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RE: Tributes done right. - 7/22/2007 10:29:52 PM   
MissDiscipline


Posts: 117
Joined: 10/1/2006
From: Domme Beach Calif
Status: offline 		WHo the f$ck cares-  I have never met so mant self righteous cheap ass subs - who want to jerk off at descriptions of their pending punishments and pics of their potential Domme and then become jerks a nd scurry off at the mere mention or thought gifts, tribute , payments..Pay me the f$ck for My wasted time on you- wanne be psuedo subs-  Some times the intereactions are wonderful- Some time you couldnt tribute Me to interact again.  I say do what ever y'all agree on. If you are so offended- just keep moving

(in reply to pollux)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Tributes done right. - 7/22/2007 10:50:21 PM   
cloudboy


Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline 		Yes, but you missed the fact that I was just trying to be an idget.

I was going to make some remark about how you forgot to capitalize "femdom," but I thought I could only pack so much smartass into one post.

I will close by paying tribute to your OP on this thread, by saying such clarity of thought leaves us minions little else to contribute but homage to your thoughts. Who knows, maybe you're ready to graduate on to becoming a DOM.

MaleDoms don't get a lot of tribute, BTW.... (payment) so if you convert, keep your dayjob.

BTW, MD above seems like your kinda gal.....

< Message edited by cloudboy -- 7/22/2007 10:52:13 PM >

(in reply to pollux)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Tributes done right. - 7/23/2007 5:18:18 AM   
pollux


Posts: 657
Joined: 7/26/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissDiscipline

WHo the f$ck cares-  I have never met so mant self righteous cheap ass subs - who want to jerk off at descriptions of their pending punishments and pics of their potential Domme and then become jerks a nd scurry off at the mere mention or thought gifts, tribute , payments..Pay me the f$ck for My wasted time on you- wanne be psuedo subs-  Some times the intereactions are wonderful- Some time you couldnt tribute Me to interact again.  I say do what ever y'all agree on. If you are so offended- just keep moving


Was this addressed to me?

(in reply to MissDiscipline)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Tributes done right. - 7/23/2007 5:19:34 AM   
pollux


Posts: 657
Joined: 7/26/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy

Yes, but you missed the fact that I was just trying to be an idget.

I was going to make some remark about how you forgot to capitalize "femdom," but I thought I could only pack so much smartass into one post.


Sorry man, I was on the river all day yesterday and my irony detector got soaked.

quote:

I will close by paying tribute to your OP on this thread, by saying such clarity of thought leaves us minions little else to contribute but homage to your thoughts. Who knows, maybe you're ready to graduate on to becoming a DOM.


Does this mean I get to be owned by Miss Dolly?  If so, where's my cap & gown?





< Message edited by pollux -- 7/23/2007 5:22:23 AM >

(in reply to cloudboy)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Tributes done right. - 7/23/2007 6:24:06 AM   
MisPandora


Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissDiscipline

WHo the f$ck cares-  I have never met so mant self righteous cheap ass subs - who want to jerk off at descriptions of their pending punishments and pics of their potential Domme and then become jerks a nd scurry off at the mere mention or thought gifts, tribute , payments..Pay me the f$ck for My wasted time on you- wanne be psuedo subs-  Some times the intereactions are wonderful- Some time you couldnt tribute Me to interact again.  I say do what ever y'all agree on. If you are so offended- just keep moving

Some might be willing to pay to make an attitude like that go away....

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to MissDiscipline)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Tributes done right. - 7/23/2007 6:36:33 AM   
planomaid


Posts: 77
Joined: 10/4/2004
Status: offline 		For me its ranged from bringing a small stuffed animal to a meeting for coffee (in lieu of flowers), to giving a mini-fridge to a friend (she was/is a pro-domme) who's circumstances have required her to move to her own place and start over from scratch.  I've also given corsets, household gifts, books and other practical and useful things.

Recently I was having dinner with a friend at the mall and we were wondering around and got 'ambushed' by one of those cart vendors, hawking nail products.  After a very good sales pitch, my friend was suitable impressed with this nail buffing thingie (best description I can give!).  While my friend was vacillating about whether or not to buy it (money is tight for her) I went ahead and purchased it.

I have not issue with giving gifts to someone, though I tend to try to stay away from cash. I have done that for people who needed money for bills rather than stuff, but its not my preferred gift-giving method.  What bothers me is when people try to manipulate someones needs and desires for their own greed.  I have found, in general, that those dommes who demand tribute are not interested in developing the relationship with their submissive - they are just lazy and are looking to take advantage of weak-willed submissives desperate for attention from anyone.  Of course, the submissive has equal responsibility in not putting theirself in such a position, so they aren't blameless in this scenario.

