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ORIGINAL: Archer
Think Mr Miagi and Wax On Wax Off, Sand deck, Paint Fence, the task set seemed to be selfish, yet later reveiled itself to be a more valuable lesson.

I guess the question you have to ask yourself and the person saying this will make you grow, is make me grow towards what purpose?

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ORIGINAL: julietsierra
In all honesty, despite the nay-sayers, I have to say that he's said exactly that to me before and never once - ever - has that failed to happen. I was just commenting to a friend of mine yesterday that there are things I do today that I am entirely comfortable with that even a year ago, I wouldn't have been able to even contemplate. The differences between now and then are confidence in him - even more than it was then, trust that he'll still be around, a more adventuresome spirit and a willingness to submit even when not being sure of the outcome. The rewards have been beyond compare.

I agree that someone saying that when I have no idea who they are would be ridiculous to me. However, having my Master tell me the same thing - priceless.
juliet

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ORIGINAL: Missokyst

<g>
But I think he is a tad too old for me now
Kyst

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ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

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ORIGINAL: Missokyst

<g>
But I think he is a tad too old for me now
Kyst

Or maybe a bit too dead?

Celeste

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ORIGINAL: Missokyst

When people tell you "you will grow from this" and they refer to sharing you, or having you endure some painful action, or even kneeling in the way they wish you to kneel, what is it they are trying to do for you?  What is it we need to learn to be better?  And how does bdsm play into it?

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ORIGINAL: Missokyst

I was just reading a few threads and I found one that said this:
"master says I will grow from the experience." 

I am curious about this.  I get a lot of private messages when I am chatting that refer to "teaching me to be a better person by growing in my submission", or "I will expand your limits so you can become a better person and a better sub", or the above.."you will grow from the experience".

What does this mean exactly?  I can see how my connection to my last dominant made my life better.  He taught me it is ok to be intelligent and to use that in other occupations where I am more suited for success.  But it didn't have to do with my submission to him, or any play that we may have engaged.  It was a life skill thing.  It was a personality thing.  It was a confidence thing. 

When people tell you "you will grow from this" and they refer to sharing you, or having you endure some painful action, or even kneeling in the way they wish you to kneel, what is it they are trying to do for you?  What is it we need to learn to be better?  And how does bdsm play into it?
*one very curious eyebrow raised*
Kyst

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ORIGINAL: Missokyst

I do think that we SHOULD continue to learn throughout our lives.   People stagnate in their own smugness much of the time, in my view.  I wonder though, what trials, tasks, ect.  are really beneficial to bettering ourselves?  Does kneeling make us humble so that we can learn to accept our regular day jobs more easily?  Or, does it give just give us something else to focus on so that we can forget about work? When I hear people telling me that by doing "A", I will become a better person I have to wonder how.  I do think that our experiences are lessons.  But all life is a lesson.  Doing it naked while carrying an egg between my teeth isn't as practical for me, as say.. allowing me to feel pride in what I do and encouraging me to take that on to other things.
 
If you successfully carry the egg there should be pride in a job well done.

When I hear or read those famous platitudes.. you will grow from this, it is to make you a better person, ect. from a stranger.. to me that just seems like they are using a line they read might work.
 
I agree with that.

I love learning.  I am very skilled at many tasks.  I think I would like to hear more than lines, or catch phrases from people who may want to be a potential. 
My problem with this, and it is MY problem, is that I don't buy labels.  I want to know the ingredients inside.
Kyst

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ORIGINAL: Missokyst
I do think that our experiences are lessons.  But all life is a lesson.  Doing it naked while carrying an egg between my teeth isn't as practical for me, as say.. allowing me to feel pride in what I do and encouraging me to take that on to other things.

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ORIGINAL: MistressSassy66

If you successfully carry the egg there should be pride in a job well done.

I session with people that strike Me with their personality,to Me those are the ingrediants inside.Thats what I look for more than whether they look good.

