RE: Being known

RE: Being known (Full Version)

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kittinSol -> RE: Being known (7/22/2007 7:20:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Sinergy I am a private person. I never really wanted fame and fortune, although I do enjoy the practice of acting. It took years to graciously accept a thank you from students. Which, I suppose, is why I have been on TV twice, and may be in a movie in 6 months. (My second job involves doing something which is potentially very damaging to the untrained, so they want the "professional" to do the work.) Gaah. I think it is a speaking role. Kill me now. Sinergy p.s. Got SAG credits dancing in a music video. p.p.s. Need to borrow my swiss army knife to kill me now? Okay, I am a little jealous you figured in a music video. Something tells me though that Level's original question was to do with being 'known' for one's... huh... preferences? Is that correct?

Level -> RE: Being known (7/22/2007 7:24:39 PM)
"Known", as in having your inner thoughts known, being open to another. Not fame.

pollux -> RE: Being known (7/22/2007 7:33:13 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SDFemDom4cuck quote: ORIGINAL: Level A quote from Anne Rice, in a post by CM's lovely Miss Jo, sparked the idea for this thread. "Each of us has within him a dark chamber where real desires flower; and the horror of it is that they never see the light of another's understanding, those strange blooms. It is as lonely as it is dark, that chamber of the heart." How important is being known, and understood, to you? I mean, being able to bare yourself to another, and have them "get it", and still not turn away, and to still care for you, whether it be a friend or lover. Edited to add: I'm not just speaking about D/s, either. Level, The first time I read that quote it was like being hit by a clue by four. Obviously it was the 80's and there was so much of me hidden in that dark chamber. I was a very popular girl in HS and yet no one "knew" Me. Reading that took my breath away. The thought of being known, of all these dark things I enjoyed being known, was wonderful and terrifying at the same time. Having them known and accepted was incomprehensible. Sometimes it still is. Even here within this community. Do I still want that? Yes, more than most would imagine. To be loved, to be accepted, to be known and understood wholly. I think each one of us does. To allow another to not only see those strange beautiful flowers blossom but to allow another to tend them and encourage them to grow. To turn the lights on within that dark little chamber. Does that mean another has to agree with Me all the time? Of course not. Does it mean that I expect perfection? Absolutely not. I'm perfectly imperfect myself. Finding someone that can accept and perhaps even cherish all those quirky little imperfections would be lovely. That works both ways. So yes, it's important to me that the other person "gets" me. That I get them. That they accept and understand me simply for who I am as a whole. Not their ideal of Me, but who I really am. Just as I will them. Not just the kink, but all of it combined. It won't happen immediately. I think we spend a lifetime getting to know the ones we allow into our lives. We continually evolve and grow and continue to learn about ourselves and one another. That's the beauty of it all isn't it? This was an amazing thread Level. Thank you for making me think. Beautifully said. Quoting it all so it gets the benefit of the bump.

SDFemDom4cuck -> RE: Being known (7/23/2007 12:55:23 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: pollux quote: ORIGINAL: SDFemDom4cuck quote: ORIGINAL: Level A quote from Anne Rice, in a post by CM's lovely Miss Jo, sparked the idea for this thread. "Each of us has within him a dark chamber where real desires flower; and the horror of it is that they never see the light of another's understanding, those strange blooms. It is as lonely as it is dark, that chamber of the heart." How important is being known, and understood, to you? I mean, being able to bare yourself to another, and have them "get it", and still not turn away, and to still care for you, whether it be a friend or lover. Edited to add: I'm not just speaking about D/s, either. Level, The first time I read that quote it was like being hit by a clue by four. Obviously it was the 80's and there was so much of me hidden in that dark chamber. I was a very popular girl in HS and yet no one "knew" Me. Reading that took my breath away. The thought of being known, of all these dark things I enjoyed being known, was wonderful and terrifying at the same time. Having them known and accepted was incomprehensible. Sometimes it still is. Even here within this community. Do I still want that? Yes, more than most would imagine. To be loved, to be accepted, to be known and understood wholly. I think each one of us does. To allow another to not only see those strange beautiful flowers blossom but to allow another to tend them and encourage them to grow. To turn the lights on within that dark little chamber. Does that mean another has to agree with Me all the time? Of course not. Does it mean that I expect perfection? Absolutely not. I'm perfectly imperfect myself. Finding someone that can accept and perhaps even cherish all those quirky little imperfections would be lovely. That works both ways. So yes, it's important to me that the other person "gets" me. That I get them. That they accept and understand me simply for who I am as a whole. Not their ideal of Me, but who I really am. Just as I will them. Not just the kink, but all of it combined. It won't happen immediately. I think we spend a lifetime getting to know the ones we allow into our lives. We continually evolve and grow and continue to learn about ourselves and one another. That's the beauty of it all isn't it? This was an amazing thread Level. Thank you for making me think. Beautifully said. Quoting it all so it gets the benefit of the bump. Thanks pollux. How sweet.

