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Meeting in person? - 7/21/2007 8:18:43 PM

trustingsub

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how long would You have to 'know' someone online before You would be comfortable meeting in person? (assuming the person is quite far away)

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RE: Meeting in person? - 7/21/2007 8:22:26 PM

DiurnalVampire

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It took Angel and I about 4 months to meet, and that was partly becasue I was supposed to have a wedding in the area. He wasnt the reason for the trip.
The others I have met have been between 2-5 months depending on the distance, and the reasons for their being in the areas. Locals have been much less time, but in order to put the effort and expense into a trip to meet we have to be sure we really want it.

DV

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RE: Meeting in person? - 7/22/2007 2:11:16 AM

1wildwolf

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I guess that would depend on whether you were talking about being comfortable meeting someone as far as safety is concerned, or as far as one of you spending the time and money to meet the other person.

For the first then face to face meetings are good reasonably early on I think, as long as all the proper safe guards are in place (public location, safe calls, etc) as i believe it is easier to judge someone in person than online.

If you are talking about the cost then it is harder to tell...again, whilst talking online can be very useful in getting to know someone, there are also a lot of people who can be very different in real life compared to their online demeanour...therefore though you don't want to rush a meeting, you might not want to spend a lot of time talking online only to find you have wasted it talking to someone you really don't like in real life (if you are looking for a rl relationship).

Ultimately i guess it comes down to how comfortable you feel with the person you are talking to and how much you really want to meet them....and then making sure you do it in a safe and well planned manner.

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RE: Meeting in person? - 7/22/2007 3:00:06 AM

adoracat

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i met Sir after about a month of talking. that included many IM's, days of 20+ back and forth emails when i was out of town for a week, hour-long phone calls (or longer) every night i was gone....

i was comfortable with him, and trusted him by then. so i've no regrets at all. that was in april that we met face to face, and i'm still very content to be in his presence.

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RE: Meeting in person? - 7/22/2007 4:05:00 AM

SlND3R3LLA

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We met after talking on IM and many, many phone calls for a month. I felt very comfortable with meeting him, and we were also both anxious for things to progress. We were at the point where we had to either shit or get off the pot (so to speak).

I think it depends on how bad you really want to meet them, how good you feel things are going, and probably other circumstances. I don't think there is an answer that is right for everyone, use your own judgement and be careful no matter how much you think you know.

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RE: Meeting in person? - 7/22/2007 4:17:01 AM

LadyHeart

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While rushing into a relationship isn't desirable, from observation it seems that many on line relationships appear to have a "use by date." Most of those I know who have gone on to successful real time relationships seem to have met within one to three months of encountering each other on line. I am sure there are exceptions, but that's what I've noticed.

:))
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RE: Meeting in person? - 7/22/2007 4:54:15 AM

softness

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for me it always depends ... I dont have a checklist set in stone but there are a set of questions I would ask myself about them, if I could not confidently answer those questions I am not ready to meet them.

Sometimes I can learn those things about them quickly, becuase you just click with them and get a really dynamic conversation going .. or that could take longer to develop. Both are good in their own ways; last year i connected with a guy online in the late afternoon .. by 2 am we were sat having coffee and donuts in a 24hr cafe near where we both lived ... then again i have waited several months before meeting up for dinner with another man found it harder to become ready to meet with. When it feels right, and I can answer for myself those things about them, then its right.

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RE: Meeting in person? - 7/22/2007 5:37:24 AM

PlayfulOne

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As sonn as it is pratical. We met within a few days but we were also only 15 minutes apart.

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RE: Meeting in person? - 7/22/2007 6:14:30 AM

ready4srvce4all

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Month and a half for us. I don't see the big deal meeting someone much sooner, as long as you observe basic common sense in regards to safety. I mean, hell, the person you meet could be the person in the cubicle next to you at work, or the next paystation on the toll road.

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RE: Meeting in person? - 7/22/2007 6:43:08 AM

Cloudz

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If distance is not an option, and there appears to be interest on both sides, I would say sooner, It does not mean you have to play right away...but I find I know more about a person face to face than chatting on the phone or internet.

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RE: Meeting in person? - 7/22/2007 7:00:08 AM

Gattina

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I don't really see the problem with meeting someone soon if it's practical. Afterall if I met someone in a club or wherever in real life I wouldnt expect to spend a month talking to them on the phone getting to know them before we could go on a date. And the only difference would be seeing their face in person, which is no guarentee of anything really, except age and gender. Obviously if your further apart from someone its worth spending a bit of time seeing if its worth going all that way.

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RE: Meeting in person? - 7/22/2007 9:02:04 AM

ExSteelAgain

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quote:

ORIGINAL: trustingsub

how long would You have to 'know' someone online before You would be comfortable meeting in person? (assuming the person is quite far away)

It depends on what was said online.