(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Tributes done right. - 7/23/2007 11:21:04 AM   
GoddessDustyGold


Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pollux


In our culture, when you give something of value to someone else, and the other person didn't ask for it, we call that a "gift".  When we give something of value to someone else in the expectation that they will provide something to us in return, we call that a "payment".

I have no problem with the exchange of either in femdom culture.  Both have their time & place.

The problem with "tribute" is, it's often a euphemism for "payment", but it seems that everyone's not quite on the same page with that.  For some Dommes, "tribute" means "gift", and for some subs, "tribute" means "payment".  Hence all the acrimony.

I would submit (ha!  I made a funny) that femdom culture would be better if we just retired the word, and used "gift" when we meant gift, and "payment" when we meant payment.  That won't happen though, because it's in a lot of people's interest to keep the ambiguity.



I am going to use pollux's reply to help Me along here.
 
The real problem with this whole "tribute" thing, as I see it, is that the word has been abused and completely taken out of context over long periods of time by inexperienced Dominas and the 'net boys who like to play this game.  
Tribute, in reality, means paying homage.  Hence we will offer a tribute to someone at a funeral, as was given for an example in another post.   I personally think it is ridiculous to demand "tribute".  If it is not given freely, it has no value to Me. 
Think about the scene from "The King and I" wherein all the other country's representatives were being granted audience and they all came bearing gifts for the King.  This was an accepted custom that curried favor and also gave honor to the King's position of authority and power.  It is not so different in the FemDom culture.   This was not demanded, but the custom was understood and the thought of coming in and simply bowing to the King (or Queen) was not looked upon with favor.  Something was expected. 
Tribute is a way to show honor and there is generally no expectation of any special payback.
Payment is exactly that.  An exchange of something for something.  Pollux is right. 
A gift comes from the heart, and cannot be demanded.
Neither, I believe, should tribute be demanded.  It should come naturally and with honor and grace.
Sometimes the words tribute and gift are interchangeable, in the lifestyle.    
If we lose the word tribute and simply replacew it with payment (exhcange for somehting else) or gift, then we lose something that is unique and special to this lifestyle.  But maybe it is time to lose it since it hs been so corrupted. 
One final thought...I bolded "In our culture" above, because it is important, I thnk to try to differentiate between everyday American and European culture and the norms of those cultures and try to remembber that this is a sub-culture.  We do not live by the same rules.  If we did, we would just be vanilla.  So why all the troubles regarding tribute?  Yes, it has been and continues to be horribly abused. 
If you don't feel the person demanding it is worthy of your tribute, just move on.
Back to the OP...I have received both tributes and gifts.  An absolute favorite was a mention of a desired CD, and it was in My mailbox the following week.  Such a delightful surprise.   That was a gift.
Another was an email letting Me know that I had a $100 deposit in My paypal account with a thank you for such a lovely website.  That was a tribute.
Neither was demanded. 

< Message edited by GoddessDustyGold -- 7/23/2007 11:24:41 AM >

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom


(in reply to pollux)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Tributes done right. - 7/23/2007 11:34:22 AM   
Politesub53


Posts: 14862
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		Another thing about an unexpected gift, is that the suprise of getting the gift can often be as pleasing as the gift itself.

(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Tributes done right. - 7/23/2007 3:26:34 PM   
MistressRouge


Posts: 876
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Birmingham West Midlands UK
Status: offline 		I receive unexpected gifts from My lifestyle subs. Things of use, the thoughtful gifts that they have thought long and hard about i.e. parachute, crops, canes, straps & tawse, latex dressing aid lol :) Flowers, wine, sheer seamed stockings, anything really, it is the thought that counts.

Tributes a different story, actually many of My tribute sub clients, also bare gifts. I never demand or ask for them, they present Me with gifts because they enjoy it ;)

_____________________________

My Members Site.
http://mistressrougeuk.c4slive.com/


http://www.clips4sale.com/store/13392

(in reply to Politesub53)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Tributes done right. - 7/23/2007 3:48:44 PM   
Carrianna


Posts: 273
Joined: 11/20/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessDustyGold
 by inexperienced Dominas and the 'net boys who like to play this game.  
 


What are net boys?  Never heard of them.....  *Shrugs*

_____________________________

Selfishness must always be forgiven you know, because there is no hope of a cure. "Mansfield Park" J.Austen

(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Tributes done right. - 7/23/2007 4:04:44 PM   
Majik


Posts: 358
Joined: 4/24/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Politesub53

Another thing about an unexpected gift, is that the suprise of getting the gift can often be as pleasing as the gift itself.



