to be a slave or not to be is my question of the day

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

to be a slave or not to be is my question of the day

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> to be a slave or not to be is my question of the day

Page: [1]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

to be a slave or not to be is my question of the day - 7/20/2007 5:57:23 AM

justbeingme2007

Posts: 5
Joined: 6/28/2007
Status: offline

After many failed men in my life 75% of which i fully agree are my fault in my chosing i ask is it better to be or claim to be a slave if you feel you have *sucker* written across your forehead? lately due to a past break up many that are involved in that past say i am not a slave whatso ever but so many of the eprsons in my past say i am. for me personally i say i am not why? i am purposly hiding the true me inside after so many hurts. its better to withhold and hide my self rather than bring it all forward and risk gettign hurt again. i miss beign able to be fully pleaseing ( and not referring to sexual either) all the little details of taking care of one.. warming his towels before get gets out of a shower, washing the clothes, ironing his shirts.. etc... one of the men that i had been owned by told me yesterday i intimadate people i am head strong,feisty,stubborn, and submissive all at the same time. i have been raised a submissive all my life ( a realigous family as in proverbs 31 wife type) so its a perfectly natural thing for me to submit when i can trust him... yet i cant say i am slave all the time.. but when i do i know i am in complete trust of whom i am with.. yet.. i ask why do we really want to be a slave if at times we get hurt in the process.. so lately i am purposly saying i am not one.. to deter men who will take advantage of this... sorry for rambling.. i just needed to ask.. but vent at the same time.. be well all teri

Profile

Post #: 1

RE: to be a slave or not to be is my question of the day - 7/20/2007 7:30:37 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

The label you put on yourself is really the least of your problems.

Stop trying to be in a relationship, start becoming a secure, stable, independent, mature adult with GOOD judgement.

Then you'll be ready to start talking to people about relationships and not worry about the label.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to justbeingme2007)

Profile

Post #: 2

RE: to be a slave or not to be is my question of the day - 7/20/2007 9:05:23 AM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

I wouldn't worry about what sort of label you slap on your forehead, you have bigger problems.

Try living on your own, supporting yourself and learn to be a mature fully functioning adult. Do that first!

Once you have learned to take care of yourself, start looking for a relationship from a place of strength and maturity.

or what LA said

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Profile

Post #: 3

RE: to be a slave or not to be is my question of the day - 7/20/2007 9:45:18 AM

opheliachained

Posts: 2
Joined: 7/19/2007
Status: offline

Before you can label yourself with anything you have to be secure in yourself. We all stumble through relationships, looking for the ONE, but it's not going to happen over night. We all get hurt and make mistakes, we find someone whom we think is the right one, only to find they aren't, that’s all part of learning. But you have to become secure in yourself, and figure out what you want and need. Just being raised a certain way doesn’t make you that thing inside. It just means you have been taught how to behave outwardly. For some people that’s way suits them, others not so much.

You have to take the time to become a strong independent person. You need time to develop yourself, to think about and find the things that truly make you happy. Those words may sound contradictory to the idea of being a slave, but they truly aren't. It takes a secure knowledge of yourself to allow you to make better decisions about what you want, or who you want to be. And even if you find you don’t want to be a slave, those things aren’t going to be something you’ve wasted your time developing.

So yes, what they said.

< Message edited by opheliachained -- 7/20/2007 9:46:09 AM >

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Profile

Post #: 4

RE: to be a slave or not to be is my question of the day - 7/20/2007 10:28:12 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

A spiritual teacher of mine once said:

Ask yourself three questions. 1) Who are you? 2) What do you want? 3) What are you willing to pay to get it? In answering #2 and #3, you will most likely find the answer to #1. Once you get the answer to #1, numbers 2 and 3 become irrelevent.

If you want different results than what you're getting now, you need to do different things. So, what are you willing to pay in order to get the relationship you want? Are you willing to become an independent, healthy adult FIRST?

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to justbeingme2007)

Profile

Post #: 5

RE: to be a slave or not to be is my question of the day - 7/20/2007 10:35:06 AM

justbeingme2007

Posts: 5
Joined: 6/28/2007
Status: offline

i do live alone and care completely for myself and have for many years.. i dont think i said i lived wit him any where. i am fully self suportive and in no need of a Master to suport me in any ways.

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Profile

Post #: 6

RE: to be a slave or not to be is my question of the day - 7/20/2007 3:35:18 PM

needsherdaddy

Posts: 6
Joined: 1/6/2007
Status: offline

i think what people were getting at is this... You have to love you. You have to know that you are a beautiful and intelligent woman who deserves the world. You have to be in a place where you won't settle for anything less than the best for you. You have to be okay being alone.

As far as the title..i'm submissive, and i'll be a slave to the right One. It's a transition for me. What the important thing to remember is, it's not about the titles..or how others view things..it's about the relationship between the two of you. That's all that ever really matters.

