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pollux -> RE: Tributes done right. (7/23/2007 4:19:46 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: GoddessDustyGold
quote:
ORIGINAL: pollux
In our culture, when you give something of value to someone else, and the other person didn't ask for it, we call that a "gift". When we give something of value to someone else in the expectation that they will provide something to us in return, we call that a "payment".
I have no problem with the exchange of either in femdom culture. Both have their time & place.
The problem with "tribute" is, it's often a euphemism for "payment", but it seems that everyone's not quite on the same page with that. For some Dommes, "tribute" means "gift", and for some subs, "tribute" means "payment". Hence all the acrimony.
I would submit (ha! I made a funny) that femdom culture would be better if we just retired the word, and used "gift" when we meant gift, and "payment" when we meant payment. That won't happen though, because it's in a lot of people's interest to keep the ambiguity.
I am going to use pollux's reply to help Me along here.
The real problem with this whole "tribute" thing, as I see it, is that the word has been abused and completely taken out of context over long periods of time by inexperienced Dominas and the 'net boys who like to play this game.
Tribute, in reality, means paying homage. Hence we will offer a tribute to someone at a funeral, as was given for an example in another post. I personally think it is ridiculous to demand "tribute". If it is not given freely, it has no value to Me.
Think about the scene from "The King and I" wherein all the other country's representatives were being granted audience and they all came bearing gifts for the King. This was an accepted custom that curried favor and also gave honor to the King's position of authority and power. It is not so different in the FemDom culture. This was not demanded, but the custom was understood and the thought of coming in and simply bowing to the King (or Queen) was not looked upon with favor. Something was expected.
Tribute is a way to show honor and there is generally no expectation of any special payback.
Payment is exactly that. An exchange of something for something. Pollux is right.
A gift comes from the heart, and cannot be demanded.
Neither, I believe, should tribute be demanded. It should come naturally and with honor and grace.
Sometimes the words tribute and gift are interchangeable, in the lifestyle.
If we lose the word tribute and simply replacew it with payment (exhcange for somehting else) or gift, then we lose something that is unique and special to this lifestyle. But maybe it is time to lose it since it hs been so corrupted.
One final thought...I bolded "In our culture" above, because it is important, I thnk to try to differentiate between everyday American and European culture and the norms of those cultures and try to remembber that this is a sub-culture. We do not live by the same rules. If we did, we would just be vanilla. So why all the troubles regarding tribute? Yes, it has been and continues to be horribly abused.
If you don't feel the person demanding it is worthy of your tribute, just move on.
Back to the OP...I have received both tributes and gifts. An absolute favorite was a mention of a desired CD, and it was in My mailbox the following week. Such a delightful surprise. That was a gift.
Another was an email letting Me know that I had a $100 deposit in My paypal account with a thank you for such a lovely website. That was a tribute.
Neither was demanded.
Artfully said, Goddess Dusty. And thanks for providing a more nuanced meaning of tribute that's at risk of being lost in all of this.
quote:
A tribute (from Latin tribulum, contribution) is wealth one party gives to another as a sign of respect or, as was often case in historical contests, of submission or allegiance.
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