Sinergy -> RE: Being known (7/23/2007 12:04:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Level "Known", as in having your inner thoughts known, being open to another. Not fame. I dont mind being known to another. I am a lot more guarded now about opening up than I used to be. Once bitten, twice shy. Sinergy

Sinergy -> RE: Being known (7/23/2007 12:05:44 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kittinSol Okay, I am a little jealous you figured in a music video. They needed dancers. I am somewhat of a dancer. Erego... Sinergy

stella40 -> RE: Being known (7/23/2007 12:28:05 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Level A quote from Anne Rice, in a post by CM's lovely Miss Jo, sparked the idea for this thread. "Each of us has within him a dark chamber where real desires flower; and the horror of it is that they never see the light of another's understanding, those strange blooms. It is as lonely as it is dark, that chamber of the heart." How important is being known, and understood, to you? I mean, being able to bare yourself to another, and have them "get it", and still not turn away, and to still care for you, whether it be a friend or lover. Edited to add: I'm not just speaking about D/s, either. I'm very lucky in that I have that connection. Acceptance is better than understanding on an intimate level, and far better than being tolerated. Beyond that it isn't that important. Getting to know someone is a continuous process which I guess is called a relationship. Getting to know yourself in my opinion is also a continuous process, which I suggest is called life.

LaTigresse -> RE: Being known (7/23/2007 1:24:38 PM)
Veddy interesting topic Level. I will do my best add my 50 cents without too much rambling. I have spent most of my 45 years only showing a very small portion of myself to most of the people in my life. Most of it from age 13ish to 35ish, miserable and not understanding why I was miserable. I was just so shut down and focused on doing what I felt I was supposed to do, I did my best to not even think about it. Be a good mom, a good provider, a decent wife, a good employee, good equestrian, gardener, cook........yada yada yada. I focused on everything but being a good ME. Then a wild child young lady jumped me from out of no where and turned my world upside down. It was a rocky few years and not kind to either one of us at times. A few moments were downright brutal. During some of the off of the on and off, I had met another woman, completely different in most ways from the first. Yet there was a similarity also. Both fighting their own terrible demons, both fighting to be something other than what the outside world expected of them. Both rocking my world and teaching me things about myself I didn't know existed. At some point the first relationship faded and the second blossomed. They are both gone now. Both died way too early and have left deep aching holes in my heart. Those two women, especially the second, got to see more of me than anyone else in my life. And I them. They opened their souls to me. At first fearful, one even tried to disgust me and prove to herself that she was unlovable and I was not to be trusted with her heart. Then they opened in great gulps of the most amazing .........I just don't have the words to express it. They showed me everything, their outer beauty, everything the rest of the world saw and lusted after, their inner demons and ugliness, and the beautiful submissive core, no one else could see, they held out to me. That they could learn to trust me with all of that, just blew my mind. And it drove me. Drove me to push myself, accept myself, and learn about me. Demand I be the best me I could, to be honest about all of my pieces. Sadly, I learned that very few people want to know all of us. Most of our relationships are very conditional. Even beyond the things we first think of. Most people have an idea of who we are, they need to put us in a nice neat little box. When we try to climb out, it confuses them, it scares them. They turn away in horror and pretend it doesn't exist. My sister said something to me several months ago that shocked me. It was about unconditional love and how most people talk a good story but very few actually can. Then she said that I was the only person she knew that really understood it. Now, I think she may have stretched my greatness just a wee bit. I am sure I do have more than a few conditions, but perhaps they are just a little futher out, and fewer, than anyone else she knows. I like digging out all the pieces and bits in people I love. The weird thing about me is the more I know the dark,scary, icky stuff, I appreciate the good stuff even more. I love them more for all their imperfections. Perhaps it also helps me feel less the weirdo about my own. Helping me to accept me as I am rather than how I believe everyone expects me to me. And yes, while I would love to have someone in my life that I could open all of those hidden places up to......I don't now. I am okay with that. I had it not once, but twice. Maybe again someday...

