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debate - 6/23/2005 2:25:46 PM   
subversiveone


Posts: 332
Joined: 4/20/2005
From: Daddy's Lap
Status: offline 		after having posted here a few times, and read all the responses and read others' responses, i can't help but notice that there's more debate going on here than discussion...
what i mean is, im to the point that im leary of posting a new honest to goodness thread question out of 'fear' (and i use that term loosely) that im going to get wrongly judged just for the asking of it! it seems it's more acceptable to try and pick apart why you're asking, what you're doing wrong, your real motivation behind it, than to READ THE FRICKIN QUESTION in the first place! geesh. sorry.
i read lots of flowery talk about general feelings and ideas, but heaven forbid you ask someone to get specific on here :(
im here to LEARN plain and simple, from other lifestylers, how they make it work, how they act when the hand is off the crop and out of the ropes, along with all the fun stuff too, but i sense a hesitation from the 'group' to get real and give examples of their lives...is it out of the same fear of judgement perhaps?
and please, please don't tell me to go to munches... i like the ease and anonymity of boards like this.
does anyone else feel my pain?
can i get an amen or a hell ya?

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Profile   Post #: 1
RE: debate - 6/23/2005 2:48:01 PM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subversiveone
after having posted here a few times, and read all the responses and read others' responses, i can't help but notice that there's more debate going on here than discussion...

A debate is a form of discussion. In fact, it's a more productive form of discussion because more then one perspective is being presented. If we all came on here to agree with one another, it would be one boring forum.
quote:

what i mean is, im to the point that im leary of posting a new honest to goodness thread question out of 'fear' (and i use that term loosely) that im going to get wrongly judged just for the asking of it! it seems it's more acceptable to try and pick apart why you're asking, what you're doing wrong, your real motivation behind it, than to READ THE FRICKIN QUESTION in the first place! geesh. sorry.

I can see why that would be daunting. But then again, I think I see a lot more support then critique on the whole.
quote:

i read lots of flowery talk about general feelings and ideas, but heaven forbid you ask someone to get specific on here :(

Interesting. We probably don't read with a similar perspective as I see lots of specifics from many people. Everyone responds according to their abilities, knowledge, opinions.
quote:

im here to LEARN plain and simple, from other lifestylers, how they make it work, how they act when the hand is off the crop and out of the ropes, along with all the fun stuff too, but i sense a hesitation from the 'group' to get real and give examples of their lives...

There is a ton of that here, believe me. And if you have questions, ask them. If someone flames you, ask them to chill out. More then likely however, someone will beat you to it. In general, people share very openly here.
quote:

is it out of the same fear of judgement perhaps?
Perhaps.
quote:

and please, please don't tell me to go to munches... i like the ease and anonymity of boards like this.
I'm not a fan of munches neither. I'm not gonna tell you to go.
quote:

does anyone else feel my pain?
I can certainly empathise. But at the same time, I'll tell you that you have to start your own pain management plan because things are unlikely to change. Often, ignoring the goofs and making a point of responding to the people who's opinion you appreciate works best. Don't get me wrong, I've been baited by my share of goofs too!
quote:

can i get an amen or a hell ya?
Being an atheist, unlikely I'll say Amen. And you gotta believe in heaven to believe in hell;) Will you settle for a "Vas-y ma belle!" which is French (my mother tongue) for "Go get'em woman!"

-LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to subversiveone)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: debate - 6/23/2005 3:21:54 PM   
kc692


Posts: 3701
Joined: 3/24/2005
Status: offline 		I think also, subversive, it's not always the actual verbiage of the post as it is the perceived tone of that post. Sometimes when questions are asked with "attitude" they are answered with attitude tenfold. I myself plead guilty to sometimes thinking I am reading an attitude and then giving one back in my answer ( I try to rise above it, but alas, sometimes I can't seem to help it). I think, if questions are posed with a true goal of thoughtful answers, that is most of the time what the OP receives. No, we do not always agree on these forums(sometimes very rarely, lol), but on the whole, I think the flamefests are avoided(it seems except for certain triggers, smiles). If it looks like someone is starting to throw flames, I agree with LA, tell them that was not your intent, and I think most will back off. I have seen some of your psots, and you have a good head on your shoulders. I have not always agreed with everything you have said, but I'm sure that is the same case with you reading my posts also. Just post your questions, and go for it....I'll say amen and hell yeah!!!