This is what happened to me a couple of weeks ago. I was at Leathermasters in Dallas (shameless plug) ordering a special made item. While I was waiting for the order to be written up I was browsing the leather items spotted a leather bra I really liked. Guess I was talking outload to myself (I do it all the time) and Pixel overheard. My next visit down he had gone and gotten the same leather bra AND a matching leather thong and gave them to me. Needless to say I was VERY suprised and happy. I still am grinning from ear to ear. It was something I really wanted and getting it from him was one suprise I am still enjoying.=]


_____________________________

Explain nothing, your friends don't need it and your enemies won't believe you.

(in reply to Politesub53)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Tributes done right. - 7/23/2007 4:15:05 PM   
RumpusParable


Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline 		Flowers, letters, mix-tapes (back in the day), chocolates, books...

I've also gotten a lot I've specifically asked for, too.  I don't see the problems placed forward with requiring or demanding... it's still their option and motivation to do so, so you still can gauge their sincerity -and it doesn't rule out the surprises.

But then, I'm the sort that in the vanilla world makes an Xmas list and birthday list, too.  -And I prefer to get them from my loved ones than having them tell me "oh, I don't know what I want".  Tell me you want presents and what you want darnit!

_____________________________

Relationships come and go, but plastination is forever.

I generally use fast-reply. If directing my post at someone specific I will indicate so.

Minimal summary: Artist, Disabled Veteran, Vegan, Pornographer, and Agender dominant female.

(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Tributes done right. - 7/23/2007 4:19:46 PM   
pollux


Posts: 657
Joined: 7/26/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessDustyGold

quote:

ORIGINAL: pollux


In our culture, when you give something of value to someone else, and the other person didn't ask for it, we call that a "gift".  When we give something of value to someone else in the expectation that they will provide something to us in return, we call that a "payment".

I have no problem with the exchange of either in femdom culture.  Both have their time & place.

The problem with "tribute" is, it's often a euphemism for "payment", but it seems that everyone's not quite on the same page with that.  For some Dommes, "tribute" means "gift", and for some subs, "tribute" means "payment".  Hence all the acrimony.

I would submit (ha!  I made a funny) that femdom culture would be better if we just retired the word, and used "gift" when we meant gift, and "payment" when we meant payment.  That won't happen though, because it's in a lot of people's interest to keep the ambiguity.



I am going to use pollux's reply to help Me along here.
 
The real problem with this whole "tribute" thing, as I see it, is that the word has been abused and completely taken out of context over long periods of time by inexperienced Dominas and the 'net boys who like to play this game.  
Tribute, in reality, means paying homage.  Hence we will offer a tribute to someone at a funeral, as was given for an example in another post.   I personally think it is ridiculous to demand "tribute".  If it is not given freely, it has no value to Me. 
Think about the scene from "The King and I" wherein all the other country's representatives were being granted audience and they all came bearing gifts for the King.  This was an accepted custom that curried favor and also gave honor to the King's position of authority and power.  It is not so different in the FemDom culture.   This was not demanded, but the custom was understood and the thought of coming in and simply bowing to the King (or Queen) was not looked upon with favor.  Something was expected. 
Tribute is a way to show honor and there is generally no expectation of any special payback.
Payment is exactly that.  An exchange of something for something.  Pollux is right. 
A gift comes from the heart, and cannot be demanded.
Neither, I believe, should tribute be demanded.  It should come naturally and with honor and grace.
Sometimes the words tribute and gift are interchangeable, in the lifestyle.    
If we lose the word tribute and simply replacew it with payment (exhcange for somehting else) or gift, then we lose something that is unique and special to this lifestyle.  But maybe it is time to lose it since it hs been so corrupted. 
One final thought...I bolded "In our culture" above, because it is important, I thnk to try to differentiate between everyday American and European culture and the norms of those cultures and try to remembber that this is a sub-culture.  We do not live by the same rules.  If we did, we would just be vanilla.  So why all the troubles regarding tribute?  Yes, it has been and continues to be horribly abused. 
If you don't feel the person demanding it is worthy of your tribute, just move on.
Back to the OP...I have received both tributes and gifts.  An absolute favorite was a mention of a desired CD, and it was in My mailbox the following week.  Such a delightful surprise.   That was a gift.
Another was an email letting Me know that I had a $100 deposit in My paypal account with a thank you for such a lovely website.  That was a tribute.
Neither was demanded. 


Artfully said, Goddess Dusty.   And thanks for providing a more nuanced meaning of tribute that's at risk of being lost in all of this.

quote:

A tribute (from Latin tribulum, contribution) is wealth one party gives to another as a sign of respect or, as was often case in historical contests, of submission or allegiance.


(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Tributes done right. - 7/23/2007 7:20:23 PM   
GODtoAllWomen


Posts: 3
Joined: 7/23/2007
Status: offline 		Tributes done right...........I must laugh a hardy laugh......