ChainedExistence -> RE: Being known (7/23/2007 1:45:54 PM)
If each person simply gets to know a portion of me am I any less known? My parents know me one way- and none of what they know is wrong. I am the dutiful daughter they raised to be bright, animated , and loving, but who forgets things easily and never kept the neatest room. Am I less than myself in the way my co-workers see me- the creative, driven woman with an empathy for the underachiever, but who occasionally gets a little too stressed and rushes deadlines? I don't think you have to give over every part of yourself to everyone you meet and still be authentic. My neighbor needs to know I'm reliable enough to feed his dog while he's away. My best friend needs to know that if she has to cancel an outing I won't get mad and I'm still her best friend. Master knows me "better" than anyone else, but he doesn't see the "work me", or the me I am with my parents. Does that make me any less open to him? Usually when people talking about someone "fully knowing" them, they are talking about the parts of themselves that are less than flattering or not as "socially accepted"- their hang-ups, their prejudices, their fears, their perversions, anything they think might make them a target to someone who "doesn't understand." Letting someone see those aspects and have them still want to be with you is a powerful thing. Master may not like everything he sees to the point of requiring that I work on changing those things. Still, the fact that he is aware and loves me in spite of all that has made the biggest difference in how I see him and our relationship.

charlotte12 -> RE: Being known (7/23/2007 2:19:18 PM)
Hmmm.....very interesting question. I intend to read the entire thread but i have not yet as i wanted to post my initial thoughts. This used to be the most important thing to me. I would search for it to the point where i would be too open with people too quickly just hoping for someone who "got it". Of course there would alwasy come that point where their understanding would cease, there's only so much of my wierd thought patterns that people could understand and relate to. This would always leave me feeling hopeless, thinking "no one will ever understand". I finally realized that i was seeking something i would never find. It wasn't being known completely that i wanted because even i find out new things about myself every day so how could someone else know me completely? It was acceptance and i had to come to the realization that others can accept me completely, love me unconditionally and it will never feel like what i want until i give that to myself. So now i look for people that bring out the best in me. That make me want to "come out of hiding" and just be me. Whether they understand or know every little thing about me does. not. matter. (repeating this to myself ..lol). I think the key for me now is that i look for people who will not turn away when i bare myself to them but this doesn't mean they have to "get it". i hope that makes sense. Thank you for this question. Now back to reading everyone elses thoughts

Level -> RE: Being known (7/23/2007 7:20:58 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LaTigresse Veddy interesting topic Level. I will do my best add my 50 cents without too much rambling. Sadly, I learned that very few people want to know all of us. Most of our relationships are very conditional. Even beyond the things we first think of. Most people have an idea of who we are, they need to put us in a nice neat little box. When we try to climb out, it confuses them, it scares them. They turn away in horror and pretend it doesn't exist. You did not ramble at all, LT. Powerful post, thank you. I can not recommend strongly enough the books Radical Honesty by Brad Blanton, and Getting Real, by Susan Campbell, for anyone interested in the topics of this thread. I can almost promise they'll be life changing.

lighthearted -> RE: Being known (7/23/2007 7:39:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LaTigresse They showed me everything, their outer beauty, everything the rest of the world saw and lusted after, their inner demons and ugliness, and the beautiful submissive core, no one else could see, they held out to me. I love this statement...it's what I strive for, really, in my relationship, to be this open with him. not only that, but hold it out, in the palm of my hand, just for him...

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