Also, as far as the past goes...i've not had the best or worst past, but we all just have to learn what was wrong. Is there a common thread in the men that You've chosen/trusted? For me, i had to learn to love myself, because no other could love me until i did.

Not saying, that's what it is for you, but maybe that will help.

(in reply to justbeingme2007)

Profile

Post #: 7

RE: to be a slave or not to be is my question of the day - 7/20/2007 7:55:21 PM

slavegirljoy

Posts: 1207
Joined: 11/6/2006
From: North Carolina, USA
Status: offline

You don't need to be a "sucker" to be a slave. You don't need to let others take advantage of your desire to be submissive. Value yourself, know who you are and what you believe in and don't compromise on your values and beliefs or in living a meaningful and satisfying life, simply to try to please others. i believe that if you aren't being true to yourself and being yourself, a healthy relationship with someone will be difficult to sustain for long.

Perhaps, since you say you were raised in a religious home and you reference Proverbs 31, you might be interested in looking into Christian Domestic Discipline (CDD), if you haven't already. There are groups online, where you can get more information. Here is one, http://groups.yahoo.com/group/christiandomesticdiscipline

Eph 5:21-33 The husband is the authority figure whom the wife is to submit to.
Eph 6:1-3 The parents are the authority figures whom the children are to submit to.
Eph 6:5-8 The masters are the authority figures whom the slaves are to submit to.

And, here is a group for singles looking for a CDD relationship.

ChristnSingles Domestic Discipline
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ChristnSinglesDomDis/?yguid=136725719

This is a controlled and safe list. This list is for Christian Singles, who are interested in domestic discipline, where the man is the covering of the house, and the wife is loved, honored and cherished, but she is obedient to her man. Where her man loves her enough to correct her with domestic discipline, such as spanking, so she becomes a better lady. We believe the man is the leader of the home and protects, loves and provides for his family. This is a singles list ONLY, no married individuals allowed. Whether you are interested in Genuine DD, a somewhat "pretend" version of DD within a very traditional relationship, or are just curious, please know that you are welcome. We are not REALLY about kink as most people think of it (most people here are not into anything like dungeons, etc.) but a far more domestic version where there are elements of sexuality, traditional sexuality, mixed in with discipline. So, if a spank is part of both your sexuality and "The way things ought to be" please enjoy your stay.

Good luck to you in your search for your happiness.

slave joy
Owned property of Master David

"Commitment transforms a promise into a reality."

quote:

ORIGINAL: justbeingme2007

After many failed men in my life 75% of which i fully agree are my fault in my chosing i ask is it better to be or claim to be a slave if you feel you have *sucker* written across your forehead? lately due to a past break up many that are involved in that past say i am not a slave whatso ever but so many of the eprsons in my past say i am. for me personally i say i am not why? i am purposly hiding the true me inside after so many hurts. its better to withhold and hide my self rather than bring it all forward and risk gettign hurt again. i miss beign able to be fully pleaseing ( and not referring to sexual either) all the little details of taking care of one.. warming his towels before get gets out of a shower, washing the clothes, ironing his shirts.. etc... one of the men that i had been owned by told me yesterday i intimadate people i am head strong,feisty,stubborn, and submissive all at the same time. i have been raised a submissive all my life ( a realigous family as in proverbs 31 wife type) so its a perfectly natural thing for me to submit when i can trust him... yet i cant say i am slave all the time.. but when i do i know i am in complete trust of whom i am with.. yet.. i ask why do we really want to be a slave if at times we get hurt in the process.. so lately i am purposly saying i am not one.. to deter men who will take advantage of this... sorry for rambling.. i just needed to ask.. but vent at the same time.. be well all teri

(in reply to justbeingme2007)

Profile

Post #: 8

RE: to be a slave or not to be is my question of the day - 7/21/2007 1:48:11 PM

kossack

Posts: 82
Joined: 8/5/2006
Status: offline

It is great your are exploring some of these issues and trying to figure out where your boundaries are and who you can be most healthy. IMO (and I'm NOT a slave and don't think I'll ever be, although I stort of gave in a trial for a month with someone I loved to see), you need to define yourself as not a slave. Then, if there is someone you actually wish to surrender to with that level of intensity, you can always go there later. But if you feel like people are taking advantage (and it also seems like, in the past, you haven't had the strength to create healthy boundaries), then you might be better of not defining as that for a while, as you develop a clearer sense of what you need.

(in reply to slavegirljoy)

Profile

Post #: 9

RE: to be a slave or not to be is my question of the day - 7/23/2007 12:05:08 PM

bliss1

Posts: 497
Joined: 3/14/2007
Status: offline

I don't believe to call yourself slave is a "sucker" word.
But for me to be slave comes after a great deal of trust is earned between the two of us. For me slavery comes from the heart - it isn't something I just am.
I am sub - and desire to find a Master I can trust to be slave with.

_____________________________

Witch before, during, and after my coffee.

(in reply to kossack)

Profile

Post #: 10