How sad that anyone would need to resort to this to supplement their income.

I rule all women and I never seek a tribute from anyone of my subjects.

(in reply to MissDiscipline)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Tributes done right. - 7/23/2007 10:25:29 PM   
SaintAllie


Posts: 158
Joined: 3/23/2006
Status: offline 		Feels so safe, knowing there appears to be a god to all women.

assumes is this optional? ( tongue in cheek)

Oh hell no..

move on people... nothing to see here..

regards Allie


(in reply to GODtoAllWomen)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Tributes done right. - 7/23/2007 11:11:56 PM   
Ericus1


Posts: 47
Joined: 1/13/2007
Status: offline 		I have always wanted to take care of a Mistess.  If we have grown together in such a way as i am Her collared slave, then my only goal is to take care of Her. Call it gifts, tribute, my responsiblility, She is Mistress.  I take care of Her because i love Her.  No other reason.  Especially, not because it is demanded. 

ericus

(in reply to pollux)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Tributes done right. - 7/24/2007 7:01:23 PM   
cloudboy


Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Carrianna

What are net boys? Never heard of them..... *Shrugs*


I was wondering the same thing. They may date back to one of the gangs featured in THE WARRIORS.

(in reply to Carrianna)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Tributes done right. - 7/25/2007 12:13:19 AM   
MiladyAngelique


Posts: 107
Joined: 8/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GODtoAllWomen

Tributes done right...........I must laugh a hardy laugh......

How sad that anyone would need to resort to this to supplement their income.

I rule all women and I never seek a tribute from anyone of my subjects.


**coughs** Troll




_____________________________

All men are animals, some just look better when caged
All men are animals, some just provide better fur coats

(in reply to GODtoAllWomen)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Tributes done right. - 7/25/2007 3:40:52 PM   
ElanSubdued


Posts: 1511
Status: offline 		Akasha,

GoddessDustyGold's personal definition of tributes is rather good so I'll borrow and extend it.  For the purpose this post, I'll combine the words "gift" and "tribute", and define tribute thusly:

A tribute is a gift that is given freely by the giver without coercion from the receiver;  tributes are gifts where the clear intent of the giver is to communicate "I think you are extraordinary", "you have my loyalty", or "I love you" to the receiver.

This is far from a historical, textbook definition, but it will work to set the context for my examples.  Let's cover one more detail.  For the purpose of this post, here is what tributes are not:

- One-time requests made by the receiver in return for an introduction.

- Ongoing fees in exchange for companionship and/or kinky play.

- A ruse that is really just an exchange for amateur or professional services.  (i.e. something requested or given as a gift, but that is actually an offer with implied benefits to be returned.)

Most of the profiles I read that mention tributes actually ask for them so when examined under my definition, these are not tributes.  Rather, these are fees for service.  Those who ask for tributes as a condition of initial contact run the risk of appearing as usurers.  Professionals state their services and fees up front.  Conversely, usurers resort to tactics of subterfuge and manipulation.

With all of that out of the way, here are a few of my experiences with "tributes done right".


People tributing to me:
- Someone once searched the entire city where I live in order to buy me exactly the right kind of ride cymbal for playing jazz.  I had no idea they were buying this gift for me.  Not only did they surprise me with the cymbal, it was clear they had been watching my own search for months because they got exactly what I was looking for.

- Someone once sent me a dozen roses on my birthday.  The giver had tucked away in the back of their mind that I once said "no one has ever sent me flowers".


Me tributing to others:
- I regularly bought the next book in someone's favorite series and surprised them with it.  The books came out quite a few years apart so I had to watch for the release dates.

- I paid for someone's airfare when they needed to get home very quickly in an emergency.  The person had their own money, but they were stricken with grief and the important thing was to get them on their way as quickly as possible so I just booked and paid for the flight.

- I wrote, performed, and recorded a piano composition dedicated to someone and combined this with other songs on a custom-made CD.

Elan.

< Message edited by ElanSubdued -- 7/25/2007 4:15:28 PM >

(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Tributes done right. - 7/25/2007 8:40:45 PM   
ElanSubdued


Posts: 1511
Status: offline 		Akasha,

--- Me tributing to others:

Here is one more...

I once filled an entire apartment with balloons that said "I love you" on them.  Well, let me correct that.  I *tried* to fill the apartment with balloons.  Silly me.  I thought I could fill all the balloons with my own lungs.  Hours later I had almost passed out from hyperventilation several times.  At any rate, I got enough balloons in every room to get the intent across.  I had to go to work, but when my (then) partner came home, she was quite touched.

Elan.

(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 40
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