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RE: Meeting in person? - 7/22/2007 9:05:53 AM

subnaturale

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I have to agree with the consensus here...

Each person is different, every comfort level is not the same...

Distance, communication, safety and trust are all very important factors....

i have been online for many years... i have met several in terms of long distance. however not immediately... locals i have met sooner... always in a public place

there are many that i have chatted with for YEARS and have become very good friends with,,, and will probably never meet f2f...

you just have to go with your innerself in deciding.....when the time is right for you...

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RE: Meeting in person? - 7/22/2007 9:16:33 AM

bamabbwsub

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Like most of the responders here, I don't have a timeline for meeting someone in person. However, I do try to talk to them on the phone for at least a week before even suggesting meeting in person.

This serves several purposes:
First, I know what their voice sounds like. If they don't have a deep, sexy voice, then I probably am not going to be interested in them. Shallow of me, I know...but there it is. Also, I can get a better idea of their intelligence, creativity, and wit.

Second, talking on the phone helps to reassure me that they aren't married, which is a MAJOR no-no for me. If I can reach them in the evenings, in the mornings, etc., then it's *likely* that they are single.

Third, if a person is willing to wait a while (especially if there is some distance involved), then it's more likely that they are interested in ME and aren't just looking to get laid the first time we meet (which rarely happens anyway).

And regardless of the time frame, I NEVER "play" the first time I meet someone. Because I am a sub, and because I adore bondage, I don't feel that it's safe to do so with someone that I just met. And for me, the mind-fucking aspect of domination is the true turn-on, so if a Dom can sit across from me at a table in a restaurant and turn me on with His words, then it's likely that there will be a second meeting in our near future. :)

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RE: Meeting in person? - 7/22/2007 9:40:38 AM

CrazyC

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My first thought was that day if i am available, and am up for company. (Which my calender is usually so full that meet-ups usually need to be scheduled.)

But you added there being a distance. If someone actually makes the effort to came here in Sac, then it is only common curtiousness to go meet them for at least a coffee. Traveling doesn't mean they get to have me alone in their hotel room, or that i will have sex with them. It is also a rule of mine that they come see me. If they are real and actually want more tehn just sex, I believe they will shell out the money for the meeting. Other then that..it takes me knowing the person for a long time (at least 6 months if not longer) before i am willing to travel for someone i have never met before.

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RE: Meeting in person? - 7/22/2007 9:45:08 AM

submittous

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We are a long ways away from most everyone we talk to about M/s, at least a couple of hours flight into a foreign country. However we believe that face to face meetings are appropriate as soon as all parties have their basic concerns addressed and as soon as it is practical. Our experience is that seeing into the eyes is the real moment of truth, all the IM and phone compatibility is dwarfed by how the heart feels in person. Yes, safety and logistics must be dealt with, but that is really pretty easy in todays world, finding real compatibility is not.

Bill and Iris

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RE: Meeting in person? - 7/22/2007 10:04:07 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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If I am meeting them at a group function, then nothing is needed at all. They could email me an hour before saying "I'll be at the munch today!" and I'll say "Great, I'll be in green with my partner, come over and say hi" and there you go.

If I'm meeting them solo, my minimum requirement is a phone call.

< Message edited by LuckyAlbatross -- 7/22/2007 10:05:29 AM >

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RE: Meeting in person? - 7/22/2007 10:08:02 AM

gypsygrl

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I've always tried to meet as soon as practically possible. Long distance meets are logistically harder to organize but I don't think I'd go more than a month or two after first starting to talk without meeting.

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RE: Meeting in person? - 7/22/2007 10:15:32 AM

domiguy

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I have a timetable...If there is an interest...Immediately sounds pretty good....Long distance?.....It would be based upon on if my travels took me near the vacinity of that person....I probably wouldn't go to far out of my way to meet someone who was not in the area.

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RE: Meeting in person? - 7/22/2007 10:22:25 AM

MsOpal

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Argent and I met our new girl in mid April on CM. Because of computer difficulties we went right to phone calls after only 2 emails... much faster than we used to do. From the first phone call it was 9 weeks until she flew 2,000 miles to meet us (ok all the "don't do that" rules were broken) alone in our home for 3 days. We played the 2nd night she was here. She took our collar home with her. This Wednesday will be 4 1/2 weeks since she was here, and she is arriving by train, a total of only 14 weeks since we exchnaged the first emails. This has all gone very fast, but sometimes it just feels right.

When I exchange emails with a local gentleman and he and I seem compatable I invite him to meet me and Argent together for lunch on a weekday. If that meeting goes well, we follow with emials and or phone calls and set up that first "play date". For that I have no set time frame, sometimes real life obligations necessitate a longer waiting period, sometimes it is a couple of weeks. For me it's mostly about my gut feelings and comfort levels.
MsOpal

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