Does this make any sense? I hope so.

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ORIGINAL: Missokyst

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ORIGINAL: Missokyst
I do think that our experiences are lessons.  But all life is a lesson.  Doing it naked while carrying an egg between my teeth isn't as practical for me, as say.. allowing me to feel pride in what I do and encouraging me to take that on to other things.

 

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ORIGINAL: MistressSassy66

If you successfully carry the egg there should be pride in a job well done.

I session with people that strike Me with their personality,to Me those are the ingrediants inside.Thats what I look for more than whether they look good.

Does this make any sense? I hope so.

 
I get the thought behind the idea that task A, which is done well, should carry over into making one feel good about oneself.  But the reality is it doesn't work that way for many or even most of us.  If all it took was to master a nonsensical task to give people confidence in themselves, then coloring within the lines would work.  Or rubbing your tummy clockwise while you patted your head. 
 
Any activity even the mundane if done well should bring confidence that you can achive a goal,whether its coloring in the lines or patting your head which is hard by the way...lol 

Don't get me wrong.  I enjoy kink!  BDSM as activity is hard to beat.  Passion for the sake of adrenalin rocks.  I love the vulnerable feeling of bondage.  I love the first shock of pain.  It is a huge turn on to play that naked crawling while holding an egg between my lips game.  But for me that is just fun.  Those are not life lessons unless you want to learn that kink is sexy as heck.

I guess I just see it as more than kink and a way to better yourself,like
learning to spell better under the guidence of a Dom/me,those things can help in real life.Taking  pride that you follow instructions which again helps in real life.Even if its just how to kneel,if its done right and they get praise it encourages the feelings of I did something right and in turn they grow to be more confident in other things.

Maybe when people say you will grow from this experience, they really mean, that you will be so relaxed and saited from passion, that any minor problem won't bother you.  Goodness knows I stayed married longer than I should have for the sake of passion.  Those little things that turned to big things, didn't become monumentally hideous until the passion faded.  But that mountain was there all along.  It must have been the blindfold that kept me from seeing it.

I'm not sure I agree that growing means you ignore problems,like you said eventually they are too much to overcome.
Blindfolds have a bad side...

*sigh*
Kink is fun.  Ds is personality.  Whether we become better for having submitted to someone would have more to do with the fit between two people, than any role we play. 
I guess when it all comes down to it, it is what we have inside that matters.
Kyst


I completely agree,if there is no connection there can be problems with
learning and/or growing.

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ORIGINAL: MistressSassy66

I guess I just see it as more than kink and a way to better yourself,like
learning to spell better under the guidence of a Dom/me,those things can help in real life.Taking  pride that you follow instructions which again helps in real life.Even if its just how to kneel,if its done right and they get praise it encourages the feelings of I did something right and in turn they grow to be more confident in other things.

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ORIGINAL: Missokyst

And this for me is the crux of the matter!
 

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ORIGINAL: MistressSassy66

I guess I just see it as more than kink and a way to better yourself,like
learning to spell better under the guidence of a Dom/me,those things can help in real life.Taking  pride that you follow instructions which again helps in real life.Even if its just how to kneel,if its done right and they get praise it encourages the feelings of I did something right and in turn they grow to be more confident in other things.

The men who have meant the most to me were those that helped me to become more.  My first taught me I had the ability to excel in college.  The second man showed me I had the talent to make a living artistically.  The last man in my life got me to see that I could use the skills I have, patience, tenacity, and logic, to run my own business, rather than slaving away in retail.  These men taught me to be more than I thought I could.  But they did it not by tasks, they did it by seeing what I had to offer and showing me how I could use that to benefit us both.
It is that ability I seek in a mate.  I am fairly confident in my talents and strengths.  What I lack is foresight to see where it might lead me.  And that for me is what makes a dominant.  Not the ability to lead, but the ability to get me to see.
Kyst