (I'm a very easy subject) and given a post hypnotic suggestion to cum when my ear was pinched (again, the pain aspect).

My suggestion is that he learn to better read your responses and learn how to induce those and for you to learn them also (it's surprizing to me how many people don't really understand or see their own responses) ... this is just what works for me, it may not work for you, but what the heck, anything is worth a try isn't it?

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RE: How Does One...? - 8/6/2007 7:40:23 PM

abda

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In my former d/s relationship it took me about six months to "let myself go" and fully submit to him not only during sex but in non-sexual ways. I had to know that I can fully trust him.
In my opinion it takes times. So don't be so hard on yourself.

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RE: How Does One...? - 8/8/2007 3:45:06 PM

theq

Posts: 85
Joined: 6/17/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: OrrisKitten
<snip>
What you are undergoing sounds a lot like conditioning... did you two immediately start with him telling you to cum? It may be effective if he allows you to ask and he decides if you can or not. This way he can control it, and know when you are close and possibly stop you, or let you.

*smirks with a darkening is his eyes*. From my experience with orgasm control this is a good suggestion. I won't tell me girl to cum out of the blue (unless I know she's able to....that goes a bit into hypnosis and deviates from the topic at hand). If I am feeling in the mood to control her orgasm I will wait until she asks...and in some cases I will back off and do my best to keep her on the edge until she's at the edge of her sanity and begging.

To the original poster...I would say...don't be disappointed if you are only half way there, you are told to cum, and you aren't able to. In time....you may be able to reach that. Rome wasn't built in a day....neither is one's submission...nor their training.

Q

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