Edited to add: subversive, love your sig line, and Lady Angelika, congrats on the moniker, and the changing of the paddles!!!!! At least I am not looking forward to a balloon anymore!!!! lol

< Message edited by kc692 -- 6/23/2005 3:23:27 PM >

(in reply to subversiveone)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: debate - 6/23/2005 3:37:54 PM   
darkinshadows


Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline
Debates and discussions are all good. Not everyone will agree, and you have to take the rough with the smooth. Try to remember that what is sometimes meant to be said, comes out as harsh in writing because the expressions and feelings cannot be 'seen'. Some people come online and type in different ways and you just have to read the threads and be patient to learn the different expressions of people. People who use BDSM in their lives are just everyday people with the same hangups and predjuces and problems in everyday life. Yes there is a call for tollerance, but a specific lack of as well. But people are people and not perfect - pinch of salt and all that...

Try not to be bated into an argument with a troll or someone who just doesn't agree with you - rise above the frey and be yourself - better yourself and stay true to yourself.

Ignore the judgements. Be happy with yourself and do not worry if people misinterpret your words. The people that matter and the people whos words are worth reading, will be open to what you are truely saying.

Peace and Love

_____________________________
.dark.



...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to subversiveone)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: debate - 6/23/2005 3:47:17 PM   
kisshou


Posts: 2425
Joined: 2/11/2005
Status: offline 		There are some questions I have been too intimidated to post on the boards.
What I did is read through the boards and picked out people who always gave out great answers.
Then I very politely emailed them a short intro and asked my question.
I have had such tremendous answers. People on here have been so instructive, kind and good natured.
My owners name here is PhantomOp feel free to email him any questions you have.
He does not get involved in the forums but always takes time for those genuinely seeking to learn.

The collarme community experience has been awesome for me so far ..... Hell yeah! :)

(in reply to subversiveone)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: debate - 6/23/2005 9:21:21 PM   
RiotGirl


Posts: 3149
Status: offline 		Just jump in two feet! And if they flame they flame. BUT Pretty much always, there is several people who can stay on topic, several people who can actually answer the question. And if they pick you apart.. dont worry about it. They dont know you. With everything there is good and bad.. and yes it can be frustrating as a newbie (i know) but you'll learn to work around it. TONS of good people on these boards, with alot of good advice. Just jump in and ask. the worst that can happen is your question wont be answered (and i assure you it will)


(in reply to kisshou)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: debate - 6/23/2005 9:30:01 PM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		Just don't assume that people have anything constructive to say, and every once in a while you'll be pleasantly surprised.

I've certainly noticed that people say things on the internet that they would never dare say to someone's face. It's disappointing, of course, but I suppose it's human nature to be an asshole when there's no punishment for being an asshole. What can you do. Let all the shrimp swim past, and now and then you might catch a tasty lobster.

(in reply to RiotGirl)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: debate - 6/24/2005 4:39:39 AM   
subversiveone


Posts: 332
Joined: 4/20/2005
From: Daddy's Lap
Status: offline 		whew ! i feel better now ;)
group hug....

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(in reply to Lordandmaster)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: debate - 6/24/2005 5:41:50 AM   
fastlane


Posts: 2159
Joined: 5/26/2005
Status: offline 		I can neither confirm nor deny that this thread is worthy of an "amen, or a hell ya?"
However, I do believe it is open for debate!

(in reply to subversiveone)
Profile   Post #: 9
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